Second day with the lamp

I don't find it annoying bright. Yesterday I had a mild headache; that's apparently normal when you start out. Right now I'm trying to get used it and only doing about 10-15 minutes a day, working my way up over the week to the recommended 30. Now if only I can wake up early enough to use it tomorrow morning. It's not really effective if I do it after I get home; it would just throw my sleep off. So I have to get up early enough to sit with it for a few minutes. We'll see. I'm going to try my best to make it a habit, at least until it gets light in the early hours again.

I got my oil changed at TIre Discounters yesterday, and after buying the larger package that includes two discounted oil changes, a 5% off voucher for service, and they threw in my windshield wipers for free, they tried to raise my window but it's down so far they were afraid to break it.  It is the switch, though, which with the labour would be about $200. I couldn't do that yesterday, but I'm going to try to have my regular mechanic look at it when I'm off for a couple of days in March.  So I went to Autozone and got a $10 kit that puts plastic on the windows and you tighten it with a hair dryer.  I was a little concerned as to how to do that, as I don't have an adapter between car electric sockets and household electric plugs, and our extension cord, if it reaches that far, would have to be plugged into the same circuit as the computer, and I don't want to trip that breaker.  You know how those hair dryers are. Funny, I have one, and I only use it for things like this unless it is 8 degrees or so outside and I've just taken a shower. I do, however, have a power bank I specifically bought so I could use my CPAP in a power loss situation like an ice storm or thunderstorm.  So I think that will work.  Anyway, that's on the agenda.  It's not really securing the car, but at least it will keep the rain out and maybe deter someone from just reaching in and getting my hangtag.

My therapy appointment went well. We're working our way through The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, 6th edition.  We went over chapter 1, which is a quick overview of different types of disorders and treatments.  I found out that I have every major type of anxiety disorder except agoraphobia--generalised anxiety, panic, obsessive-compulsive, phobic, social, and post-traumatic stress disorders.  Chapter two will be about the causes of anxiety disorders.  My therapist also sent me a couple of videos, one on what she calls 'monkey chatter' or negative self-talk, and the other on creating a ready toolbox of breathing to deal with symptoms.  I'm going to watch those here in a bit, and try to go through chapter two tonight.

Right now I am caffeinating so I can do my Sunday chores.  We're not playing the Call of Cthulhu game this weekend, although I did go ahead and transcribe the notes last night. We watched the first episode of 'Babylon 5' (we'd seen the hard-to-find pilot movie the other day; it's on Tubi).  I never watched it regularly enough to keep up with the story, but it is really well-written and coherent, particularly as the creator wrote out the whole saga before filming, so there's a lot fo foreshadowing, and certainly, it is not 'make it up as you go along'. Then we watched 'The Orville', the first episode of season 3, in which I cried through the whole thing, as it examines the precursors and aftermath of suicide. It wasn't my depression causing me to cry--I'm feeling a lot better since my meds were upped--but there were other reasons it was timely but upsetting, and I thought the story captured things very well. Plus, I like the character it centred around a lot.

Okay, I'm going to take my medicine and check out the news on the web. Have a great day.

I'm feeling better

I have tried to be proactive and have taken steps to try to deal with and alleviate my depression, and as a result, I am feeling quite a bit better.

My psychiatrist upped my lamotrigine up to 50 mg of each dose (I take two a day). So that's 100 mg in an increased amount of medicine, and I think that has helped the most in the short term.  Let's face it, much of my mood issues are a result of brain chemistry. I see him six weeks from our last visit, so late March, and I've already made that appointment with his office (ours are usually telehealth).

I met with my new therapist last Saturday and really liked her.  She was nearly gleeful when she discovered I prefer cognitive or dialectical behavioural therapy and do well with 'homework'. We're going to actually start on anxiety and frustration coping techniques first because when she put me through the same test I'd taken the week before, it came out more anxiety (which is my usual problem), and it all fuels my depression. I see her again today. She has in-person and telehealth visits, but for now, we're meeting in person, as I think that is more helpful at times with a therapist.  For example, when I told her about the test, the DASS-21, she immediately downloaded it and had me take it.

I tried to meet with the counsellor from Able To, a programme through my insurance, but her phone calls wouldn't come through even though I did not have 'Do Not Disturb' on and they were going straight to voicemail. We managed to connect through voicemails and phone tagging to reschedule for next Tuesday. I think it may have something to do with T-Mobile's scam blocker, which is very useful but might have been over-enthusiastic.  Now that she is in my contacts, I'm thinking it won't be an issue.  But I'm going to check and see if I have to do anything to whitelist her number.

As a result the behaviour coach for Thursday didn't happen either.  I think she rescheduled both, although I'm not sure. It just never happened, no notices, no phone calls.  So hopefully that will happen next Thursday.  I want to try to work on the depression angle with the two insurance counsellors.

I bought a Voraiya UV-free 10,000 Lux therapy lamp and it arrived yesterday.  I used it for 10 minutes this morning, and plan to work up over the next week to 30 minutes a day in the morning, assuming I can get out of bed in time.  And it doesn't have to be 30 minutes all at once. Just now I had it off to the side. It's okay apparently to use my ant-glare prescription glasses so I can type, etc.  I have a slight headache, but that apparently becomes less of a problem as time goes by.  It wasn't as pricey as I thought (I think it was only $35 from Amazon.  There is a slight risk with these lamps as far as years of use for macular degeneration, a disease that robs you of some of your eyesight and is usually found in older people.  Both my mom and grandmother had it. I've never had signs, and I'll double-check with my ophthalmologist, but it is caused by exposure to a form of ultraviolet light, and this is supposed to be UV free. So hopefully that's fine.

So for now, I think taking immediate steps has helped.  I got up this morning, ate a banana, drank a glass of water, took my medicine with it, took my insulin, and now I'm going to go to the store for creamer, make my friend's coffee in the percolator (I do that on Saturday, as he is Jewish and observant), and then take a shower and get ready for my therapy appointment at 11 am.  At 1 pm I have an appointment with Tire Discounters for an oil change [my poor car, I knew it was overdue--I've gone 7,000 miles, but upon looking at the sticker, I realised it hasn't been done not in the last year, but in 2021, at least at Tire Discounters (I may have had my mechanic do it, and I have checked my oil and added as needed regularly), tyre rotation, windshield-wiper change (my driver's side is absolutely shredded), and to see if they can raise my driver's window.  The power window fell when I lowered the other night and is totally in the door.  I could cover it against the rain, but my main issue is that I can't lock the car.  I have an ADA (handicapped) placard for general use and a similar hangtag for parking at the University of Kentucky.  I'm afraid they will be taken, I'll get a citation (which is very pricey), and I'll have to have them replaced.  I don't need it fixed just now (it could be the switch, but it could be the motor and either is somewhat pricey, and I'd rather have my regular mechanic do that); I'm just trying to lock the car at this point by raising the window and keeping it closed.  After that, I'm going to try to get my hair trimmed, as it's starting to curl out of a pixie cut and I have an $8 coupon for a haircut.

Okay, I should get dressed and go get the creamer.  I still have to make the coffee (which takes about a half an hour with the percolator), go get the creamer, try to caffeinate, take a shower, and then do this whirlwind of tasks today.  Have a great weekend.

So it's Saturday

and so far I've taken a shower, gotten ready, gotten gas for my car, stopped and got a couple of breakfast sandwiches, gone through a therapy session, and I'm at Tire Discounters right now getting an oil change. They've also checked my tyres, which I'm hoping to replace at the end of the month, and let's just say a few prayers that they hold up in the meantime would be appreciated.

Tired

My rest of the day:

1. Got an oil change at Valvoline and a new air filter.
2. Went to the library and picked up a couple of books on orchids.
3. Got a call from my boss (I have a boss!) about bringing two forms of ID on Monday.
4. Picked up a friend for his appointment and took him there.
5. Picked up another friend from work, home, and to the pharmacy.
6. Stopped by Jin Jin with my friends and picked up dinner.
7. Dropped them off, came home, ate kung pao tofu and spring rolls followed by some ice cream. I am now very stuffed.
8. Spent some time on Facebook. Found an interesting article about Polari, the forgotten secret language of gay men, which I passed on to a friend.
9. Listened to Pandora (the Bastille station) for awhile.

It's not even 8 pm. I'm pooped. I'd like to watch something, but right now I'm going to just take it easy, maybe close my eyes for a few minutes, but not necessarily nap this late in the day. A has to be at work at 8 am, and I'm giving him a ride, but I don't want to go to sleep just yet.

Okay, that was one expensive (and long) oil change :)

When they did my free rotation after doing the oil change, they found that my front rotors were too thin. so the rotors and brake pads on that end were changed. I swear getting cars fixed is like going to the dentist--something small always leads to major work. The price wasn't bad as rotors go (I've gotten those before, and even just had them turned before, but of course there's only so much you can do when they're thin), but it was substantially more than I was thinking I would pay. Fortunately I did my taxes the other day and should get a refund soon, so that took about half of it. And while I could have waited a couple of weeks until that refund came in, I'd rather not mess with brakes in terms of safety. All told I was at the shop for three hours.

After that, my main objective was to get a car wash. I went to the Speedway on Malibu, but theirs was closed. I called over at the one on Southland, which was working, so I went there and purchased one that would get the undercarriage as well as the car body. Unfortunately, when it became my turn (and it was a hopping place, let me tell you, with temps in the 60s for the first time in weeks and sunny, coming off of subzero temps and lots of salt on the road), I apparently put the code in too early, even though it was asking for it, and the car wash wouldn't open. Since I'd just called them, I still had the number on my phone and called, and they came out and then went in and got me a new number, but the car wash had to be reset both outside and inside before it finally worked. I remember how much car washes annoyed me when I worked at Speedway; now I was the problem child. There were about 8-10 cars waiting in line this whole time. But, I finally got in the bay and the wash itself went well. It's so nice to have all that salt off it.

Then it was off to Kroger for milk for a friend and a few things for me, and I went over to my friends' house and spent some time there with one. Then the other came home and we went to the grocery for their shopping run. I then fixed some dinner and a friend and I watched an episode of 'Absolutely Fabulous'. Then I came home so they could watch the finale of 'American Horror Story: Coven', which I've already seen. I've spent about an hour or so downloading some music to the laptop from Amazon, and now I'm thinking of doing the game notes. I'd like to get them done so I don't spend all night 'trying' to wake up like I did last week.

It has been a long day today, and I am tired, though. Maybe a few minutes stretched out won't hurt, do you think? :)