My journey so far...

In November 2021 I was at my highest weight in my life with a BMI of 58.1 kg/m², had just gone into a 4x in women's clothing, and was miserable. My liver specialist had just added another diuretic because despite being on Lasix, my feet and ankles swelled horribly. I lost 20 lbs. of water weight that month. You heard me. 20 lbs just from fluid retention.

In December I got with a weight management doctor at the University of Kentucky. She put me on Ozempic at that time, which helped with my appetite, and while I was somewhat sketchy about when I ate well and didn't, and my weight fluctuated, overall I went down, sitting at the 60 lbs. total loss mark for awhile, going up and down 10 lbs. Last October I had to go off the Ozempic (which I'm actually on because of my diabetes--the weight-loss version is Wegovy), which was impossible to find. I tried _ten_ pharmacies. I was off for a month. My blood sugar soared. She then put me on Mounjaro, a different drug in the same class for diabetes (the weight-loss version is called Kepbound). What I found was that for me, the Mounjaro has been more effective with appetite with fewer side effects. I went down to 60 lbs lighter total.

Anyway, due to being off the meds and the holidays, I wound up soaring back up to the 40-lb loss mark in January. I managed to lose 10 lbs before my surgery in late February. Since then, I am officially 70 lbs lighter than my original high weight, according to the records at my doctor's office last week. That's mainly because I've been eating much better, I was home with my roommate's cooking, and have reduced my use of the vending machines at work, which is a real struggle because I stress eat at work.

So why is this all important? I desperately meed a knee replacement. Not only are imy knee joints bone on bone, my left patella is even shifted completely out of alignment. But understandably, my knee specialist [lthe same orthopaedist who did my rotator cuff surgery] is concerned about my weight. He won't do a surgery if the BMI is above 45, and prefers it to be under 40. My current BMI is 44.15 kg/m²--greatly reduced from what it was, but in the danger zone still.

However, when I did the calculations the other day, I am about 27 lbs from reaching a BMI of 39.9. We think that's doable. So we're starting to talk about doing the surgeries and I got a pamphlet on what to expect from them at my request. I am excited about the possibilty of reduced pain and greater mobility. Also, if I can do that, I will have officially lost over 100 lbs and have a total BMI reduction of 18.2 kg/m². It obviously won't happen tomorrow, but that gives me some time to prepare for the surgeries.

It was never about looking good, it is about health, and for that matter losing weight actually ages your face and makes you saggier, but I really want to do these surgeries and be more mobile. I'm only 57, too young to be as decrepit as I am. I've had trouble with my knees since high school. It's time to help them. Oh, and here are the obligatory photos. The first one is from September 2021. The other one is from yesterday. PS Shoutout to Dr. Stephanie Rose [women's health/weight management] of UK and Dr. Janak Talwalkar [orthopaedic surgeon] of Baptist. They've both helped me tremendously.

PS Both of those shirts are 3X, and the pants on the second picture are 3X. 70 lbs and I'm still in that size for the most part. Women's clothes are weird. But I was going into 4X and I think I'll be able to transition to 2X soon...I have one pair of pants already. And of course the shirt is mainly due to my bosom. :)  

[Update: I gave blood today and got a shirt for donating. They didn't have any in size 3X, so I took a 2X because I figured I might be able to wear it in the future. When I got home, I tried it on. I won't say that the line is perfect in terms of the cloth's drape, but I can wear it, and it's comfortable, even if it shows my belly roll a bit. I'm a little proud of myself. I could be doing better in my eating, but I'm apparently doing some things well.]

Just had a meal

of home-made bread (my contribution, courtesy of my Panasonic bread machine) and lovely tilapia in white wine, onions, and herbs (YKWIA made that, except I chopped the onion).  It was incredibly good, a good meal for Shabbas, and very satisfying all in all.  We each had a third of the pound of fish and split the last third, and each had a couple of helpings of thinly-sliced bread (he did the slicing--I'm only now getting the hang of using a bread knife on a loaf).  Now my stomach is happy and I'm getting sleepy.  I think the kitty wants to cuddle; he's on my bed.

Did I mention that I weighed myself before and after I was ill, and I've lost about 10 lbs this week?  I'm sure some of that will come back, but at the moment I'm thirty-two pounds down from my highest weight. It's all of this home-cooked, wonderful food.  Yay!

So it's been a difficult few days

Lots of stress, lots of little things, lots of running around, lots of phone calls. I won't go into all of it, but suffice to say most of it it financial, and things should get better in the next few days, and in the meantime I'm moving heaven and earth trying not to overdraw my bank account.

And, although the game was very good Sunday, and it was a particularly difficult adventure that the game master really had to rework, I lost a character. Now most of you who roleplay do short bouts of adventures, with a dungeon crawl here, or a single story, and then things happen and sometimes your character gets killed, and you roll up another and go on. But when you play an ongoing story, in which the characters take on life, for nearly twenty-six years, you get a little attached to them, and it kind of bums you out for a day or two. In all the time I've been playing Call of Cthulhu, I've lost three characters. One was stomped on by Shub-Niggurath and became toe-jam, just two months after she had a baby. The second was a guy who sacrificed himself in Antarctica to save the world (and a beloved non-player character), and I felt very good about that one, really, and hadn't been playing him very long at all. This one I've played for about 5-7 years; she had a baby 10 months ago in game time, and was killed by being cooked from the inside out when she missed her saving throw by none other than Nyarlathotep himself. I suppose I should be honoured by the fact that I've had characters killed mainly by major manifestations, but it still hurts. Also, the woman's husband had to be killed because he was turning into a Cthulhoid thing (and he was already a necromancer), just mere hours before her death. So the child is an orphan, though fortunately the family curse was thwarted, and he will not be doomed for all time.

You've got to love Lovecraftian roleplaying.

On the good side, I had no less than three characters on this adventure, and one was my very first character--the one I've been playing for 26 years or so--the one who usually survives by going insane, getting pregnant--she actually spent two game years inside Yog-Sothoth. If that's not devotion to avoiding death and mayhem, I don't know what is.

In this one adventure--'The Burning Stars'--we had seven characters (two for Brenda, three for me, and two non-player characters). Two went insane, two died, one barely survived having her heart squeezed by a spell by Nyarlathotep, and one was left standing to hike back into Port-au-Prince (we were in Haiti) to find help. That was the one who'd been around all these years, and she had an interesting discussion with Nyarly (as we call him) where she was basically tired and mourning and wasn't up to being terribly afraid of him. Of course, she should be.

So I was down a little yesterday, kind of glum, actually. Today I feel better. Of course, I also had my rehab today and did lots of exercise, worked harder than I had, did my breathing exercises, and wound up pushing myself into the beginning of an asthma attack, so I had to use my inhaler. But things are improving on that front. I'm still holding at about 7 lbs short of where I was a month ago and 16 lbs short of my all-time high. So it's helping with that, as well.

Okay, I think I will go do some things around the house. I need to call in the air conditioner and our bimonthly pest control visit is Thursday, and those dishes aren't going to wash themselves (more's the pity).

Drat!

I did a major no-no for someone with diabetes--I walked out onto our porch to water the windowboxes and apparently stepped on something incredibly small, like a sliver of glass or something else sharp. It's on my big toe, and I can't find anything in order to pull it out, so every time I step, it hurts. Not good. At least it's a fairly minor annoyance, and hopefully won't get infected or anything. I need to remember to at the very least wear my sandals (although those aren't ideal either, but I love letting my toes 'breathe'). I'm technically supposed to wear something inside, too. My feet have always gotten hot very easily (I hated footed pyjamas as a child, and wandered to find cooler areas as a result).

Today I'm thinking of a young girl half a world a way, the daughter of a Facebook friend, who has a terrible degenerative genetic illness and is having a lot of trouble the last few days. Here's hoping things get better for her and her family.

I've been on Facebook for at least an hour, catching up on my newsfeed. I was sorry to hear Doris Roberts died. I loved her even back when 'Angie' was on. And I found a Passover parody of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' that I'm a little afraid to watch. :)

It's a little late to start tonight, but I'm thinking that the game notes shouldn't take long at all this week. I'll try to do them before Saturday for a change.

What I think I will do is a little reading, especially a couple of books I have on intuitive eating. I'd put that on hold, and while, granted, I went a couple of days without my Lasix, which may mean I may have some extra water weight on me, I weighed myself this morning and topped out at my highest weight ever, 307.2 lbs. That scares me. I don't feel healthy at this weight, and I want to be healthier, but it'll probably mean some major lifestyle changes--exercising, ditching processed food for the most part, being mindful in my eating, and drinking water as my drink of choice, rather than diet drinks. Dieting itself doesn't work for me. I'm fine during the structured part of my day, then binge later in the day when I'm home, because I feel deprived of the food, which I eat emotionally. I need to make peace with food, finally.

Okay, search engines can never replace a trained librarian, but

I love to be able to Google anything and normally find something to help me with my question. For example, I weighed myself this morning, and decided to see how different it was between morning and evening. But somehow my scale got set to kg when I pulled it out from its place this evening. I didn't see anything, tried resetting it by taking the battery out, and when that didn't work, went to Google. Apparently there's a switch that's on there but it's the type you depress to toggle the unit of measure on the back, and I'd accidentally managed to depress that. I turned the scale on (you step a foot on the scale to do that), depressed the switch, which does blend in with the rest of the underside, and I had pounds rather than kilograms again. And oh, by the way, even though I'm not having swollen ankles like I did when it was hot, I'd gained 8 lbs in water weight over the course of the day, which is why I don't consider it significant until about 15 lbs. Yesterday, I weighed myself with clothes and shoes on (I don't normally do that), and it was 10 lbs higher than this morning.

Speaking of fairy godmothers....

I'm not sure where this originated, but yes, this is how I feel sometimes:

Happy April!

It is 73 degrees, sunny, with a light wind. I have arrived home to sunlight streaming in the windows, which I have opened. I've also watered the plants (which will hopefully not turn over due to the wind--the sheers are going in pretty far and the wind chimes on the inside of my windows are chiming).

Today went pretty smoothly. Things were a little slow, but I had enough work to keep me busy, but still keeping ahead of things. It's Spring Break for our local school district, so some of the doctors are off this week, and the schedule isn't quite as heavy as usual. So it was a bit laid-back and pleasant at work.

I wore my new dress and got lots of compliments. I must confess, for someone who never really got the 'girl handbook', I do occasionally like dressing up in something pretty and feminine. I get compliments when I wear makeup, too, but that I only trot out for certain occasions or the rare moments when I really feel like wearing it. I usually just use a bit of moisturiser in the morning, and untinted at that, with occasional use of lip balm as needed. I don't do tanning or lying out in the sun; I'm too fair for it to really tan and too fair to risk skin cancer, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, my legs are lily white and while my face, neck, and arms get a bit ruddy in the summer just from light exposure to the sun, it's not worth it to me to try to tan. But as a result, I think I have better skin than people who do that, at least once they reach their mid-thirties and older. I just wish I were a little paler and could do something about the ruddiness. For example, something along what Felicia Day or Rose McGowan have in skin tone. But I've got a somewhat ruddy Irish complexion which looks worse when exposed to sun--my poor ancestors in Ireland and Britain were used to mainly rainy or overcast skies, I expect. I have one co-worker in particular who comments almost every day out of concern that my face is ruddy. I guess she's worried my blood pressure is high, or I don't look well. But my face really is just ruddy--sometimes worse than others. I once read about a teenage boy who had some condition that caused frequent blushing, who was so embarrassed about the constant comments that he killed himself, which was vary sad. I guess he was tired of having something he was embarrassed by consistently pointed out to him. I kind of understand. One of these days I really should tell her it bothers me when she tells me. I know she's just concerned. It doesn't help.

Still, it seems no matter what a person has, they're never satisfied. People with straight hair perm, people with curly hair straighten. They colour their hair, especially as they age to something fitting their ideal, even if it clashes with their skin. I always wanted red hair and green eyes. I have reddish highlights with brown hair (where there isn't a silver-grey, these days) and greenish-hazel-but-mostly-brown eyes. :) It's kind of a mossy brown, not the lovely green I thought was cool when I was young. And when I was a kid I really envied my black classmates, who could have their hair done in all sorts of elaborate braids with pretty bands. My hair would barely stay in a pony tail. I didn't figure out how to braid it (as in the 'Little House on the Prairie' style) until I was in junior high, and it's so baby fine it won't hold curl more than about 30 minutes, unless I sleep on rollers and put a lot of stuff in my hair, and then it's maybe an hour. But it goes both ways. A friend of mine has a little girl who has the lovely braids, but kept touching a little girl's hair in kindergarten because she was fascinated with it being blonde.

At least I'm not insecure about things like breasts and hips, etc., although, of course, I would like to be a more normal size, for health more than looks. But I spent a lot of time getting to this size because in my mind it would make me less attractive and invisible to people. Someone once tried to date me, and I gained 70 lbs after giving them the 'it's not you, it's me' speech. Yeah, I know, that's a bit psycho. But there you go. At least I know that's part of the problem. Fixing it is a bit of a problem for me, unfortunately.

Okay, I think I'm going to stretch out under the fan and listen to some music for awhile, then get back up and do some spring cleaning. Hope you have a good night if I don't write more. And here's to Spring finally springing!

There was no game yesterday

as I was in a lot of pain and wasn't feeling well in general, and pretty much stayed in bed except for a brief foray or two for food and water and then finally the season finale of 'Witches of East End'. The only good thing about yesterday is that I got to read for a bit and actually finished a book I'd borrowed from a co-worker, a light mystery.

Today I managed to go to work and also did a bit of errand-running afterwards. I won't say I was incredibly productive, but I got things accomplished that needed to be done, even though I was a bit out of it and just not doing well. I don't really have the money to go to the doctor, and the last time I had this problem, they weren't particularly helpful anyway, either the specialist or physical therapy I was sent to. It just had to resolve on its own. I had a friend suggest and Ace wrap, which wasn't a bad idea but in reality I couldn't stand to have anything on my elbow for more than a few minutes. I did put some heat on it, and that helped. But I got to thinking, and it occurred to me that even though it had been diagnosed as tendonitis before, and that there was certainly some of that, it really felt like nerve pain, like when I had sciatica, just in my shoulder and elbow area. So I looked at my pharmacoepia of various prescriptions and found just a few gabapentin (Neurontin) left, which had be prescribed for neuropathy, but I'd felt my feet weren't really giving me problems and never went back to refill them. But it had gotten me through the sciatica. Gabapentin helps with nerve pain. So I took some ibuprofen to help with the anti-inflammatory aspect, took a gabapentin, and propped my arm up so it was in a position that was mostly comfortable, and went to sleep. That was about 9 pm. I woke up just a little while ago, and while my shoulder and elbow hurt somewhat, it's not nearly as sharp a pain as it was before. I think I found the answer. It seems like my nerves in that area were irritated somehow. I have enough to get me through a few days as prescribed. So we'll try that.

Speaking of medicine, I went to get a couple of crucial meds today (one if I go off of it, I have to ease back up to therapeutic levels slowly, or risk having my skin slough off; I try not to go off it), both for my bipolar disorder. I didn't have the money for anything else. I'm good on my insulin, but I was out of nearly everything else, including the two diabetes meds that are helping so much. People ask me why I use an independent pharmacy that is literally on the other side of town from where I live. They wonder why I don't just use a big chain, which would be more convenient. Well, there are two women in that pharmacy that I see regularly, I know by name, and they provide a personal level of service that chains can't. We were talking about the tendonitis and not going to the doctor because of the expense. I don't get paid until after Christmas, and I was about to give them most of the money I did have for those two meds, leaving me about $7 to last till the 26th for gas, etc. I signed for my meds and then the tech gave me my prescriptions and my cash, and told me she could put them on hold so that I could pay after Christmas. At that point the pharmacist asked if I were out of anything else. I told her, and the tech said she had them ready, and the pharmacist told her just to give me the rest and have me pay later. I felt very blessed. Now I have a little money for food and gas and might actually make it down to Danville around Christmas.

One other bit of good news. I weighed myself and I've dropped from 306 to 289 lbs since I changed CPAP machines. That's been in about a month and a half. Yay! Also, I finished breaking in the shoes and orthoses I got at the doctor's office the other day and they are definitely more comfortable than the ones I had. I think I could actually enjoy walking in these. Maybe I'll try to go to the Y sometime this week. They're doing some remodelling, so I'll have to work around that. But that could help me lose some more weight. I'd probably just walk on the treadmill and maybe go into the water--nothing to really do with my arms at the moment. I don't want to make the whole arm thing worse, especially as it is my dominant arm.

Okay, I should probably go back to bed. Good night.

I have spent a lot of the last 48 hours in doctor's appointments

Yesterday I went to the endocrinologist. She wants me to lose 30 lbs. I weigh more than I ever have, at 305 lbs, but some of that is water weight due to insulin's tendency to kind of swell you up, she said. She put me on two medications, one of which I had never heard of. It's only been on the market since March of 2013. Both tend to help with losing weight. One makes you more sensitive to insulin, and the other helps clear the glucose out of your blood and kidneys. Ideally, as I lose weight, I should be able to dial back on the insulin. Wish me luck.

Today I was at our family doctor with a friend for three and a half hours. The plan had been to get to work about noon and work a half day. I got there at 2:15. But I managed to do everything I needed to in a small amount of time, even though it was a bit hectic for awhile. Then I went to the pharmacy and got my medication (they had ordered them yesterday, as they weren't in their inventory) and over to my friends' house for a bit. We were both tired from the day at the doctor. So I went home a little before dark. Then I texted with another friend for awhile, and got up on the bed with the idea of lying there for only half an hour or so and then getting up and watching something on DVD or Netflix. Turns out I went straight to sleep, and woke up just now, at about 2:30 am. I finally gave my libation (it's a bit late) and ate a little cheese.

Tomorrow there's getting my rent, the farmer's market, the grocery, and a run to Lowe's, plus watching the last two episodes of season 2 of 'H2O: Just Add Water'. Also there are game notes to do. And I've asked to do laundry at my friends' house. It will be easier on my back than doing it here. And I need to finish assignment three for that PubMed class. So tomorrow will be fairly busy. This whole week has been extremely busy; I've gotten a lot accomplished, at least.

Okay, I think I'm going to go to back to bed. Have a good night.

It occurred to me

that I only had one pair of shorts, and they were denim, and some decent stretchy shorts might be a good thing if I'm planning to go work out (I hate sweatpants as a general rule, and get over-heated in them, unless it's very cold). So...after a trip to Gabriel Brothers, I have three pairs, one black, one grey, and one purple (of course). So, yay. I did call over to Good Foods to see if they had yoga mats still, with no real success, and there used to be some in the natural foods of my Kroger, but alas, no more. I'll take a towel to a class or two and if they don't laugh me out of the place, then I'll just happily use my towel, and if they do, then I'll think about getting a proper mat. I think they're frankly overrated, but I am by no means a yoga expert. I did fine without one in my living room for years, although of course, that was carpeted. We'll see. And there's always Amazon, which I'm sure has plenty of yoga mats and exercise balls as well, some of which are built for my weight. There are a couple of classes I'm interested in that are taught at times I can go: one is a just a basic yoga class, which includes beginners (I have done yoga, but it was in my own house to videos of Rodney Yee), and one called yin yoga, which is all done on the floor and involves stretching the back and pelvis/hips--the two areas giving me fits at the moment. There is an actual introduction to yoga that is good for people with limited mobility, but it's during the day. Apparently the classes that are for the people who are more limited physically are all taught in the daytime because you're assumed to be retired or disabled and not working, which I think is a little unfair. There are plenty of people who could benefit from those classes who work 9-5 or so.

So while the back is doing better, the area around my foot and ankle is now throbbing. I'm going to take this gym thing very slowly, I think, and listen to my joints and muscles. I'll also talk to my doctor on Thursday about my back and weight issues. One of my co-workers suggested a drug that has had some success in combination with another medicine that is supposed to help 'jump-start' weight loss. I'm familiar with the drug she mentioned (she couldn't remember the other it was in combination with). It's an antiseizure medicine called Topomax. I will check it out and ask about it if it looks decent, but I know there's no miracle pill out there. But maybe something to reduce my appetite would be good, if there aren't horrendous side effects. Unfortunately, having just glanced at things, I'm not certain it would be good for me: I already take a similar drug for another condition and also have ocular hypertension that is monitored every six months; topiramate/Topomax can cause a form of glaucoma, which I might be at a higher risk for due to my high eye pressure. So I'm thinking no. But it was good to look into.

It was so nice to sleep in today

I wound up getting up at nine, and I'm normally already at work by then. I'm dressed and ready to go over to Brandon's and pick them up, but that's in another hour, so I thought I'd pay some bills and do some other stuff online. It's sunny and is in the low 40s for temps, so it's shaping up to be a pretty nice day.

Today, being the first of April, and a Monday, and the day before my birthday, I am going to try to start keeping track of things like eating, exercise, blood sugar, medication, etc., with more zeal and see if I can lose weight. I have finally made it over the cliff of 300, after much dancing up to it, and I want to try to lose 50 lbs in a year. It would be great to eventually lose more, but I'm going to work on that as my goal. I have the tools I need on my phone--I just need to work at keeping track and doing much better with my eating and medicine. So wish me luck.

Okay, time to go pick Brandon and the kids up. Have a great Monday.

Who on earth ever thought those accordion-style closet doors were a good thing?

And why did they put them in just about every residential building built in the 1970s? It seems to me that I've been fighting to keep them on track my whole life. I just spent several minutes fighting to get my bathroom one back on track after a bunch of toilet tissue fell off the top shelf and on to it. (I'm short, and was having trouble getting the tissue back up without incident.) Usually they come off on one side or the other. This time it was both, and simply from admittedly several rolls of paper with hollow centres hitting it. It was much harder to put back than it was to get off track. But I suppose that's the way of life.

Part of the problem was that I only was half-awake. I went back to the bedroom to take a nap earlier, because I was tired after working and am still on the last stages of my cold, but couldn't really relax. My back and abdomen are both hurting, and suddenly I put that together with some other symptoms and realised I most likely have a urinary tract infection, so I need to see about getting in to the doctor this week. I feel like an idiot for not putting two and two together sooner. Granted, I may be wrong, but I'd say there's an 85% chance I'm right. I did finally manage to relax enough to sleep for awhile, but I thought I'd get up for awhile. Then the dreaded TP in the closet incident happened.

One good thing is that I weighed myself today and I am almost seven pounds under what I was a week ago, and twelve pounds under what I was at midweek (my period factors into that, but still I lost actual poundage, not just water weight). I'm now the lowest I've been in a good long while, even lower by a pound than I was right after the ankle injury. Yay! Now if I can just keep going down rather than up. I've been precariously within a few ounces of my highest weight this week as well.

Gamers, I hope you remembered that today, in honour of Gary Gygax (a co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons, who died on this date five years ago), is National Game Master's Day. I did. My game master got an Amazon gift card with which he can get a book. I used to give him certificates to our local gaming store, the Rusty Scabbard, but they haven't been as great about ordering the material he follows as they used to be, and special orders have often gone by the wayside since Eric left. So I think he's given up and gone to Amazon. See, it's not always that they're bigger. A lot of it has to do with timeliness and customer service. But in general I would urge you to support your local independent gaming shop if you have one. And by that I mean a place that has roleplaying books and tabletop games, not a Game Stop or similar thing. :)

I found out from Twitter that several of the Schoolhouse Rock (which I have all of on VHS--I'm such a grammar/history/math/science geek) and Bill Nye the Science Guy clips, among other things, were up under Disney Education's channel. I found this gem, which is neither, but will have special significance to a couple of friends of mine. It explains the origin of blue oxen. :)



Thanks to Mignon Fogerty (@GrammarGirl on Twitter), whose re-tweet of a link to 'Conjunction Junction' got me there.

Jell-O can give you perspective

This morning it was orange Jell-O for breakfast, with a spoon, obeying all safety precautions, and it all got where it was supposed to be this time. Sometimes life gives you a recheck on your perspective. A couple of weeks ago I was worried about tons of meaningless things; now I'm just focusing on getting better.

I need to call my family doctor on Monday to ask about adjusting my insulin. My glucose is running much lower than normal--not dangerously so, but normal, just not normal for me, so for now I've halved my medicine and am monitoring it closely, adjusting as it seems fit, but making sure I don't go too low. Once I'm well, I need to remember to eat one or two small things every two hours rather than actual meals, because this seems to be working to keep my blood sugar on track. For example, breakfast was a Jell-O cup and a trail mix bar. Lunch may be a serving of vegetarian chili and probably not even crackers. That sort of thing. I can tell I've lost more weight, but not how much. I wouldn't recommend it as a weight-loss approach, but there might be some good that comes out of all this.

Good for her!!!

TV anchor responds to bully's weight critique on air

TV news anchor Jennifer Livingston took a hurtful e-mail attacking her personally due to her weight and made it a teachable moment about how we are all responsible for being models of behaviour to children to prevent bullying.

The Cthulhu game was called early today

so I got home about 7:30 pm, and immediately laid down. I'd been up since 4:30 am, cleaned house, gorged myself on healthy snacks (veggies, almonds, and string cheese, grapes, although as usual I had too much of the latter two. I'm up very briefly because I woke up in pain (it was time for my foot medicine and also my long-acting insulin, so I got up and took those, got a little water, and tested my blood sugar, which was actually quite good. I had taken my other long-acting insulin shot at the bus stop early this morning, taken the short-acting throughout the day, and also took several supplements I've had around the house that are supposed to help with sugar metabolism and diabetes. Since the insulin alone isn't quite doing it, and my doctor seems to think that we should push it up every few months and that's sufficient, I thought this might be an alternative, although I'm a) going to tell him I'm taking them and b) keep a very close eye on my blood sugar. The supplements are things like: cinnamon, fenugreek, alpha liproic acid, B12, and CoQ10. I got them last year but never regularly took them (some are very large). I'm not a big supplement fan--I think some it of it hooey and others just pass through the system. But these are either designed to disintegrate or are powder inside thing glycerine capsules. The plan is to eat the cinnamon with yoghurt and take everything else, at least for a few days, and see if that helps.

What has been helping is my vitamin D supplement. My energy has been much better since he upped my dose. I'm on 50,000 IUs a week now, after a week of it daily. That I do for six more weeks, and then go back to my regular 1,000 IUs a day. But I'm not just coming home and collapsing out of abnormal fatigue like I was.

Even so, things came too early for me to be particularly productive in the newly-found free time. I'm going back to bed and getting up early to do some chores before work (or at least that's the idea). Hopefully the pain reliever I took and the foot medicine will help with the aching and pain I've got going.

I've dealt with chronic pain every since my knees started bothering me in high school. Then in my twenties I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (or as my friends facaetiously call it, fibrous migraines). I have osteoarthritis in several areas. So I can't say I've been pain free for much of my life. But you learn to deal, of course. But it's getting worse as I've gotten older, and my weight is by no means helping. I know my joints and feet would feel so much better if I lost weight. I've been eating healthier for some time now, but if anything I've gained (a side effect of the insulin, unfortunately), and that's been frustrating. Exercise may be the best thing I can put into the mix, although I hate to say it, it has to be the right kind of exercise that doesn't hurt too much, so walking, which is ideal normally may be out. The pool is closing after next weekend, and I never seemed to really feel like getting in, no matter how much I like water. I think it's really because I'm embarrassed by my weight. So I guess the exercise bike is my best bet, although even my knees protest that. But they're just going to have to get over it to eventually feel better. I've tried to make small changes and make them habit, and I've done pretty well, but the exercise thing has been a void. That's going to have to change. I'm going to have to change.

A compelling look at why we're fat

Why the Campaign to Stop America's Obesity Crisis Keeps Failing: The nation’s most powerful anti-obesity groups are teaming up for a new HBO documentary—but it pushes the same tired advice. Gary Taubes on the research they're ignoring.

One of my co-workers clued me in on this story from our issue of Newsweek in the library. None of it is anything I haven't heard before--but it is largely ignored by those trying to solve the obesity epidemic. Taubes definitely has a point. It makes sense to ask ourselves 1) what has changed in our diet since the obesity epidemic really started taking off and 2) why fat people during the depression were fat, even though everyone was struggling for food. He points out that the effects of sugars on our endocrine systems is relevant, and that it isn't just a calories in vs. calories out sort of thing. We are still just beginning to understand the human endocrine system, in my opinion, in terms of the subtleties involved. He also talks about how much exercise is really required to substantially help with weight.

It really is a no-brainer that part of the problem is that sugary/starchy food is extremely cheap and plentiful, whereas healthier food such as fresh vegetables and whole, unprocessed foods, is more expensive. That's one reason there is a socioeconomic contrast in terms of obesity as well.

I know what foods I should consume, but I often fall back on convenience or cost, and that may be more costly in the long run. A friend of mine has told me for years I need to start cooking, and has been teaching me how to. I'm trying to get more fresh food and less quick stuff, but I do often fall back on the easy road to food. I know in my own case there's a certain amount of laziness when it comes to food. It takes real effort to actually make the changes that lead to a healthier life.

Nor is it all about weight. There are plenty of people who are active and overweight. I think we get a little hung up on weight these days. My size is of concern. A person who's active, eats well, and is 20 lbs overweight I'm not sure is such a big issue. I know plenty of people I would not consider overweight who constantly worry about their weight and try diets. I think it's more important to make healthy choices in general rather than focus on a number of pounds.

That's my take on things, anyway.

So glad I'm home

I had one of those days at work that fly by, leaving you wondering if you actually accomplished anything, even though you stayed busy. In other words, I guess it was a typical Monday. But three things made me sad/bothered me today:

1. I did my weekly weigh-in and I weigh more than I ever have. I haven't broken the 300 lb mark but I'm very close at 297.
   
2. A chief of staff emeritus, who was very instrumental in creating the library in the first place, asked if the exploratory committee that is looking into moving the hospital had incorporated the library into their plans. I had to tell him that although I'm not 100% sure about the collection, my position is not going, and I'm assuming the library itself will not be either. He was sympathetic and more than a little disappointed, I think.
   
3. Given these two things, I decided to clear by head by taking a walk during my break around the parking lot. My, how sad. I walked only a half a mile in 13 minutes. My feet bothered me, but the real kicker was my lower back, which was awful. I averaged 2 1/2 miles an hour, although I started out a bit too strong at 4 1/2 (but that was downhill). After I came back in, I had some water and a V-8, but my head really bothered me. And I had to use my inhaler. So in other words I'm a total fitness wreck. I've never been in shape, really, but I've never been this out of shape, either. But I guess you have to start somewhere.
   

On the way home, I was really craving some fresh veggies, so I made an impromptu stop at the store only to miss the bus by seconds, and the next one wasn't for another hour, so I walked home, heavily laden. I got home just as the next bus was pulling out of the station, but probably about 30 minutes earlier than I would have otherwise.

So, all that plus being up from 6 am till 1 am yesterday (I cleaned my friends' house, we went to get mulch, we went to Kroger, and then we played until 11 pm or so, and then I talked on the phone with the game master till one in the morning as part of our weekly debriefing, if you will) means I'm very tired. I have things to do, but I'm going to lie down for just a bit to stretch out my back, with a pillow under my knees to help. The plan is not to go to sleep, but let's face it, I probably will. But with any luck I can get up and get things done a little later. We'll see. Carrying laundry is not going to help my back, I know, but some at least has to be done tonight or early tomorrow morning. And there's that book review, and I really don't want to put it off. For now, though, I'm going to take some ibuprofen and my foot medicine and prop myself up on pillows to try to get a little more comfortable.

Up a little early to do an errand before work

I'm kind of stiff today, probably due to that dog fight yesterday. I had to break them up with a lot of force, had to run around pretty quickly to make sure they didn't kill each other or hurt me, and I had an asthma attack afterwards. I sure wouldn't be up to dealing with kids on a daily basis, that's for sure. They're just as quick and occasionally about as vicious. [I'm kidding. Mostly. I've was bullied as a child--I know they can be pretty cruel).

Anyway, it just underscores that I'm out of shape and obese, although I lost about 8 pounds in a week and a half. I'll weigh again today to see if I gained it back or lost any more. I don't get too excited unless it's over 10 lbs, since my weight fluctuates within that range pretty easily.

Well, I guess I need to finish getting ready. Have a great start to your week.

Well, I knew that, but I find it interesting that the bias affects women but not men

Those extra pounds can hurt you at work, ladies: Overweight women earn less, get passed over for jobs, says new study

Packing a few extra pounds can hurt a woman's salary and even her ability to get a job, mounting research shows. Yet while women tend to get penalized by the pound, men don't, and perhaps they even gain from girth.

I have not lost one ounce

It was down to a fraction of a pound the same as last Thursday when I weighed today. Sigh. Oh, well, count it as a slow start, I suppose.

The bone density scan was a piece of cake. While I was at the breast centre I made an appointment for Valentine's Day for a mammogramme. My AFLAC cancer policy will kick in by that time. I'll also need to make a GYN appointment sometime in February as well. Last time I went they told me I didn't need to get a pap smear every year since I'd never had an unusual one. They said every couple of years or so would be fine. It's been three, so I need to go in.

Today was okay. The lack of boot was nice in some ways and bad in others. I'm going to try to get it fixed tomorrow.

Tomorrow we're supposed to have 3-5 inches of snow and then the temps are going to plummet on Friday. Joy. I am so sick of winter weather, but still, as long as it isn't ice...