I'm feeling better

I have tried to be proactive and have taken steps to try to deal with and alleviate my depression, and as a result, I am feeling quite a bit better.

My psychiatrist upped my lamotrigine up to 50 mg of each dose (I take two a day). So that's 100 mg in an increased amount of medicine, and I think that has helped the most in the short term.  Let's face it, much of my mood issues are a result of brain chemistry. I see him six weeks from our last visit, so late March, and I've already made that appointment with his office (ours are usually telehealth).

I met with my new therapist last Saturday and really liked her.  She was nearly gleeful when she discovered I prefer cognitive or dialectical behavioural therapy and do well with 'homework'. We're going to actually start on anxiety and frustration coping techniques first because when she put me through the same test I'd taken the week before, it came out more anxiety (which is my usual problem), and it all fuels my depression. I see her again today. She has in-person and telehealth visits, but for now, we're meeting in person, as I think that is more helpful at times with a therapist.  For example, when I told her about the test, the DASS-21, she immediately downloaded it and had me take it.

I tried to meet with the counsellor from Able To, a programme through my insurance, but her phone calls wouldn't come through even though I did not have 'Do Not Disturb' on and they were going straight to voicemail. We managed to connect through voicemails and phone tagging to reschedule for next Tuesday. I think it may have something to do with T-Mobile's scam blocker, which is very useful but might have been over-enthusiastic.  Now that she is in my contacts, I'm thinking it won't be an issue.  But I'm going to check and see if I have to do anything to whitelist her number.

As a result the behaviour coach for Thursday didn't happen either.  I think she rescheduled both, although I'm not sure. It just never happened, no notices, no phone calls.  So hopefully that will happen next Thursday.  I want to try to work on the depression angle with the two insurance counsellors.

I bought a Voraiya UV-free 10,000 Lux therapy lamp and it arrived yesterday.  I used it for 10 minutes this morning, and plan to work up over the next week to 30 minutes a day in the morning, assuming I can get out of bed in time.  And it doesn't have to be 30 minutes all at once. Just now I had it off to the side. It's okay apparently to use my ant-glare prescription glasses so I can type, etc.  I have a slight headache, but that apparently becomes less of a problem as time goes by.  It wasn't as pricey as I thought (I think it was only $35 from Amazon.  There is a slight risk with these lamps as far as years of use for macular degeneration, a disease that robs you of some of your eyesight and is usually found in older people.  Both my mom and grandmother had it. I've never had signs, and I'll double-check with my ophthalmologist, but it is caused by exposure to a form of ultraviolet light, and this is supposed to be UV free. So hopefully that's fine.

So for now, I think taking immediate steps has helped.  I got up this morning, ate a banana, drank a glass of water, took my medicine with it, took my insulin, and now I'm going to go to the store for creamer, make my friend's coffee in the percolator (I do that on Saturday, as he is Jewish and observant), and then take a shower and get ready for my therapy appointment at 11 am.  At 1 pm I have an appointment with Tire Discounters for an oil change [my poor car, I knew it was overdue--I've gone 7,000 miles, but upon looking at the sticker, I realised it hasn't been done not in the last year, but in 2021, at least at Tire Discounters (I may have had my mechanic do it, and I have checked my oil and added as needed regularly), tyre rotation, windshield-wiper change (my driver's side is absolutely shredded), and to see if they can raise my driver's window.  The power window fell when I lowered the other night and is totally in the door.  I could cover it against the rain, but my main issue is that I can't lock the car.  I have an ADA (handicapped) placard for general use and a similar hangtag for parking at the University of Kentucky.  I'm afraid they will be taken, I'll get a citation (which is very pricey), and I'll have to have them replaced.  I don't need it fixed just now (it could be the switch, but it could be the motor and either is somewhat pricey, and I'd rather have my regular mechanic do that); I'm just trying to lock the car at this point by raising the window and keeping it closed.  After that, I'm going to try to get my hair trimmed, as it's starting to curl out of a pixie cut and I have an $8 coupon for a haircut.

Okay, I should get dressed and go get the creamer.  I still have to make the coffee (which takes about a half an hour with the percolator), go get the creamer, try to caffeinate, take a shower, and then do this whirlwind of tasks today.  Have a great weekend.

Yesterday was the game

So it was a matter of getting the house ready, doing laundry, and rolling dice. Brenda and I are both playing characters we hadn't played in years, which was fun, although I have no clear idea of how to play mine since it's been so long.

Today, meanwhile, has been fairly relaxing, although it started out not so great. I'd forgotten to change my alarm, with it being a holiday, but more to the point, YKWIA came in shortly after 6 am to check on me.  Turns out that he'd dreamed I was dead and wanted to make sure I was alright and alive.  I think it was his mind's response to all the stuff that happened last Monday when I went to the emergency room.  So we talked for a while and both of us went to bed till about 9 am.

It was nice to have a day off from work. My physical therapist is out at the end of the week, so she worked on Labour Day, and they called and had a cancellation, so I moved my appointment from 6:30 to 2:00. I was there till about 3:30 pm [my piriformis and other muscles were really tight, probably from sitting at the game, so Grace took awhile working on it]. Then I went and got my hair cut, and he didn't take much off but at least it looks a little neater.

Before

After

After and smiling :)

I'd taken YKWIA over to a friend's so he could help him with some things, so I went and got him and we went to drop off a bill and got a few things from the store (he's been cooking dinner; I've been keeping him company.) We're having sautéed zucchini with parsley and shallots, along with bell peppers stuffed with a tuna-onion mixture. [Note: I'm continuing this post-dinner and cleanup; it was very simple yet very yummy.]

Okay, it's after 10 pm now.  YKWIA is on the phone with a friend from Cicero.  I'm in my sleep clothes, and I have washed dishes, cleaned up, changed my purse, and packed my lunch.  I even laid my clothes out.  I don't usually do that.  It's time to go to bed now.  6 am comes early.  Have a good night!

Feeling better today

My nose is still running and I’ve had a headache and a sore throat all day (although that last is mostly gone), but I’m not terribly tired, which is good, as I don’t have much sick time at all at work. I call in very rarely, and I always feel horrible when I do, but I need to learn that I’m not actually indispensable and sometimes you just have to take care of what’s important.

So today I was at work, and caught up on the most important stuff, and I should be able to catch up on the rest tomorrow. After work, I went and got my hair cut, for the first time in nigh on a year, I’d say. It’s a bob with some layers in the back to help my otherwise fine, thin hair poof up a bit. She put some Paul Mitchell Thicken Up (which I have here at home) on and blew dry it, and I admit that it looks better than just combing and going like I usually do.

Now I’m home, and the first thing I did after dinner was take a nice nap. It was in the 70s this afternoon, and today was mostly sunny—a great day, weather-wise. The lowest we’re supposed to have in terms of highs for the next 10 days is 66 degrees. My friends’ crocuses are blooming nicely. I’m so glad spring is putting in an appearance, even if it’s still a little while away.

So I’m free for the rest of the evening. I have plenty of stuff that should be done around here. I don’t want to do any of it. I want to curl up in bed and read for a while. I’m reading a book called Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting and Got a Life which is a food writer’s journey through intuitive eating. It's a Kindle book from the library. I’m several chapters in (I did manage to read yesterday for a while), and I’d like to get further in. I decided to just concentrate on getting some rest and doing something enjoyable tonight; first the nap, then some nice lemon lotion all over, now some reading. Hope you have a restful night, as well.

My new haircut

I think she did a good job,  especially since I have fine,  thin hair with random waves.

My new haircut

I've spent thirteen hours over at my friends' house, watching 'Haven', 'Hart of Dixie', and 'Fringe', watching UK football with A, watching their cat play with the koi on my phone's live wallpaper and make the water move, and then helping YKWIA make a cake and frost it--chocolate with a bit of espresso powder in both. The cleanup is done. I am now home. I should be working on the game notes now, but I'm tired, so I'm heading on to bed with the idea of getting up very early to take care of the rest of the notes (of which I've gotten only about 1/3 finished), get gas for the car, go to the store for string cheese, crackers, and soda, and then get there by 9 am. Which is in 8 hours. Oh, and I need to remember to bring a blank CD-ROM for tomorrow.

Good night.

I am off work today, yay!

So far I have:
1. Slept in till 9:30, a full hour after I'm normally at my desk, yay!
2. Paid two bills that were actually due yesterday but since it was Sunday, they wouldn't credit them anyway till today.
3. Escalated a case with eBay where a seller never sent me the item and has not responded to my attempts to contact them (and got a refund!)
4. Eaten breakfast (Veggie sausage, egg, and cheese on an English muffin.)
5. Charged my glucometer (I had it charging last night and it didn't work for some reason, so I had t do it again,)
6. Checked out Facebook and taken three quizzes (I am supposedly supposed to live in Los Angeles--which I went to in the 1970s and didn't care for--and I came out as Captain Jack Harkness for 'Doctor Who' companion. Can't remember the other one, as I am writing the commentaries later in the day.)
7. Checked my e-mail (Mostly the normal stuff. I love that on my computer I have the ninjas theme for Gmail, though. It's very cheery.)
8. Checked the news (Lots of violence, see later post on gun violence.)

So now it's on to other things. What I'd like to do today:

• Get my hair cut. (I did, but she didn't really take off as much as I asked her too; it's been barely trimmed.)
• Get into the pool. (See later post on that.)
• Maybe go to Lane Bryant. (Decided to go to Meijer and check out sandals instead, to no avail.)
• Go to the library and return a couple of books. (Did that.)
• Listen to music. (Of Monsters and Men's My Head is an Animal.)
• Watch some of those things on the DVR and DVDs that I haven't yet. (Thinking about 'Sherlock', but haven't yet).

In other words, do what in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy they used to call 'pleasurable adult activities' and relax. :) Oh, and maybe get a jump on the game notes. We had a good game, then watched 'Witches of East End' and 'Salem'. But I was tired and a little hormonal last night when I got home, so I went straight to bed.

Okay, off the computer and time to do something fun. Enjoy your day!

(PS: I also napped on and off throughout the day, keeping off my knee, which hurts, but not as bad as it usually does. Oddly enough, the left knee is really hurting, a sharp pain when I move it. Perhaps I hurt it at the same time, only not as badly, and it's starting to act up, or, perhaps it's just working harder since I'm putting most of my weight on to it instead of the right knee. Hurts either way.)

You know its been raining for awhile

When you're taking your groceries to the car and you suddenly realise you're getting wet, and then realise that you hadn't noticed before because after all it's been raining for days and days and you've just become used to it. Is this how people in Britain and the Pacific Northwest are? We don't normally get rain day in and day out for a week or two.

I got my hair trimmed, and it looks nice. I know there is no such thing as 'good' karma really, but it was nice that I let a woman and her little boy cross in front of me and the perfect parking spot opened up seemingly as a reward. Dee Dee did a great job with my hair. Then I went to the grocery and bought some (mostly) healthy food, like hummous, fruit (they had strawberries on sale for $2.99 for 2 lbs), yoghurt, cottage cheese, milk to go with my cereal, eggs, etc. I did get my chocolate-dipped coconut fruit bars, though. I cleaned out the refrigerator and put the new stuff in as well.

I have to admit, all of this rain is making me feel really sleepy. I think I'm going to stop talking about going to the Y because it seems the more I talk about it, the less likely I am tp go. Today I was going to, but it turns out I'm starting my period, and while they usually say exercise is good for that, it's been my experience that if I do any major exercise on the first day of mine, I go into horrible cramping. So no gym today, and no pool. :( Tomorrow's out as well, due to the game, but I'll try to go next week. I'm not going to write about it any more until I actually go, though. I called Brenda just now to see what sort of snacks she's up for at the game tomorrow), and I'm really looking forward to the game. I'm going to call and see if there's anything special I need to pick up on the way tomorrow. Although I still have a lot I want to accomplish this weekend, but I'm going to take a nap, although I'm going to try not to sleep the evening away. Hope you're having a good weekend as well.

It's beautiful and sunny

and I've had a great day. It started early, with an 8 am appointment with my ankle surgeon. That went well. The x-rays show everything is doing great, although he was concerned by the swelling, which is happening on both ankles, even early in the day, although worse on the one that was broken. He suggested compression stockings, so I got those, and having my family doctor prescribe a diuretic, which I will do. Work was nice. I got many compliments on the new haircut (which does look better than in the picture; I'm just not photogenic). My roommate in the library kept saying it made my eyes 'pop'. I know what she means, but having the perverse sense of humour that I do, I kept visualising eyeballs popping out of my skull. :) After work I went in the rain to my last session (at least for now) of physical therapy, graduated from the programme, and got a shirt. Then I came home, watered the plants outside, and settled down to some yoghurt and fruit, plus a little cheese. I have a free evening and I'm all for relaxing in my nice, clean home and celebrating a really nice day.

Tomorrow it's work and then over to a friend's to help with something. Saturday's a visit with family. Sunday and Monday are free at the moment; we're not playing the game because the other player will be away for the weekend. I should probably work on the game notes sometime during all that, though. :) I want to catch up on 'Doctor Who' and do some reading, plus spend some time with friends. It'll also be a bit cooler this weekend, so I hope it's pretty pleasant.

I've been listening to an Ed Sheeran album that I got the other day, and I've told you about the two songs on the radio, 'The A Team' and 'Lego House' (Yes, that's Rupert Grint [Ronald Weasley] as the obsessive fan in the video). I think my favourite song on the record is actually 'Small Bump'. Like 'The A Team', it seems sweet and happy, a father's song about a baby-to-be, imagining holding the infant, and it's fine until the very end, when a miscarriage shatters the dream. It's very sad. Here is the video:

I am hot, I am sweaty, my feet hurt, and a bird pooped on me--

but at least I am home, in air conditioning, with my shoes off. And the shirt is one that I once spilled a good portion of automatic transmission fluid on, which eventually came out, so surely bird poop will. I don't think it actually hit my hair or body, although I am tempted to hop into the shower just to cool down. It's in the mid- to upper-70s and it's late evening.

I worked today, of course, and then a co-worker dropped me off at my first stop of the evening, saving me about forty-five minutes, but still, it's nearly 8 pm and I'm just getting home. This evening I:

1. Picked up some things from Incredipet for a friend.
   
2. Got my hair cut (I can't tell yet how it really looks, as I am windblown and sweaty).
   
3. Got my bus pass.
   
4. Picked up some alcohol pads and a bit of food until I can do an actual grocery run.
   
5. Dropped off my (signed) lease, with a note saying, yes, I'd like the free carpet cleaning.

Yay for getting paid today, although most of it will go towards rent. If I had thought about it, I would have had my co-worker drop me off at the bank and gotten my rent together so I could drop it off with the lease, but no, I didn't until after the bank was closed. The bank has later lobby hours tomorrow, and then there's Saturday, and I have until the 5th, so I'm not in danger of being late.

So far things have been pretty good this week, although I've run into a couple of glitches. I have a report to do by Monday but have bad data to work with, and the person who can give me the correct data is off sick. I have some surveys to compile so that I can get my needs assessment finished and get a library committee meeting together, but the file for the form became corrupted, and I have to create a new one and then manually enter the data, since it won't scan the old form. And I need to catch up on some statistics and filing, but tomorrow's a little slow so I'm hoping that will work. It feels like today is Friday, and everyone else seems ready for the week to end as well. One of my bosses won't be here tomorrow because (yay) she's having her hooding ceremony for her doctorate (she has graduation Sunday). In nursing, they pin you when you get your BSN, and have the hooding ceremony when you attain your PhD. I'm very happy for her.

Not to sound superstitious, but I've found two lucky pennies in one day. That must be good for something, right?

This morning, as I walked from the bus stop to the hospital, a lovely cardinal perched on the sign singing, and it let me get pretty close before flying to the bushes. I wish I'd gotten a picture.

What else of import happened today? Oh, I did get a chuckle while reading through my lease before I signed it. There's a mistake where instead of making sure the lessee does not make any alterations to the apartment without the manager's consent, it says there will be no altercations made. Let's hope not. :)

Okay, I've had something cold to drink and ate a light dinner. Lunch today was grilled salmon, grilled vegetables (asparagus, spinach, peppers, and onions), sweet potato 'fries', and a small salad, which I thought was very sensible and healthy, and it disproves several persons' opinions that for a vegetarian I don't eat vegetables. I just don't eat as many as I should, which is sad, because I love vegetables. But I tend to let them spoil in the fridge (there's salad makings that seem to be okay in there right now, but they have been there two weeks), canned ones aren't as good for you (but I do eat those), and often our cafeteria vegetables are either fried or wilt on the heat tables by the time I go to lunch. But I am making a concerted effort to eat more of them. And the salmon was very good today, as were the vegetables.

I usually check the news about this time, but frankly, I'm a little tired. I am not going on to bed, however. Really. Maybe a shower would pep me up....

This evening (aka 'After')

Neater

Messier

Obviously, I decided to celebrate the first day of Spring with a haircut.  I haven't decided whether I like it or not; but my, it's been hacked off. There are lots of layers, especially in the back. This was after sitting out in the sun for about 20 minutes and being blown, and just combing it into place. It should be easy to care for. My hair was getting in the way of everything from getting stuck on the silicone case for my phone, to being caught in car doors. Plus, I was getting hot, and with fine, thin hair (that's getting thinner every year), the long hair doesn't have much body. We'll see how this is after I put some thickener in it and blow dry, but the nice thing is that it isn't necessary.

This morning (aka 'Before')

Long, and getting in the way of everything

Productive

Today was my last half-day of work, so I:

1. Went to an appointment with my optometrist. Because of the data entry work, we are going with multifocal contact lenses and gradated bifocal glasses (I don't care about lines in terms of vanity, but the no-line ones are supposed to be better for dealing with the different distances of book, computer, and driving than simple bifocals). I'm using my insurance for the glasses, and paying for the contact lenses through my flexible spending account. I had to have new glasses--my last pair broke at the hinge and I'm using a very old backup pair that I can barely read through (thank goodness I'm not driving today; I left the old glasses on after they did the dilation and even with the little bendy shades they give you, could barely make my way around as a pedestrian.) I got Transitions again on my lenses, so with the insurance that came to $211 (it was $445, whew!) The lady took my old glasses and will try to repair them as a backup for around the house (the temples won't match). I have the trial pair of multifocal contacts now; the glasses should be in withing 7-10 business days. I have an appointment in the morning a week from now to check and make sure the contacts work for me, and if so, I'll order the new ones then.
   
2. Got my hair cut, a bob right at the nape of the neck/chin length.
   
3. Caught a bus downtown to the main public library, which had a book on hold for me. I asked the lady at the desk (they've totally changed the circulation area with the new self-checkouts) if there was any way to route the other hold to Eagle Creek (I'd forgotten to designate it as my home library, so it defaulted to Central). She was able to and also changed my default to Eagle Creek. Still, I'm glad I went down there. The sidewalks around downtown are being worked on all over so it's a bit of a pain, but the library looked nice and they had a version of Horse Mania, with foals decorated by schoolchildren. A full-sized encore of Horse Mania (the original was in 2000) is being produced for unveiling as of tomorrow in advance of the World Equestrian Games, which will be hosted by Lexington. Anyway, several of the foals were in the library and were well done. Plus there's the Foucault pendulum to enjoy. So it was fun.
   

Must admit I'm a bit tired. I've come home, eaten, and I'm tempted to take a nap, although it's a bit late for one.