but I did have a small yet rather stupendous breakdown, which given the stresses of the past few weeks (the death of a pet, eviction, job hunt, and work issues) was probably overdue. It was triggered by something that seemed minor to others, I'm sure, but was a double-standard, an attempt to play juvenile games, and impacted my honour...so it wasn't minor after all, although I'm not sure if those involved would really understand that. It's a bit late to get into it tonight; I'll write about it soon, I promise. I took a vacation day Thursday but spent most of the day in no fit state to blog, which is in and of itself strange for me. The severity and duration of my reaction (I rarely have sustained emotional issues) tells me that it dredged up other issues that are tied together within my emotional matrix, and I really needed some time to decompress rather than let them sink back into some sort of poisonous morass. I have had two wonderful friends who--even if they don't fully understand--were supportive in different but important ways. Thank you both so much.
Tomorrow there will be fallout at work, since that is where it was triggered and since for once in my life I said exactly what I felt without really worrying about how others would take it. I did so because otherwise I would have only grown resentful and more unhappy, and I no longer believe in sweeping conflict under the rug and putting on a happy face. Oddly enough, I feel somewhat liberated by that, and so tonight, despite the difficulties it may bring tomorrow, I seem to have found some peace. I just hope Dwana doesn't take any fallout as a result, since it involved her department and the group dynamics is such that I could see it happening.
Well, I'll write more later. For now, I'm heading to sleep. Adieu.
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