Owww....

I'm trying not to whine. I woke up to so much pain today that I could barely move or think. I have fibromyalgia and major osteoarthritis. I got up to go to the bathroom, and my right knee was so painful that it made me yell and nearly went out from under me. Ibuprofen is relieving minutely. I only have one other dose of that. My friend has arthritis-strength acetaminophen. I have to be careful taking either, due to my liver issues and diabetes (the need to protect the kidneys). I need to see if I can get some dual-action pain reliever, that has a smaller amount of both. Does anyone have suggestions for other pain relievers? Naproxen does nothing for me. Diclofenac used to, but it got to the point where I couldn't be on it long-term and it wasn't doing as well. Anyway, I called into work, it was bad enough, and I've only ever called in once for fibromyalgia before, and I was diagnosed back when I was in college. I've taken my meds and tried to basically sleep and distract myself, on and off. Right now I have the dogs, though, because my roommate is having a new appliance delivered. They are going wild with other people and other smells in the house. They're just losing their minds, so no rest for Lisa at the moment. I can't get in the bed with the three 60-lb. dogs on a full-sized day bed, not with being so tender. My roommate touched me lightly on a point earlier and it hurt.

Sigh. I thought I'd done reasonably well all of these years with pain, but now I'm really having a lot more trouble. The water would help with the fibromyalgia, but I did cancel my YMCA membership, so after this month it's gone. though today may be a possibility. (I wasn't going enough, because of the issues I had with finding a good time to go to the pool, and couldn't really use the machines, so I wasn't getting much in the way of value.) Yoga was good for it, and of course I don't move well anymore, and I can't get on the floor anymore and back up, but I've got videos to watch for chair yoga. I think I'll try some of that But I've got to do something. But now I can let the dogs out, so I'm going to go find the manual online for the appliance and then lie down a bit.

My favourite song by Simon & Garfunkel, to be played at my memorial

--and the full thing, including both ''Scarborough Fai and 'Canticle (and it's also the original of the one I posted back a little while from The Orville...)

Lyrics:

... Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme

Remember me to one who lives there

She once was a true love of mine

… Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
(On the side of a hill, in the deep forest green)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Tracing of sparrow on snow-crested ground)
Without no seams nor needle work
(Blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
(Sleeps unaware of the clarion call)

… Tell her to find me an acre of land
(On the side of a hill, a sprinkling of leaves)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Washes the grave with silvery tears)
Between the salt water and the sea strands
(A soldier cleans and polishes a gun)
Then she'll be a true love of mine

… Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather
(War bellows blazing in scarlet battalions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
(And to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten)
Then she'll be a true love of mine

… Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Arthur Garfunkel / Dp / Frank Peterson / Paul Simon

Scarborough Fair / Canticle lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, TuneCore Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Connexions

Yesterday before I left work I had a nice conversation (since all the patients had left and we might have been two of the few in the building on a Friday at almost 5 pm) with a nice young man who I would never see again because he was moving out of state. I'd seen him a only few times but had never gotten to exchange more than five words with him. In the 10 minutes we chatted, we talked about several things, including comics (I used to work at a comic book store back in the day), especially Marvel vs. Marvel movies (a sore point for both of us) and I told him my favourite comic book was Neil Gaiman's Sandman, despite recent accusations of sexual harassment towards the writer that have come out. He assured me that he himself had no toxic masculinity despite the testosterone he injects each day. The fact that he was comfortable and disclosed his trans status made me happy. That we could talk about it in an off-hand way meant things have progressed.

Don't get me wrong, I sometimes wonder if gender re-assignment is for everyone who seeks it, because trans and the many other forms of gender and sexual orientation are sort of trendy right now, and I say that as someone who is technically part of the community but tends to see herself as an ally because she hasn't dated since 1994 and it's not really all that important to her identity. But the fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter if I approve or not, that is a personal choice, and it was obviously part of his identity, I'm glad we had that talk because people need to be able to live their lives accepted for who they are.

We never know what aspirations, thoughts, dreams, or feelings people really have when we interact with them each day. We aren't all mind-readers or true empaths. But we can be empathetic to them when they tell us (or show us) how they feel about themselves, and what they strive for (so long as it's not something like serial killing or world genocide, but I try not to interact with the true monsters in the world, at least if I can recognise them).

I'm sure there are plenty of people who would have reacted badly and called him a monster, which simply is not true. I don't understand why people focus so much on hate when they can be kind. We all have dark parts in our personalities and our souls, [I certainly can be a complete and utter terrible person on bad days], but we should be kind to each other, listen to each other, and try to make things better for other people and the world in general, and for ten minutes out of my week I felt a connexion because someone felt comfortable enough to share a bit of their life with me.

The last time I felt that way was when a young man excitedly told me he had just found out was autistic. He was so happy about his diagnosis, and I understand now, though I didn't really then, though I was happy he was happy. I'm sure it made things make more sense, and that is a very special feeling.

Both of those situations were cases of people who shared something about themselves that sometimes receive quite a bit of stigma. And we need to be open to, even if it's only a momentary glimpse into another person's life, of how important that is, and we can bond over that sort of thing as easily as we bond over comic books.

Hope I can do this

Just 26 more pounds and I can have my knee surgery. If I can lose that in three months (by my next appointment) I might be able to do it at the end of the year. I'm at what I think is called Stage 4 (the worst) end-stage osteoarthritis of the knee, meaning it's bone-on-bone without much of any cartilage. The gel shots helped for a while but haven't held the last year or so and we've needed to do cortisone at the three-month mark to supplement it (insurance only pays for the gel every 6 months and 2 days). I have been in so much pain that even with ibuprofen, I've been at my desk with pain throbbing enough that I can't hardly think. If I could have the first surgery late in the year, I wouldn't pay anything out-of-pocket. So I have a lot of incentive to lose the weight soon and make it a 100-lb. loss. It's doable. Until the last couple of weeks I was losing about 2 lbs. a week, and it hasn't gone up or anything. But for the surgery, my BMI has to be under 40. If I lose 26 lbs. it'll be at 39.9. Wish me luck!

Images for dramatic effect. Hey, it's not a HIPAA violation if I share my own knee images. 🙂 Besides, many of you are either medical folks or have gone through similar stuff yourselves.

If you saw this episode of 'The Orville', you probably cried

and this song, a cover of Simon & Garfunkel's 'Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall' (which I've loved since I was a little kid) by Gordon and Charly, is so poignant. I think 'The Orville' is what modern 'Star Trek' should be.

From my fellow Kentuckian, Wendell Berry

So beautiful: "Shemà" by Primo Levi

Came across this poem while going through a book I have out from the library [100 Poems to Break Your Heart by Edward Hirsch, ISBN: 978-0-544-93188]. The Shemà is a Jewish prayer recited first thing when getting out of bed in the morning after waking and before retiring to bed before sleep. He took the name of that prayer as the title for his poem. The word Shemà means 'Listen' or 'Hear'. Primo Levi, an Italian Jew, wrote this in 1946 after surviving the hardships of Auschwitz. In my Holocaust Studies class, we read his book, If Not Now, When? This is translated from the original Italian. Here it is in the original language, as taken from WeSchool:

Testo di Shemà
Voi che vivete sicuri
nelle vostre tiepide case,
voi che trovate tornando a sera
il cibo caldo e visi amici:
considerate se questo è un uomo
che lavora nel fango
che non conosce pace
che lotta per mezzo pane
che muore per un sì o per un no.
Considerate se questa è una donna,
senza capelli e senza nome
senza più forza di ricordare
vuoti gli occhi e freddo il grembo
come una rana d'inverno.

Meditate che questo è stato:
vi comando queste parole.
Scolpitele nel vostro cuore
stando in casa e andando per via,
coricandovi alzandovi;
ripetetele ai vostri figli
O vi si sfaccia la casa,
la malattia vi impedisca,
i vostri nati torcano il viso da voi.

Eighteen

Citation: Georgiana Wilson-Powell.  365 Ways to Save the Planet. London: Penguin Random House DK, 2023. 193 pp. 

A word, if you please

Nothing against the elderly (and remember, I voted for Bernie), but don't you think it's time for the higher septuagenarians and octogenarians {and wasn't Nancy Pelosi something like 90?) to freakin' step aside and infuse some new blood into the political arena? Even Obama was a Boomer. By the time someone from Gen X becomes president, we'll probably be in our 70s and 80s, too.  But seriously, Trump's status as a felon aside...neither of these men is really qualified, in my opinion, to make decisions that include things like the nuclear codes.  I really worry about their cognition.  And I know folks say that Biden at least cares about people and he's the lesser of two evils, but that's no reason to elect him any more than Trump.  As one of my buttons from the 80s says, 'If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates'. I hate feeling like I have to vote for someone I don't care for just because I hate the other candidate. And to tell the truth, the main reason I voted for Biden the first time was I figured he'd die in office and Kamala Harris would take over, which is no reason to vote, either. And I'm not thrilled with her performance, what little I've seen of it. Sigh. Just give us a capable candidate we can believe in, please, before the world burns.

Let's hope the USA does as well

As Europe turns right, UK voters reject Conservative populism

Another reason to like Ed Sheeran

He's funding music education and studios in high schools, which should be provided by the government, but sadly there were a lot cuts all over England (perhaps that will change under Labour).

Ed Sheeran reveals surprise career change as he takes a break from making music

Grrrr...

I'm in a foul mood having, once again, dealt with Kroger at Tates Creek. I'm tired of it. No more. Not until they get their act together, if ever, and I'm seriously considering getting my groceries and gas from Meijer's anyway.

A few days ago I called, after going to a Kroger that didn't have the challah we get for Sabbath, and asked the other store if they had any. I'd wanted to save a trip during rush hour from one to the other. I was told, after a very long delay in answering the phone, by either someone in the bakery or at customer service basically that the didn't have any bread at all and she couldn't look for anything for you' conversation which I reported to Kroger corporate, but of course it's come to naught as I couldn't get her name.

I went the other day to get a few things for our department potluck. Because it was before work, only U-Scan was open. I got to the end of my order, and went to pay and it was like 'help is on its way'. The lady (whom I suspect was actually the one who answered the phone the other day, as the voice was similar) had to scan her badge to go on.

Same thing today. I had four items, two orders. It stopped for each and the same woman had to scan her badge each time. I said something about how that was a little much and she said they're starting to crack down on theft. Here's an idea, have some lanes open for people with small orders. You have them. If an actual employee, who is being paid, scans it, I think we're good. I didn't say it, of course, I really didn't want to be rude, but it irritated me.

When I got to my car, I checked the receipts, and I have 465 June fuel points. You know, the ones that expire at the end of the next month, so in this case July 31st. I have gotten gas two times recently (at Tates Creek's fuel station) and was specifically told that I only had 3 cents off a gallon when I had enough for 40 cents. I will make sure I get my receipt from now on. That was on top of needing to wait 15 minutes to have them reset all the pumps because I wasn't sure I would get to the nearest Kroger gas station, since it was out of my way and I was pretty low on gas, and I thought I should have points by then (I hadn't paid yet...I don't use the pumps because sometimes it holds money).

I know, this is small compared with what other people deal with, but it's called customer service and they're failing immensely. It's bad enough they're making profits by jacking up prices way higher than they should be after the pandaemic [pretty much everywhere]. Or that they never have more than one or two lanes and the U-Scan open anytime I go (and I'm not working today, so I thought it might be a little better), and that's at Kroger, Meijer, Wal-Mart, etc., anywhere you go these days. Even CVS has a U-Scan now. But they all also put up barriers supposedly preventing theft or check receipts.

The only reason I've gone to Tates Creek lately is the only other Kroger near me is on Chinoe, a smaller store I prefer. To get to it now with the city's sewer work, I have to go to Centre Parkway the opposite way, Pimlico Parkway, Yellowstone, Alumni, Lakeside, Coltneck, Chinoe. Or go Armstrong Mill, Tates Creek, Albany, Montevista, Chinoe (overshooting it and having to go back up Chinoe towards the opposite way I'd been going). We've been doing this for months. It also affects how I go to work.

Sigh. I don't think I'm going anywhere else today. I have medication at UK, and I wanted to get a haircut, but those are going to wait till tomorrow. I'm irritated and there's no sense in making it worse trying to park in the hospital garage or anything.

I feel better now that I ranted. I even made it through without any of the profanity bouncing around in my head.

I have been doing customer service work for nearly forty years. This is not how you run a business. So, what's your favourite grocery or gas station?

Since I'm off work and have time...

From Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, Book II, number IV:

Why should any of these things that happen externally, so much distract thee? Give thyself leisure to learn some good thing, and cease roving and wandering to and fro. Thou must also take heed of another kind of wandering, for they are idle in their actions, who toll and labour in this ife, and have no certain scope to which to direct all their motions and desires.

Sometimes we get caught up way to much in making it through life without actually living, including improving our own lives and our minds. I'm certainly guilty of that. I often find myself too tired to do anything that enriches my soul, even reading or hobbies. I think it's important to spend time with yourself, cogitating, or simply being, but I need to make more of an effort to do so, even if I have to set aside time in my schedule to do so. I think many of us are in the same boat, don't you? It's so hard to stand still in modern society. Too much information, too little time, and we are looked down as idle if we sit and think or otherwise enrich ourselves with study or art. It's very sad.

I know all this, but it's so hard to do it. It's definitely something I've been giving some thought to lately. And in an effort to keep afloat, I recently put in for a part-time job, which will really help me, but take away even more time. I really need to rethink how I spend time entirely, and reduce the distractions that keep me from really living.

Yay!

I am pleased to announce that a couple of days ago we got the air conditioning re-wired and working again. The company that came out, Southern Comfort, did so without charging a diagnosis fee (we knew the problem--a puppy chewed through the wiring, fortunately before the AC was turned on, and not the major grey one that's live all the time). It was only $250 to fix. It's so nice to have it again. I will unhook mine from the window, drain the water, and let it dry out for now, probably put it in storage for next time. I think the AC has gone out three times in the seven years I've lived here, as it's pretty old, and we do not begin to have the money to replace the system. As long as it works, we'll be happy, though. :) In the meantime, if you are in the Lexington area and need help with your AC, I highly recommend this company.

Today

A few weeks ago, training a new co-worker:
Here is the way to see our department schedule. Oh, the Fourth of July is on a Thursday. Friday would have been a good day to take off.

Looks again. Oh, I am off the 5th; I just didn't remember putting in for it.

You've got to love my (lack of) memory sometimes. But at least I remembered not to go to work today. 🙂

I actually slept in till 7:30 (my alarm was set for 8, but it's hard to wake up before or after 7:30), although yesterday I was so tired, I slept on and off till nearly 3 PM. I made coffee, woke up my roommate, got dressed, put on a new glucose sensor, and now I'm sitting in near-darkness, because it's so cloudy, fighting the urge to go back to sleep. After all, it's so dark, and I'm also getting ready to figure out exactly what I want to do today--I know it involves getting a haircut. But I like to-do lists to give a little structure. Caffeinating is first on the list. 🙂

Our very way of life is being threatened

On this Independence Day, take a moment or two to educate yourself on this. It is an attempt to steal the country from the majority, subverting our democracy and everything the United States of America has stood for, that my father and three of my grandparents who served in the military defended. It sickens me. I have worried for a long time that we are heading to a terrible time where our country (and others) are basically run by fascists and capitalists. It's a horrible combination that we cannot allow to happen. Don't be silent. And vote like your future depends on it--because it does.

From the Wikipedia article on Project 2025:

Heritage Foundation president Kevin Roberts said in July 2024 that "we are in the process of the second American Revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be." Paul Dans, the project's director, said in April 2023 that Project 2025 is "systematically preparing to march into office and bring a new army, [of] aligned, trained, and essentially weaponized conservatives ready to do battle against the deep state.

This is what is coming if we remain silent. Remember the excellent quote from Pastor Martin Niemöller in his poem 'First They Came':

First they came for the Communists And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Communist
Then they came for the Socialists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Socialist
Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me

How my anxiety actually works, as demonstrated in the last 10 hours:

Last night:

1. There was a skunk in the yard, I can smell it.
2. There was recently a rabid skunk locally. 
3. I just set up a portable air conditioner [our AC has been out for some time, and it's so hot, in the 100s as far as heat index, and we are all suffering]. There is no screen over the exhaust tube. It just came with a cap in case you weren't using it for awhile
4. Oh, Gods, what if a rabid skunk climbs into the tube to the air conditioner?
5. What if it gnaws through the tube and gets into the house?
6. What if it bites me or my roommate or the animals?
7. Okay, Lisa, you're just being anxious. Calm down.

This morning:

1. Realises that there's no way it can happen.
2. Tells roommate in jocular way about it all and how silly it was, because after all, it operates with the WINDOW screen in front of it.
3. Roommate shakes head.
4. Goes back to room. Gives the air conditioning vent a long, hard look. 
5. Realises that while installing the vent and assembly, I forgot to put down the screen. Does so, forgetting I taped the window to the assembly. 🙂
6. All is right with the world.
7. Realises a skunk really could have climbed in and gnawed through the tubing. 
8. Go back to the beginning and repeat.

Goodness. Anxiety sucks. But that screen is down. Thank you, rabid skunk..