Update on my mood issues

In the last couple of days I have:

1. Called and made an appointment with my psychiatrist.
2. Received a phone number for a therapist a friend goes to that he thought would help me.
3. Received a phone call from the lady I spoke with the other day who said that despite my severe depression, they were willing to have me participate, so I'll meet with her on Tuesdays (she's a behavioural therapist) and with a behavioural coach on Thursdays.

It can't hurt to have too much intervention, I don't think. I meant to call my friend's therapist yesterday when I was off from work, but was too loopy to remember after the MRI.

I've known for awhile that I needed to get into therapy and that I was feeling down, I just didn't really realise how bad it had gotten till I'd spoken with the woman from Able To, which partnered with UnitedHealthcare. Being given the 988 number plus the closest hospital for mental health crises was kind of a wake up call. Her first appointment was in March, but she decided she wanted to start things this month, in a couple of weeks. I think she was afraid to let it go longer. So that's that. I'll have a whole team to help.

I think even people who have a background in psychiatry tend to think of the manic phase of bipolar disorder more than the depressive one. I spent most of my childhood, in retrospect, fairly depressed, and was very depressed when I was a teen and young adult. Since then I've cycled between both occasionally, with hypomania less than depression [I've never had a true manic episode--I think--but plenty of hypomanic ones, so I'm considered Bipolar II in terms of classification. Also, I used to have (before medication) these emotional storms that were so overwhelming. often lasting about 20 or 30 minutes, coming on like a seizure. I'm not sure if they're related to that, or not. They were the closest I ever got to actually killing myself that I've really gotten to, especially if driving (I have driving anxiety, which I think contributed, as anxiety seems to fuel my depression and vice versa). If I were home I could get into bed and ride it out. But they were draining. Once I was given mood-stabilisers, it helped so much, and I haven't had one in years. I never have done cutting, but I have ruminated over self-harm and/or dwelt on the idea that the world would be better off without me. And that scares me. And I've been thinking on and off that way since about November, so it's lasted several weeks. I'm hoping my psychiatrist can help in the short term and getting therapy will help in the long run. Just taking those steps have helped a little, I guess. I'm not feeling quite so overwhelmed. So here's helping all this helps.