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Saturday, February 06, 2010

Starting my day with rajma masala

which is a kidney bean curry. Because the pre-packaged rice pilaf I'd been using had nuts in it (verboten after my surgery), I bought a container of basmati rice. I cooked it like normal rice, which was totally contrary to the instructions, which called for much soaking (I only thought to read it after the fact, since I'm used to making rice, although it isn't a type of rice I've cooked before.) But cooking it Western style was fine. Of course, I was only doing a cup at a time; they were calling for three. I pride myself on my ability to keep rice from sticking to the pan (apparently every Southern woman's dream), but I usually make rice on a gas stove. Electric's a little harder, and a little stuck. But still, it tastes wonderful. The masala is from India, in one of the pre-packaged foil packs. It could be a tad spicier, but I'm assuming they're making it for the lowest common denominator. Anyway, it's healthy and tasty, and within my cooking skills, which are not great. If I ever marry again I'll have to find someone who can cook. But I think it's better that I learn to on my own, as that imaginary person may not even exist.

I feely very blah and achy

and although I do need to go return that graphics card (I have no money until I do, having just paid rent), it looks iffy dealing with the buses before work, even if I leave by 9:30 (I work at 2). Richmond Road only runs once an hour on Saturday, which I knew, but also the Nicholasville Road bus only goes by Southpark once an hour. I'd be let off at Lexington Green at 10:30, then I'd have to get over to Best Buy and complete my transaction and try to get to the bus stop by 10:48. If I can't, I'll have to wait until 11:48. That would put me getting home about 1:00, and then by 1:40 I'd have to walk over to work. It's doable, but I'm not sure it's a good idea before work.

Monday I need to go to a meeting with our district manager at 3. That'll probably take till 3:30. At 4 I could take the bus out and get to Best Buy by 5, catch the bus back at 5:20 or 5:50, and then continue on that same bus to be at a friend's by 6:40 so we can watch 'Heroes' at 9, plus have the money to take a cab home.

I suppose I'm committed to that course of action as I've now blogged to the point where I can't catch the 9:40 bus. In the meantime, I'm going to live off Indian pre-packaged food, a few dollars, and Diet Sunkist. :) But hey, I've had a lot less to survive on, and at least my balance is positive.

Incidentally, when I checked my balance I came across a slew of information from my bank on transferring to the bank in mid-February that bought it. I'm getting a new debit card, for example, and the account numbers will change for my accounts, but direct deposit, etc., shouldn't be effected. Wish me luck! I just ordered cheques and they'll have the original bank's numbers rather than the new ones. I'm supposed to be able to use those until they run out. Heh, heh. It took me three and a half years to go through the last box, as I very, very rarely use a cheque, mostly to withdraw funds at the bank itself. :) I may set a record for longest use of the old ones.

Okay, I'm going back to bed for a little while and see if these aches will go away. If not, I'll take an honest-to-goodness bath later. Maybe I'll read a little of Blood Rites, too. It's so nice not doing the notes at the last minute. I could get used to it. :) And although I really should have gone out this morning, it's a relief not to deal with hours of bussing when you have a headache and don't feel so well.

A little faith goes a long way

Tonight was my night to give my monthly libation to Hekate. As I went out to pour the wine and honey onto the ground, I contemplated whether or not I should pray for something specifically. The people of Haiti need prayer, but that's really Poseidon's or Aisklepios' arena--or the loa, and I don't have any connexion to the loa and also have no desire to build one. So I prayed for a situation of a friend, and for Her wisdom. Then I went inside (it's cold in the winter when you're barefoot).

As I fed the fish, filled my CPAP humidifier, and generally prepared for bed, I suddenly thought, gee, I should have prayed for the return of the book. It's a small, yet important thing. And lo and behold, I looked down and there it was, on a bottom shelf near where I had put the bags. I'd looked there before, but had not seen it.

So thank you Hekate, for the return of the book, and for the gift of my beloved, Cerys (for that is what her name meant), for sixteen years, You who favour dogs:
Dionysos waited for darksome night, and appealed in these words to circle Mene (Moon) in heaven: 'O daughter of Helios (Sun), Mene (Moon) of many turnings, nurse of all! O Selene (Moon), driver of the silver car! If thou art Hekate of many names, if in the night thou doest shake thy mystic torch in brandcarrying hand, come nightwanderer, nurse of puppies because the nightly sound of the hurrying dogs is thy delight with their mournful whimpering.- Nonnus, Dionysiaca 44.198

Good night.

Friday, February 05, 2010

You know, in my day they had this thing called detention

Queens girl Alexa Gonzalez hauled out of school in handcuffs after getting caught doodling on desk
Alexa is the latest in a string of city students who have been cuffed for minor infractions. In 2007, 13-year-old Chelsea Fraser was placed under arrest for writing "okay" on her desk at Intermediate School 201. And in 2008, 5-year-old Dennis Rivera was cuffed and sent to a psych ward after throwing a fit in his kindergarten.
The girl wrote on her desk with an erasable marker. At most she should have had to remove the marks and perhaps had detention. Instead she was arrested and detained for hours, was suspended, and now has an 8-hour community service punishment to fulfill.

In a similar story of overkill, also in New York City, Laura Timoney fumes after son Patrick, 9, is busted for bringing 2-inch-long toy gun to PS 52
Patrick and a friend were playing with Lego figures in the school cafeteria on Tuesday when he pulled out the faux machine gun and stuck it in the hands of his plastic police officer.
His friend's LEGO figure had an axe in his hand, apparently less threatening. The mother received a call from the school and the boy was almost suspended. The mother thinks the principal over-reacted, and I think so, too. It was a two-inch toy that fit in a LEGO hand, and could not in any way be mistaken for a real gun. The boy's father is a retired police officer himself. The boy had to promise not to bring the gun back to school. He's avowed not to bring any toy to school again.

There are things schools should have zero tolerance on--drugs, real guns, bullying, threatening violence--but there's a big dose of common sense needed as well. Kids get suspended these days for giving a classmate with cramps an ibuprofen, or doodling on a desk. It seems the focus on learning is blurring in the school systems, something we cannot afford to have happen in an era of texting with its loss of writing skills and short attention spans. Schools increasingly seem to be playing babysitter (and in their defence, parents seem to encourage this at times), teaching how to beat a test so funding isn't cut, that sort of thing. I've met people in education who are disgusted with today's schooling. That's not to say there are not good teachers, principals, librarians, and programmes out there. But there's a lot of stupid silliness, too, and these stories count.

I am being thwarted by books

which is bad for a librarian.

The first is Jim Butcher's Blood Rites. I had it last Saturday at work and had read the first few pages (a thoroughly entertaining vignette of trying to save a box of puppies from daemonic entities that throw napalm-like excrement, something right out of a Cthulhu game, I could imagine), but I have not seen it since. It is not at work. It is not in the co-worker's car who gave me a ride home. (I've had both him check and checked myself tonight.) But I can't find it at home (it's easy to camouflage a book in my house; there are teeming hoardes, thousands of books in my house). I've checked the bags I was carrying. I've cleaned the landing spot that is also known as a loveseat. I've searched in various places to no avail.

Now, usually, I'd be somewhat annoyed and just wait for the house to give back the book. But this is a *library book*, with 20 days left on loan. I have only once had to replace a library book, one that I didn't actually lose but returned to the high school library only to have it disappear, and since it was checked out in my name, I had to pay for it. I have kept many library books over their appointed time, and racked up horrible fines, but I have never actually lost a library book. So if I seem frantic, I have good reason.

The other book is Runes of the Earth by Stephen R Donaldson. It was a book I was expecting from the PaperbackSwap people, but it never came. Whilst cleaning the couch and looking for the Butcher book, I came across a notice that had nestled in a piece of junk mail of an attempted delivery for said book, with a final date to be sent back to the sender of the next day--something I obviously missed. Even if I'd seen the notice, it's a bus ride across town to that post office, plus several blocks walking, which would have hurt my feet, but I would have done it had I known it was sitting there. They apparently had kept it for two months without me knowing it was there. So sadly, I will not get the book and it was an exercise in futility for the sender. But I have learnt two things: 1) Do not request delivery confirmation for any book I send out, and 2) change my receiving address to my work address, as I am almost never home during delivery hours and have little hope of getting such a package. At least at work someone will be there to receive it, and it will just be put in my mailbox.

I have not given up looking for the Butcher book. It's only a paperback, but I really don't want to have to pay for it. It is a horrible crime for a librarian to actually lose a book. So I hope the house decides to give it back soon, with the tidal flow that is my stuff.

I miss my puppy

On my way back from putting my rent into the slot at the leasing office (on time, and I have been for months--I may be killing my feet but at least I can pay my bills), a couple was out walking their dog, a husky-chow mix that was tiny compared to the parent breeds. She was very friendly, and licked my hand. Most dogs really like me, and recognise me as a dog person. But after they left, I was overcome with a sadness.

It's been over two years since Cerys died, but she had such a profound effect on my life that I still think of her often, and the memories are bittersweet, because she was such a good dog, and now she's gone, although after a good, long life. She was a pound puppy, my very first dog of my own, my responsibility. I was out driving one day and had a very strong urge to go to the local humane society--even though it was in the opposite direction--and fell in love with the black Lab mix that bowed just like my friend's dog (my training dog, if you will, how I learnt to love and take care of dogs). Someone was ahead of me for the adoption, but bowed out. My landlord had to approve. I was desperate for that dog, and it was apparently meant to be. I firmly believe that my Patroness, Hekate, had a hand in that, as she is associated with dogs, especially black ones. That began a wonderful relationship that lasted sixteen years.

Cerys did more than anything to get me out of the funk I was in once my brain returned and I fled my marriage. She loved me unconditionally--something rare in my life.

I remember after I took her home her coming up to the bed and looking forlorn and begging, but afraid to come up (I think she'd been abused before she was abandoned; she was terribly timid, especially at the start). I invited her up and from that moment on it was her bed. Even now, I've finally begun to stretch out on the bed and take her spot, but it took over a year and a change in mattress to do so. That's actually how I knew she was going downhill--she'd started to sleep on the floor, and had difficulty getting up onto a fairly low bed. The floor, even carpeted, had never been good enough for her before.

I have a poor memory for all sorts of things, but vivid ones of Cerys, as a puppy, in middle age, and as an old dog. I treasure every moment I had with her. It's so strange now to have only fish as pets (I'd had three cats for years as well, the last of which was put down a year before Cerys). I am an aunt to two wonderful cats and three dogs that adore me. I am part of their pack. It's enough, mostly. But every now and then I miss my dog, who was really the best dog for me there could have been, and at a time in my life when I desperately needed something in my life like her.

I don't know what happens when animals die, if there's some spirit they have that lives on to be reborn. But if so, I hope Cerys is young and happy and full of life, with someone who loves her as much as I did.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

This is certainly the most entertaining story I have read or heard all week

Awkward Boy Week Continues: A Bad Way To Wake Up

Josh Hanagarne, the World's Strongest Librarian, is a great writer and a fun read. But his anecdote of being horribly embarrassed in junior high hit home with me. His was an erection in Hammer pants after falling asleep in class.

Mine was peeing all over the floor in 8th grade.

Yes. I did. I don't know what happened. I just know I suddenly felt the urge during a vocabulary test, raised my hand, and then the next thing I knew, I was covered in urine. I was mortified. And I had to go find a janitor to get a mop, then call my mother to take me home to get cleaned up and put on new clothes. After class, while waiting for my mom, my English teacher (who was actually Scottish) asked questions to try to pinpoint the cause. I'm not sure what she thought--abuse at home, horrible medical condition, or what, but she cared, and that's what mattered. I'm thinking it was hormones, as I was going through puberty. But I was already the nerdy smart kid in school who was outcast. This just served to underscore my sense of other. The only thing that saved me was moving from California to Kansas that year to a place where no one had witnessed or heard about the incident. School life was marginally better in Kansas (although I had both gum put in my hair and fish guts put in my locker, I didn't get threatened and beaten up like in California.)

Still, it is one of the most mortifiying events in my life. So I understand Josh's reaction. And like him, I've learnt to laugh at it and it has become one of those 'embarrassing anecdotes of childhood'. But I think his is better. There's just nothing like an erection in Hammer pants. :)

A resolution

I assiduously avoided making resolutions this year, because, well, I normally fail them terribly. But I've really gotten to the point with blogging that I either talk a lot about myself (which is fine--it's my blog, after all, and it's a personal one) or I include news stories I find interesting (also okay), but in the latter I rarely add commentary anymore. Sometimes, I'm so pressed in terms of getting some blogging done that I just put up a few links. That's not really creating content, something I think is important when writing online. So I'm going to work at more commentary on news, observations of my day, etc. and not focus quite so much on things like my foot pain, etc. I suspect that's getting old (trust me, having it certainly is). If you're enjoying the blog as is and don't care for changes, let me know. If you have suggestions for topics or just the blog in general, again, let me know. (There's an e-mail link on the sidebar or of course commenting links under each post.) This is my *ninth* year blogging continuously here. I'd like to keep it up. I have to admit that it has become a habit and it makes me antsy to not write at least a little every day (and being offline at times is maddening). Anyway, that's my resolution. Just one. Think I can do it?

It probably won't end the debate

but it's a good move.

Journal Retracts Study Backing Vaccine-Autism Link

The original study examined 12 children in Britain and put forth the hypothesis that the MMR vaccine could be a cause of autism. In Britain, MMR vaccine coverage dropped sharply -- from 92 percent in 1995 to 84 percent in 2002, after the publication of the study. The country has experienced several large measles outbreaks since then.
Umm...even I took enough statistics to know 12 cases do not a good sample number make. Then there's:
More than 20 studies have been conducted since the Lancet study that show there is no association between the MMR vaccine and autism, and no studies have been published in peer-review journals that support the idea, Halsey says.

"It's very important that the article was retracted because it validates that the material that was submitted for publication was not based on good science," he says. "I hope that those parents who still have some apprehension and uncertainty in their minds about MMR will now feel more comfortable having their children immunized and immunized on time."
Of course, there will be parents who are against immunisation anyway, but the fact is the risks from measles, mumps, and rubella--to the child and to those others who are not immune--are far greater than the vaccine's. That's not to say that vaccines are perfectly harmless--there's a reason people are warned against the flu vaccine if they are allergic to eggs, for example. My own mother refused to have me vaccinated against mumps (on religious grounds, since that was the only viable way) when I was in junior high because I'd had it confirmed on both sides of my neck and the chances of a recurrence were very small, compared to a possible reaction to the vaccine. I don't think she was crazy in this. But keeping your children from being vaccinated due to baseless information or even worse, hosting parties so kids will get sick and gain a natural immunity, is just plain, well, wrong. (And I'd call the latter legally actionable, in my opinion, if the child were harmed through contracting the illness.)

The fact of the matter is medicine is based to some extent on probability. There is of course the directive to 'do no harm'. But sometimes it's difficult to determine what will cause the greater harm. In vaccines, however, it's clear that stopping the diseases is really the greater good, with good evidence to that effect.

I have every sympathy for those parents searching for a reason for their children's autism. And with such an increase in diagnoses (some could be because we know more about autism, but I don't think that can possibly account for all the increase), there very well could be something in the environment causing it. I believe that this is the case whole-heartedly, because frankly we have trashed our environment with all sorts of toxins in recent decades. Finding the problem is literally like searching for a needle in a haystack. I've heard ideas ranging from the thimerosal in vaccines to mercury in fish to plastics and beyond. We want an answer. But that's an emotional desire. We can't fit science into our views. We can't make it give us an answer. Science is based on trial, on experimentation, and on repetition of results, and this study did not hold up under scrutiny, and therefore The Lancet is right to retract it. It might let the air out of the sails of the debate a little, but the debate isn't going to go away--again, because it's become emotional, not factual. But, still, it helps set the scientific record straight on the evidence.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Exploring human consciousness

Brains of vegetative patients show life
Of 54 unresponsive patients whose brains were scanned at medical centers in England and Belgium, those five appeared able, when prompted by researchers, to imagine themselves playing tennis, and four of them demonstrated the ability to imagine themselves walking through the rooms of their homes.

One of those patients -- a 22-year-old man who had been unresponsive for five years after an automobile crash -- went on to respond to a series of simple questions with brain activity that clearly indicated yes or no answers, researchers said.

Their work is the first to give physicians and families the prospect of a biological test to determine whether a patient who shows no response to his or her surroundings is conscious and aware of them.

That information, in turn, could bring comfort to families and better care to patients who are able to demonstrate their awareness and communicate their needs. For those consistently unable to respond, such tests may bring a measure of comfort to families inclined to end life support.
This study may make us reevaluate what it means to be alive and sentient. I wanted to know more about their methodology. Fortunately the paper is available online for free:

Willful Modulation of Brain Activity in Disorders of Consciousness

The article is pretty interesting. I have to admit I don't know much about the trustworthiness of functional MRIs for determining answers to test questions, but it sounds like this technique may at least help scientists understand the true status of those diagnosed in vegetative or minimally conscious states.