Well, that's a bit of a misnomer. Actually I planned for my cremation and a following memorial gathering where people can share memories--it's not an actual service or anything. I find visitations gruesome, so there isn't one. I found out some things about Kentucky law.
One, you don't have to be embalmed to be buried, which is great to know as embalming absolutely grosses me out, but then I prefer to be cremated, anyway. Two, even though I have not spoken to my father since 1993 and we are estranged, he technically has a right to stop said cremation. And I will haunt him from my grave if that is the case. I doubt he would do so, but there you have it. He is next of kin, as well as my mother. She has repeatedly been told I prefer cremation. Anyway, I signed a document that would go to a judge in case of a challenge to support my desire for that form of disposal. Maybe they'll bring in this post as well. :) Three, in some cemeteries (they vary from one to another), certain urns may be buried without an urn vault, and may be buried without taking up a plot (i.e., buried above another body).
This came up because my mother has expressed a desire to bury my urn. I'm sure she wants a grave to visit, and there is an available plot in the family area of the cemetery, by my grandparents. I am not adverse to this, although frankly I'm fine being sprinkled somewhere, too. I left the option of burial of the urn open, and chose one that could be, so she can do so if she wishes, but did not prepay that. The ancient Greeks were burned and then buried in amphorae. This is as close as I could get to that, anyway. If she wishes to use some of the insurance money for that and a stone, so be it. But if my mother or grandmother is no longer living by the time I die, I'd like my cremains to be given to my best friend, and I'm sure he'll sprinkle me. That's fine, too.
The only sad thing about the process was when the woman was off making photocopies, I continued perusing the urns and found the ones for infants. Those choked me up a bit.
I also found out how pre-paying through insurance works. Because I have diabetes, it complicates things. I pay a set premium per month for ten years. If I die within the first six months of non-accidental means, it will pay the sum of the premiums + 5%. From 6 months to a year, it's 35% of the amount. From 1 year through the second, it's 70%. After the completion of 24 months, it's full face value. So the goal is to not die within the next two years, obviously. If it's accidental death, the full amount is paid. If I miss payments, it lapses, and I'm out my money. If I pay it off completely, then the funeral costs are paid for even if they rise. I was lucky to get that guarantee without a service charge. Mine isn't actually starting until next month, when I make the first payment, so nothing happens if I die in before then.
Next on the agenda is a will. I have no real property at all, just my books, which I wish to go to my best friend, with the balance of things going to my mom. So it should be simple. I may be able to do it through our employee assistance programme. I'm not sure if it includes legal aid anymore. I already have a living will/advanced directives.
I will recommend the folks at Milward Funeral Directors, one of whom assisted me. They even offer 'green' burials. It took about an hour and a half and left me rather tired. I hate to think what sort of experience it would be for someone recently losing a loved one. They have a booklet to gather information for the family for last minute things, which I will fill out. I had mentioned no Christian aspect desired. I'm going to include a CD of the music I'd mentioned to her ('Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme,' by Simon & Garfunkel, 'Dust in the Wind' by Kansas, and 'Now Comes the Night' by Rob Thomas), and a copy of a couple of poems I'd like to include (Dylan's 'Death Shall Have No Dominion' and the Orphic hymn to Hekate). That sort of thing. My best friend is my primary medical surrogate (I have no doubt he'll pull the plug if it's warranted), but the arrangements I am leaving to my mother. I hope she comes through for me. I know it will be difficult. But then, memorials are for the living, aren't they?
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