Connexions

Yesterday before I left work I had a nice conversation (since all the patients had left and we might have been two of the few in the building on a Friday at almost 5 pm) with a nice young man who I would never see again because he was moving out of state. I'd seen him a only few times but had never gotten to exchange more than five words with him. In the 10 minutes we chatted, we talked about several things, including comics (I used to work at a comic book store back in the day), especially Marvel vs. Marvel movies (a sore point for both of us) and I told him my favourite comic book was Neil Gaiman's Sandman, despite recent accusations of sexual harassment towards the writer that have come out. He assured me that he himself had no toxic masculinity despite the testosterone he injects each day. The fact that he was comfortable and disclosed his trans status made me happy. That we could talk about it in an off-hand way meant things have progressed.

Don't get me wrong, I sometimes wonder if gender re-assignment is for everyone who seeks it, because trans and the many other forms of gender and sexual orientation are sort of trendy right now, and I say that as someone who is technically part of the community but tends to see herself as an ally because she hasn't dated since 1994 and it's not really all that important to her identity. But the fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter if I approve or not, that is a personal choice, and it was obviously part of his identity, I'm glad we had that talk because people need to be able to live their lives accepted for who they are.

We never know what aspirations, thoughts, dreams, or feelings people really have when we interact with them each day. We aren't all mind-readers or true empaths. But we can be empathetic to them when they tell us (or show us) how they feel about themselves, and what they strive for (so long as it's not something like serial killing or world genocide, but I try not to interact with the true monsters in the world, at least if I can recognise them).

I'm sure there are plenty of people who would have reacted badly and called him a monster, which simply is not true. I don't understand why people focus so much on hate when they can be kind. We all have dark parts in our personalities and our souls, [I certainly can be a complete and utter terrible person on bad days], but we should be kind to each other, listen to each other, and try to make things better for other people and the world in general, and for ten minutes out of my week I felt a connexion because someone felt comfortable enough to share a bit of their life with me.

The last time I felt that way was when a young man excitedly told me he had just found out was autistic. He was so happy about his diagnosis, and I understand now, though I didn't really then, though I was happy he was happy. I'm sure it made things make more sense, and that is a very special feeling.

Both of those situations were cases of people who shared something about themselves that sometimes receive quite a bit of stigma. And we need to be open to, even if it's only a momentary glimpse into another person's life, of how important that is, and we can bond over that sort of thing as easily as we bond over comic books.

Some things I've been paying attention to on Facebook, that I thought I'd share here

This Teacher Wrote Personal Letters To 100 Students After Nearly Losing One To Suicide

We never know what a difference some small act of kindness can be. A teacher, Brittni Darras, learned that one of her students had been saved while attempting suicide, and wrote her a personal note while she was in the hospital, and it really touched the student, who hadn't thought anyone cared. Because the signs of depression and suicidal thoughts are not always obvious, she then sat down and wrote over a hundred personal, hand-written notes to her various students, giving them a compliment here, or telling a story there, however she connected with each one. What a gift. We can all do small acts of kindness to help others who may be facing very difficult times.

An Amazing Village Designed Just for People with Dementia

I so hope this idea catches on!

At Hogeweyk, the interior of the security perimeter is its own little village—which means that patients can move about as they wish without being in danger.

Each apartment hosts six to eight people, including caretakers—who wear street clothes—and the relationship between the two is unique. Residents help with everything from cooking to cleaning. They can buy whatever they want from the grocery. They can get their hair done or go to a restaurant. It's those basic routines and rituals that can help residents maintain a better quality of living.

Click here for more on the concept of Dementia Villages. As the Gizmodo article points out, 1 in 3 seniors will die with dementia. 1 in 3. It's one of my greatest fears; I watched my great-grandmother decline with Alzheimer's for fifteen years. SHe was lucky; she was able to stay in her home, cared for by her daughter, my grandmother, but at cost--my grandmother outlived her mother by a scant two years, and while the official cause of death was lung cancer, I truly believe she gave all of her stamina and fight up trying to care for her mother, leaving her no reserve for herself. They said my grandfather had dementia, although in his case, I think he just didn't have enough oxygen in his blood, as he had COPD and emphysema for years, and would wander at the hospital with Sundowner's syndrome (when people act strangely after dark in unfamiliar surroundings) without his oxygen on. My grandmother was pretty sharp to a point, but she didn't know my mom all the time, or would fuss over things that weren't real. I already have issues with memory and so I have to admit, I worry about what will happen to me--especially without children or other close family members to care for me, if I should get Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia. But speaking of dementia, if you are dealing with this in a loved one, be sure to read 16 Things I Would Want If I Got Dementia: A heartfelt wish list from a dementia care worker by Rachael Wonderlin, who works with patients with dementia.

Oh, and I don't know who came up with this, but I love it, so I'm going to end this post on a lighter note:



And this hit a chord, maybe because, I don't know, I managed to get hit by a car a few years ago while obeying all laws and walking in the crosswalk with the light:



Okay, I think I'm going to do some reading after I forage for a snack. I'm reading Meghan Telpner's UnDiet: The Shiny, Happy, Vibrant, Gluten-Free, Plant-Based Way To Look Better, Feel Better, And Live Better Each And Every Day!, so I guess it better be a healthy snack. :)

A random act of kindness

I am apparently being very blessed this holiday season. A very sweet thing happened to me today. I went to the post office and enquired if they sold single stamps. The man who was handling the line said yes, and said, 'so you just need one?' I said, 'Well, I really need 10, but I don't have enough money to get a whole book.' He said he thought they had books of 10 now and so I stayed in line. When I was almost there, a woman who had just mailed some packages brought me a book of 10 stamps and told me 'Merry Christmas'. So now I can mail holiday cards. :) Yay. I'll do what I can to 'pay it forward'.