Unshelved by Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum
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Friday, September 26, 2003

Beautiful music

listening to: 'Love Song' by The Cure; 'Old Ways' by Loreena McKinnitt; 'Cat's in the Cradle' by Harry Chapin
feeling: Yes!

Three great songs one right after the other. One thing about Launch Yahoo! is it learns your musical taste, so most of what you listen to is either stuff you like or similar.

I heard the Cure song on the radio earlier, and for the life of me couldn't blank on the name of the song or the artist (hey, I've felt crappy today, give me a break) and when I tried to put the chorus into various lyrics search engines, I came up with either nothing or too many hits, mainly because I've heard it wrong all these years. So...it was driving me crazy. I'm so glad Yahoo! played it. :)

I love 'Old Ways'. It's a beautiful song, as is much of Loreena McKinnitt's work. I first heard it--and this version is from that--on a CD I have, Live in Paris & Toronto. It's got a very ethereal quality, a song of loss, and (because music always affects me emotionally) I always cry, particularly for that version. You see, that CD is one that the proceeds go to a charity, the Cook-Rees Fund, begun by McKinnitt and others after losing loved ones who were killed on a sailing trip, including her fiance. The charity raises money to get rescue equipment in that area of Canada. And I always feel, in a way, that the song is for her lost love.

The last song, by Harry Chapin, was always one of my favourites as a child. I think I was drawn to it because of the estrangement I felt with my own father. I feel the same way about Genesis' 'No Son of Mine' (how I felt from my father) and Tori Amos' Winter (what I wanted from my father). I know, I sound like I was a depressed kid. I was. I didn't realise it, then, though. But my two favourite songs, the ones I identified most with, were 'Shadows' by Simon and Garfunkel and 'Shilo' by Neil Diamond. Suffice to say I was a very lonely child. When you move every couple of years, it's hard to form bonds. And I grew up in a family where the three of us were all wrapped up in our separate worlds. My mom and I did bond, mainly driving together, singing to the radio, talking, etc. But at home, we all did our own things. I asked my mom about the one time I can remember us all together outside the house when we weren't moving. It was a government surplus sale out in California. That's it. My dad once took me home to my grandparents' instead of my mom because she'd had some oral surgery. But usually if we drove back to Kentucky from wherever we were living, it was just her and me. We never had vacations, really. We visited family. But I never knew that was different, because I really didn't have anything to compare it to. My dad did take me to see Empire Strikes Back but I think that was mainly because he wanted to go. We never saw Star Wars when it came out. My dad just never seemed to relate well with a kid. I can never make up my mind whether he was just a total ass or if he was just a screwed-up person trying to get past a dysfunctional family, too. I think it's a little of both.

My mom, I think, wanted to go to places, even though she had some of the same social anxiety issues I do. Right after I graduated from high school, she took me to my first circus. She told me recently that some of her favourite times were the places we went to when I was in the Gifted & Talented programme down in Louisiana. We went to see a Sousa operetta, to museums, etc. She needed to go to places like that, too, but for whatever reason, we didn't outside of the school trips, and unfortunately we moved two months after I started the programme.

It's funny how the disappointments of childhood sometimes haunt you. But the great thing about being an adult is that you can do stuff on your own and not have to rely on anyone else. My biggest problem in terms of going places is lack of transportation. But that'll eventually work out, and I plan to actually go on weekend trips to some of the places I've wanted to see.

And I am excited about the prospect of serving on that library advisory board, not just because of the issues involved, but if I'm selected, that means going to Boston, Washington DC, and San Antonio. Dwana's in Boston right now. The game has made me especially keen to go, but also because I've discovered my earliest immigrant ancestors came to that area on the ship right after the Mayflower. I was originally supposed to go to Washington with that G&T programme, but never got to go because we moved. And here I am, 36, and I've never seen the capitol of our country. So that will be a great experience. As for San Antonio, my uncle and his family live down there, and I want to meet my cousins' kids and spend some time there. I miss travelling. If I ever had a lot of money and fewer responsibilities, I think that's what I would do all the time, so long as I had a place to call home and come to between trips.

Well, I guess that's enough for now. I'm going to wait for 'Everybody Hurts' (R.E.M.) to finish and then head to bed.

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