Monday humour from one of those random e-mails

Subject: Crazy Newspaper Ads Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.

FREE PUPPIES: = COCKER SPANIEL = SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART STUPID DOG

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE. BETTER BE REWARD.

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS".

GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica
45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything