I'm at home today

I feel crappy, hurting all over from head to toe deep in the muscles, so I called into work and went back to bed for awhile.

I know what it is. For about twenty years I have had fibromyalgia, and it although it's always present in one degree or another, it truly gets bad when there is an extreme temperature drop such as we had this weekend (it's about 20 degrees cooler now). That's when I feel like I've been hit with a truck and am so tired.

I don't talk about it much because when I first was diagnosed, I did a lot, and my friends made much mock of me. One even called it 'fibrous migraines'. It doesn't help that not all of the medical community recognises it as a legitimate syndrome, and no one really knows the cause, although strides have been made in research and there are new pharmaceutical treatments now. Also, I always seemed worse when I focussed on it too much or talked to other people with it, because I became more self-aware of my pain and probably somatosised as well.

My fibromyalgia is mostly tolerable. I haven't sought out medical help in years, because at the time there was nothing to do except maybe stay as active as possible or take anti-depressants, which work for some people. It's one of the reasons I got into yoga, and it helped a lot, although I must admit I haven't done it in awhile.

But then I have days like today, and I feel awful, and I think maybe I should try one of the new drugs, although I'm loathe to add more to my regimen (I already take eight pills a day). I have to admit, though, that like my carpal tunnel, I tend to ignore the chronic pain and not really realise how in impacts me unless I happen to be pain free, which is virtually never. When I had my carpal tunnel surgery it was like someone lifted a veil and I suddenly wasn't numb, wasn't having pain in my hands, and could feel things again. I'd like to do that with the fibromyalgia. I think in turn I could be more active and it would set up a cycle that would be better. Plus there is are cognitive and other issues that come into play with the disorder. So I may ask Dr Nesbitt about it at our next appointment.

In the meantime today I'm resting, just trying to get up and do a little. I've very rarely missed work due to my fibromyalgia; there are people out there so debilitated that they can't work at all, so I'm grateful that I can still be okay to make a living. But I have to admit, as I type this, that even my fingers hurt and while I should take advantage of a free day to do something around the house or whatever, I simply don't feel up to it. I might be able to watch that 'Doctor Who' premiere and the second episode later. But for now, I really just want to go back to bed. Once my body gets used to the weather change, I'll feel better, really. But for now, I feel like someone has pulled me one direction and then another, and another, until I almost break like a rubber band.