Shiver

I was listening to a new age music show, and suddenly recognised Margie Adam's 'Something About Us'. Somehow it's a little different listening to music when you've been onstage with the artist. A few years ago I sang with a women's chorus and Margie was our guest artist. It was a wonderful experience. Listening took me right back to that moment.

I miss chorus. It's on Sunday evenings and in a part of town that it's difficult for me to get to, given my reliance on public transport. I needed a break while I got my life together and I was w-a-y too overstretched for awhile. But it was a place I was accepted for who I am--and they're always appreciative of first sopranos, which are somewhat uncommon, especially since most of the women in the chorus were in their 40s or above. If I get another car (that's actually reliable), I'd like to go back and sing.

When I was a kid, I could sing with my mom to the car radio, but singing in front of others terrified me. I have some mixed up memories of being 8 and singing in a talent show and feeling like they were all laughing at me, but I don't really think they did. Of course it didn't help that I chose a sappy 70s song outside my range. My mom always thought I was a contralto. It wasn't till I took a voice for non-music majors class that I found out I was soprano. The first time I sang for the class I clenched my fists, turned red, and nearly passed out. :) The students were very encouraging at least, and there were a couple of others who had problems with staying on pitch, etc., so I wasn't the problem child. In their defence, one was a girl from Bangladesh who had not spent much time listening to western music, and one was a guy from eastern Kentucky who had the typical never-open-your-mouth problem (think the one guy on "King of the Hill" who you can barely understand). They both got it by the end of the class, and I got to where I was starting to relax. I didn't sing in the chorus until someone dragged me to a concert, then plopped me in front of a couple of the women and said, 'she's a soprano and likes to sing--think you could take her under your wing?!'

I tend to sing on the bus, walking, in the halls, just about anywhere _so long as I think no one's listening_.The thing is, I know I have a nice voice and if I could just get over the stage fright I'd be okay. I've had people come up to me and tell me I had a beautiful voice. It only makes me embarrassed. There was one concert with the chorus that I really, really wanted the solo to 'You Can't Hurry Love'--I knew the words by heart; it's one of my favourites. So I tried out. They were great--said I'd do well if I had enough time to work on my volume but there was only a short time before the conference. I couldn't get my volume out because I couldn't relax enough to really sing. Well, and because I had asthma but didn't know it. I've got the latter under control, and I'm hoping that my shyness/stage fright issues are being helped by my anti-anxiety medicine. I wonder if I went back if I could sing by myself without fainting? :)