If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section--buy a dog.
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you--buy a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it--buy a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want--buy a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care a thing about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies--buy a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores--buy a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually--buy a dog.
But, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness.
Then my friend, Buy a cat!
(You thought I was talking about men didn't you!)
Actually, given my experience of old maidenhood with animals, men are better sought on their own merits, rather than all those companion comforts that a dog can serve well. Which leaves the main reasons to be with a man are for meaningful conversation and sex (not necessarily at the same time). They're not carrying-boys, remote controls, things to rant at, etc. (although if taller than me I do enjoy occasional help with the top shelf). But I can use a hammer, check my oil, etc. I don't 'need' a man. I just 'want' one. Go figure. :)
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