Another beautiful poem, one anyone who has loved a dog will appreciate

I was listening to the audiobook version of Silas House's 'All These Ghosts', which is a new book of collected poems. It is narrated by the author. When he came to this poem, his voice nearly broke, and I cried. I think you can tell why and where. It's a beautiful volume of poems. I bought both the book and the audiobook. Hearing the poems in his own voice, in his accent, is worth it as well.

[Photo is of my own beloved dog, Cerys, now gone so many years, almost 20. But she lives on in my heart as if it were yesterday, my Cer-Bear 1991-2007]

For You Who Have Loved Old Dogs

Old Andy is a big dog, black as a
night sky in the most lonesome winter months.
He is fat even though he doesn't eat
much these days. His man is one of the best
folks I know. They were hiking deep in the
high mountains when good Andy's back legs stopped
their work. The old dog folded himself down
on the path, his eyes lighting on his mani's
to apologize. My friend carried him
nearly a mile, this great sprawl of blessed
animal, who must have lain in his arms
both thankful and ashamed. They collapsed
together at the end of the steep trail,
holding on to each other, exhausted.

I'm thankful for you who take care of old
dogs. I'm glad you have one another when
you need a friend the most, that you've had times
of stillness, watching the world, that you know
the grace of silence together. I thank
the infinite eternity and the
God of my understanding for people
like you, who carry them when they need you.

Three times now I've held an old dog
in my arms as they left me. Three times
I felt their heartbeats fade away on my palm,
witnessing a shooting star become
more darkness. The end. All lost and gone.

I've grieved for each of them just as much as
I have for people I've loved. I've carried
the sweet sorrow with me, a heft I wish
I did not have to bear but one that I
will always cherish now. The burden
of my empty arms is the greatest weight.

Silas House. All These Ghosts. Durham: Blair, 2025, p. 59.

Okay

The ROMTech rep came mostly without a hitch [although she did accidentally bring another bike], with the excption of the escape artist dog, who managed to get through a mostly closed door (which goes in, so in theory, barricaded them in), plus a dog gate, just as she was coming through the door to greet her, but fortunately she was nonplussed by him, as he is very friendly and I kept him from jumping up more than the one attempt. She reset the program, and we talked a bit, and then she left. The nice thing is that now I don't have to get on the bike again until Friday.

I'd already made coffee and fed the animals, made my bed,  made my to-do list, gotten dressed, etc. I was hurting a bit, so I took my morning meds, including the Tylenol. I've already attempted to wake my roommate once, but it looks like I'll have to do it again. We need to do some bills before I go tomorrow. I need to do some laundry today: my clothes, my bedclothes, and anything he might have. I have PT as well. I'll need to water the plants. I didn't manage to do that last time, and they languished another week and a half while I recovered to the point I could. I need to get the walker out to a more accessible place. I called about a debt, and I need to update that file and print it for my friend so he has all the necessary contact numbers and information in case anything happens to me. Again, just being practical. Then that'll be done.

I'm feeling pretty rested. I'm not experiencing many tics. I don't feel very anxious, as confirmed by my watch. I think I've got this.

Feeling good

Week four, and my incision is finally to the point where I can wear pants that aren't super wide. These are a little big on me now, but they used to be so form-fitting that the only way I could get them off was to peel them off wrong side out. 😅 I think they're 22s and I wear an 18/20 now. Mostly. You know how women's sizes go. They may even be a 24. I didn't look. I can still wear them as long as I don't overload the pockets. But I was a 30/32, so that is a big change. But I'm trying to wear pants instead of shorts now just in case a dog forgets him/herself and gets up on me. They don't want any open wounds for surgery in case of infection, especially near the surgical site. The dogs have been really good, the closest was yesterday one got onto the bed with me when my roommate left my barrier down (my door has reached that time of the year when it won't stay closed on its own, so we use a dog gate, and he pushed his way in, because he loves me and my bed). Actually, the cat has been the closest to getting me, as when he's hungry he does these little bites, and he almost got my ankle the other day. Still, I'm just being careful, keeping an eye out, and wearing pants till surgery, even the skinny ones, except on PT days, which I only have one more before surgery.

Awww...

 Got this off a post from Beautiful Disaster Animal Rescue on Facebook:

Jimmy Stewart loved dogs, and he and his wife Gloria had several throughout their long-time marriage. Stewart was especially fond of his golden retriever Beau, who would sleep in a corner of the bedroom at night, but would sometimes sneak onto the bed and lie between Stewart and Gloria. According to Stewart, "I know that I should have pushed him off the bed, but I didn't. He was up there because he wanted me to pat his head, so that's what I would do. Somehow, my touching his hair made him happier, and just the feeling of him laying against me helped me sleep better."

When Beau became terminally ill and had to be euthanized, Stewart sat in his car, following the procedure, for ten minutes to clear his eyes of tears. He later recalled, "After he died there were a lot of nights when I was certain that I could feel him get into bed beside me and I would reach out and pat his head. The feeling was so real that I wrote a poem about it and about how much it hurt to realize that he wasn't going to be there anymore."

The poem, titled Beau, was first recited on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson in 1981. As you will hear in his poem, Beau (like all his dogs) was not good at things like 'sit', 'stay' and 'come'. Stewart said, "The difference between 'trained OK' and 'trained perfectly' doesn't really matter all that much to me.... I suppose the truth is that I'd rather have a happy dog than a trained one."

The poem starts out with humor and ends with sadness - with both Stewart and Carson trying their best to hold back tears.

===

He never came to me when I would call
Unless I had a tennis ball,
Or he felt like it,
But mostly he didn't come at all.

When he was young
He never learned to heel
Or sit or stay,
He did things his way.
Discipline was not his bag
But when you were with him things sure didn't drag.

He'd dig up a rosebush just to spite me,
And when I'd grab him, he'd turn and bite me.
He bit lots of folks from day to day,
The delivery boy was his favorite prey.
The gas man wouldn't read our meter,
He said we owned a real man-eater.

He set the house on fire
But the story's long to tell.
Suffice to say that he survived
And the house survived as well.

And on evening walks, and Gloria took him,
He was always first out the door.
The Old One and I brought up the rear
Because our bones were sore.

He'd charge up the street with Mom hanging on,
What a beautiful pair they were!
And if it was still light and the tourists were out,
They created a bit of a stir.

But every once in a while, he'd stop in his tracks
And with a frown on his face look around.
It was just to make sure that the Old One was there
To follow him where he was bound.

We're early-to-bedders in our house - I guess I'm the first to retire.
And as I'd leave the room he'd look at me
And get up from his place by the fire.
He knew where the tennis balls were upstairs,
And I'd give him one for a while.
And he'd push it under the bed with his nose
And I'd dig it out with a smile.
But before very long he'd tire of the ball
And he'd be asleep in his corner in no time at all.

And there were nights when I'd feel him climb up on our bed
And lie between us,
And I'd pat his head.
And there were nights when I'd feel his stare
And I'd wake up and he'd be sitting there
And I'd reach out to stroke his hair.
And sometimes I'd feel him sigh and I think I know the reason why.

He'd wake up at night
And he would have this fear
Of the dark, of life, of lots of things,
And he'd be glad to have me near.

And now he's dead.
And there are nights when I think I feel him
Climb up on our bed and lie between us,
And I'd pat his head.
And there are nights when I think I feel that stare
And I reach out my hand to stroke his hair,
And he's not there.

Oh, how I wish that wasn't so,
I'll always love a dog named Beau.

Oh, my heart. I already liked Jimmy Stewart. I like him even better now.

Twenty-one and twenty-two

Citations: 

21. Nubs: The True Story of a Mutt, a Marine, & a Miracle by Major Brian Dennis, Mary Netherly, and Kirby Larson. Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, 2009, 70 pp. ISBN:  978-0316053181.

22. Watercolour Lessons: How to Paint and Unwind with Tutorials by Emma Lefebvre. Coral Gables, FL: Pear Tree Press, 2022, 256 pp. ISBN: 978-1684810079.

My goal for this year is 36 books. I got behind over the summer, so I'm only at 61%. I need to step up my game. I've got one I'm about a third of the way through but I don't know if I'll finish it; it's rather slowly-paced, plus three I'd like to go ahead and read or re-read that are fiction, and one non-fiction guide.

So, here those are:

1. What the River Knows by Isabel Ibañez (this is the slow one)

2. Flying Too High by Kerry Greenwood

3. Re-reading Storm Front by Jim Butcher

4. Re-reading The Atrocity Archives by Charles Stross

and also a non-fiction one:

5. Knee Replacement Surgery: A Patient's Guide Before, During, & After by  Chris Easton

A co-worker who used to live in Hawai'i brought this story to my attention

It's so heart wrenching.

Parents find remains of teen son hugging dead dog in Maui home destroyed by wildfire

The other day

I commented to my friend that his dog comes around on my right and sits for her food when I feed her, so I put it down on her left. He said of course, per etiquette you always serve from the left, so he taught the dog to do it.

Please think first about securing pets--and skipping fireworks

The Lexington Humane Society shared this sad but important story from the Bowling Green/Warren County Humane Society on Facebook. Please put your pets up during the upcoming holiday. And rather than fireworks, celebrate the Fourth of July by donating to a shelter. Fireworks are over in minutes, but go on all night (and other ones too) with pets assailed by large, scary sounds. And like Moose, many get out and run at the sound, sometimes to be found, often not. This family found Moose, but it was too late.

"Hi friends. As some of you know, my name is Moose. It was around this time last year that my mom and dad went to hang out with their friends one Sunday night. They knew how much I loved playing outside, so they let me and my brothers stay outside in the fenced-in yard while they were gone because we were cool big boys like that. We were having the best time running and playing with each other. My mom would probably croak if she knew how many holes we dug. I was definitely going to blame that on my brothers though. As we were outside, we started to hear these loud booms, and loud noises usually didn’t bother me because I’m a cool pup like that. I thought they would stop, but they didn’t. I kept hearing the booms and saw big flashing lights in the sky. That started to really scare me. That was different than the other loud noises I had heard before. I couldn’t seem to get away from them so I jumped over our fence and took off running. I kept running but when I looked up after the booms had stopped, I didn’t know where I was. I tried for 7 days to find my way back home as my mom and dad and so many kind people looked for me. After so many days of trying to find my way back home, I got so tired and I just couldn’t go any longer. I laid down and went to sleep. When I woke up, I had crossed the rainbow bridge. It was the prettiest place I had ever seen. There were so many other dogs there for me to play with. I can still see my mom and dad and all the people that loved me, just from a different angle now. I really wish those booms didn’t scare me. If they hadn’t, I would still be there playing with my new human brother. He would have loved me, because who didn’t? I just wanted to remind you guys that fireworks (I think that’s what Mom called them) are really cool to you guys, but very scary for us. Please keep that in mind and keep your furry, 4-legged babies inside as much as you can for the next few weeks. When the booms are gone, they can go outside and play as much as they want. If you promise to watch over your furry friends down there, I promise to watch over them from up here. Love and miss you guys.

-Moose

“Most of y’all remember my baby Moose. We had him since he was 5 days old. We bottle-fed him and he immediately became a crucial part of my family. He was the best snuggler and best brother to our other pups. He was so loyal and committed to protecting and loving his family hard, including his newborn human brother. We miss Moose terribly and it still seems so unfair. I still blame myself for thinking it was okay to leave him outside because loud noises didn’t bother him. Never in a million years would I have ever have thought we would lose him so soon. We came home one night and he was gone. We found him a week later in a field, and the only way we could identify him was by his collar which had his name tag and his microchip tag on it. I would give anything to go back and redo that night. I will never leave my dogs outside during this time of year ever again. Please trust me, and keep your sweet babies inside during these weeks and use a leash while taking them out to potty, even if they have never needed one before. I don’t want anyone to go through what we went through. We will never be able to thank you all enough for helping us look for our sweet Moose. We love you guys.”

-Maddie, Moose’s Mom

Thank you for reading this small part of Moose and Maddie's story. They're very special to us and when we asked Maddie to share this story, she said that it was hard to write and share, but if it prevented even one other pet and pet parent from going through this, it will be so worth it. Please share this post, keep your animals inside as much as you can these next few weeks, and take them out on a leash. We'll share some additional tips this afternoon to help you keep your pets safe during this time. ❤

Okay

So I didn't quite get to the shower part today, although I got a lot of rest. We're down to one lightbulb of six or seven in the bathroom and I wanted to make sure I had light and my roommate was around in case I fell.

But...despite sink baths, I haven't really felt clean since I showered five days ago.  Now the puppy just smelled me all over like, 'hey, you smell like garbage, can I roll in you?'  I am definitely taking a shower first thing in the morning after my roommate and I are both up!  I hope the chair fits, as this shower is a bit narrow.

Another one...

it does help if you can understand a Scottish accent, unlike my roommate, who gets about every three words, mainly the first and last of a phrases

This is hilarious

This is adorable...

I feel awful

This is not how I wanted to ring in the new year--not at all. My chest cold has moved into my head, which is a little odd, as it usually goes the other way. I got up and took my medicine after a bad night of being up and down, so I'll probably just head back to bed after I drink something. On top of everything else, I was in bed last night when the kitten, who usually goes for succulents, decided to nibble on my bamboo. So he got summarily removed from the room and the door is closed right now. He loves the succulents, the juicy, thicker, probably sweeter leaves. He pulled a Hawthornia up like a bonbon out of its little pot, and I found it yesterday by accident and put it back down in the soil to see if it will root again, even though it's been a little nibbled on the outer leaves. I don't hold much hope for it, but still. The only plant in the house that is questionable as far as being toxic to cats is his favourite, the aloe, which doesn't appear to hurt him but can cause mild vomiting in cats. All the others are safe, and the toxic plants went to our pharmacy. He's denuded most of my red velvet Echevarria. I'm hoping it comes back. But it is frustrating. He was no doubt weaned a little early because he's a very orally fixated cat, and he loves to put fingers and just about everything else in his mouth. But for the most part, fortunately, he's leaving other plants alone, including the orchids. I have two of those blooming right now and then three others have put up flower spikes, so soon I'll have almost half (I have twelve, between what was at work and what was at home), one Oncidium and eleven Phalaenopsis species. The Hawthornia plants are each in two tiny pots in the same pot with a Phalaenopsis, and I'd been having trouble watering it in a corner, so I moved it out and that's when the kitten pounced upon. But he didn't hurt the orchid.

Here's what's blooming at the moment:



By the way, here are some links you might find interesting related to this post. The first is an article on types of orchids used as houseplants:

20 Types of Orchids to Use as Houseplants

The others I keep as a bookmark on my Chrome browser (both on the computer and the phone, in case I'm plant shopping and need to know if a plant is safe. It is the ASPCA's guide to Toxic and Non-Toxic Plants List -- Cats. There is another one for Toxic and Non-Toxic Plants List -- Dogs I also have. But they also have one for horses. It's very good, explaining the effect of each and including those that are good and bad for pets. For example, I loved my shamrocks, which are not true shamrocks and are actually Oxalis, and I had them in the library for years, and then at home at the apartment. But they can cause kidney damage in cats. So they can't be here, as there are two cats, an older one that doesn't really bother plants and the kitten, who is about 9 months old and is into everything. So off to the pharmacy they went. They're looking a little sad there, but they've had a good run. I need to tell them the window's too bright for them.

Alright, I'm going back to bed for a while. Here's hoping that medicine kicks in.

Hahaha

The folks that mow the yard apparently came. At some point, the downspout of the gutter got run over by them and was in the yard but someone thoughtfully put it on the back porch (although they did forget to latch the gate properly, something I always check when I let the dog out). Fast forward to when I let her out after her supper and she's done her business and I go to let her in, and I ask her to sit and she does, right on top of the cold, crushed metal spout, and she jumps about three feet in the air, startled. I so wish I'd gotten a video of it when her butt connected. The look on her face was priceless.

One last kitten update for the night

So the dog has been so anxious since the older dog, her little friend, died two and a half months ago. Since the kitten came out of hiding she has gone through the gate into the yard by herself, eaten normally, and generally seemed to be quite a bit calmer. So she apparently has a security kitten. He even curled up with her on the bed briefly, and she seemed okay with that. The cat is still hissing. He came in to be with me but the kitten came in so he hissed and ran away. Now the kitten is chasing him around the house. He wants to play. The cat will come around, eventually, of course. Good night!

So I'm going to mash three Facebook posts together for one here

From yesterday:

It's been an eventful evening. We went to the local pound, found out they were closed, but that many of the animals up for adoption had been moved for an event to PetSmart, including the kitten my friend had his eye on. Went to PetSmart, started the adoption process when two women who were workers of either the society or the store were attacked by an over-excited, overstimulated dog and had to be taken to the hospital. [One was trying not to go, but my friend convinced her to do so, as she was bleeding more than she realised and it was her thigh.]

They shut down everything to deal with the crisis, but because he'd started the adoption, my friend was allowed to take the kitten home. What we have discovered is that the kitten is a master at hiding, and actually vanished while we were both looking at him, and is now nowhere to be found. So we now have a ninja cat with vanishing or teleportation powers in the house. Here's hoping that the women will be okay, the dog isn't just put down, as he apparently has never shown any aggression and it was really noisy and just got him overwrought, I think. Here's hoping that the kitten reappears. He's a little wary of the dog in our home, who hasn't seemed to really notice him yet; she just wants my friend to let her on the bed, and she's not supposed to be on it except at bedtime. Meanwhile, the cat has hissed and hidden a little, too, and I'm not sure he's really thrilled by the interloper. But hopefully, everyone will warm up to each other. Meanwhile, while the dog and cat I have been living with do not bother my allergies so much, I have discovered PetSmart, with the concentration of animals, made me regret not having my inhaler with me. But I did okay. It was just a weird night, and I like I said, I hope the ladies are okay. I didn't actually witness it, just the scene right before and after, but my friend gave a witness statement. All the workers were obviously rattled by the whole thing, understandably.

Then:

It's good that I have an appointment next week, as I have parking at work. Turns out nearly all of the plants in this window--no, all of them, are toxic to cats. The adult cat has never bothered them. We're not sure how the kitten will deal with them. So I'll put them all outside for now and take them to work next week...fortunately African violets, orchids, and Christmas cacti are all safe, so there will still be plants in the house.

And then:

Apparently the hiding place of choice is under and behind an antique marble washstand. We turned out the lights to go to bed and a tiny meow or two issued forth. I guess the dark scared him. He's only about ten weeks old.

Flash forward to now. I haven't seen him this morning. My friend said he cuddled with him, slept on the bed, didn't even seem to mind the dog and vice versa (she's been trained to keep her distance by the other cat, although she forgets, so she has little scars on her nose from their training sessions), and then this morning the big cat came in the room and the kitten moved quickly off the bed and has been hidden since, although my friend heard a couple of meows later. We're reasonably certain he's still in the bedroom, and the big cat is on my bed in the other room. We're hoping he comes out to eat and use the litterbox soon. We could tell he was a little shy in the cage at the store, but he also ate well and played with the other cats and snuggled up with them, too. It's just the big cat doesn't know what to make of the interloper, and the little cat is aware that he's not being welcomed with open paws just now, anyway. :)

PS There are approximately 4,000 books in this house and various antiques and cubbyholes to hide in. I suspect it will be a long week.

I think

This is the longest break I've taken from blogging in a while. I've mostly been working and getting a handle on the new job, and I think I'm settling in pretty well.

Also, I've started physical therapy for the sciatica/myofacial pain, which consists of deep massage and loosening the tense muscles and tissue, which is pretty painful at the time, but it is lessening the pain I'm feeling the rest of the time. I'm lucky that they have late appointments, plus my schedule was adjusted a half hour earlier on arrival and departure from work, so that helps, too.

The dog is still full of anxiety. She only feels relaxed and safe with YKWIA and Brenda - not me. He was here all weekend but went over to help our friend who has cancer today, and when he got back she was just shaking. She needs a companion (the cat does not count; he just acts out and beats her up when he's ready to eat). But neither of us can afford to adopt another dog from the pound just yet. I hope she gets better at being alone.

I guess that's how my life is going right now.

Progress

The big dog is out in the yard, as first, she sat, now she's lying down. It's progress. Since the other dog died on Sunday, she has been looking for her little friend, even leaving the bed at night to go lie by the front door and wait for her. She's always needed her little friend to go out into the yard with. They used to run out like children, spilling into the grass together, even though little dog was 14 and had to take chondroitin to keep up with her. This one's grieving, as is the cat, who after all, has had little dog around all his life.

Meanwhile, the oppressive heat that means I felt like melting and dying over July 4th has ended.  I actually woke up with a blanket on that I'd pulled up, for the first time in days or even weeks. We are waiting for the air conditioning repair company to call us back concerning a part.  But I think it's okay that we won't get it fixed this weekend, anyway.

YKWIA is soothing the cat, who looked like his tummy might be upset.

I should get a shower, as I need to go by the pharmacy before they close and take him to meet someone/drop something off, and the pharmacy closes at 1 pm, but it'll probably be a couple of hours before he's had his coffee, etc.,  and gets ready.  It takes awhile for him to get going.

Right now I just want to enjoy the pleasantness that is inside the house, though. :) Less than 72 degrees!

Very sad day

One of the dogs had to be put down today. The whole thing was sudden and traumatic.  But we  couldn't let her suffer. I miss her so much already. I was lying in bed feeling sad and the cat came and laid on my arm and purred. I think he's sad, too. He and the other dog keep looking for her.

I'm rarely home without YKWIA

But he decided he wanted to do some things for our friend alone and just needed me to take him there, so I came home.  I've got several chores to do today, so it made sense.  I made a quick stop for cereal at the store (I needed some and I was one point away from 40 cents off a gallon of gas, and I need to get some when I pick him up).  He's going to call the house phone when he's ready, so no headphones while I work.  So I brought my little boom box out from my room and I'm playing Pandora through my phone on the auxiliary setting.  The dogs were angrily barking when I got back; they hate being left alone completely.  So I've let them out and back again, I am eating some of the cereal, and I'm listening to the music (the 3 Doors Down channel, which I've listened to for a couple of days and liked almost every song played).  I took a shower earlier, which was great, as I hadn't had one yesterday or the day before (I usually skip a day at the most and usually shower every day or my hair looks horrible, even though daily cleansing can be drying to the skin).  The bread cooled before we left, so I put it in its container to keep fresh.

So what do I need to do today?

• Laundry
• Pack up the winter clothes and put away the spring and summer ones, then take the winter ones to storage
• Cat boxes
• Clean bathroom
• Sweep and mop tile
• Put away dishes and load dishwasher
• Do the plastic dishes/hand washable ones
• Finish backing up the computer (I've mostly gotten it backed up but had to leave in the middle)
• Make my bed (the cat was on it earlier, on the blankets--he claimed the bed when it was first delivered about a month before I came to live here

I took out the trash and recyclables yesterday, although there are a few more to go out, and I forgot the wine bottle where we had a whole bottle go into soup the other day.  I think there's just my laundry to do, maybe a little of his, but no bedding this time, hopefully.

Okay, I should start working.  Hope you're having a good Sunday. I wish there were three days to each weekend--I need a day between Saturday and Sunday just to relax.  But it's been a nice weekend so far, really.