I left my husband and our bosom companion (his partner now--as far as I know, I don't keep up with them that closely--for nineteen years) and got out of the strange, dysfunctional relationship I was in. I'd been married six months, but my brain had finally kicked in, wondering where I was and why I was with two gay men when I should be anywhere but there. Fortunately, I never promised 'until death do you part', but rather 'until love shall last' (which if it had ever really been there, didn't last much beyond a season), so I didn't break any oaths before God or anything. I just cut my losses and ran. It ended a saga that had lasted six years.
In the fifteen years since that day, I've grown as a person, although probably not as much as I could have, as I am resistant to growth. :) I've learnt a lot about why I wound up in that relationship and why I should have left or at least drawn lines in the sand sooner. I haven't gone on to any other relationship (I've dated hardly at all, and those were all disastrous and odd). I guess that would be the ultimate test of what I've learnt, but I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve in a relationship, and that may mean I never find someone who can measure up. But that's okay. I used to worry because my biological clock was ticking (I'm 39 now; I left at 24); now I doubt I should ever have children, and if I do, it will hopefully be by adoption when I am in a better position to be a mother. But I'm pretty happy alone, and it's not as if I'm totally alone--I have riches in terms of quality in friendship, even if the quantity is small.
I just thought I should mark the day with a little musing, and take a moment to thank one friend in particular for being there throughout it all and helping me come to my senses. You saved my life, and I'm very grateful.
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