It usually does not take me long to go to sleep

Five minutes, at the most, really. Last night it took about an hour. Thank you, Microsoft. And I wanted to get up at 6, which would have been a little over four hours of sleep, but my body rebelled and here I am, awake at 8:30. But at least I'm off from work.

So on the agenda today:

1. Finish straightening up the house.
2. Do the dishes.
3. Water the plants, inside and out.
4. Get some medicine from the vet.
5. Take a friend to an appointment.
6. Take books back to the library.
7. Maybe take a swim in the pool?

I (finally) used my frustration last night and powered it into filling up the fish tanks, so they have water. It took till this morning to get the pump on the big tank to pull the water through properly though, and the little one still isn't working like it should. They never ran empty or anything that would destroy the pumps. I changed the filter on the little one and tried to position it right above the water. It's a little persnickety, usually. I'll keep trying. I also filled up the ice cube trays this morning because I am tired of warm water.

Finally, sun!

After a rainy day of going to the vet and to the grocery store, I am home and have put the geraniums back out on the window ledge, where they are soaking up the newly-arrived sunshine. Earlier today, while over at my friends' house, I watched a somewhat contentious episode of 'The Vicar of Dibley', which tried to bring attention to poverty, as well as dealing with Geraldine's 40th birthday, and followed up with 'The Bishop of Dibley', a one-off for charity on Red Nose Day, which put Jim's tendency to stutter out 'no' to good (or rather, bad) use. I mention the poverty episode as being contentious, as apparently some found it either too liberal, some heavy-handed, perhaps violating impartiality rules at the BBC, or just plain annoying. I really do like the show, although the entire village are insane, save perhaps David Horton, and Geraldine herself, but even she has her moments, and they all belong in an episode of 'Midsomer Murders', I think. They would give the police aneurysms.

The plan is to watch 'Salem' today, but when we got back from the grocery, YKWIA was napping and I realised I did not have my medicine, so I just came on home and will go back over later if and when they call me. In the meantime, I think I may have a nap myself, and then maybe work on the living room.

I know it's only 9 pm

but I have to get up early tomorrow and take friends their animals to the vet. So I'm calling it a night. Have a great weekend!

Highlights of today

• Work wsa a bit slow. Tomorrow should be a good day for things I don't normally have time for; a lecture is going on at the hospital, so no clinic or surgeries, hence not much in the way of data entry to do. Perhaps I'll finally get some of those boxes out of the library. I normally take off on this occasion, but simply don't have the personal time to do so this time.
• Picked up my shoes and orthoses from the foot surgeon's office. I am now officially considered healed, being followed up on a yearly basis due to my diabetes, but the ankle/foot injury is officially in the past. Yay! And the new orthoses are soft and cushioned, and I think once I break them in they'll be much better for my feet, especially to start exercising by walking.
• Took a friend and his dog to the vet and got her situated so hopefully she'll be feeling better.
• Watched the second episode of 'Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries'.
• Watched the holiday episode of 'The Big Bang Theory'
• Watched most of The Princess and the Frog. It was actually better than I expected.

Now I'm home. I'd planned to clean house tonight but spent the evening with my friends instead. Oh, well. Tomorrow is another day. But I didn't take the Icy Hot with me today and I've been in a lot of pain all day, so I think I'm going to go into the bedroom, get comfy with the heating pad (good thing it turns off on its own after awhile), and maybe read for a bit. I've got to get up early and take a friend to work. :) Good night.

So far today

I have:

1. Woken up and gotten ready
2. Gone to the library and picked up not only a hold but a few more books
3. Texted with a friend
4. Taken a friend to the vet
5. Taken a friend to get a newspaper (and he got me brunch of Lean Pockets and bananas :) )
6. Spent some time watching 'The Cosby Show' with friends
7. Eaten two Lean Pocket pretzel-bread spinach and three cheese pockets and a banana
8. Tried to catch a beautiful black long-haired dog that was running loose on my friends' street, without success, unfortunately
9. Come home to my disaster-struck-looking house with the following to do:
   • Game notes (for tomorrow_
   • Taxes (due Monday)
   • A project where I'm evaluating books for a company (due tomorrow)
   • Housework (must be done to preserve sanity)

Then there's 'Doctor Who' and maybe 'Orphan Black' to watch later today. Whew!

Today I received a letter from Dr Vice, the veterinarian

It was very comforting. It reiterated that Cerys appeared to have had a stroke and was unresponsive and unable to eat and that therefore I did the right thing in putting her down. I really like Dr Vice, and that little follow-up detail helps, too. If I ever have another pet (which I'm sure I will, I just don't plan to have one anytime soon), I'll definitely take it to Gainesway Small Animal Clinic, even though it isn't that close to me--it's worth it for the people.

Today's radioplay: 'The Living Doll'

I'm home today

taking some time in light of Cerys' death. I haven't had any real crying fits since we put her to sleep, just tearing up a lot and a feeling of emptiness. I'm glad I took some time. I just woke up a little while ago, after sleeping about 12 hours. I was so tired last night--I just wanted to crawl into a ball and sleep. I guess it was all the emotions her death brought.

Today I need to wash her water bowl and leash (and put the latter and her collar away, I'm keeping them as mementos), pick up the food she wouldn't eat (she had gotten to the point where she'd just overturn a bowl of food, so I fed her on the floor), and give the bathroom a final cleaning where she had so much trouble the other night. My mop head fell apart the other night and I had to finish with paper towels. Now I have a new mophead. I feel like I'm eradicating her presence from the house, but it needs to be done.

I know it will get better with time, but for now I feel a little lost. It's pretty outside and I feel like taking a walk, but my foot prevents that. I might sit outside for awhile. I don't know. I feel like I have all this energy and should be doing something, but on the other hand I just want to sit in bed and pull the covers over my head.

I would like to put in a word for Gainesway Small Animal Clinic and Dr Clark Vice. They were wonderful to me, first with Darius' death, then with Cerys' appointments and eventual death. They kept her very comfortable as opposed to my last vet, who took advantage of my grief to run up a huge bill with one cat and charged me for another's euthanasia even though I had been a client for years. I would highly recommend them. And if I ever have another pet, I'll go back to them.

I have the appointment

It's for 5 pm today. There's no charge for euthanasia of clients. She'll be surrounded by her family and I got Dr Vice, who's been so good with her. But, man, this is going to be so hard to let her go. But it's best for her, I know.

Cerys isn't faring any better

I took her to the game today so I could keep an eye on her. She paced for two solid hours before finally laying down and she just looked so squashed. I let her stay outside for much of the day to get some fresh air and plenty of space. The other dogs didn't know what to make of her. One considers Cerys her 'special little friend' because they're both basically the same size. But even she was slow to approach her today. I think they sensed death is close. Once they did go near her, they were very gentle with her and didn't try to play or bowl her over. It took a long time to get her back to the car, and of course I had to lift her in and out. I have to lift her so she stands up, too, once she is down. She hasn't eaten since Friday, and she's only defecated once, and that showed she was pretty constipated. I think things are shutting down. I'm going to check with the vet tomorrow and see how much it is to have her put down. I hope to get an appointment tomorrow afternoon, after our store meeting. And then I'll probably be good for nothing for awhile. She's been such a good companion for sixteen years. It's hard to imagine life without her. The house will be so empty, especially as she is the last of my pets.

I think it's time

to put Cerys down. Last night I came in and she was in the bathroom on the floor and couldn't get up. She'd knocked water out of her water dish and urinated and defecated on the floor, and was lying in it shivering. I picked her up and put her on a blanket and cleaned her and everything else up as best as I could (she is very sensitive to touch these days, and she didn't seem to recognise me). I put some more water and some food next to her and decided to leave her there for awhile and see if she could get up on her own. She'd stopped shivering and didn't seem to be in any pain.

A couple of hours later she did stand up, although she yelped and needed help standing. Once she was up, she was a little shaky, but was able to go outside slowly on the leash. A couple of hours later I took her out again. Again, she was shaky but able to go. She didn't seem to recognise her surroundings at all. She'd sniff and just keep her nose down to the ground like she'd forgot what she was doing. She doesn't seem to have anything broken from a fall. I think she may have had a ministroke. She is drinking but hasn't really eaten anything. She also had some discharge when she urinated outside. Tonight she seems sleepy but comfortable, still not recognising anything. She did perk up when I said 'outside' but I couldn't get her up on the leash. So I'm waiting again to see if she'll get up on her own. At least she didn't go on the bedroom floor.

One thing I've learnt from Spock's death (my 17-year-old cat, who died a couple of years ago) is that you can spend hundreds of dollars on trying to find out what's wrong with a beloved companion and treat it, and once they reach a certain age, it's not going to stop the inevitable. Dr Vice and I have concentrated on keeping Cerys as comfortable and healthy as possible. He knows I neither have the money nor the desire to prolong any less-than-ideal quality of life. But if this spell continues, I think it does her no service to keep her alive for my benefit, when the question really is, what is best for her.

We've had sixteen wonderful years together. I remember the day I found her. I was driving to a store and suddenly felt an urge to drive across town to the local pound, just out of the blue. I'd been wanting a dog, a Labrador, either black or choclate. There she was, in one of the cage rooms--an 8-month old Lab cross, and black, like a friend of mine's dog whom I 'trained' on, having never had a dog to care for before. She did something she's only done once--she bowed and made the same noise his dog would make when she wanted in my apartment. I fell in love with her immediately, but one person was on the list ahead of me. That person dropped out. I had to badger my landlord to approve the dog. But finally she was mine, and I called her Cerys, 'beloved' in Welsh. She was truly a gift from my Patroness, Hekate, with whom black dogs are associated.

I have to find out Monday how much it will cost to put her down--my cat last year was $25, but it might be more with her weighing more. On the other hand, putting Darius down was the first time I'd used this vet, so maybe having her as an established patient helps. I don't know. Money's tight right now, but I'm sure I'll find a way to give her some peace.

I will so miss my Care Bear. It's going to be a hard week, I can tell already.

PS As I finished this post, she came out of the bedroom, so I put her on a leash and we went outside. She seemed a little more robust, and even a little more alert, although she hasn't defecated since last night sometime and she's not interested in either her food or mine (I gave her a bit of bread and she tasted it, but didn't eat it.) This is the hardest part of having a pet. My heart keeps saying 'well, maybe she'll get better'. My head is grounded more in reality. It's time.

Sounds like a good pen name...

Your Old Fashioned Name Is...

Sybil Loddington

What's Your Old Fashioned Name?

Cerys' appointment is Wednesday with Dr Vice, so only two more days of itchiness to go. I saw my counselor today and it was a very useful session, with a focus on my passive resistant behaviour (think passive-agressive without the aggessive part--it's still a childish attempt to manipulate authority by seeming to comply be not doing so) and manifesting dreams by changing how we view the world and how it treats us. I also did laundry tonight, so there went a good chunk of my list.

The week in review

I've really been remiss in my blogging this week, mainly because I keep coming home and crashing straight into the recliner or the bed.

So here's a recap:

Last Saturday

Pretty much what I do most Saturdays, work 10 hours and did some notes for the game.

Sunday

It was just the game master, Margaret, and I. We played until 11 pm (we start around 1 pm). It was mostly introducing Margaret's new character into play but we're also starting a new case. There were copious notes that took several days to actually transcribe.

Monday

Cerys startled a couple of snakes near the back of the apartment building, but she didn't notice. I don't think her eyesight is what it once was. It was a very productive day at work (and I got to learn how to unjam the colour copier), and I only had to work 3-5 at the gas station, leaving me some time to do things like go to the gym (the first time since June). Then I stopped by Subway and turned in my points from my card to get a free combo meal. Yay, free food! Then I napped for about an hour and then worked on notes. That night I checked my e-mail and someone from the Bob and Sheri show had noticed my mention in regards to the Al Yankovic song, so they're sending me some free CDs. Yay, I love their show! So it was the day of free stuff.

Tuesday

Again, productive and only a two hour shift at the gas station. I didn't go to the gym again, but I did do a little at the house and took a nap. Then it was off to do notes. My friend whom I get most nights from work surprised me by getting a ride home either Monday or Tuesday, so I didn't have to go back out. That was nice.

Wednesday

Again, productive and a two hour shift. I wound up visiting for hours with someone I knew from the comic store (several of us worked at a really great comic store until the owner sold the store to an evil get, at which point all but one employee walked out). I worked there nearly a year, doing all sorts of librarian-like things (dealing with vendors, doing databases, dealing with serials, checking in orders, etc.) It (and the former owner's glowing recommendation) was a large part in getting my current job. Anyway, this person is doing well. He's recently remarried to a woman who seems to be wonderful. He has two small kids, works at a pharmacy, and makes leather masques on his off hours and takes them to Renaissance faires to sell. It was nice to catch up with him. I still regret missing his wedding (I had to work) because everyone dressed up in garb.

Thursday

Was very sloooow in the library. It was payday, so that was nice. Then I worked from 3-9 on truck night at the gas station, which flew by pretty quickly. Then it was off to do notes.

Friday

Was wonderful--and the weather was beautiful, if a little cool--except for dealing with the traffic school saga. I took off work from both jobs ostensibly to do my taxes, do a little around the house, deal with traffic school and student loans, and take my dog to the vet. Well, I did solve (hopefully) the traffic school issues. I did get to sleep in till about 11 am, which was nice. I could have done more at the house and I still need to do the final submission of my taxes, although the taxes themselves have been calculated, so it won't take long to finish. I should have gone to the gym again. Instead I set aside some time for errands and then took Cerys to the vet. Her heart is good for her age; her stomach felt good. She did nip the vet when he tried to draw blood, although she didn't get him; he just had a little saliva on his hand. Dr Vice was very patient and good with her. He agreed that she doesn't see that well and it sounds like she's gotten a little senile, with some of her personality changes, the fact that she doesn't recognise my friends, and she wanders in unfamiliar areas (she kept pacing the exam room in circles, for instance). Her heartworm was negative. He clipped her claws, which desperately needed it (she won't let me near her feet). We muzzled her for that, and that distracted her pretty well. He only quicked her once, which was good since they'd gotten so long. Her main issues were tapeworms (he gave me a de-wormer) and itchiness/dermatitis left over from when she had fleas (she doesn't have any now, but she reacts horribly to them and loses quite a bit of hair off her butt). He gave her a cortisone shot and an antibiotic to take for two weeks to take care of any secondary infection there may be. Plus, she got her annual shots and licence taken care of. It all cost $187, less than I thought it would (my former vet, the one who held my cats cremains hostage until my bill was paid, would have probably charged $300, running lots of bloodwork, etc.) Dr Vice agreed that with her being 16 I probably have a year or two at most, but that's what I think, too (for that matter, it's what I thought last year). But she's holding up pretty well for her age. Still, I have to admit every time I come into the house and go find her on the bed I check to make sure she's breathing. It's a sad thing, but inevitable, I suppose. She's been such a good dog, a wonderful companion. I hope the medicine makes her more comfortable. Next month I'll get flea and heartworm medicine.

Today

I worked my 10 hours and did notes, since I didn't do them Wednesday (I try to do them six days a week in an attempt to progress with the project. It's usually an hour or two a day). It was rainy and nasty all day. Hooters next door to the gas station had a bikini contest; I felt sorry for the girls--they were outside in a tent, but we were also a bit snarky, since none of us would be seen dead in a bikini. We were pretty busy. My mother left a message on my voicemail on my cell phone to check the one at home. I misunderstood that it was my e-mail I was suppposed to check, and worried that something might be wrong. But when I checked for messages on my home phone she had left one telling me about a job in the Danville paper, 25 hours per week at a local business college (they actually have one here in Lexington, too, so it may be in Danville or may be at another campus).

I've also been listening to (and watching on YouTube the musical episode of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' this week. I love that episode, and I have the CD. If you haven't listened to or seen it, you should.

Which brings us to now, when it's nearly 1 am and it's definitely time for me to go to bed. Hope your week went well.