What a busy couple of days

Saturday I:

1. Was all emotionally screwed up when I got to my friends' house, and more than a little premenstrual
2. Had mermaid therapy with a couple of episodes of 'H2O: Just Add Water' (which did help my mood)
3. Took a friend to the grocery
4. Came home for a nap, which was aborted, which did nothing to help my mood
5. Helped another with cooking, which did help
6. Ate dinner
7. Watched an episode of 'Midsomer Murders' with friends, called 'The Axeman Cometh', where I sympathised with the murderer in this one

Sunday I felt better emotionally, but my neck and back were really bothering me. Despite that, I:

1. Helped with the house cleaning
2. Went to the grocery for game snacks
3. Re-potted a plant
4. Played the game
5. Helped with a project afterwards

I got home about midnight on Saturday and eleven at night on Sunday. So it was a very full weekend. Speaking to YKWIA, who is wise in many things, I really have to come to the conclusion (and not for the first time, but this one might stick), that I go to great lengths not to be alone, and when I do face that prospect--whether it's being alone at home or going out and doing something, I usually curl into a ball and sleep. I even get to the point where I blame others for taking up my time when, in fact, I'm lingering or otherwise making sure I don't have to face myself when I go home by keeping myself busy for others. There's definitely some unknown pathology there. I am considering going back into counseling, perhaps with a psychologist (I never seem to get much benefit from dealing with social workers). Perhaps she or he could help me ferret out the reasons behind this and find coping mechanisms so I can learn to enjoy being alone. I used to. But then I didn't have much choice; I was alone a great deal growing up. We'll see. It is a little odd, and I don't think it's true monophobia or anything like that. But it's affecting my personal life quite a lot. (Of course, professionally, I'm rarely alone.) For one, I didn't finish that class I was in because I could never stay up and focused while at home, even though I had the opportunity. :( So, I really need to address that. I can't enjoy things that I might do like browsing through the vendors at a art fair or festival, or going to a movie, reading a book, or just watching shows at home. About the only thing I can do is listen to music, which was my standby when I broke my ankle and was off on my own for three months. I didn't really manage to read books or watch things then, either. About the only things I can do comfortably when I'm on my own is listen to music and play on the computer. I have to learn to enjoy being by myself again.