I did not mean to drop off the face of the planet like that

Thursday night I came home, was in bed by 8 pm, and slept until nearly 8 am. It took five alarms to wake me up. The easy explanation is that I stayed up till 3 am the night before doing game notes, and was tired. But the real explanation is this: I've become very frustrated with my diabetes. No matter how good I am or how I take my insulin or eat, I always seem to be over 200 on my readings, although when I was off with my ankle injury I was dead on normal. My doctor just increases my insulin and tells me we've got wiggle room for increasing it more. I am taking 118 units of Lantus (long acting) insulin per day (in two doses) and 116 unites of inulin (divided into three doses) of Novolog (short-acting) insulin per day, with no oral diabetes meds whatsoever. I got to a point where I just stopped checking my blood sugar and taking things as regularly as I should, and I know that's stupid, and didn't really help, but I guess I felt like I'd reached a what's-the-point, depressed mood over my diabetes. It started out just 'forgetting' to take things or test. But it's been real erratic. When I admitted this to YKWIA Thursday evening, he hit the roof. He even turned me in to a friend of ours, who called me today with some otherwise good news but who took the time for a concerned rant.

Since Thursday evening, I've been trying to stay on track. I've taken my Lantus like I was supposed to do, starting Thursday evening. My blood sugar on Friday morning, when it was so hard to wake up, was 357. Then it turned out I only had enough Novolog for part of my breakfast dose with me. I went by the house after work, got it, but didn't take it at dinner, forgot and took it later. When I tested about an hour after eating, my glucose was 407. No wonder I could barely function mentally. I came on home after working on some character sheets, texted with Brandon a bit, and went on to bed, after taking my Lantus correctly. This morning, thankfully, it was 230--still high, but back to my 'norm' rather than what it was doing. It stayed at that before lunch, too. After talking this morning on the phone with the friend who ranted a bit, I've decided it's time to go to a proper endocrinologist. While I like my family doctor, I don't really think I'm getting the care I need. If I can get to where I feel good, both physically and mentally, about controlling my diabetes, then I'll be less likely to self-destruct.

So there's my confession. I know it was stupid and self-harming. 'I'm tired of feeling bad so I will do nothing and feel worse' doesn't make much sense, I know. But this is part of dealing with diabetes and I'm putting this up there because maybe a medical person, caregiver, or fellow patient will read it and understand that there's an emotional toll to it as well as the physical. In the meantime, I'm back on track.

*Yawn*

I worked on the game notes from 9-10 pm, went to sleep from about 10:30 pm-1:30 am, woke up and decided to go ahead and finish the notes. So that was three hours altogether or so, mostly due to the investigative issues and having lots of history to write down. It is now 3:30 am and I just finished--but I did exactly what I said--I finished before tonight was over. Yay. Now I'm going back to bed. :) Good night.

One nice thing

about the new hairdo is that if you are caught in a downpour, say leaving Meijer's when it was just a bit cloudy a few minutes before when you went in, you won't look like a drowned rat. Just comb it into place with your fingers and it looks a little gelled until it dries. Yay. That was essentially the only exciting part of my day. I worked, I paid my rent, I went to Meijer for something for a friend, went over to the friend's, watched 'Jam & Jerusalem' and some clips from 'Big Bang Theory', then came home, forgetting the Lean Cuisine meals I got at Meijer in their freezer, which I will reclaim later if possible. I've chatted a bit with Brandon via text, but it really is time to hunker down and do notes, which did not get done yesterday either. On the other hand, I've gone ahead and transferred them, and we only played for about four and a half hours last time, so that's better than transcribing one of those marathon six hour sessions. But it was largely investigative, which takes more time than action because you're actually having to include all the clues. :)

Discovered

yesterday that where my feet and ankles swell, my New Balance shoes pinch my feet on the sides and top rather painfully at end of day, which happens to be when I tried to go work out last night at the YMCA. So, no go for that unless I can get better shoes or work out early in the morning. I'd rather be in the pool anyway, but that's an issue right now as I can't go in with my fever blister. :( So, we'll see. I promise I won't use the shoes as an excuse for very long. I think I'm going to go to John's Run Walk Shop and get their opinion; they're supposed to be really good. It's where a couple of friends get their shoes.

I did get my dress for my friends' vow renewal yesterday and it fits and looks fairly nice on me. It was really low cut, though, so I bought a black lacy camisole for $6 at Gabriel Brothers to put under it, and I think that helped, as you can see in the picture.

Today I did some running around after work, spent some time with YKWIA (who chastised me rightly on one count and who talked me out of adopting a cat for now), and now I'm going to try to work on the game notes for awhile. Sorry I didn't write yesterday. I'll try to get back on schedule. :)

What a long and prolific life

Jack Vance, prolific, prize-winning pulp author, dies at 96

Jack Vance, prolific author of science fiction, mystery and epic fantasy, died Sunday at 96, his son John told the Associated Press. He had written more than 60 books during his long life.

Vance, whose real name was John Holbrook, also published under the names John Holbrook Vance, Alan Wade, Peter Held, John van See and Jay Kavanse, and he wrote three Ellery Queen novels. His best-known series, "The Dying Earth," was set in a future in which the sun is slowly dying out, and a world where technology and the supernatural exist side-by-side.

I bought Jack Vance's Tales of the Dying Earth at the suggestion of YKWIA, who thought I would like them a great deal, but haven't read them yet. I assumed that Vance, like many classic science fiction/fantasy writers, had already died. So I was surprised to see his name in the obituaries in our paper today. I will definitely move his stories to the top of my reading list.

Nice day to sleep in

It's cloudy and although I haven't gone outside yet, it's supposed to be a good deal cooler than in recent days. I plan to go over to the game master's house and do some stuff for the game, but I'm not on a time table, so I slept in, took a nice shower, made the bed, ate breakfast, and in just a bit I'll head over there. There's a terribly twangy song on about rolling windows down. It's annoying, both in the accent and the lyrics. I don't mind crossovers, but if I wanted something that twangy I'd be listening to a country station. I prefer people to open their mouths when they sing, too. Ah, good, we're to Maroon 5 instead now.

Well, I guess I'd better go. I'll make a stop at the store and get there about 10:30. Hope your weekend is going well.

Isn't transliteration fun?

Some Say the Spelling of a Winning Word Just Wasn’t Kosher

The national spelling bee spelled it wrong.

Or so say mavens of Yiddish about the winning word, knaidel, in the widely televised Scripps National Spelling Bee on Thursday night. Knaidel is the matzo ball or dumpling that Jewish cooks put in chicken soup.

But somebody may have farblondjet, or gone astray, the Yiddish experts say.

The preferred spelling has historically been kneydl, according to transliterated Yiddish orthography decided upon by linguists at the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research, the organization based in Manhattan recognized by many Yiddish speakers as the authority on all things Yiddish.

The spelling contest, however, relies not on YIVO linguists but on Webster’s Third New International Dictionary, and that is what contestants cram with, said a bee spokesman, Chris Kemper. Officials at Merriam-Webster, the dictionary’s publisher, defended their choice of spelling as the most common variant of the word from a language that, problematically, is written in the Hebrew, not Roman, alphabet.

“Bubbes in Boca Raton are using the word knaidel when they mail in their recipes to The St. Petersburg Times,” said Kory Stamper, an associate editor at Merriam-Webster in Springfield, Mass. The dictionary itself says the English word is based on the Yiddish word for dumpling: “kneydel, from Middle High German knödel.”

I love Yiddish. It's a complex language akin to German spelled with Hebrew letters which is very useful for expressing things in one word that take far more in English.

Four hours and at least two downpours and a thunderstorm later...

I'm groggy, but I'm awake. I saw this and thought it was interesting:

The $2.7 Trillion Medical Bill: Colonoscopies Explain Why U.S. Leads the World in Health Expenditures

Deirdre Yapalater’s recent colonoscopy at a surgical center near her home here on Long Island went smoothly: she was whisked from pre-op to an operating room where a gastroenterologist, assisted by an anesthesiologist and a nurse, performed the routine cancer screening procedure in less than an hour. The test, which found nothing worrisome, racked up what is likely her most expensive medical bill of the year: $6,385.

That is fairly typical: in Keene, N.H., Matt Meyer’s colonoscopy was billed at $7,563.56. Maggie Christ of Chappaqua, N.Y., received $9,142.84 in bills for the procedure. In Durham, N.C., the charges for Curtiss Devereux came to $19,438, which included a polyp removal. While their insurers negotiated down the price, the final tab for each test was more than $3,500.

“Could that be right?” said Ms. Yapalater, stunned by charges on the statement on her dining room table. Although her insurer covered the procedure and she paid nothing, her health care costs still bite: Her premium payments jumped 10 percent last year, and rising co-payments and deductibles are straining the finances of her middle-class family, with its mission-style house in the suburbs and two S.U.V.’s parked outside. “You keep thinking it’s free,” she said. “We call it free, but of course it’s not.”

In many other developed countries, a basic colonoscopy costs just a few hundred dollars and certainly well under $1,000. That chasm in price helps explain why the United States is far and away the world leader in medical spending, even though numerous studies have concluded that Americans do not get better care.

My biggest worry regarding the planned end to my job in two years isn't actually other costs; I'll get a severance and unemployment, and that will help some. It's the fact that I'll lose my health insurance that worries me the most.

I'd heard the rumours but the confirmation makes me sad :(

Matt Smith announces he is to leave Doctor Who

The BBC is today announcing that Matt Smith is to leave Doctor Who after four incredible years on the hit BBC One show. Matt first stepped into the TARDIS in 2010 and will leave the role at the end of this year after starring in the unmissable 50th Anniversary in November and regenerating in the Christmas special. During his time as the Doctor, Matt has reached over 30 million unique UK viewers and his incarnation has seen the show go truly global. He was also the first actor to be nominated for a BAFTA in the role.

Still, it's not quite over yet...

Matt's spectacular exit is yet to be revealed and will be kept tightly under wraps. He will return to BBC One screens in the unmissable 50th anniversary episode on Saturday 23rd November 2013 - TUNE IN!

He'll also be in a Christmas special in which he will regenerate into yet another Doctor. I must admit, I loved Matt Smith from the get-go. I'm sorry to see him leave.

Thinking of taking a nap

It's a beautiful day, with a light breeze and sun at the moment, although it rained a bit earlier. I've been over at my friends' house for awhile. We watched a bit of 'The Vicar of Dibley' (I do love Dawn French), and we did the grocery run, so I picked up some fruit, cheese, and crackers. I really love the Milton's Everything crackers that Kroger carries, especially with pimiento cheese. I find it very filling, and I don't overeat with that.

There were two unfortunate things that happened today. The first is that I developed a fever blister, something that happens occasionally and which annoys me to no end. I used to get them right before school pictures. But I have a prescription cream with an antiviral medicine that I hope is still good and will help. The second is that I killed a bird with my car. It was a robin who tried to land on the roadway right in front of my car, swooping in rather fast. I couldn't stop in time, felt the impact, and it happened so fast I wasn't able to avoid it. It's like the poor thing committed suicide by car. But I do feel rather bad about it.

Otherwise it's been a good day. I found out we won't be playing the Cthulhu game tomorrow because Brenda had to cancel, so instead we're going to work on some character sheets and do some upgrading to my characters, something she did while I was off cleaning the apartment. I really should go ahead and do the last game notes tonight, but I think I will lie down for just a bit.