This so frightens me

A friend who has known me 20 years has urged me to tell my family doctor about my memory issues and general trouble thinking. Although we sometimes joke about it, I think he really is worried about my having some sort of early-onset Alzheimer's. My great-grandmother had the disease for fifteen years. I watched a vibrant woman of my childhood become more withdrawn to the point of losing either the ability or inclination to talk towards the end. Sometimes it wasn't so bad. She had vivid memories of her youth and talked about her beaux. At some point I remember her telling me about how the people on the TV came and took her for a ride. But it got steadily worse. And as happens sometimes in these cases, on the day she died she seemed to have a sudden burst of clarity, but fleeting.

When I was growing up, I was always the 'smart one'. That identity has lost ground since the person I spend most of my life with is about 40 or so points ahead of me in IQ (and I'm pretty high, he's just off the charts). But even so, learning things used to be my greatest joy, and now I worry because it seems I've retained so little. It's like the things I know are draining from me. And that scares me.

Maybe I should speak with Dr Nesbitt about this. I had an MRI a few years ago, but it was normal--but the only real way to diagnose Alzheimer's is autopsy. It just doesn't show up on scans, generally.

Here is the story of a man who started his battle with Alzheimer's at about my age, and the effects it has had on him and his family:

When Alzheimer's Hits at 40: Early-Onset Sufferers Juggle Children, Job and Dementia

I guess part of my fear, too, is that I don't have a spouse or anyone to really care for me if this were to be my future. And I watched my grandmother burn herself up caregiving for her mother--she was dead within two years of her, even though she was more than two decades younger. I would probably spend my time in some sort of nursing home on Medicaid. I so don't want that life. And because I fear it, I haven't talked to anyone about it rather than my friend--and now here.