A life of courage, and perhaps breaking new ground

NY plaintiff: Gay benefits 'bigger than marriage'

In 1963, she met Spyer at a Greenwich Village restaurant known for its friendly attitude toward lesbians. Though they arrived with others, Spyer and Windsor were almost inseparable on the dance floor that night and by evening's end, Windsor had danced a hole in her stockings.

The dancing marathons continued sporadically over the next two years, usually when Spyer and Windsor met by chance at parties and usually to the frustration of their dates.

It was not until the spring of 1965 that they got together. Windsor suggested they date for a year and consider engagement for another year if that went well.

And, as she said in an affidavit in her court case, Windsor told Spyer: "`And if it still feels this goofy joyous, I'd like us to spend the rest of our lives together.' And we did."

The engagement stretched for 40 years.

Spyer, worried an engagement ring would unintentionally reveal Windsor's sexual orientation to her IBM colleagues, gave her a circular diamond brooch she wears to this day.

"Our choice not to wear traditional engagement rings was just one of many ways in which Thea and I had to mold our lives to make our relationship invisible," Windsor said in her affidavit.

"We both faced pressures not only in the workplace and in society at large, but also from family and friends," she added. "Like countless other same-sex couples, we engaged in a constant struggle to balance our love for one another and our desire to live openly and with dignity, on the one hand, with our fear of disapproval and discrimination from others on the other."

Edith Windsor, 83, did finally get to marry her love, Thea Clara Spyer, in Canada because they were afraid New York would not approve same-sex marriage within their lifetimes. Spyer died in 2009, less than two years after their marriage. Now Windsor has a case that will be heard by the Supreme Court looking at the Defense of Marriage Act and how it discriminates against same-sex spouses by denying the use of the marital deduction on the deceased spouse's estate. That could be a ground-breaking case and ruling. But I was interested in the love story, too, that these women had, despite obstacles and health issues. I sincerely hope her case has a wonderful outcome, but regardless I think she's a wonderful model for those who came after her. I hope she lives to see this to fruition.