Sigh

Apparently, Pandora can magically sense my mood tonight: 'Oblivion' by Bastille, 'Your Bones' by Of Monsters and Men, and 'Lifeline' by Mat Kearney, have all played in the last few minutes. My mom, the library, even the children's book programme--all going away, evaporating, leaving my life. It's really starting to hit me. Ten more workdays left till the end. Then I show up on the 31st, sign my paperwork, and that's it. Tomorrow will be my 20th year at work. And while I wouldn't trade it for anything, its ending makes me more than a little sad.

Fifteen years ago today

I started this blog in the days post-9/11 with an post that was frustrated and annoyed, as I was just learning how to do it, spent time composing the perfect first post, and then lost it. I've gotten better since then, at least. Nearly 11,200 posts later, here I am. Thank you for reading. I know it's not earth-shattering stuff, usually. But I appreciate you all anyway.

My library at work

Is relatively small,  but it has been my home away from home for 19 years come Thursday. I will miss it so much.

24 years ago today

I walked out of a six-year relationship, six-month marriage, which was the best decision of my life, and put me on the road to where I am today. I can't believe it's been so long. Wow. But hey, still, yay! Let me just thank YKWIA, who helped me by asking questions about my life that I really couldn't answer positively, and who saved me by helping me get out of that horrible relationship. Thanks for sticking with me in the turmoil afterwards, too. :)

I had a really good time with my friends tonight

So YKWIA and I cooked onion soup with toast and Gruyère cheese,  pan-fried breaded asparagus,  hard-boiled eggs with artichoke hearts,  and we made a salad as well.  It was very nice,  but both of us were very tired after dinner,  and I helped put things in the dishwasher and clean up,  and then did a few more things for him (A had already gone back to bed.) Now I'm home,  have Loreena McKennitt on,  and have my feet propped up in bed,  ready to sleep.

Wednesday was a really great class on self-care and support for caregivers, but I got in pretty late and didn't blog. Thursday was over at my friends' house till about 8 pm. I called A to make sure he was awake for the UK-West Virginia game (it was at 9:45) and then promptly went to sleep myself. So I missed two nights' worth of blogging.  Sorry.

We recorded 'Grimm'  tonight, and we'll watch it later this weekend,  most likely.  Tomorrow I need to stop by the vet's,  take A to the grocery,  and help two dear friends celebrate their anniversary--seventeen years together. Oh,  and clean my house and do game notes. :)

But for now,  I'll just lie back and listen to Loreena,  and go on to bed.  Good night!

In honour of the 450th anniversary of the Bard's birth

45 Everyday Phrases Coined By Shakespeare

I am such a language geek. It still irks me that I had but one class left to complete a linguistics major, one which never fit into my schedule. Damn you, phonological analysis!

In some ways

I'm still the fat little kid on the playground doing anything to make the other children like me, only I'm doing it in a world of adults where they just care about getting things done and other grown-up issues. So I admitted after talking to YKWIA today. Even after all these years, I'm still pretty insecure, and although it normally doesn't happen, the fact is that sometimes I react to that perceived rejection just like I did when I was a kid. So that's something to work on.

I feel much better today. One of the people involved talked to me about it and it was clear that all of us shared some blame for things not running all that smoothly, and there was some miscommunication. I felt better afterwards. Ironically, the whole thing that was time-sensitive in the first place wound up being cancelled.

Anyway, I managed to catch up at work today, and then I took my friends to Coba Cocina, a restaurant here in Lexington, for their anniversary. I then went to a comic store and picked up a couple of the latest issue of Sandman: Overture (there were two covers). I ate at Subway and then went to Gabriel Brothers and found a couple of bras, a dress, a backpack purse, socks, and a blouse for very little, really. The bras, for example, were Lane Bryant's brand, but were only $4.99 (normally about $30 or so). I really needed something off-white, so it was nice to find some. I really like the dress, and it was $13. It's a pretty summery dress in cool tones of blue, green, and purple with an asymmetric hem and lavender lining. The blouse is lacy and flowery, white with pink flowers. So all in all, it went well. I probably had no business going there given how stressed I was over money yesterday, though.

I went to get them, took them on a very abbreviated grocery run for some essentials, and got them home. One had had some sangria. He's such a happy drunk. He grabbed some things from the car because they were shiny (a bracelet, a dangling crystal, and my purple phone charger), lost the house briefly, went inside, and apparently fell asleep immediately, only to give them to the other as a present later. (I got a phone call checking to make sure I got home and thanking me for my help in making the evening a nice one.) A has put them somewhere safe so dogs don't chew them up. I just shook my head. A is going to go watch the University of Kentucky-University of Louisville game (along with most people in our state, for that matter).

I've taken my medicine, propped myself up in bed, and I'm listening to Passenger's All the Little Lights. I've got the fan on, which feels very nice on my feet. The only thing that could make things better would be a cat curled up with me, but alas, there is none. I checked the other day and the little cat Nedra that spent so many months at the shelter is gone. I hope she found a good home. I don't really regret not getting her--I think I'm just not ready for pets beside fish right now. But I hope someone cares about her and takes care of her well.

Okay, I think I'm going to sign off for now. I'm so glad it's Friday. Hope you have a good weekend. Good night.

My computer will start a tune-up in three minutes, two, one...

So here's a brief post before going to bed.

On my mind today, January 28th

1986--I spent the day in shock watching the Challenger disaster over and over again; I still mourn those lost.

2000--The loss of my beloved grandfather, at peace after a long and terrible battle with emphysema.

2014--Was saddened to hear of the death of Pete Seeger, who lived his life by music and trying to make the world a better place.

Also had a great dental cleaning and picked up some donated books to take to the hospital where I work from a store halfway to the next town. Then spent time with YKWIA and A, and watched 'The Originals' and 'Supernatural'. Now it's time to go to bed. Good night.

Nearly 28 years later, and these photos take me back to the same emotions of that day

Never Before Seen Photos of the Challenger Disaster

I was 18 and a sophomore in college when the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster occurred. My boyfriend was obsessed with the space shuttle programme and was studying computers in the hope of joining NASA. I watched that dream die that day, and the horror of it all make an indelible impression on me second only to the 9/11 tragedy. It's one of those things where you remember exactly where you were when you found out, what was said, how the day was spent. In my case it was glued to the TVs in the student centre watching it happen over and over, questioning how this could happen.

Even now, each year I think about the tragedy as the anniversary nears. So I was interested when I saw the link to this story. Each step of the climb, and its terrible conclusion, were captured in the series of photographs that make my throat catch and my eyes tear for those lost, and for that dream that was lost as well.

Exactly one year ago today

at about 8:21 am, I was hit by a car while walking with the light in a crosswalk across Richmond Road at Eagle Creek on my way to catch the bus. The driver was a young Indian man who lived in my apartment complex. He was turning left on a yellow flashing arrow and his front left tyre ran over my foot, breaking two metatarsals, and while my leg was trapped, the side of the car hit me, causing my ankle to break and knocking me down. I was lucky it wasn't more serious (my glasses didn't even come off of my head), but it sidelined me to my apartment using a walker for three months. At first I had a splint, then surgery, another splint, eventually a boot. I didn't put any pressure on that foot until December 13th. Coincidentally, that was when I was finally allowed to bathe, although I had to use a shower chair. I finally returned to work on January 2nd, using a cane. The case was settled in late March, after my insurance company had eventually been billed and paid for my care (he had only minimum insurance, which was not enough for my medical expenses).

I'd like to thank some special people who really helped me out when I was down. First, my surgeon, Dr Bradford Fine of the Lexington Foot & Ankle Center, who did an excellent job of the open reduction and internal fixation surgery, where he put two screws in to fix my ankle. Secondly, I'd like to thank my lawyer, Julie Butcher, who brought me vegetarian chili, came to my house for consults and signing paperwork, etc. Without her help, I'd have so many medical bills that were still unpaid.

Brandon and Brenda took me to my appointments, on those rare times I went out, laboriously helping me climb the stairs outside my apartment on my hands and knees because I couldn't get up any other way, and they manhandled wheelchairs and kept me from falling. YKWIA and Brenda lifted me over the one step I couldn't get up into the apartment building on the day I was released after surgery. Brenda also bought me the best-tasting baked potato from Wendy's after 36 hours of nothing but ice chips. Bob McCray was my home health physical therapist, and he was excellent, although I still have his cane--we've never quite been able to meet up for me to return it. YKWIA called and played videos on YouTube that I would 'watch' along with him on my own computer. The folks at work were fabulous, showering me with food and cards and really making me feel cared about. My aunt Sharon sent me a care package of books, popcorn, nuts, and tea. There were so many people who helped me, and I'm sure I'm missing someone, but if I have, I'm sorry. When I was about to come back to work, I sat down and wrote out a ton of thank you cards, but let me just say, I still appreciate everything people did for me. And I'm glad that some of you kept up with my very boring life those three months. Granted, I don't live an exciting life at any time, but at times the time I was off would drag and become mind-boggingly tedious. I spent a lot of time with myself, thinking, and listening to music. I didn't manage to read much or watch videos on Netflix, etc. For those who made it through that period with me, thank you. May I never have to deal with anything like that again. :)

Last night

I wound up totally absorbed in putting something together and testing it out for about three hours. I let my phone, which had a low battery, totally go down to the point it turned off, then couldn't find it for about fifteen minutes when I finally did tear myself away, realising that it was after midnight and time to go to bed. I had several calls and texts, but it was too late to respond to either. I did send an email to the person who'd called, saying it was okay to call back if he wanted, which he did so later that night, and we talked for about an hour. The person who texted and I caught up with each other this evening and had a good 'text conversation'. The project meant I messed the house up a bit. In fact, I need to redo a bit of the living room entirely to really incorporate things nicely. This will have the added advantage of giving me more room at the computer At the moment, a small bookshelf is slightly in my way and I sit at an odd angle, which isn't quite comfortable and would be less so for anyone else who isn't used to it, especially a guy. Since most people who might come over and use my computer are, in fact guys, at least one of which is left-handed, which would be even more cramped (and that's my setup as well), it would be nice to revamp things. I probably should have done that tonight, as I was home. Instead I had a quiet evening of relaxation while I planned inside my head.

The nice thing is that I always think my setup in the living room involves a computer desk and entertainment center that between them have bedrails upon which books sit as a double-decker shelving, when in fact, the weight is borne by the computer desk and a matching bookshelf. The entertainment center is separate, with books above it. It has to come out, and can do so without disturbing the majority of the books, and then I can move the table currently dividing the living area from the dining area over where it has been, and then I can stack the four half-bookshelves together in that divider, giving the computer room. The end result would be losing the entertainment center, which is very battered and over 25 years old (and it was a Sauder pressboard product to begin with, It is actually a relic of my marriage.) But things would be streamlined.

This was all set into place because I finally bought a television that is flat-screened and it is just a bit longer than the entertainment center allotment. It's not huge by any means, it's 32 inches diagonally, but it can stream Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Pandora, among other things. The old TV, a cathode ray tube television my grandmother gave me used before she died in 1993, is clunky but still working, so I moved that to the bedroom, along with the Roku box, so I can stream those services in there (I don't have a second cable hookup, but I can watch or listen to plenty of things just with Roku). I'm going to see about hooking up an old DVD player there as well. I discovered tonight as I was texting with Brandon that it was very pleasant to have Pandora streaming while I had my feet up in bed. I eventually fell asleep, and then woke up about 12:30 am and came out to take care of things like turning the aquarium light to night time use and taking my insulin. The rearrangement is tempting to start, but I think I'll save it for later in the week. I wanted to go ahead and get something while I could. It wasn't terribly expensive (I got it through Amazon, on six-month financing). But that will be the last major purchase for awhile, I think. And for now, I'll keep my cable TV, which fortunately I was already paying for an HD cable box (not sure why), so nothing increased and all I had to do was plug in an HDMI cable to use it to its fullest extent.

I made my appointment for a colonoscopy for next Tuesday, October 1st. The reality of it is really hitting me. Before that it was all in the theoretical category. When I went by the pharmacy today I quizzed them on different preparations. So Monday night I'll probably not be blogging, or if so, it'll be from the tablet or phone, and Tuesday I'm off from work and will probably be out of it. This is all contingent on whether Brenda can take me that day. Hopefully that will be a yes. I originally scheduled for arrival by 7:30 am and then called back and chose a later appointment since although I live just across a major road, she's coming from out of county to take me. I kind of want to get it over with. I have a lot of appointments coming up. There's finalising and signing my will and related documents (which to be honest it would have been nice to have that done before the colonoscopy, but alas, it's a couple of days later). There's a mammogramme, a trip to my regular doctor, a trip back to the gynaecologist, and on Halloween I go back to the endocrinologist. I'm also supposed to be starting physical therapy for my back, but that's only going to happen if I can do it after work. I am obviously breaking down and getting older. On the other hand, that should get most appointments for the year out of the way. I do still need to do a cleaning at the dentist; I'll wait until December on that one so that if they find anything, I'll have a full flexible spending card come January for anything pricey.

Our benefits enrolment is coming up soon, in mid-October. I'm interested in seeing how the health insurance changes. There have been several rumours flying around, and we got a required notice on health exchanges today as a result of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), which I gather we will not be eligible for because we will still have adequate insurance. But I am interested in any changes. This major benefit is one of the reasons I stuck with my present job through thick and thin and even when it was only 20 hours a week, because I got full health insurance even at that amount and it was very good insurance. It's eroded a bit over the years (higher co-pays for stuff like outpatient surgeries that we didn't used to have, etc., but it's been pretty good and I don't need referrals to see anyone who takes my insurance, so I've been really happy with it.

Last year I had gone to the benefits fair and then the very next day I was hit by a car. It's amazing to me that it's nearly been a year. The anniversary is in nineteen days. I am so lucky it wasn't worse. Another anniversary that I'm marking, yes, even now, is the death of my last pet, my beloved dog, on the 24th of September. She gave me sixteen great years of companionship. It's hard to believe it's been six years since she passed. I only have goldfish and a betta (not in the same tank) these days. All in all, that's good. I don't really have a great deal of time to devote to a pet and I'm allergic to both cats and dogs. But still...I never thought I'd go this long without one. Also, it's hard to believe, but tomorrow would have been my grandfather's 90th birthday. (Sorry YKWIA, I know you hate it when people dwell on that.) It's hard to believe it's been nearly 14 years since he died. I wish he hadn't smoked like he had; he really might have lived to see 90. Most of the people in my family live to be close to that; the only ones who didn't either died of smoking-related diseases, accidents, or in one case, a severe case of diabetes before we had better treatments.

Speaking of which, I really need to see about going to visit my grandmother soon. With all that's going on this month it will be a stretch to do, but I should.

Okay, I've babbled on longer than usual, and I've been up for an hour in the middle of the night. Good night.