I haven't followed this too closely, but...

Okay, I can't imagine liking his music, even though I must admit I haven't heard it, so I can't say that for sure (I'm not much into rap, except maybe if you count Linkin Park-style, where you've got some nice melody intertwined with the rhythm, and I've been told that's not rap, in which case I like it very much), but Puerto Rico is American, and people who say otherwise are idiots. Many non-US acts have also performed at the Super Bowl.

It's just a music act anyway. Not some reason that has to get all political and crazy. It's just a musical act at a football game, meant to be fun. Really, folks, this is why we can't have nice things. If people would stop losing their shit over the small things and just be a little kinder to one another, the world would be a better place.

This is a great video for one of my favourite songs from my favourite Linkin Park album

It's 'Burning in the Skies' from A Thousand Suns. RIP Chester Bennington. It's hard to believe it's been six years since you died.

I'm so glad they found this on an old hard drive

and released it. It was originally supposed to be on Linkin Park's Meteora album, but didn't make the cut.  Now they've released it, including Chester Bennington's vocals, for its 20th anniversary.

Not your typical Friday night

Our plans were put on hold tonight so I listened to music, trying out some new headphones I have, and for whatever reason, I started listening to a lot of older Linkin Park, mainly the albums Metora and Hybrid Theory.  I remembered that Chester Bennington's death had been around this time of the year, and I checked, it was the 20th of July 2017. Hard to believe it's been four years.  It's a shame; he was very talented, and had a beautiful voice (when he was singing, as opposed to the occasional screaming, but you could never say he didn't put emotion into his work).  That's what first appealed to me about them--Mike Shinoda's speaking and Chester Bennington singing, their voices intertwining.  I think it was 'In the End' that I first heard them.  There's a dark aspect to their music, emotional, raw, and full of depression and hurt.  I spent so much of my early life feeling exactly those things--I was clinically depressed from much of my childhood and teens all through my 30s.  I felt trapped in circumstances in my early life, then wound up going from that to an emotionally abusive marriage where I walked on eggshells for a six-year relationship that culminated in my wedding and then finally getting my voice and leaving six months into the fiasco that was.  Then there were years of trying to rebuild my life, or rather build it, because I'd always been a mirror of what people wanted me to be, rather than my own person. And once I stopped doing that, I was much happier.  So you can see why their music appeals.  (It's also why I like Simon & Garfunkel and Ed Sheeran, who often sing songs that are beautiful and light musically, but really quite depressive if you look at the lyrics.  Simon & Garfunkel have suicide through several songs, and Ed Sheeran sings about drugs, prostitution, miscarriages, and all sorts of 'negative' things, but in a way that makes him sound happy.)  Somehow I get all those.  Linkin Park is a rawer kind of music, where the music itself expresses the pain, not just the lyrics.

I don't know why, even though I'm not in that place any more, I still feel comfort in this sort of music.  Most people feel depressed listening to that sort of music.  I feel more alive.  It reminds me of the demons I've conquered.  There are plenty I'm still working on, as it's a daily struggle with my brain to keep on an even keel.  Thankfully I have a good support system, a friend of over 30 years (the same one who helped me get out of that awful marriage) who still asks me hard questions I can't dodge that cuts down on lies I might tell myself, and then I can't tell you how different my life is with the right medicine.  My brain chemistry hates me, and while I sometimes wish that wasn't so, I know I need help, and there's no shame in that.  My roommate is very astute at sensing changes in my mood, and helping with my anxiety, which without medication would be crippling.

I know that's a fairly heavy post.  Sorry about that, I didn't mean to go all dark on you.  It's one reason I try to keep things upbeat here, because of that tendency. I'm feeling actually pretty decent tonight. It was a good week, I got a lot done, I feel good about myself.  But it did make me reflect on how far I've come.  If you told me at age 20 that I'd have connexions to so many people who make my life better, I'd think you were crazy. I was so alone for so long.  Thanks for being there.  You know who you all are.

RIP Chester Bennington

You probably wouldn't think it by looking at me, a middle-aged librarian without a single tattoo and only one simple piercing in each ear, but I like Linkin Park a lot, something any of you who have read this blog for awhile probably know, though. I don't care so much for the screaming songs, but I do like the ones that blend Chester Bennington's and Mike Shinoda's vocals, particularly. I have several of their albums (my favourite is A Thousand Suns). The following just feature Chester Bennington, which maybe is fitting, given their subject matter and the fact that he was found this morning, having apparently committed suicide by hanging. His friend Chris Cornell had recently died, also believed to be a suicide, and he was found on what would have been his friend's birthday. Requiescat in pace.

So sad.

Using my eyes to read is a little painful

So I listened to chapter 19 of 'The Cave and the Light: Plato and Aristotle and the Struggle for the Soul of Western Civilization'  by Arthur Herman (the one on Gallileo), and then followed that up by listening to Meteora by Linkin Park (right now it's 'Breaking the Habit'), an odd combination,  I admit. One's very cerebral,  one's pure emotion. They both have their place.

Odd

You wouldn't think I would fine Linkin Park's Meteora to be relaxing music before bedtime, but that's exactly what I'm doing. I couldn't actually sleep to it, but I do find it takes some of the tension out, even cleanses my emotions a bit. Weird.

I have been extremely productive over the past two days, both at work and outside it. Yesterday I moved the better part of 800 books, many of them twice, as I integrated the newer books into my collection, which had become crowded early in the classification scheme (which is odd, as most of what I get are WE, WS, and WY (musculoskeletal, pediatric, and nursing, respectively, in the National Library of Medicine classification system). I evened things out and got everything put in properly, with just a few oversized books to work left at end of day. I also entered a lot of data entry sheets, as Friday had been a large day in clinic for that day of the week and Monday was busy, too.

After work on Monday I took a friend to a 5:45 appointment, then helped him with some things around the house. I also went to the library and picked up an interlibrary loan for him and a book for me. Between all the book moving and all, I was pretty tired yesterday evening when I did get home and I relaxed with some music and went on to bed.

The odd thing was my back didn't hurt at all, even with all the moving and walking I've done. Maybe it's feeling better, and more activity should help.

This morning I moved a bunch of children's books from one cart to the smaller one so that I could take that to the clinic when it's not insanely busy over there (which it was, today). I also packaged up and prepared some book cards and pockets to be sent to other libraries that could use them. I catalogued the last three books of my collection, from the order I made in July (they'd been on backorder). I had just enough labels, pockets, cards, etc. to process them. I had to use laminating sheets cut to fit rather than label protectors. But hey, I got it taken care of. I took the lobby magazines to their p;ace and shelved the new journals in the library. The library itself is looking neat and nice. Tomorrow I'd like to move the bound journals down so I can finally get some old Journal of Bone and Joint Surgery issues in their proper place. That might actually take a couple of days.

I did a lot on referrals today, and did a lot of charge entry sheets and the operating room reconciliation. I also sent a message to the therapist I'm trying to get in to see, since when I call I tend to get the answering service (real people), and I don't want to keep playing phone tag with them in the middle.

After work I went over to YKWIA's and helped him with a few things, watched a play called Dark of the Moon that his grandmother had taken him to as a child that was very interesting, and then I went to the store and got some groceries he needed. Now I'm home, I've taken my nightly meds, gotten ready for bed, and will turn in soon, because I have to get over to his house at 6:30 in the morning in order to make sure he's awake and ready before a 9 am appointment. Then it's back to work and hopefully lots of productivity again.

I've been feeling well the last couple days, and a little less anxious, despite the fact that this morning two cars nearly collided in front of me, and the first thing I did upon getting to the office was to accidentally dump out my meds from their reminder box, and I had to figure out which bin was missing which tablet. :) But my mood stayed steady.

Maybe the hormonal stuff has passed for the month, although I haven't started my period yet and I'm three to four days overdue. Ah, perimenopause.

Okay, the album has ended. I should head on to bed. It's early, but morning comes very early. Good night.

I'm kind of proud of myself

I am normally very un-assertive, to the point where I almost always wind up letting people walk all over me. But I broke today. I was on Reynolds Road trying to cross Nicholasville Road while no less than two people blocked us from proceeding, because they weren't paying attention and realised suddenly that the lane we were in was, indeed, straight ahead and instead of going forward and taking the route through the next shopping centre back to the road in the right direction, the light came and went and they bullied their way into the turn lane. I finally got up with one car in front of me, which had, yes, its turn light on (which may have confused the other two in the first place), and she suddenly realised she wasn't in the turn lane and when the light came in, tried to block everything so she could get into the lane. (Mind you, the lanes are clearly marked on the pavement and above.) Upon which I laid into my horn with everything I had, not a tap, not a long sound, but continuous, until she finally went forward and did exactly what you're told to do in the driving manuals we all had to study--she went across the road, turned into the shopping centre, and went towards the street running by Southpark to get where she needed to go. And we finally got through a light. You're welcome, people behind me. I'm sure the lady thought I was an absolute ass, but really, isn't it terribly egocentric and entitled to think the entire area of traffic will stop and let you do whatever the hell you want because you actually want them to? That's much more asinine in my book. We all make mistakes--decent people roll with them and then correct their error without making everything worse for everybody else. Just saying. I'm usually just anxious and timid when I drive. For once I was calm and assertiveness, and I didn't do it because I was in a hurry, as I wasn't--it was the principle of the thing. YKWIA was proud of me.

Also, I went ahead and excavated the kitchen, and pulled three 13-gallon bags full of recyclables and 2 bags of trash out of there, and took them out. I still need to do a few dishes, fill up the ice cube trays, and do some minor stuff, but I can use my kitchen again. It was the smallest of the really bad rooms (the bathroom has just a little clutter, and isn't bad).

I'm going to celebrate by doing some music listening and maybe, just maybe read. I had the eartips of my glasses modified today so they'll stay on when I look down better. Generally though, my distance and near vision has been remarkably better.

PS Listening to Linkin Park on Amazon music was really good for the purging process earlier. Now I'm just relaxing, so I'm listening to Rob Thomas radio on Pandora.

I'm still here

Listening to: Linkin Park, A Thousand Suns

The weekend was okay, but not nearly long enough, I guess. We got to play the game. I started the notes today, but ran into some trouble with Windows Media Player on my laptop, so I'm going to try to use Groove Music, which is recommended for Windows 10, instead. It just stopped playing, then said there was a trouble with the file, then wouldn't start Media Player at all. Fortunately I still had it on the voice recorder should the file have been corrupted, so I have another copy as a backup.

Yesterday I got a phone call asking what I was doing after work. Apparently YKWIA's coffee maker went out before the first cup of coffee of the day, which is a crisis in that household. So after work we went to Meijer, found a simple yet very efficient coffee maker, and I put everything together and brewed the first cup of coffee. Apparently it has a warming tank for water, and makes the coffee from that, so what your pour in only replenishes what is used. So after I got it all together correctly, I had to put water in it and let it warm up, then could brew the coffee. I had to explain not to turn off the tank switch or unplug the coffee pot (he was somewhat dubious of the safety of this. Keep in mind he's from a family whose family house was so old it didn't originally have that new-fangled electricity in the bedrooms, and it was added later, running lines outside the walls. He also once destroyed a computer by unplugging all the cables to the computer before a storm, even though it was on a surge protector/battery backup, and at the time didn't realise that the VGA monitor cables screw in, so he tore the video part of the motherboard apart. He's always turned off the coffee pot AND unplugged it as a matter of course, so it didn't get accidentally left on, which is quite reasonable, really. But this one is different. I made him a couple of cups of coffee, fully expecting a call in the morning, even though I'd explained briefly how it was different than his last one. Well, apparently today he learned not to put the water in first (closing the lid to the brewer makes the water run on through), got cold water a couple of times, and coffee=coloured water at one point, and I have no idea what he was doing wrong, but he eventually got it right before I got off work. I am not allowed to ask what the problem was. He insists he did read the instructions. But the important thing was as a result, he needed coffee from teh store, and creamer, so I went and got some of that, and he splurged for dinner from McDonald's, too, so we ate. Then I dame on home.

I found out that my endocrinologist appointment is apparently Friday at 7:30 am. I thought it was the 29th, though, so YKWIA had made a fairly urgent appointment with one of his doctor's at 9 am that day. I might be able to make it work, but it will mean getting him up at an ungodly hour and taking him first to my appointment, and then his. Thank goodness for that coffee maker, is all I can say. I'll call tomorrow to make sure the appointment time is correct. I actually spoke to one of the nurses today about whether they had a code to put into the OneTOuch Reveal program, and she was unfamiliar with it (as a professional office, they use a different program entirely) and she said she'd ask the rep when they come in a couple of weeks.

I suspect they're going to have me go down a bit on my insulin. I'm on quite a bit, after all, having gone up on the Lantus slowly until my blood sugars got more normal, but now I'm going low in the morning sometimes, unless I eat a mid-morning snack. I went down to 58 this morning right before lunch, so I ate a piece of bread with peanut butter on it. By the time I normally leave for lunch, it was up to 68, which was still low, so I didn't use any rapid-acting insulin for lunch. I'm also tracking my insulin this week to see if the program will notice patterns. I've taken down the morning long-acting insulin by 5 units; I think it needs to go down at least 5 more, but keep the nightly dose the same, as that affects the morning blood sugar levels, which with me are usually higher (today, uncharacteristically, was only 103 this morning). I am also happy that now that things are more normal than they were (I'm averaging about 129 over the last two weeks, with good control), that the eye doctor's office called, and where I was on the waiting list, they've moved my appointment up to Thursday at 4:45 pm. That's a better time for my blood sugar than the morning appointment I had, and now I won't have to wait until September. So I went ahead and told my bosses of the new appointments and they were fine with it. Thursday and Friday are slower, anyway, and I can come in early tomorrow and Thursday to offset any loss of time.

Today at work I was asked if I had any trouble with the revenue cycle people taking over the referrals, which is really who should be doing them, and with an eye towards transition to the new medical centre, they want to take it off my hands, which is fine with me--it's the least favourite task of my job, to be honest, particularly calling insurance companies to see what a referral entails for their company. I still have the charges to put in and the reconciliation of charges to do. Probably at some point they'll take over the monthly audit; I think that's really supposed to in that area, it's just I was the one who started doing them when they were instituted, so I have been. But since neither my librarian job nor the data entry position are going to the new building, they're having to examine what to do to carry on some of my tasks. The facility charges won't be an issue--that's something only a hospital can charge, and they'll be an ambulatory care centre. I don't know about the cast and procedure charges I put in--they may have to be done by somebody else. And the reconciliation of charges will probably be taken over by surgery, as it is their charges.

I also spoke to the administrator today about items in the library and have a better idea of where we need to go with breaking up the library. I'll take the ideas to the library committee meeting next month. I also have a better idea of the algorithm for disposing of hospital property and the level of services available in the new building (the latter, may be a real issue for them, as they won't be able to get free interlibrary loans unless they come up with some sort of agreement with the folks at the university). I also have an editor interested in a short column on closing a library, so I'm going to write up something on it before January and maybe get it published, too. The last two books of my order came in today, so I'll catalogue them tomorrow, and that will be it. We may be able to break the newer books into appropriate offices (i.e., Green's Hand Surgery to the doctor who specialises in that, the gait analysis books to the motion laboratory, the family resource centre books to care management, etc.) The journals are actually the big issue. I really don't want to have to recycle a lot at the end of everything. I have orthopaedic journals, some of which have very good runs (I have the Journal of Bone and Joint SUrgery back to the early 20th century, as in during World War I, for example. There's also (randomly) an 1832 book on fractures. Really. And I found out that they did find a place for some historical proceedings that had been donated by a former board director, so that's great.

I'm trying to do what I can to lessen the blow of losing the library as much as I can. Considering that when it closes, it will have been in existence for 30 years and was relied upon for information needs, articles, and a host of other things, it will be sad to see it go. And of course, I go with it. :( But I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip on that front, and in the meantime I keep looking for a position. I check my sources every day or so.

Okay, I guess I should wrap this up. Sorry I didn't blog for a couple of days. as life was rather busy. Hope you have a good week.

I wish I could figure out

why my laptop can do a Google search, but refuses to connect to any actual websites? My firewall just got updated; maybe that's it. But it's damn annoying.

I'm still hurting, but taking ibuprofen and sitting rather than walking have kept it bearable--I actually got a lot done today, and I made headway on the referrals. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at 11 am; it was the quickest they could work me in. I hope I just strained something and it'll work itself out soon.

I've been listening to the Linkin Park station on Pandora. There's nothing like alternative metal/nu metal to totally stoke the fire when you're annoyed already. I think I need to switch the station over to Loreena McKennitt or Ella Fitzgerald.

I wish I could stay up some more, but I am hurting, and I took some medicine for it, and while it hasn't kicked in yet in terms of the pain, I'm feeling sleepy. I have to get up early tomorrow, so I think I'll go take my contacts out and go to bed. At least I did get to see 'Heroes Reborn' tonight. They've done an excellent job with it. Tomorrow, as Scarlett said, is another day.

Listening to:

'Castle of Glass' by Linkin Park

Listening to

which is appropriate, given the previous post's subject matter:

I started laughing so hard when

'What I've Done' started playing--they even included Linkin Park in the mix. Michael Bay, in case you didn't know, is best know for the explosive-ridden Transformers movies, which often feature Linkin Park music on the soundtrack. I've never actually seen Up, but I laughed myself silly anyway. Thanks to YKWIA for showing it to me.

Listening to

Linkin Park, 'Lost in the Echo'

Okay, Ed Sheeran's album + tends to help my mood, but I've listened to it a lot since I got it and I'm kind of immune to its initial effects. Ophelia by Natalie Merchant brings up some painful stuff from my past. I think I'm going to go for a certain catharsis with Linkin Park's Living Things. Maybe that will help.

Nothing like

dropping your phone under the chair and trying to retrieve it without running over it with the wheels. That was fun. Thank goodness for the soft gel cover; it made it easier.

I have determined that I am too apt to cry to read any more news stories on the Internet for awhile. Plus, I just listened to Linkin Park's Living Things, which is mostly about betrayal, and it's put me in a reminiscing mood of past relationships. So, I'm going to go try to do something with my hair instead, maybe listen to some happy Loreena McKennitt music, and generally go spend some time away from the computer for a couple of hours. I'll write later.

PS My boss told me today about our holiday dinner at work on the 30th, in case I wanted to go. I really do. It's a Friday. I'll still be off my foot but close to walking again. We'll see. It would be great to see everybody.

Listening to:

A slightly longer version appears on Linkin Park's album A Thousand Suns. I think they did a good job incorporating elements from other videos related to the album as well as those from the Transformers: Dark of the Moon movie, the soundtrack of which has this song featured.

Wish I wasn't as big or they were bigger

Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park, who is Japanese-American, has designed a couple of T-shirts to benefit the people who went through the Japanese Earthquake/Tsunami. One says 'Not Alone' with the colours of the Japanese flag in the letters and the Linkin Park symbol done small to the right. The other has a white origami butterfly on a black t-shirt with the Linkin Park symbol underneath. I particularly like that one. Unfortunately, they only go up to extra-large. I do best in a 2X-3X.

If you're a fan of Linkin Park and would like to donate to Music for Relief, the t-shirts are $25.00. You can view them here.

The following song plays on that page, the exact song that came to my mind when the earthquake and tsunami happened.

Listening to

A Thousand Suns, by Linkin Park, a concept album concerning human fears, including a lot of imagery regarding nuclear holocaust and disasters. This song in particular kind of brought to mind some of the current events going on in the world...



Here's another:

Listening to:

I think most of us would prefer to be remembered fondly for the good things about our personality, the things that were important to us. We'd like to think someone would care at our passing. This song captures that desire perfectly.

When I listen to a song, the music is important, but for me the lyrics are doubly so. It's best if they're married together into a rich harmony. I think the band did an excellent job with the song.

Also, the video is visually interesting, with sets of a starship and the breathtaking views of space--where loneliness would bring forth just those sorts of thoughts, having left behind loved ones, so it tied in well with the song.

Just my opinion. I don't like everything that Linkin Park does, but I like several of their songs. This is one that wasn't familiar to me until just the other day, but it's already one of the ones I'd listen to often.

Okay, I haven't gone to bed yet

I was listening to some music. You know, I've never cared for rap as a general rule. Oddly enough, I like some rap when it is married with melody as well as rhythm. An example of this is Linkin Park. Another is Fort Minor's 'Where'd You Go?', which I really liked when it came out. What I didn't know is both bands have Mike Shinoda in common. Huh. :)

Here's an example of the blend I'm talking about:


Okay, I'm really going to go this time. 'Night. :)