Hi...

I'm feeling a little blue, which is why I haven't blogged. I've been going like mad over the last six days and I took off today--not from work, but from doing things with friends--to get some things done around the house and just have a break, and I feel guilty about it. I just realised I paid a bill that will get paid but the bank is going to charge me because I went over the amount I should and since I did it over the computer and the utility's office is closed, I couldn't call them up to reduce the amount. I'll try tomorrow but it may be too late. And of course, I don't really have the money to go paying bank fees rather than more important things.

I started feeling out of sorts yesterday. At first I thought it was a delay at getting my Paxil, but not really. I guess it really is starting to hit me that my unemployment is ending soon and I do have a little resentment over the fact that I was cut nine months into 2003 when they're apparently quite a bit under budget, they've hired several 'new' positions, and no one else in the system seems to have had layoffs. I thought getting a break from work would help, but really, it didn't. I just don't feel like anything I do matters anymore. I doubt they'll replace me with an actual librarian--they reduced the requirements from MLS necessary to preferred years ago. No one wants me to leave but they're leaving me very little choice. And I don't really believe in complaining about work in a public medium, but...well, I am disappointed, and it's a big part of my life issues right now. In a way I wish they'd gone ahead and just laid me off entirely, because at least then I would have gotten severance. I dunno, I guess I was doing alright at first because it didn't seem the end of the world. Now I'm starting to get worried. I did miscalculate--my yearly income after the unemployment will be about $13K gross. But that's still too little to live off of, at least if I'm not in school and getting financial aid. I decided not to do that this semester. I'll save it for fall, perhaps, if that linguistics class is taught, but otherwise I want to give myself a chance to immediately start a full-time job if offered.

I've applied for five jobs this week, none of them library positions. They're all clerical--two with UK, three with the state. All would pay less than I should make as a librarian but more than I've made as one. Each looks interesting in it's own way, but to be honest I am at the heart a librarian and I really thrive in a library. I don't know if that would be the case. The state positions (and probably UK) are on hiring freezes anyway, so other than maintaining my quota for the unemployment office, I don't know if applying's going to really help.

I did get a little rest after I came home, then started tackling the house. I have change for laundry but I think I'll do that tomorrow morning when I can see where I'm going. Besides, going down into an unmonitored basement laundry alone at night probably isn't the best, and if I drove down to the laundromat I'd pay twice as much.

Sigh. I know things will get better. I just wish they would soon.