The photo is of my affirmations calendar page on the day I was fired.
Today's saying is 'I am exactly who I need to be in this moment.' I am meeting this head-on. I've worked since I was 16 years old--42 years. In all that time, I've never been fired, although I've been laid off (twice), had my hours reduced (twice), and my job eliminated (once). Three of those have happened at Shriners, and I've always been loyal and kept going like it didn't matter, but hey.
Anyway, I've picked up my things, spoken with various people about options and benefits I may be eligible for, begun applying for jobs, etc. I've made a list of things to do, and I'm already about halfway through it after two days. Tonight I'm trying to integrate the things I had in the office that I'd like to keep in my room. The rest will go into storage until I have another office.
Tomorrow I'm going to work up a schedule for the week. I've tried to move some appointments from March to next week, and looking for another job with benefits, especially healthcare, is my main priority. I cannot go without my medicine. It literally would be a death sentence.
Anyone with leads, feel free to send me anything. I didn't get fired for anything malicious or deliberate or anything like that. If circumstances were different, I'm not sure it would even have happened. But here it is, and in a way, it might be good. I've sort of used Shriners as a comfortable crutch for years, clinging to it rather than taking risks out in the world trying for jobs that might have been better in the long run for my career, As much as I loved being a librarian, being a solo librarian for so long has hurt my chances of getting a mid-career job because I've only supervised a few high school students, not other professionals, even though I've done all the different things a librarian does in a library.
The librarian position here was perfect for me in terms of my neurodiversity issues; the patient access positions stressed them. Ironically, the final one was better than the others. I was doing better, with it, though I struggled with my ADHD medicine failing, and it directly led to my discharge. I am scheduled next week to discuss changing it with my MD. Too little, too late. But maybe it will help for next time. I've also learned a very hard lesson: coming clean about a disability before it becomes an issue isn't a sign of weakness; it's a way to protect yourself, at least as long as the ADA survives current attacks.
I actually had an offer for an interview the week I came back from my last knee replacement, and I wish I'd taken it, but I didn't feel it was right to ask off on my first day back, as it wasn't fair to work.
I really regret that now. It was a library job with the state, providing children's books to kids with low vision or who are blind. I sometimes feel I was more concerned about work than vice versa. I was once told it wasn't my business to worry about the number of patients on the schedule or who was out that day when asking off, that wasn't my job, when I thought it was just common courtesy, and trying not to be a bother.
Oh, well. No longer my problem. I am exactly who I need to be in this moment. I will continue to be. I will do better. And I am equipped to handle all situations effectively, even if in the short term it seems bleak. In the long run, I will prevail, and flourish, and never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me fail.
Have a good night.
