how fast my emotions can turn. I've been basically happy all day, and now I feel like a failure because my attention wandered (it's bad when your ADD medicine wears off late at night) and I did the wrong thing as a result and looked stupid.
Not that I shouldn't be used to that...
You think it's frustrating dealing with someone who's brain chemistry is messed up? Try being that person. With me I'm usually either dealing with inattention issues or the emotional rollercoaster that is bipolar disorder. The medicine helps (I've been on an even keel emotionally for many months now, for example), but it's not really a cure. Throw in some obsessive-compulsive issues and borderline personality, and I should be one huge failure, and scary to boot.
But you know what? I'm mentally healthier than at any time in my life. I have a therapist who really explores my past and how I feel about it. I'm on a good combination of medications. So things are looking up. And one thing I've realised of late is that I'm not a failure. A late bloomer, perhaps, but not a failure. I have lots of accomplishments under my belt.
Plus, I've known quite a few people who make me look quite sane, and happily, they are behind me and I have no reason to have anything to do with them these days, though I do sometimes keep tabs, and it seems to me that the general trend is they become mad freaks who seem to spend all of their time in their heads rather than in the real world with the rest of us. I have that tendency too, but I'm trying to eradicate it, and I know where the holodeck's arch is, thank you very much. I don't have many friends, but they're people I can count on and who honestly care for me. Certainly that's part of my criteria for being a friend as well. You can't get much better than that.
Just some ideas late in the evening. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment