Every Little Thing Is Going to Be Alright

I first heard this on the British mystery show 'Beyond Paradise', although I was already familiar with Kate Rusby and had a couple of her CDs. This popped up after I posted another video on Facebook. This seemed to be good for me lately.

Wonderful birthday present

I finally got unemployment in the middle of the night on the night of my birthday [hey, I happened to be up at 3 AM looking at my bank account, expecting a whopping 94¢, and instead two payments for both missed payments in March were there.], which was a complete surprise, as I was still watiting a month after my appeal for a scheduled date for the hearing.  In fact, I'm still getting correspondence about how that will be scheduled soon. (?) But no, I received the paperwork today. [I called yesterday to make sure before I touched any money]. That's the good news. The bad news is it's going to throw me off Medicaid, just that amount, never mind that I'll get paid twice more this month--or I'd just taken a distribution I haven't gotten yet out of my retirement because I didn't have any money coming in while I appealed and had bills and, well, had 94¢. I have Medicaid until the end of the month, anyway. If I have a job by then, it shouldn't matter. Otherwise I'll either have to get another insurance at 1000 dollars or so a month that won't cover hardly anything or do COBRA (and I checked, I have till May 4th to do it) and pay about $1300 for medical + dental a month--but I'd met all my deductible AND my out-of-pocket expenses so would literally only pay premiums, no copays, medication co-insurances, or any other medical costs. Any ER, surgery, or MRI at an in-network facility (and most are) would be $0.00. Hopefully, it would be for a short time. And unemployment only runs partway through June. In other words, I need to find a job pronto, anyway.

I did apply for a cataloguing position in my hometown (Danville), and I have one near there to apply for at the Garrard County Library, a children's librarian position as well. There's a librarian position here at UK, but I want the career coach at the Alumni Career Centre to look at my curriculum vitae and give me some feedback, since you don't normally see much written about format or what to put in those, and it's required.

I also just applied tonight for two UK research positions that are primarily training, and they're in the same department, making a lot more money than I ever have, and they sound very intriguing. The job descriptions were very vague. I'd like to interview just to learn more.

So far I've had four interviews, and I've been shot down on two of them, but two are still pending, so fingers crossed, both with the state. So, we'll see...

Quote of the Day

Quote of the day (image is from a plaque by Daniel Miller available on Etsy; I've linked it, so follow it if you'd like to purchase one):

A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority.

--Booker T. Washington

Navigating the job hunting world

I have another interview set up for Tuesday. It's a state job with the Department of Natural Resources tracking abandoned oil wells and gas tanks. Not a library job, but it has state benefits and pays well. It's a virtual interview. Wish me luck!

That's:

34 job applications
4 interviews completed or set up
8 rejections (1 post-interview)
2 webinars attended
1 job fair attended
1 job fair planning to attend

Also:
UI applied for the very day I lost my job, but was denied.
UI appealed, awaiting hearing to be scheduled (20 days past acknowledgement of receipt of appeal letter--I sent an email yesterday because I couldn't get anyone one the phone and they won't let you stay on hold, it just ends the call if no one is available, and they got back to me this morning say it was with the schedulers still) [not an issue with my employer, but rather an issue with the explanation of the 'waiting week' requirement'.]
Medicaid was applied for, too and approved.
SNAP was applied for, too and approved (finally--it took exactly 30 days)
Moved every bill I could to May.
Took a small distribution from retirement to pay bills; I couldn't move; I can't draw on my pension until May without penalty for the rest of my life because I'm turning another year older, 24 hours into next month.

It has been a very busy 38 days. Whew!

The job fair was a bust. I got there a little late because I had to go to the library to print some résumés after my 15-year-old printer died, and they had a lot of trouble with their printers. A lot. But we got it all worked out. I got there about the time you'd expect a lot of people to get there after work, but most of the prospective employers had packed up and left. The only ones left were construction and a temp agency (I have tried temp work before, and it was not a great experience, would not recommend at all. I got two one-day replacements in food service, even with clerical experience (back in the day, mind you, but still, I was very annoyed). I remember it was with the Snelling agency. They were absolutely useless. We had an excellent temp who covered me while I was out on medical leave. They really wanted to hire her for an open position, but couldn't because they'd have to pay over 30% more to her and them as part of a finder's fee in the contract, and it was just untenable, so they lost her to another employer.) Anyway, it turns out I could just upload my résumé to the website, so I grabbed a card to prove I'd gone, scanned the QR code, uploaded what I needed, and just went home. I'd already had a webinar and interview that day.

The interview that day was for a patient access position and went so well I was invited to come in Monday for several hours to shadow the people I'd work with to see how we'd get along, sort of a long second interview, I guess. The next day, I got an email saying they'd decided to take the position in a different direction, but that I had good qualities and would be considered for other positions within their practice. So I don't know if that meant they retooled the position, went with another candidate, or what. It was a little confusing. But I'm okay with it. It would have been a good job, and I think I would have liked working there, but I would rather work in a library, of course.

I am trying not to be constantly on the phone or computer doing this sort of stuff. I am volunteering for the Kentucky Talking Book Library as a proofreader. I picked up my first book and have my first two chapters to listen to. Essentially, I listen to the recording and see if there are errors, mark any issues with a timestamp, and turn in the paperwork so it can be cleaned up before final production. These audiobooks are loaned to patrons with low vision, ADHD, dyslexia, inability to hold traditional books, and other issues that keep them from enjoying standard books. It is a division of the Kentucky Department for Libraries and Archives.

A month later, and it's been a bit dire, but I'm okay

32 job applications put in with:

• 4 rejections
• 2 interviews scheduled
•     1 completed (and it was for a library!) 
• 26 up in the air

2 job skill webinars scheduled

• one completed (on résumé building)
• one on Tuesday on strategic upskilling

1 job fair scheduled (March 24th)

2 Career counselling sessions attended through the UK Alumni Career Centre

Of the 61 books I currently have out from the Lexington Public Library:

• 19 books relate to job hunting
• 9 relate to getting particular library jobs [as subject matter]
• 5 relate using mindfulness for work or to prevent burnout

I also bought the 6th edition of the classic What Color is Your Parachute? (used, from Better World Books) because I'd seen a companion at Barnes & Noble called The Job-Hunter's Workbook, and I'd been intrigued by the exercises. I have an old copy of WCIYP? (I think it's 2012), But this was different. So I got both and returned the copy of the text back to the library, getting both of them used for less than what I'd have spent on the workbook on its own there at Barnes & Noble, and then, also, for less than that one book, I added What Color Is Your Parachute? for Retirement. The whole order was just over $20, and considering that it includes two $1 donations, that's pretty decent.

The interview this week went really well. I did a little stumbling here and there verbally, but never once said the word 'thing' instead of a specific noun. I was not nervous at all. I felt prepared. I was very excited about the position, as it served a particularly overlooked population. We'll see how well it goes. I really think it would be a good fit for me and vice versa, fingers crossed. In the meantime, I have another interview scheduled for this coming Wednesday.

I'm also starting to volunteer with our state talking book library, which creates and distributes books for those with low vision or other disabilities that prevent them from using standard books (including dyslexia or ADHD). They start you out as a proofreader, and that sounds exciting, where you compare the text with the spoken word to catch any errors.  Eventually, you may go on to narration if you like. This gets me out of the grind of looking for jobs at my desk, only requires an hour or two a week, and offers a remote option for proofreading, so I could do it even once I get a job.

My unemployment appeal was accepted, but the hearing date hasn't been set yet, so I have not been receiving payments. On the one hand, I am old enough to draw my pension, but I'm not at full retirement age for the plan (65), and my birthday falls right into next month.  So, if I take it now or anytime in April, it is substantially less than in May, and since it works just like Social Security in that once you draw it, the amount that you draw it at is what you get for the rest of your life, which is less if you draw early. I confess that I'm really angry that I'm in the position that I'll likely have to do this, shaving hundreds of dollars A MONTH for the rest of my life from something I earned because I lost my job this close to retirement, but not close enough. Considering the difference between 58 and 59 was about $400, I think it could have been substantial. But it happens a lot. My mom lost hers right as she hit 62, without a pension. She drew Social Security early and was on unemployment at the same time.

Unfortunately, even if I win the appeal, that'll likely put me over the income limit (no doubt in April), and I'll lose my insurance (Medicaid). I'm likely eligible for subsidised health plans, but it'll still mean a significant portion of my premium going toward a less robust plan.  On the other hand, it's better than the COBRA option, which costs over $ 1,200. If I had kept my insurance, which admittedly, I'd met my out-of-pocket, but oh my, how would I have done it short of draining my retirement?

I did call every creditor I could, pushed back as many bills to late April or May that I could (most worked with me), and then took enough out of my retirement to pay the rest of the bills for March and get into April so that I'd have a place to live, a phone, car insurance, etc.  It didn't throw me off Medicaid (it was under the limit), and then the day after, I pulled the money out, and after a month of daily paperwork, I was approved for SNAP, so I was afraid the distribution would mess all that up. Still, it apparently didn't matter as it was a low amount and wasn't recurrent. I have not gotten the EBT card yet. Fortunately, a couple of friends have helped with food during the month when there was nothing at all coming in.

The last thing I did with my final paycheque was to pay for my storage unit, where almost all my things actually are, so I wouldn't lose it at the end of the month (you only have three days to pay past the due date), leaving me about 32 cents in the bank. I've never been what you'd call financially comfortable, but this is the first time in a very long time that I haven't had a paycheque coming in to fill things back up. So the distribution really was the only way to go, especially since the SNAP application was going so slowly (they tell you to upload a document, but then you have to call requesting why--in the last case, it was because work had signed a form with a computer-generated form rather than a person signing it. Once I took the distribution, I had to send in the stub, a statement, and my 15-year-old printer just died. I saved a signature file and used it, since I couldn't print and didn't have time to go to the library to print the one sheet and then take a photo to upload to the Commonwealth's website. It is an image of my actual signature, not a computer-generated one.  It was, fortunately, accepted.

I hope that means everything has gone through. I have worked hard to get all of that through. People who complain about SNAP have no idea how difficult it is to get and keep the benefits. I have had two friends on disability who have had it. Both got less than $20 a month. One had to fax his renewal, and we spent weeks trying to get it to them (this was before the upload option) and had to actually call the governor's office at one point, finally, only to discover that the machine was broken--had been for months, and then by the time we were able to get in the other route, it was too late and they lost that. I've found the upload process easy; it's just the sheer amount of paperwork. And I've filled out a form saying I'm already registered to vote twice online, yet I still got a form today that I'll mail out Monday. I'm very grateful they've awarded it to me. I hope to use it soon. Having no income at all for over a month, with no savings, nothing, was hard. I had just what I had in the bank from my last paycheque, plus the final one, 3 days' work [they paid me a full day for the day they let me go], plus 3 days' worth of PTO. If it weren't for my retirement savings and the fact that I rent from a friend rather than a complex, I'd be in a much worse position. I don't have much in my retirement, though, not what I should. So hopefully this won't last long.

In the meantime, I'm actively looking, and I'm staying upbeat. I'm really trying to get back into librarianship again--it's where my passion lies, after all, and my skillset is the greatest there. Here's hoping I'll be back in a library soon.

And just in case you hadn't noticed it on the sidebar, here's my résumé.

This week

I have put in 15 applications, 6 today alone. I'm doing what I can to find a job as quickly as I can.

My unemployment benefit claim has been denied because I did not understand the waiting week--I thought it was the first full week after you apply, when actually they backdate your week to the beginning of the week in which you apply. So, for me, I lost my job on a Wednesday and applied that day, so my waiting week started February 15th, even though I was let go on the 18th. While I was reeling from that and applying for unemployment, Medicaid, SNAP, and everything else I could think of, calling about my retirement and how to pay off my line of credit and the dryer I'd bought through my paycheque, I'd put in a couple of applications, but in fact I'd needed to put in five. When I had to put in the claim, it became obvious that I'd been wrong about the week (the first week following I did have five, and was fine on the requirement, because I thought that was my waiting week, and I already had enough lined up for the next week--this week to make everything work.

I went ahead and appealed it immediately, throwing myself on their mercy. I really didn't understand the wording of their FAQs, the phone just referred me back to those FAQs, and the Internet just let me down completely, because it seemed to say it was the week after, too. I explained that I often have trouble understanding certain concepts that may seem cut and dry to most people, due to my autism, which is often the case. They did say at the time to keep claiming it in case they decide to grant it later.

In the meantime, I do have Medicaid, which was a big one to me, as my healthcare is a priority. 

Tired...

Applications for two library positions and one scheduling one in. Set up a profile on Zip Recruiter and updated my LinkedIn (temporarily, I'm going to really tweak it after reading the library book), updated my online curricula vitae and résumés for patient access, library, and general categories. Applied for various benefits. Not bad for four days.

Tomorrow I see my doctor about changing my ADHD medication. It should hopefully help keep me from making mistakes like what happened the other day.

My roommate told me a year ago, when I first started having trouble, to take my diagnosis report in and ask for accommodations so that I'd have some protection from the Americans with Disabilities Act. My anxiety kept me from doing it. I thought it would be seen as an admission that I couldn't do the job, when, of course, I could; I just couldn't do it as things were. I was afraid they'd just fire me or find some reason to let me go. And now we're here.

Well...at least I lasted long enough to get new knees.

Really?

Okay, now my perpetual affirmation calendar just is playing with me. But anyway, done! 😂

Numb

So I went to the library yesterday and found these. First thing I'm doing today is making a to-do list for today (ADHD essential), then a schedule for the week. Then I'm reading the LinkedIn book so I can tweak my profile there. I may go to the YMCA. I canceled it (I won't be able to pay for it), but I have a week left and with all the snow and ice and being sick I wasn't able to go all month so I don't want to waste the money I paid this month. It would probably help with self-care. I still haven't broken down or let any of this really 'hit' me. I've felt a little anger, a little sadness, but very shallow emotions--exactly like when someone in my life dies. I never cry at funerals. I push my emotions down. Sometimes they come flooding out when I'm alone or when I'm with my roommate, but otherwise, I feel kind of numb. I have one more therapy session we added before my insurance ends. That should help. But going to the Y might help with the somatic stress too, as I carry out all in my body instead of letting it out.

My affirmations calendar has a sense of humour

The photo is of my affirmations calendar page on the day I was fired.

Today's saying is 'I am exactly who I need to be in this moment.' I am meeting this head-on. I've worked since I was 16 years old--42 years. In all that time, I've never been fired, although I've been laid off (twice), had my hours reduced (twice), and my job eliminated (once). Three of those have happened at Shriners, and I've always been loyal and kept going like it didn't matter, but hey. Anyway, I've picked up my things, spoken with various people about options and benefits I may be eligible for, begun applying for jobs, etc. I've made a list of things to do, and I'm already about halfway through it after two days. Tonight I'm trying to integrate the things I had in the office that I'd like to keep in my room. The rest will go into storage until I have another office. Tomorrow I'm going to work up a schedule for the week. I've tried to move some appointments from March to next week, and looking for another job with benefits, especially healthcare, is my main priority. I cannot go without my medicine. It literally would be a death sentence. 

Anyone with leads, feel free to send me anything. I didn't get fired for anything malicious or deliberate or anything like that. If circumstances were different, I'm not sure it would even have happened. But here it is, and in a way, it might be good. I've sort of used Shriners as a comfortable crutch for years, clinging to it rather than taking risks out in the world trying for jobs that might have been better in the long run for my career, As much as I loved being a librarian, being a solo librarian for so long has hurt my chances of getting a mid-career job because I've only supervised a few high school students, not other professionals, even though I've done all the different things a librarian does in a library. 

The librarian position here was perfect for me in terms of my neurodiversity issues; the patient access positions stressed them. Ironically, the final one was better than the others. I was doing better, with it, though I struggled with my ADHD medicine failing, and it directly led to my discharge. I am scheduled next week to discuss changing it with my MD. Too little, too late. But maybe it will help for next time. I've also learned a very hard lesson: coming clean about a disability before it becomes an issue isn't a sign of weakness; it's a way to protect yourself, at least as long as the ADA survives current attacks. I actually had an offer for an interview the week I came back from my last knee replacement, and I wish I'd taken it, but I didn't feel it was right to ask off on my first day back, as it wasn't fair to work. I really regret that now. It was a library job with the state, providing children's books to kids with low vision or who are blind. I sometimes feel I was more concerned about work than vice versa. I was once told it wasn't my business to worry about the number of patients on the schedule or who was out that day when asking off, that wasn't my job, when I thought it was just common courtesy, and trying not to be a bother. Oh, well. No longer my problem. I am exactly who I need to be in this moment. I will continue to be. I will do better. And I am equipped to handle all situations effectively, even if in the short term it seems bleak. In the long run, I will prevail, and flourish, and never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me fail.

Have a good night.