Our song

In a good mood

I had planned to have a quiet night at home, but a friend called and needed me, and while I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't have time for myself, it was important to go over there and help him, and I love him dearly, so hey, we make sacrifices. One more night won't make a difference, except in a positive way for both of us. I fixed him dinner and we watched an episode of 'Doctor Who' (the second episode of series 1 with Christopher Eccleston and Billie Piper). I hadn't actually seen those before. Then we watched 'The Awesomes'. And then I came home, in a much better mood than I was in when I went over there. Although it is important to balance life and take care of yourself, too, being with friends, in my view, is one of the most important aspects of life. Our friends are the family we choose, the ones who tell us the truth when others might tell white lies, and who we can count on no matter what. Part of having a good friendship is reciprocation. In the past, I've had people I thought were my friends who really were just there to exploit me for their own purposes. I am lucky in that, while I have very few actual close friends, they are loyal and good people who give as much as they take. So I am very thankful for that. I can't think of a better way to spend my solstice evening tonight.

Today's class

is about self-care. I was trying to do that today. But I got called for a ride, which meant I went over to my friends' house, and I wound up hurting someone's feelings because I wouldn't stay and keep him company. Now I feel like I'm a bad person. He is more important than the fire inspection or anything else. But I have to do things to make my life better, too. It's very confusing sometimes. And I didn't use the I-statements like we learned in the communications class, or express concern for him in some sort of reflective response. I just told him what I had to do and left it at that. I can sometimes be a bad friend. Now I feel terrible, but I can't repair anything right now, so I might as well clean the house. :(

Up paying bills

I get paid on Thursdays, but the money usually hits my account about 11:30 the night before. My account has been in horrible shape of late, as a bill went through that the bank paid but I didn't have sufficient funds for. Thankfully, it was paid, as it was my car insurance, but I haven't been able to pay anything for about a week, and I'm woefully behind in all sorts of ways. Between the trip (I'm still waiting on a reimbursement cheque from the college) and the brakes (although thankfully those weren't extremely expensive) and the choice to at least pay my rent on time, I've been behind. So I sat down around midnight and paid my cell phone, electricity, and broadband bills. A couple of bills come out automatically in a day. Tomorrow I'll sit down and look at what else I can pay, and try to get as much taken care of as possible. If you happen to be a creditor reading this, I really am trying to get everything taken care of. And I am looking for a full-time library job that would pay better than my library/data entry combination. At the rate I'm going, I've been seriously considering trying to get a part-time job on top of my 40 hours I work at the hospital. Of course, I would be in better shape if a 'friend' who borrowed money from me had ever even made any attempt to pay me what he owes me. During the time when I (uncharacteristically) had money after the accident where I was hit with the car, I had a friend in dire straits who continually hit me up for money for him and his family, saying he would pay me back as soon as possible. Being the gullible and soft-hearted person I am, I believed him. (The fact that I had just had a scary experience that could have been deadly and was in pain and on medication at least part of that time didn't really help. He literally asked for money within a few days after I was hit.) Anyway, he took advantage of that friendship, and borrowed quite a bit of money, enough that if I sued him, it would be out of small claims court. Whenever I've tried to talk to him about it, he tries to guilt me into thinking I'm a bad person for wanting my money back, and says I only talk to him to bring it up anymore. Sadly, our friendship, such as it was, and I thought it was greater than it was, suffered. On the other hand, I've never successfully confronted him or his wife on the issue. But I now understand why no one in his family would help him, especially when he got stranded in South Carolina during an impromptu visit to the beach without cash after the vow renewal they put together the same year they were borrowing from me for rent and Christmas presents for the kids, and for that matter, part of the vow renewal. In his defence, he did repay me for getting them back from being stranded, but that's the only payment on the total I received after months of panicked 'I hate to ask you, but....' I really do feel used and totally gullible for believing that he was a good friend. On the other hand, I recognise that I was so desperate for friendship that I was willing to give money that I would need later to someone even against my better judgement. So it was a perfect storm of problems. But beyond the money, I was a really good friend to him, and was very supportive when he was struggling with illness and transitioning from working to disability, and I really deserved better from him. And I resent the guilt he tried to lay on me. I hope he at least has the good graces to feel a little guilt when he thinks of me, but I doubt it. I suspect I am one in a long line of people he's done this to, given his family's response. And that's sad. Still, it makes me appreciate the friends I do have who don't leech off of me, and when they do have me pick up something for them or whatever, they actually pay me back.

Well that's enough of that. I should head on to bed. Things will get better with time, I hope.

The last couple of days I have been working on the house

in earnest, as I got the notice that the annual walk-through to look for leaks and such is this coming week when I got home on Friday (which was not a good day--I started out the day stepping in dog poop and it really went downhill from there). I'm almost finished with the apartment--I just need to sweep/mop/vacuum, dust. fill up the fish tanks, work on the bedroom a little, water the plants in the living room and outside, and take out the last of the trash and recyclables, the ones I've done just over the last couple of days. Later on today, I'm going to go on and play the game. I have to admit, it was nice to be able to sleep in on a Sunday. I've slept a lot this weekend. I have some stress going on in my life, and some issues with a friend. On the one hand, it's good I've had some extra time to myself this weekend. On the other hand, I totally blew up at someone I shouldn't have, and so now our relationship is strained. This is also the second anniversary of getting hit by the car. So apparently mid-October is not a fun time for me. :(

I have done many things a loving and loyal friend would do today

and I am, quite frankly, pooped as a result. But some things are more important than others, and for me, my closest friends are not just 'like' family, they are family. So while I didn't get some things done that should have been today, I did what was best. And that is what matters. So, no real blogging tonight, as I am too tired. Tomorrow I will finish all those things I meant to do today, really, like paying my rent and applying for a job (which closes tomorrow at 5 pm!) But for now, good night, good people. Hope your week is winding down and the weekend is soon upon us.

Today was going to be about consumerism and selfishness

instead it has been a reminder that things are things, that the well-being of others is utmost, and the value of friendship is way more than anything you might buy, about how being decent and doing the right thing are way more important than gadgets, and caring about people feeds your soul.

I also got some good news tonight. It looks like Charlotte Reid, the little girl I know of who is dealing with a couple of rare disorders, will be coming to America thanks to proceeds from a golf tournament in Melbourne and some other donations. Thanks to any of you who might have helped out. :)

I got a lovely card today, the first holiday card of the season

It was one of my favourite artists, Maxfield Parrish, and had such a nice sentiment written inside that really touched me. My best friend is like a brother to me, and although sometimes he drives me crazy (but don't brothers?), he really is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is closer to me than family, and I would give my life to save him (literally). Everyone should have a friendship that spans decades, at least one. But you'd have to hunt pretty hard to find such a wonderful friend and mentor as I have--he's pretty much unique, insanely intelligent, genteely eccentric, and with a will that could break nails. Oh, and a mean streak a mile wide, but genuinely good, decent, and honourable. I love him dearly. It's a hard mix to duplicate, no?

Sleeping in

Okay, I don't know if it's officially sleeping in if you get up at 7 am to get someone from work, but the fact is that other than that, I had nowhere to be at a certain time this morning and slept until almost noon. My dreams were very vivid and nearly psychedelic, ones that I've dreamt before and always have an intensity that leave me pretty well-rested, but kind of frenetic, too, and if I woke up I'd only have to close my eyes and the images would be there, and I'd go right back in. I'm wondering if I weren't a little manic last night--I blogged a lot and got pretty keyed up. Even this morning when I went to get A I was somewhat frantic--the phone startled me and it was on a different side of the bed, charging, so it confused me as I got out of bed and ran around to get it rather than just turning over. That's a little odd.

Also, on the way to get him my thoughts turned to someone who had been my friend but basically used me to get through her battle with infertility and then dropped me like a stone once her son was born. When I went to the doctor the other day, he asked about her and whether she had managed to adopt a child and I just said I didn't know. The doctor had known her from working with her years before and sees her as a patient. He just assumed I knew she was doing that. I only do because she spends time telling another woman in one of the nearby cubicles who is the process of adoption hreself. Maybe when she manages to adopt, she'll drop her as well. I know, there's obviously some unresolved emotion there, but it was odd that it surfaced days after going to the doctor at a time when I should have been focussed on driving and getting my friend.

She did help me get over my 'I can only really be friends with one person at a time' thing, and it was nice to have a girl friend and get together. But I certainly deserved better--at least a 'I don't want to be friends with you' talk rather than pretending to be friendly but just engaging in small talk. Even when L went insane and broke off our friendship on her blog nastily, I knew where I stood, though it hurt. This friendship just died from lack of care, as I tried to give the new mother space and she put me off for months, then years with being 'too busy'. I know she thinks she's very caring and focussed on other people, but just like the rest of us she's caught up in her own life and although I'd like to think there just wasn't time for me after the baby was born, I know that's not true, because she made time for people who had children or were trying to. I think I make her nervous, because she is well aware that she dropped the ball and she and her husband have behaved very badly in relations with someone they met through me. (As in, husband getting drunk at a dinner, running around screaming 'tallywhacker!' [apparently due to some latent homophobia regarding the host], then throwing up all over the place, and then her promising to make it up by buying dinner and never bothering to fulfill her promise. That kind of thing. She never seemed to understand why my friend might be upset by both the behaviour at the dinner and the lack of follow up to make things right.)

I guess the moral of the story is that some friendships, no matter how solid they may seem, are only there for a short time for as long as they are mutually beneficial, or at least until both parties realise there's no point anymore. And I was too passive and didn't demand to be treated better. On the other hand, I have one friend of 21 years and another of 12 with whom I know where I stand and whose friendships are deeper. But I do miss having another woman to spend time with.

So sore

They always say the best friends are the ones who are willing to hide the bodies for you.

I feel like that a bit tonight. No, I haven't gone and become accessory to murder. But I have been toting (along with someone else) an 80-lb weight, and my neck, shoulders, back, and arms are sore. I won't go into the details, as it would impinge upon someone's privacy, but I received an emergency call and had to rearrange my schedule at both jobs (well, okay, rescheduled the first and was just late by an hour to the second...but I'm going to work for the lady who stayed an hour next week so she doesn't go into overtime, so I rescheduled after the fact). Sometimes bad things happen, and that's when friendship matters most. The outcome is still very much up in the air; I hope it improves. More than that, I hope it goes back to the way things were before that call. In the meantime, I'll just keep toting as long as it takes. But ibuprofen wouldn't be a bad idea.

Okay, I'm going to bed. I need to be at work two hours' early to make up for some apointments I've had to go to this pay period. Tomorrow is the potluck, Santa, and the party with the girls from work. I suspect I will be very tired tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Tonight's Quiz

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Supportive

You are almost like a life coach for your best friends. You give them help when they need it... but you also know when to give them a push. People tend to rely on you for moral support and advice. You've probably always been mature for your age, so this is a role that's you're comfortable with. A friend like you is one of the rarest kinds. You are both a good mentor and companion. Your friends need you most when: They are confused or worried You really can't be friends with: Someone who only wants to complain Your friendship quote: "The only way to have a friend is to be one."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

It was a good birthday

The weather was gorgeous, sunny and in the 70s. Tomorrow a line of storms is supposed to come in bringing a cold front that will probably mean some of those spring flowers, especially tulip trees, will be hit. But today was glorious, and I'm glad it was like that on my birthday.

I slept until 1:30 in the afternoon. I meant to get up two hours earlier, but slept through my alarm and phone calls on both phones. I think I really needed it. I normally don't get enough sleep, and I had worked a pretty long stretch last week. With our new borrowed assistant manager, it looks like I'll be working at the store just on Thursdays and Saturdays for awhile, which will hopefully give me a break. Last week I was just off on Sunday and Friday, for example. Sunday's the game of course, which is actually an all-day affair for me that mixes relaxation and work, and that left one day to do errands, etc. This week will be much better. I'm thinking of getting my hair cut tomorrow, for instance. I also need to get an oil change soon--I'm just now hitting 3,000 miles since the last one.

Then I went and picked up a friend and we did a few small errands and then went to Masala in Beaumont Centre (I'd planned on Tandoor, but it was clear across town from where we were, and they're owned by the same people). We each had enough food to feed a small army, with plenty to take home for tomorrow. I even managed to save peshwari nan for lunch tomorrow, and a samosa, too. I had appetizers that included pakora and samosas, aloo ghabi and we split one of my favourite dishes, vegetable korma,--it's vegetables in a sweet cream sauce with peanuts. I really wanted to get some gulab jamun, and when he found out it was my birthday, the waiter said he would bring me something, that turned out to be a gulab jamun ball with a birthday candle in it, sitting in kheer (Indian rice pudding). Here's their menu, which is great, since I can never remember the korma's name. It was all wonderful, and the servers were very attentive. I had planned to pick up the tab, but my friend did instead, insisting on treating me for my birthday. That was very sweet.

Afraid that I would go to sleep after such a large meal, instead of going home I went to Meijer and treated myself to a new pair of jeans and a blouse (both very reasonably priced). I also found a new facial scrub (mine is on its last dregs). It's a pineapple enzyme scrub from Alba (I've had good luck with their lotions). I tried it just now and it cleans without drying my face like my Neutrogena Rapid Clear did. It feels very soft, actually. Now we'll just have to see how it does with oil control. I'm definitely one of those combination skin girls.

Since then I've been relaxing to Loreena McKennit music, inhaling an orchid scented oil candle, and spending some time with Cerys, my dog. I did get sleepy and napped for awhile. Then I got up and went to get a friend from work, and now I'm blogging, although I'm going to go back to bed shortly. I also got a price slashed orchid while shopping for dog food that I'm going to try to coax back to bloom. I can never justify the expense for one in full bloom, but this was very cheap. I think it will have yellow/green and purple blooms--I compared it to others in the store. I know someone who grows orchids and is a member one of the local orchid societies (there are two, the Bluegrass Orchid Society and the Central Kentucky one. I'm not sure which he belongs to, or both). Anyway, I'm hoping he can give me tips on fertilizer, etc. I saw one at Meijer tonight that was so dark purple it was almost black. I love these flowers. I'd like to collect them. But I'm definitely going to see how I do with this Dendrobium first.

It's been a wonderful day, and it's made me feel very good about turning forty, after all. I mean, I have several friends and acquaintances who enrich my life every day. I have a wonderful albeit geriatric dog. I have reasonably good health and a steady if part-time job with full benefits. For once I'm actually running a little ahead financially (although that may go away come tax time). I'm very lucky, really, and I don't usually take the time to appreciate all the good things in my life. For those of you who do make it special, thank you. I know sometimes I'm insufferable, sometimes I'm way out there, and sometimes I'm just bordering on psycho, but you stick by me all the way. I appreciate that so much.

Was there any doubt? I'm the ever loyal sidekick, after all...

Take the What Type of Friend Are You? quiz.