Christmas Eve

Today's been about memories. I don't actually celebrate Christmas, although I put a lot of gusto into it at work, as I know the patients and others like the silly hats, etc. The spirit of Christmas, after all, transcends religions. But as a Pagan, I celebrate Yule, which is the Winter Solstice. But I don't have friends anymore who are Pagan, and I'm not in a position to really celebrate it to the fullest. I do celebrate Hanukkah with my roommate, but it was very low-key (just the candles) this year. This whole holiday season has been difficult. So I'm in the house, the only one awake (even in the afternoon), and, having grown up Southern Baptist, I think of Christmases past with my family. I had a very complex dynamic with my parents, no siblings to affect it, and no close family left in Kentucky (with apologies to my mom's cousins). I grew up very isolated, and Christmas was the one time we were a family. So here I am feeling a little lonely. Lots of emotions have been flooding me, as the holiday season does for so many. There are some good and bad memories. Truth is, it's all fuzzy anyway. But the emotions are there, and they're particularly troublesome today. But it'll pass. The hope of light is there, after, all, and I have good friends. I'm hoping the new year will be a good one.

Going through this book

With my in-person therapist, and I have discovered from taking the self-assessment questionnaire between chapters one and two, that I apparently have every anxiety disorder known to man. Sigh. This is going to take a while. 

My therapist and I are concentrating on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy treatment for anxiety and frustration tolerance. The AbleTo counsellor and coach are working with the depression module, using CBT and  DBT for things like my emotional relationship with food and identifying activities to help with the depression.  That, along with the increase of my meds and the light therapy, will, I hope, have a profound effect on both depression and anxiety.  The latter ones are already doing a lot for my depression.  But my anxiety feeds my depression and has a greater impact on my life in general, or at least an equal one, so I need to deal with it as well.  Time to move on to the second chapter.

Second day with the lamp

I don't find it annoying bright. Yesterday I had a mild headache; that's apparently normal when you start out. Right now I'm trying to get used it and only doing about 10-15 minutes a day, working my way up over the week to the recommended 30. Now if only I can wake up early enough to use it tomorrow morning. It's not really effective if I do it after I get home; it would just throw my sleep off. So I have to get up early enough to sit with it for a few minutes. We'll see. I'm going to try my best to make it a habit, at least until it gets light in the early hours again.

I got my oil changed at TIre Discounters yesterday, and after buying the larger package that includes two discounted oil changes, a 5% off voucher for service, and they threw in my windshield wipers for free, they tried to raise my window but it's down so far they were afraid to break it.  It is the switch, though, which with the labour would be about $200. I couldn't do that yesterday, but I'm going to try to have my regular mechanic look at it when I'm off for a couple of days in March.  So I went to Autozone and got a $10 kit that puts plastic on the windows and you tighten it with a hair dryer.  I was a little concerned as to how to do that, as I don't have an adapter between car electric sockets and household electric plugs, and our extension cord, if it reaches that far, would have to be plugged into the same circuit as the computer, and I don't want to trip that breaker.  You know how those hair dryers are. Funny, I have one, and I only use it for things like this unless it is 8 degrees or so outside and I've just taken a shower. I do, however, have a power bank I specifically bought so I could use my CPAP in a power loss situation like an ice storm or thunderstorm.  So I think that will work.  Anyway, that's on the agenda.  It's not really securing the car, but at least it will keep the rain out and maybe deter someone from just reaching in and getting my hangtag.

My therapy appointment went well. We're working our way through The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, 6th edition.  We went over chapter 1, which is a quick overview of different types of disorders and treatments.  I found out that I have every major type of anxiety disorder except agoraphobia--generalised anxiety, panic, obsessive-compulsive, phobic, social, and post-traumatic stress disorders.  Chapter two will be about the causes of anxiety disorders.  My therapist also sent me a couple of videos, one on what she calls 'monkey chatter' or negative self-talk, and the other on creating a ready toolbox of breathing to deal with symptoms.  I'm going to watch those here in a bit, and try to go through chapter two tonight.

Right now I am caffeinating so I can do my Sunday chores.  We're not playing the Call of Cthulhu game this weekend, although I did go ahead and transcribe the notes last night. We watched the first episode of 'Babylon 5' (we'd seen the hard-to-find pilot movie the other day; it's on Tubi).  I never watched it regularly enough to keep up with the story, but it is really well-written and coherent, particularly as the creator wrote out the whole saga before filming, so there's a lot fo foreshadowing, and certainly, it is not 'make it up as you go along'. Then we watched 'The Orville', the first episode of season 3, in which I cried through the whole thing, as it examines the precursors and aftermath of suicide. It wasn't my depression causing me to cry--I'm feeling a lot better since my meds were upped--but there were other reasons it was timely but upsetting, and I thought the story captured things very well. Plus, I like the character it centred around a lot.

Okay, I'm going to take my medicine and check out the news on the web. Have a great day.

I'm feeling better

I have tried to be proactive and have taken steps to try to deal with and alleviate my depression, and as a result, I am feeling quite a bit better.

My psychiatrist upped my lamotrigine up to 50 mg of each dose (I take two a day). So that's 100 mg in an increased amount of medicine, and I think that has helped the most in the short term.  Let's face it, much of my mood issues are a result of brain chemistry. I see him six weeks from our last visit, so late March, and I've already made that appointment with his office (ours are usually telehealth).

I met with my new therapist last Saturday and really liked her.  She was nearly gleeful when she discovered I prefer cognitive or dialectical behavioural therapy and do well with 'homework'. We're going to actually start on anxiety and frustration coping techniques first because when she put me through the same test I'd taken the week before, it came out more anxiety (which is my usual problem), and it all fuels my depression. I see her again today. She has in-person and telehealth visits, but for now, we're meeting in person, as I think that is more helpful at times with a therapist.  For example, when I told her about the test, the DASS-21, she immediately downloaded it and had me take it.

I tried to meet with the counsellor from Able To, a programme through my insurance, but her phone calls wouldn't come through even though I did not have 'Do Not Disturb' on and they were going straight to voicemail. We managed to connect through voicemails and phone tagging to reschedule for next Tuesday. I think it may have something to do with T-Mobile's scam blocker, which is very useful but might have been over-enthusiastic.  Now that she is in my contacts, I'm thinking it won't be an issue.  But I'm going to check and see if I have to do anything to whitelist her number.

As a result the behaviour coach for Thursday didn't happen either.  I think she rescheduled both, although I'm not sure. It just never happened, no notices, no phone calls.  So hopefully that will happen next Thursday.  I want to try to work on the depression angle with the two insurance counsellors.

I bought a Voraiya UV-free 10,000 Lux therapy lamp and it arrived yesterday.  I used it for 10 minutes this morning, and plan to work up over the next week to 30 minutes a day in the morning, assuming I can get out of bed in time.  And it doesn't have to be 30 minutes all at once. Just now I had it off to the side. It's okay apparently to use my ant-glare prescription glasses so I can type, etc.  I have a slight headache, but that apparently becomes less of a problem as time goes by.  It wasn't as pricey as I thought (I think it was only $35 from Amazon.  There is a slight risk with these lamps as far as years of use for macular degeneration, a disease that robs you of some of your eyesight and is usually found in older people.  Both my mom and grandmother had it. I've never had signs, and I'll double-check with my ophthalmologist, but it is caused by exposure to a form of ultraviolet light, and this is supposed to be UV free. So hopefully that's fine.

So for now, I think taking immediate steps has helped.  I got up this morning, ate a banana, drank a glass of water, took my medicine with it, took my insulin, and now I'm going to go to the store for creamer, make my friend's coffee in the percolator (I do that on Saturday, as he is Jewish and observant), and then take a shower and get ready for my therapy appointment at 11 am.  At 1 pm I have an appointment with Tire Discounters for an oil change [my poor car, I knew it was overdue--I've gone 7,000 miles, but upon looking at the sticker, I realised it hasn't been done not in the last year, but in 2021, at least at Tire Discounters (I may have had my mechanic do it, and I have checked my oil and added as needed regularly), tyre rotation, windshield-wiper change (my driver's side is absolutely shredded), and to see if they can raise my driver's window.  The power window fell when I lowered the other night and is totally in the door.  I could cover it against the rain, but my main issue is that I can't lock the car.  I have an ADA (handicapped) placard for general use and a similar hangtag for parking at the University of Kentucky.  I'm afraid they will be taken, I'll get a citation (which is very pricey), and I'll have to have them replaced.  I don't need it fixed just now (it could be the switch, but it could be the motor and either is somewhat pricey, and I'd rather have my regular mechanic do that); I'm just trying to lock the car at this point by raising the window and keeping it closed.  After that, I'm going to try to get my hair trimmed, as it's starting to curl out of a pixie cut and I have an $8 coupon for a haircut.

Okay, I should get dressed and go get the creamer.  I still have to make the coffee (which takes about a half an hour with the percolator), go get the creamer, try to caffeinate, take a shower, and then do this whirlwind of tasks today.  Have a great weekend.

In the past week

 I have:

1. Made an appointment with a local therapist.
2. Had a telehealth appointment with my psychiatrist.
3. Had my meds adjusted by 50 mg twice a day.
4. Entered a telephonic behavioural programme through my insurance that allows for therapy and coaching with two different people each week for seven weeks [the same programme where the screener ran me through the DASS-21, which said I was severely depressed]. I have my appointment on Tuesday evening and the second on Thursday evening.
5. Had an in-person appointment with my new therapist to establish care.
6. Taken the DASS-21 again and came out mild on depression, anxiety, and stress, with anxiety the greatest. (It's just for the past week at a time; because I have Bipolar II, my mood can vary quite a bit from one to another.  In fact, last night I couldn't sleep, and I don't know if it was too much caffeine or swinging towards hypomania).

Having taken steps to deal with my mood issues, I feel better this week.  Also, my boss has been very understanding of how difficult it has been to get up and barely make it under the wire when clocking in or even being slightly late.  She even wrote me an encouraging note.  She lost her husband last year, so I think she gets depression.

The telehealth with my psychiatrist was early in the morning. The therapist is on Saturdays; the telephonic programme calls are in the evening, so they won't impact work that much.  Instead of three months, my doctor will see me in six weeks, and I have that appointment set up.

My goal this week is to get up on time and shower at least every other day.  At one point I was having so much trouble with it that I went six days without one. Let that sink in.

So, considering the week before last I was being given the suicide hotline number and the location of the nearest hospital that could deal with a mental health crisis, I think I'm doing better. I took my first dose of the increased lamotrigine last night (it's also called Lamictal; it's a seizure medicine also used as a mood stabiliser).

Since I came out with a lower depression score and my anxiety fuels a lot of my depression, we're going to start with dealing with frustration and anxiety in local therapy.  She suggested The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J Bourne as a beginning, and it turns out I already had it, so we're going to start with chapter one.  I told her that I did well with cognitive behaviour therapy and homework, which made her very excited, I think.  She also knew my former therapist (we think he retired or moved), who had helped me with my hoarding issues.

So I think I've started to go in the right direction.

Update on my mood issues

In the last couple of days I have:

1. Called and made an appointment with my psychiatrist.
2. Received a phone number for a therapist a friend goes to that he thought would help me.
3. Received a phone call from the lady I spoke with the other day who said that despite my severe depression, they were willing to have me participate, so I'll meet with her on Tuesdays (she's a behavioural therapist) and with a behavioural coach on Thursdays.

It can't hurt to have too much intervention, I don't think. I meant to call my friend's therapist yesterday when I was off from work, but was too loopy to remember after the MRI.

I've known for awhile that I needed to get into therapy and that I was feeling down, I just didn't really realise how bad it had gotten till I'd spoken with the woman from Able To, which partnered with UnitedHealthcare. Being given the 988 number plus the closest hospital for mental health crises was kind of a wake up call. Her first appointment was in March, but she decided she wanted to start things this month, in a couple of weeks. I think she was afraid to let it go longer. So that's that. I'll have a whole team to help.

I think even people who have a background in psychiatry tend to think of the manic phase of bipolar disorder more than the depressive one. I spent most of my childhood, in retrospect, fairly depressed, and was very depressed when I was a teen and young adult. Since then I've cycled between both occasionally, with hypomania less than depression [I've never had a true manic episode--I think--but plenty of hypomanic ones, so I'm considered Bipolar II in terms of classification. Also, I used to have (before medication) these emotional storms that were so overwhelming. often lasting about 20 or 30 minutes, coming on like a seizure. I'm not sure if they're related to that, or not. They were the closest I ever got to actually killing myself that I've really gotten to, especially if driving (I have driving anxiety, which I think contributed, as anxiety seems to fuel my depression and vice versa). If I were home I could get into bed and ride it out. But they were draining. Once I was given mood-stabilisers, it helped so much, and I haven't had one in years. I never have done cutting, but I have ruminated over self-harm and/or dwelt on the idea that the world would be better off without me. And that scares me. And I've been thinking on and off that way since about November, so it's lasted several weeks. I'm hoping my psychiatrist can help in the short term and getting therapy will help in the long run. Just taking those steps have helped a little, I guess. I'm not feeling quite so overwhelmed. So here's helping all this helps.

Ah, my life

My insurance set up a session with a behavioural therapist to evaluate me for a wellness/support programme they offer, using life coaches to help with chronic pain, stress, anxiety, and health conditions. We went through my history and medications for an hour on the phone  among other things, she put me through the DASS-21, which measures depression, anxiety, and stress from the last week, as well as a more general health screening algorithm. I've been feeling a little down (it has been a difficult week), but generally feel mostly normal for me. Great news was my anxiety is mild, which is unusual for me and my stress is moderate (normal for me). The scale did kick me out as severe in the depression area. So I probably do not meet the requirements for the programme, and they'll call within 48 hours to let me know plus any alternatives. In the meantime she gave me the new phone number for suicide prevention (988) and told me she the which hospital that handles mental health crises is nearest to me.

Note, I'm not actually suicidal, just depressed, like I have been most of my life. And she caught me on a bad week, one where I found out that I couldn't swing going to my cousin's wedding 9 hours away due to finances and driving anxiety. And I do have a new therapist lined up. But still... I didn't realise I was doing that badly, and I thought this would lead to a seven-week coaching like I did with diabetes last year, and got this result instead. 

Not your typical Friday night

Our plans were put on hold tonight so I listened to music, trying out some new headphones I have, and for whatever reason, I started listening to a lot of older Linkin Park, mainly the albums Metora and Hybrid Theory.  I remembered that Chester Bennington's death had been around this time of the year, and I checked, it was the 20th of July 2017. Hard to believe it's been four years.  It's a shame; he was very talented, and had a beautiful voice (when he was singing, as opposed to the occasional screaming, but you could never say he didn't put emotion into his work).  That's what first appealed to me about them--Mike Shinoda's speaking and Chester Bennington singing, their voices intertwining.  I think it was 'In the End' that I first heard them.  There's a dark aspect to their music, emotional, raw, and full of depression and hurt.  I spent so much of my early life feeling exactly those things--I was clinically depressed from much of my childhood and teens all through my 30s.  I felt trapped in circumstances in my early life, then wound up going from that to an emotionally abusive marriage where I walked on eggshells for a six-year relationship that culminated in my wedding and then finally getting my voice and leaving six months into the fiasco that was.  Then there were years of trying to rebuild my life, or rather build it, because I'd always been a mirror of what people wanted me to be, rather than my own person. And once I stopped doing that, I was much happier.  So you can see why their music appeals.  (It's also why I like Simon & Garfunkel and Ed Sheeran, who often sing songs that are beautiful and light musically, but really quite depressive if you look at the lyrics.  Simon & Garfunkel have suicide through several songs, and Ed Sheeran sings about drugs, prostitution, miscarriages, and all sorts of 'negative' things, but in a way that makes him sound happy.)  Somehow I get all those.  Linkin Park is a rawer kind of music, where the music itself expresses the pain, not just the lyrics.

I don't know why, even though I'm not in that place any more, I still feel comfort in this sort of music.  Most people feel depressed listening to that sort of music.  I feel more alive.  It reminds me of the demons I've conquered.  There are plenty I'm still working on, as it's a daily struggle with my brain to keep on an even keel.  Thankfully I have a good support system, a friend of over 30 years (the same one who helped me get out of that awful marriage) who still asks me hard questions I can't dodge that cuts down on lies I might tell myself, and then I can't tell you how different my life is with the right medicine.  My brain chemistry hates me, and while I sometimes wish that wasn't so, I know I need help, and there's no shame in that.  My roommate is very astute at sensing changes in my mood, and helping with my anxiety, which without medication would be crippling.

I know that's a fairly heavy post.  Sorry about that, I didn't mean to go all dark on you.  It's one reason I try to keep things upbeat here, because of that tendency. I'm feeling actually pretty decent tonight. It was a good week, I got a lot done, I feel good about myself.  But it did make me reflect on how far I've come.  If you told me at age 20 that I'd have connexions to so many people who make my life better, I'd think you were crazy. I was so alone for so long.  Thanks for being there.  You know who you all are.

What a day

I had my first attempt to use the dough setting on my machine, followed by punching it down, one more knead by hand, my first try at braiding, brushing with an egg mixture, and baking for 25 minutes. The first picture is the braided dough before baking, the second is the final result. It was a recipe that did the two loaves I needed at once. I'm really looking forward to tasting it tomorrow. I even put a few sesame seeds on top to be fancy.

The bread was my crowning achievement for the day, along with getting in some information on a website in a timely fashion. Otherwise, I managed to 1) forget to take any of my medicine, oral or injected, 2) had my blood sugar fly up to the 340s as a result, 3) received a kitchen timer in the mail that didn't work per the instructions so rather than just returning it I unscrewed and fiddled with it most of the day, figuring out how to put it back together but unable physically to do so, and getting mightily frustrated, to the point where I just threw it away, since I couldn't return it, 3) slept most of the rest of the day, 4) had a recurring anxiety dream which began with Dungeons & Dragons (which oddly enough, as a gamer, I've never played) in the Patterson Office Tower at the University of Kentucky, and ended with a full-out musical number with Nancy Drew in that location.

I get a little off when my medicine's off. The dream was my anxiety, I was more frustrated than normal, my blood sugar was affecting my thinking and in general, I was both anxious and depressed.

But I made good bread, so that's going to be my takeaway. In the meantime I've taken all the meds I can at night (ADHD and water pill/potassium are the exceptions, as they're a morning thing). I've also had a bit too much caffeine today, and it's late, 1:35 am and I'm both tired and awake. I watched some 'Designing Women' with my roommate just now, though, so I feel a little better.

That timer was sort of a metaphor of my day. Non-operational, then wound too tightly, and you take me apart and the spring explodes and you lose the screws.

This is such a powerful song, full of raw emotion and pain

Written and recorded shortly before a near-fatal overdose, written at rock bottom, a cry for help, and showing how complicated those feelings can be, when nothing takes away the pain. Demi Lovato has been publically candid with her history of depression, bipolar disorder, bulimia, and chemical dependence/addiction. The Grammy's were her first performance publically since that time. It is so good to see her back. I know there are many people, myself included, this song will call to.

Demi Lovato Makes a Powerful Confession at the Grammys: The pop star’s first new song since a near-fatal overdose offers no comfort other than the mere fact of its existence.

At the Grammy's...so much emotion. I don't watch these sorts of shows, but I heard about this on the radio, and had to watch this clip, and I was blown away.



The lyric video...

Concerning

Youth Suicide Rate Increased 56% in Decade, CDC Says

There are always risks in any medical treatment, but they have to be weighed against the benefits. I can't imagine making these sort of life and death decisions on a daily basis (the main reason I did not pursue a career as a doctor or nurse), and pharmacology can be extremely tricky. But short-term studies are not foolproof, and if I had a teen with major depression, I'd seriously consider putting him or her on anti-depressants on the condition of close medical and parental monitoring. Of course, with my mental health history, I'd also make sure it was major depression and not bipolar, as SSRIs can make a person with bipolar disorder manic, triggering that phase of the disease, which can be just as devastating as the depression.

FDA’s continuing use of ‘black box’ for antidepressants ignores the harms of this warning

Stop the stigma

My Name is Wil Wheaton. I live with chronic Depression, and I am not ashamed.

Who knew Wil Wheaton and I shared so many similarities? He's just a little better at describing everyday life with depression and anxiety disorders than I am. I'm going to take a page from his book and start writing that I live with mental illness, but it does not define me. I live with bipolar disorder, social anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, hoarding syndrome, driving anxiety, among other things. I am afraid almost every moment of my life. It's crippling at times, but I still get up and go to work each day and take one step at a time. I take a good blend of medication -- a mood stabilizer and atypical antipsychotic (I'm not psychotic, but it works for other things, and you shouldn't give someone worth bipolar disorder SSRI antidepressants, as they can trigger mania), and an anti-anxiety medication. That helps immensely. Therapy has helped, too. But I will never be cured. I know that ust like I live with chronic diabetes that can be managed, but never really completely cured, no matter what some people claim in diet books. It's another type of illness, just an imbalance in my brain chemistry rather than the hormone imbalance behind diabetes. It's nothing to be ashamed or stigmatised by, although it often is. So I'm writing about this now. I live with mental illness every day. It is a constant companion questioning my every move. But I'm ultimately the one on the driver's seat. It is my life. I struggle, but I choose to live as fully as possible

I feel

Terribly unloved at the moment.  I'm not sure if it's actually the case,  but it's how I feel.  I hate that feeling.  :( I'm actually beginning to question the whole point of it all.

I've somewhat recovered from Election Day

Both in physical terms (I went to bed about 2 am that night, and got a grand total of four hours' sleep, so I was pretty tired yesterday) and emotionally. I'm not really upset Hillary Clinton lost--I never cared for her candidacy, or how the Democratic National Committee behaved, for that matter, and I was a Bernie Sanders supporter. I, too, am angry about the failure of the two-party system to provide decent candidates. I know a woman will be president, after all, and never got behind Hillary Clinton being that woman. I thought it was silly of people to vote for her simply because of her gender. But I have to admit, I fear a Trump presidency even more, and was terribly upset (although not particularly surprised, actually) that he won. I knew there was a good chance. A very wise friend had pronounced a sooth that Hillary Clinton would never be president. He also taught me a long time ago that our democracy is flawed and that Trump's candidacy and election were totally understandable, especially in an environment where 'reality' TV is considered entertainment, celebrity is valued over hard work and intelligence, money rules, and a good part of the country has been simmering for some time ready to rise up and boil over. People will study how this happened; I'm not sure you can put it simply in terms of white vs. other or rural vs. cosmopolitan. As someone who studied history pretty thoroughly, I know it's never as easy as that. It will certainly be one for historians to write books about, that's for sure. Oddly enough, I was the one, not A (who was always a Hillary supporter (even against President Obama) and was absolutely convinced she would win), who took this the hardest. YKWIA actually hugged me last night, in my funk. He said 'I wish I could tell you it will get better, but we both know it won't. It'll be a long eight years.' 'Eight!' I said, 'Please tell me it'll be four.' He said, 'No, people will be so entertained by Trump that they'll vote for him again.' He refers to the state of America now as 'Trumplandia'. But it's not just the Trump win. Our entire government is now in the hands of one party, a small number of people with a great amount of power, I'm not sure that is a good idea, whether Democrat or Republican, and even the Kentucky state House, which has been Democrat for 90 years and may have been the only one in the South to be Democrat, went Republican, and we have a conservative governor whose first actions included shutting down the most successful state exchange for insurance in the country. YKWIA also said I was reacting, or even overreacting, unexpectedly. I think part of it was that I'm facing the uncertainty of losing my job in just four-and-a-half months, and now I have no safety net at all, in terms of things like health insurance. If the Affordable Care Act is repealed, I will most certainly not qualify for any, as I have diabetes and am on insulin, at least any that I can afford. Of course, the plan was always to get a job before that happens, but at least I had a backup plan. Well, Plan B just went out the window. So I'll have to make sure I waste no opportunity and find another position, one with benefit--soon.

Learn how to be #StigmaFree

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I thought I'd link to this very good opinion piece that gives a personal view of seeking help for anxiety and depression:

Me, myself and anxiety: Embracing the stigma around antidepressants by Steven Hall

Also, here's a link to learn more about mental health issues:

NAMI|Learn More: Mental Health by the Numbers

What is depression--and why it isn't just being a little sad from which you can cheer someone up

Hmmm....

Hmmm...obesity and now this. I am beginning to think that my gut bacteria are not my friends. And while foecal transplants sound icky, well, they may save lives. Maybe we can figure out what's messing up our personal oecosystems in the first place?

Link Found Between Gut Bacteria And Depression

Scientists have shown for the first time that there is a way to model how the gut bacteria in a mouse can have an active role in causing anxiety and depressive-like behaviors. It has been shown that the gut microbiome can affect many aspects of our health, but most of this research has been performed on mice that were healthy. The scientists from McMaster University wanted to test how the gut microbiome affected stressed mice. The results have been published in [N]ature [C]ommunications.

Good for them

'Supernatural' Actors Jensen and Jared Help Raise Awareness for Depression, Admit They Have Gone Down the "Dark Road"

With their charity campaign ‘Always Keep Fighting’, ‘Supernatural’ actor Jared Padalecki raked in the necessary funds for non-profit organization To Write Love on Her Arms to reach their goals in supporting individuals experiencing addiction, depression and suicidal tendencies.

In addition, the 32-year-old actor also drew attention to raising awareness for mental illness after the suicide of a close friend or family member.

With the aid of ‘Supernatural’ fans, who continue to support the series even if it is already headed towards its season 10 finale, the T-shirt campaign has already gained considerable success.

Now, Padalecki has joined forces with co-star Jensen Ackles and the duo has already come up with a joint fund to promote a number of causes and support people suffering from mental illness and mood disorders, among others.

Why Supernatural Star Jared Padalecki Is Speaking Out About Mental Illness

It's really hard to put into words. It's been amazing. Hopefully it's helping to destigmatize these issues, because it's all around us. It's ubiquitous, and people hide it. If somebody has cancer, they're not embarrassed to have cancer – they know it's not their fault. They know it's a struggle. But, for some reason, if someone says they're depressed, they assume that people are going to look at them like they have three heads. Hopefully, this is helping to start a conversation.

Great story, great song, beautiful performance

I saw this at YKWIA's the other day. It takes your breath away, and her bravery, given her anxiety and depression, makes it even better. You can hear the emotion in her performance. I find it inspiring.

Feeling a little better today

YKWIA cheered me up some,  for one. I am still feeling a little blah,  but it is nowhere as bad as it was Monday.  Today I worked and then took him to two appointments.  A co-worker who was concerned about how little I was eating yesterday brought me some tomatoes,  three apples,  spaghetti,  a jar of pasta sauce,  and some bread and bagels. And even though my gas light came on sometime this afternoon,  I managed to make it home tonight.  I will have to go by the gas station tomorrow. I still have $4 I can spend on gas. Good thing I get paid tomorrow night!  It looks like I can pay my bills out of this cheque,  thankfully,  though there won't be much extra.  But that,  at least,  is a blessing.  And at least I have new brakes and the car is safe,  even if fixing it put me in a bind. Okay,  time for bed.  Good night!