: Weepy
Okay, it's dark an icky outside, so no sunshine to cheer me up. I felt so down this morning I asked Dwana for a depression scale to get an idea of how I was feeling in comparison with a few months ago. It probably jumped from about a 4 to a 28. Then I started thinking about how I'd been relatively okay during all the stress the last week and a half and looked at the calendar and I'm on day 19 of my menstrual cycle. Since I have PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), it makes sense that the hormone flux would make me do a sudden nosedive. I haven't felt this bad in a very long time, though. So, the plan of attack is more clear--make sure I eat well, take my medicine, and get more rest.
So, my anxiety's gone down a bit. I didn't realise it, but I am very scared of becoming depressed again. I never want to feel suicidal again, even though I know that it's one of those things that tends to come and go over a lifetime. I've talked with a couple of friends about it and they were very supportive. If I do start feeling like I'm depressed for more than a few days at a time, I'll seek professional help again. For now, I guess I'll muddle through and see if things improve after my period.
There are times I hate hormones. They're powerful, and sometimes I think we as human beings are slaves to them, whether male of female...but I guess we couldn't do well without them. I have several co-workers going through menopause now and that's a whole other can of worms. :)
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