My stepfather

is coming up this morning to take me to visit my mom. So I'm listening to Pandora, I'm pretty much ready to go, I've got the dishwasher going, and am just waiting. I need to take my meds, so I'll do that. I send him my address via text to remind him, as it's been awhile since he's been here. I suspect it's going to be a difficult day. But I'm glad I'm getting to go down there. I'll check in later.

It's amazing

how hungry you can get when you're told you can't eat for a few hours. Today I had a chest CT scan with contrast, and couldn't eat for four hours prior to the test. Fortunately, the imaging centre is very close to my apartment, so I came home and am having a peanut butter and fruit sandwich with some vegetarian baked beans, and plenty of water.

This has been a very rough week in terms of scheduling my friend's and my appointments so they don't interfere with my work. My relative is doing better, although still in the hospital; her husband texted a picture of her to me today, and that was nice. I now face a very difficult decision--do I drive an hour away to see her, visit, and then return, or do I take care of some things that have been on the back burner and basically regroup and get recharged while I have some time tomorrow? If I get up very early, I might be able to do both, but I think that would be pushing it. I haven't been taking care of myself very well of late, something I'm trying to get back to doing.

In the meantime I'm going to take a friend to get some furnace filters and leaf bags (in Lexington, leaves and other yard waste must go in either big paper bags or the Lenny (yes, we name our trash receptacles here, there's also Herbie and Rosie) container, which fills up pretty easily, although it is pretty large. I also going to try to do some laundry over there, as I missed it last Sunday and didn't manage to do it any of the rest of the week, either, and I'm kind of down to very little cool weather clothes--although it was fairly warm today, in the high 40s, low 50s.

I think I'm going to lie down for about a half-an-hour nap, then stop by the grocery store briefly and go over there. I should still be there before the friend I'm taking shopping gets home.

I have now visited exactly half the states in the Union

1. Alabama
2. Arizona
3. Arkansas
4. California
5. Georgia
6. Illinois
7. Indiana
8. Kansas
9. Kentucky
10. Louisiana
11. Maryland
12. Michigan
13. Minnesota
14. Mississippi
15. Missouri
16. New Mexico
17. North Carolina
18. Ohio
19. Oklahoma
20. Pennsylvania
21. South Carolina
22. Tennessee
23. Texas
24. Virginia
25. West Virginia

I just added Michigan, even if I only saw the Detroit airport. Note, I still haven't visited Florida, the only Southern state not on my list, and the one everyone seems to have been to. Okay, now to bed. Good night.

I feel a little guilty

about not going to the hospital tonight after I got out of my appointment, but since they shut down visitation during shift change, I'd have had to gone about 8:30 pm, and from what I gather, nothing much has changed, except she was moved to another unit within the hospital and can squeeze a hand if asked, since she's on a ventilator and cannot speak. I did check with the nurse this morning and her husband tonight. Tomorrow I have yet another appointment after work, physical therapy, and so if she's still in the hospital Friday I'll visit. I would hope she wouldn't be, but I think she probably will. She's pretty sick. It's hard to see her like that, though, and I will say, her husband is doing a good job of being by her side, although I'm sure it's wearing on him. He'd driving home every night after being there all day to take care of his 93-year-old mother, a dog, and a cat, and then coming back each day, and he's about 45 minutes away one way, and he's no spring chicken. In the midst of some of her issues his dog had an infection and had to have emergency surgery and his sister died of a heart attack--so it's been a very rough two or three weeks for him.

I have a somewhat complicated relationship with her, and while we were very close, too close really, once upon a time, we don't see or talk to each other often. But I hate to see her suffering, and I do love her, and it's very sad and I just haven't processed it quite yet, her mortality. Getting older is no picnic, but being older and having multiple conditions any one of which can quickly kill you sucks majorly. It also makes me examine my own life and future, and maybe some changes I could make. I can't imagine losing her, but I'm very much afraid that I will, and soon--if not this hospitalisation, then one to come. It makes me very sad to think about it, although it's tempered by the reality being faced. And as difficult as it is for us to watch, it must be horrible for her. I know the tubes and wires are really making her uncomfortable, and she was obviously frustrated by not being able to speak. My hope is that she can get off all of that and return home, and soon, to her pining cat, crazy dog, and her husband. I know that's where she would want.

I got home from my family visit about six hours ago

but I needed a little time to process my day and get back on my normal emotional track before writing. I love my family, but visits there can often bring up troubling emotions and it's usually best to kind of keep to myself afterwards and give myself some time to destress. I'm sure there are others out there who feel the same way.

While there were some negative things about the trip, which I'm not going to focus on here, there was a lot of good stuff, too. Among other things:

1. The ride down was quite nice, although it rained a little. Everything is very lush and I saw a lot of cattle in fields, although no tobacco to speak of yet.
2. My aunt and her husband were able to come up and so I got to spend time with them. We don't see each other much, as they live in another state, but my aunt and I are enough alike that my grandparents and my mom often call me by her name. She also works in a library, too. :)
3. I spent some good time with my grandmother, who was sleepy when we got to the nursing home but perked up over lunch. She will be 90 in a few days; she amazes me. I wish she could be home with us, and it terrifies me that I will most likely wind up in a place like that (and don't get me wrong, it's a nice facility, I'm speaking in general) as unlike most of my cousins, I didn't have children. But she's in a good place, and my mom visits almost every day.
4. My mom and I had some quality time. We went shopping at Burke's Outlet, and I found a few nice things that were very reasonable.
5. We had a nice meal at Applebee's. I got an appetizer and shared it with my mom and stepdad, and my aunt and uncle shared theirs as well, and then there was a salmon dinner. The little bit of vegetables that come with it could have been better (the peas were shrivelled, and there was just a little bit of spinach and potato, as it was on a 'bed' of them, rather than as a side, but the grilled salmon was very good, as was the queso I got for the appetizer, and the service was decent in terms of refills, etc.
6. My mom's dog has warmed up to me. She really liked being petted, although she goes off every time someone hugs someone else, or if you get up like you're leaving the house. I think she misses my grandmother's dog, Bo, who died in March. Momma showed me where he's buried.

I do wish I'd gotten to see my other uncle, my mom's brother, but apparently there was a fire in Chicago that affected air traffic and cancelled his flight. My aunt and uncle were driving, so it didn't affect them.

The ride up was a little more stressful, particularly as I had someone ride my bumper from Danville to Jessamine County, where I finally stopped at a station right before Nicholasville for a drink so I could get them off my tail. Mind you, I have a pretty strict rule of going no more than 5 miles over the speed limit, but this meant I went about 60 the whole way. Highway 27 is not an interstate.

After that, the trip was better. I called my mom when I got home so she'd know I was safe and then called a friend who'd called about some medicine and also to see if I was back in the city as he'd worked late and it was going to be very late before I got home by bus. Unfortunately, that was right after we'd gotten back from Applebee's and I hadn't left yet. So he wound up getting home just a little before I did (it about takes an hour to get to my house from Danville, at least obeying traffic laws), even though he was just going a few miles. I wasn't up to going over there tonight (I'd have had to shower and get the smell of cigarettes off me (my mom smokes) because YKWIA dislikes it a lot), and I was wound up and a bit murbly emotionally. So it was better to stay home. I'll be over there for 'Grimm' tomorrow and can pick up his prescription then and get it on Saturday morning, we decided.

Another good thing about today is I was able to keep my partials in till past 8 pm and ate well with them, although my mom had a little trouble with the speech impediment they give me. But overall they weren't as uncomfortable as they are sometimes. I will get used to them eventually; I just need to wear them regularly. I've already set them in their bath to clean, and I took my contacts out when I got home, got into something comfy, and then I put in some Loreena McKennitt, whose music is probably as efficacious as Prozac and is very relaxing. I got online for a little while and then put the computer down and went to sleep for awhile. I awoke to cramps and pain going down my legs (I'll start my period within a few hours), so I got up and took my long-acting insulin and took my blood sugar while I was at it. And I decided to write this post.

I should probably head on back to bed. I have to get up at my normal time tomorrow for work, after all, and that's five hours away. But I feel a little better now that I got some things down about the trip.

Went to visit family today

travelling both to Danville and Stanford, and had a good time with my mom and grandmother. Then I drove back to Lexington and took A on the grocery run and helped YKWIA prepare some mushroom soup for tomorrow. Now I'm home, returning to a messy house and realising that I need to straighten up and do game notes, but I'm almost too tired for either. Sigh.