Reaction set in this morning

I don't want to make it seem like I'm too enmeshed in my character; I'm not. But when you roleplay to the extent we do, you really do put part of yourself into the character--we're not hack and slash sort of players, where you get treasure and kill monsters and that's about the end of it. Our characters have lives, sometimes rather messy ones, with ties to other characters and beyond.

I was on my way to pick someone up from work this morning and just with as real death, I found myself thinking of things unsaid, undone, and I cried a little. My character was pretty quiet, with a bit of a sense of humour, and wasn't the brightest or best, certainly. He was talented in photography, and in martial arts. Also, he was the best tracker and navigator in the Antarctic group, having survived cannibal cultists in the Amazon as his first Cthulhoid experience. He hadn't had a lot of play and had just one mission to his name, involving the Mi-Go.

Because I do so much writing during note-taking, I sometimes have trouble interacting and roleplaying, although the recorder is helping that. (It's the only real record I have of his sacrifice--I wasn't taking notes at that point.) He could have been fleshed out better by now. But now he's gone, in a horrible but somewhat noble death, and the record of his life is over, and there's no second chances, at least with this character. Maybe if I'm allowed a new one at some point, I can work more dilligently on bringing that one to life, or more importantly, develop the ones I already have. So I guess his death has some unseen consequences for me as a player as well as for those in the game. I have to learn to be less passive, more active, and really roleplay to my fullest. I've been doing this long enough that I should be able to.

But for the record, even though it's not real, here's a little closure:


Joshua Daniel Adler
Born February 7, 1980 Cincinnati, Ohio, United States
Died December 7, 2006 Western Mountain Range, Antarctica


He had dark brown hair, blue eyes, and was lanky, about 5'10" and 150 lbs. He looked very much like Adrian Grenier (see picture by David Shankbone). He had O+ blood. He was Jewish, somewhat religious, and kept kosher when he could. His father is Evan Adler, a professor at Hebrew Union College. His mother is Miriam Adler, a librarian, and his sister is Rachel Adler, an elementary school teacher. Nice, normal folks, who've never heard of Cthulhu. They've never come into play, although they may now that he's dead. How do you tell someone your son died to save the world? [SPOILER ALERT FOR Beyond the Mountains of Madness!] More likely they'll say he died in the terrible earthquake that hit the mountains, along with the other men who died during the trip. There isn't a body to bring home; his head and brain is incorporated into the Elder Things' machine, his body--skeleton, really, since shoggoths are very efficient--lies in an abattoir within the lighthouse.

Goodbye Josh.