Well, I didn't go to chorus yesterday

because my anxiety got the better of me. Social phobia does rather suck. But I may try again next weekend. Also, I'm not sure how well it would normally work with my schedule, with the game, and at this point, I've got fourteen years of gaming in to about two of the chorus, so gaming wins. Of course, that all rather depends on what sort of note September ends. We'll see.

I rather lazed about all weekend, except for visiting a friend who was in the hospital with some emergency surgery. Fortunately she's doing better. I really have to admit, I'm pretty lucky, although I don't always realise it; that's three people I know who have had surgery in the last month or so; my health (knock on wood) is doing pretty well.

As always I'm in that part of the month where things get tight. But I've paid my debts and bills, just have to pay my rent on Thursday and that leaves me a grand total of $10 for the rest of the month.

Tell me, what do you do with $10? Here are your choices:

• Get food.
• Get gas--a very little bit of gas, given the current prices.
• Get medicine.
• Pay a co-pay for a therapy appointment.
• Pay a co-pay for a psychiatry appointment.

I think I'm going to move the appointments to the 30th or shortly thereafter, when I will have not just one but two paycheques again, ration my medicine a bit, buy a couple of loaves of bread to get me through a couple of weeks with peanut butter, and use the rest for gas so I can get back and forth to work.

Yep, that's my norm this time of the month. Like always, it sort of snuck up on me, but this time I realised it not so much ahead of time to have helped, but at least before I had nothing at all. I've been parcelling out my money into 'boxes' (really tabs of a coupon holder) and that's been helping. The only trouble was I forgot that I went ahead and got groceries and gas with the 'extra' $100 I had from this cheque, so I won't have any to spare when I get paid on Thursday...it'll go straight to rent. Which means, I suppose, that I wasn't allowing enough for gas and food.

I know, you're thinking, how can a woman in her 30s be this hopeless about money? Please keep in mind that I'm making about $800 a month, which doesn't go far when more than half goes to rent and electric, etc. But I admit, I could be doing a lot better. I do finally have a budget drawn up, I just had some additional expenses this month, like extra rent for being late and an extra electric bill. Because we have three paydays this month, though, it should set up things better for next month, so I won't stay behind.

Oh, well, things get better at the end of the month, and hopefully in October I'll actually be able to keep ahead with money from the increased hours at job number 2. Plus, you never know, something might come of those job applications I've made, right? In the meantime I see the vicious cycle I've been in, so maybe I can find a jumping-off point somewhere. :)