Such a shame

I would not really describe myself as a fan of Whitney Houston's, but I enjoyed her powerful and beautiful voice when I heard her. It's such a shame that drugs robbed her of that voice, and perhaps, her life, although it may be some time before the results in the investigation are announced.

She was only three years older than I, and battled daemons I cannot imagine. I wish things had turned out differently, and I hope she is finally at peace.

Although my favourite of her songs is her rendition of Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You', I was listening to her singing the national anthem on YouTube and not only did tears come to my eyes, chills went up my spine. It is quite possibly the best performance of that notoriously difficult song, and she made it seem flawless. Here it is:

Listening to:

In honour of Valentine's Day

Before match.com and other services, there was computer dating, which meant putting all your info into a computer at an agency, making a video for others to view, and hoping someone hot popped out. Here's a skit that shows you young folks what it was like:



Sadly, I never tried this method of dating. But Richard does remind me a little of an ex....

One more step in understanding

how the body is infected and resists infection from HIV:

Immune cells use 'starvation tactics' on HIV

Scientists have shown how some cells in the body can repel attacks from HIV by starving the virus of the building blocks of life.

Viruses cannot replicate on their own; they must hijack other cells and turn them into virus production factories.

A study, published in Nature Immunology, showed how some parts of the immune system destroy their own raw materials, stopping HIV.

It is uncertain whether this could be used in therapy, experts caution.

Eight years ago today, a senseless death in the line of duty

I'm taking a moment to remember a woman here in Lexington who gave her life trying to save another. Our firefighters and police do not get nearly the recognition they deserve. May she rest in peace, and may her family be comforted by the memorials in her honour.

Firefighters honor Brenda Cowan; hang mystery blanket in former station

Cowan was Lexington's first black female firefighter. She was a trained paramedic, a University of Kentucky graduate and the sister of Fred Cowan, a member of UK's 1978 national championship team. She had been promoted to lieutenant and assigned to Station 18 about a week prior to her death.

Cowan was among the first to arrive to the scene of a shooting at 8645 Adams Lane, about a mile from the station. While tending to another female gunshot victim, Cowan was shot by Patrick Hutchinson, a paranoid schizophrenic who had shot and killed his wife before paramedics arrived. Another firefighter was wounded by Hutchison, who was firing a rifle through an open window of the home.

I am bone tired

even though I was only at work for the first and last part of the day. I left at 12:15 so that I could catch the bus that would get me to a doctor's office in time for a 1:45 appointment. I walked from the transit centre to the office, which was by Good Samaritan (they used to have an office over near my apartment; I didn't know until I made the appointment that they had moved, and only because I asked). I made it back to work about 4:15, this time waiting for a bus to take me down to the transit centre and then transferring to my other bus. I could have walked, but I'm not used to walking several blocks since I've had the foot problems for so long, and it was doing a number on my feet and knees.

It was a gynaecology appointment for a routine exam, for which I was slightly overdue. Because it was UK, there was not just the regular doctor and nurse but also a resident, who did the exam. It's the first guy I've had do the exam and pap smear in awhile. The regular doctor did have the presence of mind to pull the blinds before I asked. We all thought it was one way glass, but weren't sure, and if not, anyone walking or driving by at the right angle might have gotten an eyeful from a ground floor window. :)

The gowns were not big enough (the arms were quite uncomfortable), but I had a nice big sheet for privacy. I tell you, the best gowns in the city are at the St Joseph Breast Centre over at Eagle Creek. Even I find them comfy, even voluminous.

Because some women only have a GYN as their main doctor, there were a whole lot of questions on their checklist that had nothing to do with reproductive health, such as vaccinations, alcohol use, colonoscopies, that sort of thing. The paperwork even asked for odd things, too, like my mother's maiden name and my father's first name. The history, of course, was complete, and that was good. The one thing they never asked, which I thought was interesting, was whether I was sexually active. They just asked if I was using birth control, and if so, if I were happy with it.

I will say they were very thorough. They took my weight, blood pressure (which was good), listened to my heart and lungs, did the actual pelvic exam, and did the pap. Apparently my cervix played hide and seek with the resident. I had no idea that it could turn away from the speculum. Who knew? Apparently mine was shy. :) I must admit, I was amused.

I arrived early, of course, but the wait wasn't very long. The bus took more time than anything else.

I'd scanned several articles for a doctor from our journals this morning. This evening I retrieved the last article from a database I'd been locked out of earlier (there's only one licence, so we get turnaways sometimes). Then I entered all my charge sheets and got that all squared away.

Tomorrow will be fairly busy because 1) I have another doctor's appointment, but fortunately it is in the morning and across the street from me, 2) I need to request several articles via interlibrary loan, fill one request from another library, and catalogue, and then the charge entry should be quite busy as clinic is very large, plus I'll get sheets from today's clinic and the OR.

Today I got my new Medic-Alert card in the mail, and also the farewell episode of M*A*S*H on DVD from Netflix. I'm excited to see that again after all these years, but I'm not sure I'm up to it tonight.

The plan is to do a load of laundry early in the morning, since my appointment means I'm leaving the house later than normal.

Do you think I could take a nap without crashing for the night? I got sleep last night, but I felt a little hung over this morning since I'd been up 17 hours on Sunday, had cleaned house, done the grocery run, and played the game (in which we finally defeated the creature that could walk through walls and phase her hand through your chest, squeezing the heart until you died). I got home at 11 and I was probably asleep within a half hour. I tried to get up at 6, but it wound up being 8:30.

So tired. We'll see. At least I'm going to chill for awhile, maybe listen to some music I have out from the library. If I don't write again, good night.

I'm cold. I'm almost never cold.

The temperature outside was already cold, but is falling, and I was having trouble staying warm even in my bed, which is unusual for me. The thermostat was on 66 degrees. I've moved it up to 68 to see if I feel better, and I put on a comfy nightshirt and house socks (they're knit socks with vinyl bottoms to them), and I've brought out the Snuggie, a sure sign that all is not right with the ambient temperature. I shouldn't complain--it's been so warm and I've had lower heating bills as a result, but for that reason I'm not used to it.

I am not doing laundry, or taking things out, in this. It's supposed to get down to eleven degrees tonight. Tomorrow it's supposed to be a bit warmer. We'll try then.

I've got to take a break before I do anything else

I just got home. It is freezing (23 degrees!) and windy. I've been running strong for seven hours, five of them out and about, and two of them on the phone with two different companies trying to sort out a mess with my flexible spending card.

First I worked on notes, getting them done early on a Saturday, which is better than normal, although I should transcribe them earlier in the week. And the batteries for the voice recorder are charging. Then someone I know from the pharmacy came and got me on his day off to take me in to work with them on the card issue. United Healthcare, which is not only my medical insurance company but also my flexible spending account company, was very helpful. Medco, which is my pharmacy insurance company, really was, well, not, although she at least admitted that she was out of her league and no one there knew what to do. It looked like I was going to have to pay $400 out of pocket and then get reimbursed. Then the pharmacy tech ran them through one at a time, and virtually all went through. Anything where I pay less than the normal co-pay, including my pen needles and one of my meds, declined, and they had been declining the whole thing. Still, it's crazy that they have to run ten meds through one at a time, especially as they get charged by the credit card companies for each transaction. So I'm not giving up, and I'll call the companies again this week. But it took two hours on the phone just to get to that point. In the end, I had to pay $60 for the things that wouldn't go through, which is far better, but the point is all those have gone through before and should continue to do so without problem. I am definitely going to let our human resources people know as well, in case others are having the same trouble.

The pharmacy was closing by that time, so we left and my ride, who had mailed that package for me, suggested trying the vegetarian oyster sauce at Good Food Co-op, but it was to no avail. At that point, I realised that I'd left my wallet and phone back at the pharmacy. Fortunately he had a key and I knew where it was, so he ran in and got it for me. Then he dropped me off at the Richmond Road Kroger so I could look for oyster sauce and do a little shopping. He was so great about taking me around.

When I came out of Kroger, the bus had just gone by, and wouldn't be back in over an hour, so I went over to Subway, because I hadn't eaten since 8 am and it was 2:30. I'm still used to checking my blood sugar and giving myself an insulin injection in public, but I think I do it fairly discretely.

Then I waited at the bus stop with several people including a woman who complained about how rude Southerners were, but was fairly, well, odd (read possibly mentally ill) and frankly wouldn't have been happy anywhere she lived, by the sound of it. She should go back to wherever she came from, in my opinion.

I stopped by the library briefly and then walked home, carrying many things and generally freezing. The one thing I had considered doing, but forgot to do at Kroger, and that's probably just as well, because it would have been a waste of money, was play the Powerball, which had the highest jackpot tonight in its history. I sure wasn't going to walk down to the Circle K station laden as I was. So now I'm in, I'm warm, and I'm thinking of taking a nap. This early in the afternoon I doubt I'll stay asleep for hours on end. Maybe. I still have a lot to do, of course. But all the absolutely vital-had-to-do-it-today stuff is done, although the laundry really does have to be done before Monday.

I stepped outside to clear my head

and it's snowing tiny, sparkling snowflakes. Not too much has actually accumulated; the walks are clear, just the bushes, cars, and a bit on the grass. But that's supposed to change.

I've been asleep since shortly after I arrived home, so about 7:00. Yes, that means once again I slept through 'Grimm' and 'Supernatural'. I so need to get caught up on them, and of course I was sure I would wake up, so I didn't set the DVR. Fortunately they have episodes online.

I just took some ibuprofen, the first I've taken since starting the Neurontin, because I'm having other types of aches and pains. I will say I woke up at 9:30, about an hour and a half past due for the Neurontin, and my legs were bothering me so much I couldn't stand to have pants on. Now they're fine, and my feet are mostly so. The odd thing is the test showed that I didn't really have any pronounced neuropathy--it was mostly normal. But it sure is helping, so I'm not going to complain, and it doesn't make me groggy or otherwise impair me, plus, considering how much ibuprofen I was taking, my stomach is likely happier.

I've taken my Lantus and done all the nightly stuff except feed the fish, which I will do when I put the lights out. I've already had five hours' sleep, so the plan is to get up early in the morning and do laundry and game notes. In fact, I'm tempted to do it now. But I'm a little achy right now, so I don't want to go lifting much.

Tomorrow's agenda:

• Do laundry
  
• Transcribe game notes
  
• Charge batteries for the digital voice recorder (keep forgetting to do this until it's almost too late)
  
• Visit pharmacy and iron out the flexible spending issue or at least get new meds and pay for them so I can be reimbursed
  
• Mail a package for a friend from the post office (which is conveniently near the pharmacy)
  
• Get some groceries, look for vegetarian oyster sauce
  
• Go to the library, download 'Where's My Water?' through the wi-fi connexion and pick up a book they have on hold
  
• Take out the trash (of which there is some, but very little)
  
• Take out the recyclables (of which there is a goodly amount)
  
• Clean the kitchen and bathroom
  
• Do housework (different than cleaning, as I have been informed that cleaning involves water, as in dishes, mopping, and scrubbing)
  
• Sew a button back on my coat, which popped off today on the bus when I tried to get my backpack off

It's a lot to do, I know, but hey, that's what Saturdays are for.

I must confess

that today I sent a DVD that I have had for almost six weeks from Netflix without actually opening and watching. It's suppposed to be a great film (it's A Beautiful Mind), but I was just never 'in the mood' for it. I'll put it back in my queue for later. The next one will be the final two-hour episode of M*A*S*H, so hopefully that will get me back into my 2-discs a week schedule. And of course, there's so much to choose from streaming when I am in the mood. There's still all those episodes of 'Downton Abbey', for example, or for shorter periods of attention span, there's 'American Dad', 'Invader Zim', and 'Avatar: the Last Airbender', and I never saw the complete series of any of those. I just wish 'Supernatural' was on streaming with the other CW shows.

Despite it snowing a good part of the day

I was warm and cozy in my library and had flowers to brighten up the place. The carnation spray on the right came from work, from recreational therapy. The plant on the left is an oxalis, often mistakenly called a shamrock, and if you look closely (click on the picture to blow it up if you have to, it's blooming little delicate pink flowers. I got it around St Patrick's Day last year from Kroger, and it was tiny compared to now. Around May I stuck it in the present pot and it just exploded in size. I'm thinking of repotting it to see if that continues. I had one co-worker who said the leaves look like butterflies flittering. I like that. :) Anyway, I brought the vase of cut flowers home for the weekend, but the oxalis will stay at work; it really likes the lighting there. You can also see part of my library in the background, just in case you're interested.

The snow hasn't been sticking, but that should change now that it's gotten dark. We're supposed to get 1-2 inches through tomorrow. I hope it's okay outside tomorrow as I'm going to the pharmacy, the library, and the grocery, plus doing laundry. We'll see.

I get the objection

but as a librarian and avid e-book borrower, it pretty much sucks.

Why can't you borrow that Penguin e-book from the library?

Starting today, if you go to your library to borrow the e-book of "Bringing Up Bebe," Pamela Druckerman's new book about parenting the French way, you'll come up with nothing. That's because its publisher, Penguin, has pulled out of its relationship with OverDrive, the vendor that supplies most libraries with e-books and audio books.

The change was unexpected, but it is not surprising. Penguin joins publishers Simon & Schuster, MacMillan, and Hachette Book Group in not allowing e-book library lending. As e-books have increased in popularity, major publishers and libraries -- who share the goal of getting books into readers' hands -- have found themselves bumping into a number of complicating factors that seem to put them at odds.

For Penguin, that issue was OverDrive's relationship with Amazon. A 2011 arrangement made library lending possible on the Kindle. Publishers have objected to the library loans being executed through Amazon's servers -- imagine walking into your public library then finding yourself at the Target checkout counter.

It took nearly an hour and three alarms

(Listening to Natalie Merchant's 'The Living')

to get me up from an almost 12-hour sleep. I was up briefly at 2, and took my Neurontin (I'd taken my insulin before I'd gone to bed, it just was too early for the other). And somewhere around 10 there was a phone call. But otherwise I slept. The Neurontin is working wonders with the foot pain, and I got some distilled water so my humidifier on my CPAP could run, so I was set and comfy. I realise now that when I was sleeping so much in the past, I wasn't really sleeping that much in all that time, because of the pain. It was keeping me in this light, dreamless sleep where I woke up all the time. Now I'm sleeping much better, dreaming again, and although I'm not quite sure where the need for the long sleep came from, it was nice to get. I'm not groggy like I used to be upon waking, either, although I'm a little congested and coughing. I've noticed I've been having some trouble breathing very deeply lately, so I'm going to ask them to check me out at my appointment Tuesday. I haven't felt sick or anything, nothing beyond the ubiquitous allergies. But it may be my asthma kicking in. I had an actual episode during the dog attack where I needed my inhaler, and that happens something like three or four times a year, my asthma is so mild. I really have trouble breathing if I bend over, but I think that's just because I'm fat.

I am not up early enough to do any laundry, so that will have to wait until tomorrow. Fortunately it is jeans day and I have just enough clean clothes to manage that. As far as tomorrow goes, we're going to try to iron out the problem with my pharmacy and flexible spending card not meshing, and the guy I know who works there is actually going to come pick me up and take me across town to the pharmacy so we can talk to the company together and then bring me back, saving me maybe three or four hours on the buses, which I really appreciate. At some point tomorrow, I'm also going to go by the grocery and get, if I can find it, vegetarian oyster sauce for a friend, as well as some groceries for me. I also need to stop by the library briefly.

Today we're supposed to have clouds followed by a rain-snow mix later in the day that should cause things to be, well, miserable in terms of getting out and the commute home. I've got a ride, thankfully. My aim today is to catalogue as many books as possible. I did 45 the other day, and I've done 149 in the last few days. It's not full-blown cataloguing--I'm using LibraryThing, where you type in or scan the ISBN and it populates it from other sources. I then put in the tags and the National Library of Medicine classification number, for that is what we use on our shelves. So it's basically copy cataloguing with a little additional work.

It's been a long week, and I think people are ready for Friday. Our accrediting agency was at the hospital for three days doing a survey, and I gather it went well. They never came to the library, but I was ready with my codes and acronyms for dealing with crisis situations, as well as what we as the library could do in the case of computer or utility failure, so I felt fairly confident if they were to come in. In the fifteen years I've been there, I don't remember a surveyor asking about the library, but it could always happen.

Speaking of work, I should probably start getting ready. Hope you have a great end of the week.

I ordered

a micro SD card for my tablet today, with a price that was much better than the phone store and also includes an adapter and USB card reader for essentially free, given the price of the other cards alone. I also figured out how to take the tablet out of the case (the guy in the store had put it on) and get the door open on the back to see where to put said card. It should be here in 3-5 days. I love Amazon, despite my earlier post. I also ordered a couple of books, Elizabeth Peters' A River in the Sky which is now a bargain book, and I have it on the Kindle, but I have all the others in physical format and wanted to add it to my collection, as well as Jack Vance's Tales of the Dying Earth, which I have never read but which came highly recommended through YKWIA. I haven't bought any non-Kindle books from Amazon in awhile.

Speaking of YKWIA, he told me a story about a friend of his today that just made me sigh and shake my head in disbelief. She was in an accident before the holidays when she was sitting at a stop light and a truck whose driver wasn't paying attention ran right into her. Since she was on the job at the time, workman's comp paid for her therapy. But they were tired of doing so, and even though her physical therapist and doctor agree she needs two more months to get her stamina back, the workmans' comp people sent her to a doctor of their choosing who didn't even examine her, only asked a couple of questions, and then filled out paperwork that got them off the hook. That's wrong. But then there was what followed...she was at home and heard the mail carrier honk a horn a couple of times and went down to the mailbox. She had a certified letter she had to sign for. Inside the envelope were two things. One was a birthday card wishing her a happy day and expressing how great it was to work with her. The other was a termination notice. Really? That has got to be the tackiest thing I've heard in awhile.

10 reasons I'm glad I didn't settle for a Kindle Fire

That's a little inflammatory, I know. Lots of people have Kindle Fires, and love them dearly. I know I feel the same way about my Kindle 2. But every device has good and bad points about them, and each one should be evaluated for what the individual needs and will use it for. I know several people with Kindle Fires, of various technological abilities. Some ordered them the first day they were available. Others got them as gifts. Some ordered them without really looking at the requirements first. I've played with three different Fires hands-on, briefly, but even before it came out I determined that they would not fit my needs and instead pursued (and finally, with my tax return,) got a T-Mobile SpringBoard, which is also a 7" tablet, is overall more expensive, although I put up less money up front than a Fire, but in my opinion, the extras were worth it. So here are the things I don't like about the Fire, with the caveat that I am comparing it to what I eventually went with.

1. Wi-fi: The Kindle Fire is wi-fi dependent. Sure you can download material, watch movies, do cloud browsing--but only in a wi-fi network. I am almost never in one, except at the public library (and then I'm usually looking for books). We have a public one at work, but we're not supposed to use it. I don't have a wi-fi network at home. I've had trouble troubleshooting Fires because there was no way to access, say, a video to see if the volume was really okay without going onto a network. One person I know ordered the Fire without realising this, and had to actually go set up a wi-fi network (or rather, have a family member do it) after she got it. Granted, I pay $20 a month for 4G connectivity, but I can check my e-mail on the bus, look up odd medical terms for a friend while he's on his computer, watch a movie via Netflix at my grandmother's which has no computer, that sort of thing. It was the number one reason I decided the Fire was not for me.
   
2. The button to turn the thing on and off is on the bottom of the device. This means that when I've been holding it against me, I've inadvertently turned it off or made it sleep. Mine's on the side in portrait view, which turns out to be the top if you turn it in landscape.
   
3. The earphone jack is also on the bottom. To be honest yesterday when I was doing the troubleshooting, I wasn't sure whether the jack was an earphone or power switch, and had to look it up in the guide. Many tablets do not charge through a USB cord like a phone, and mine is no exception. The Kindle Fire is. That's not bad, that means you just need a cable and not a charger with you if you'll be around computers, but I wanted to make sure I didn't poke the earphones into the wrong jack, and I didn't like the placement in terms of listening if you're holding it portrait up.
   
4. The carousel: I don't care for it. Give me my five Android screens with widgets and icons that I can instantly go to wherever I want rather than scrolling through whatever the most recent stuff is. This is actually something I dislike about the regular Kindle. I'd rather put my categories in order alphabetically rather than most recent first, and there's no option for that.
   
5. No text-to-speech ability. I use this feature all the time on my Kindle 2, and it's sad that it's not available. It also means the device is less accessible to those with visual issues.
   
6. No camera: I have two cameras, a front-facing one and one on the back. That means if I wanted I could Skype or videochat, which I don't really do since I have no one to do it with. But I can scan information into applications like Google Goggles, and most importantly, I can catalogue my books through the LibraryThing scanner application, something I'm using at work and at home. Yesterday I catalogued 45 books alone, as opposed to doing about that many in a good two-week period.
   
7. Its thickness. The Fire is a thick little tablet, and well, seems a little clunky next to mine, which is slimmer and just a little bigger in the rest of the dimensions. But that's solely aesthetics.
   
8. The lack of customisation. The Fire pretty much looks the same except for the cases regardless of who has it. Oh, the content is different (and I'm learning you can tell a lot from a person by what they have on their Kindle), but the look is pretty much the same carousel. I have five home screens to change wallpapers, icons, widgets, whatever I need, and maybe this is something I just haven't played with enough and I'll get a bunch of comments about how you can put a live wallpaper on a Fire, but I'd still argue that in terms of sheer ability to customise, regular Android tablets and iPads win.
   
9. Which brings us to--Amazon content. Please realise, I am an Amazon girl. I adore Amazon products and customer service. But I can get an application from Amazon (and you should look into their free application a day feature in their store) or from the Amazon market. Sometimes the market has higher versions of the same programs, but they also have many more applications. I can have Netflix on either device, but to get Amazon videos, you need Prime, at $79 a year, which isn't a bad price and comes with 2-day shipping, but I already spend $8 a month on Netflix, so why should I add it? I agree it's brilliant the way they packaged it for their content, and you can get other stuff on there through applications or transferring files, but is primarily a device to deliver Amazon content, and I feel I have the best of both worlds.
   
10. Reading ease: This is go to apply to any tablet, including my own, and is rather a comparison of backlight vs. the eInk of the regular Kindles. If you're going to primarily play games, music, or videos, the Fire's great (I don't include productivity applications--I use a lot of those on my tablet, but really haven't tested them on the Fire). If you want really just to read--get another Kindle. The eInk is easier on the eyes, although you need a regular light source (no reading in the dark in bed with a regular Kindle). But in general, reading, I think, is a more pleasurable experience on a regular Kindle, and there's that text-to-speech issue.

There you have it. Maybe they'll change some of those in forthcoming iterations. And there's lots of good things about the Fire; you just have to decide if it's right for you. There was a news story about how it topped the list of most unused gifts this past holiday season. Some people aren't prepared for it, or lack simple tech know-how. I will say the Fire requires less than a standard Android tablet, so if you're less geeky, it may be better for you. But there you go.

We finally have snow

Not a lot, certainly (and thankfully) not of European proportions, but a nice dusting. I think this is only the second time this winter we've had any stick, and it was about as much. My fear is the mild winter will lead into an ice storm, as we're prone to one every few years, and ice storms majorly suck, although everything's pretty. You can't get anywhere, you lose electricity (which is my only source of cooking or heat), and stupid people try to use their grills to stay warm and wind up gassing themselves with carbon monoxide.

One of my co-workers is from the Balkans and is very concerned for her family there. They can't get out, they have limited food, and gas sometimes works and sometimes not. Thank goodness we don't have that here, but I feel for them and for all the others in Europe dealing with the snow crisis. Ice in the canals of Venice? Really? But of course climactic change is a myth, right?

Okay, time to go get ready for work. I'm going to wear my (very purple) snow boots just in case there are slick spots. At least I don't have the surgical boot on my foot this year, and in general I'm doing better with them.

Good friends

keep calling you with questions until you get up and take your medicine, so yay for YKWIA for doing so. I'd fallen asleep without taking either of my bedtime meds, but he persisted, calling me two or three times with questions complex enough that I eventually woke up, took the Lantus and the other, and then fed the fish, ate some toast, put the medication into my log, and I thought I'd write a quick note.

I came in from work very tired, and I don't know why. I'd had dinner there, and even though I'd had my insulin I think I ate too many carbs or something, so was having some trouble holding a conversation. Fortunately I had a ride home. I had a salad, a small cup of soup, some Tater tots, and a small wheat biscuit. That was probably too much. At least I didn't go straight to bed; I worked on the computer and moved some files around. I'm trying to figure out why my external hard drive is almost full. I thought it had to do with automatic backups, but I can't find anything indicating that. But that is for another night.

So now I'm going back to bed. Good night.

When I was a kid

I thought I was terribly fat, I had thick glasses and read too much by most accounts, although I was quite active after school and on the weekends, playing with a small circle of friends, stealing away to the nearby lake, even venturing near the forbidden woods.

This is what I looked like at age 9 or 10. I found it last night and was struck by how unhappy I look. It's a very flat affect. I think I was depressed most of my life, even as a child, at least mildly. And my home life was not what I wanted it to be. Everyone in my family lived in their own little world. My mother and father never took vacations together, in fact we didn't take 'vacations' where we went anywhere to be tourists--we just went home to visit family in Kentucky from wherever we were, and that was nice. But my mom took me most times, my dad did once when she was recovering from oral surgery. We each had our hobbies (my father, radios; my mother, ceramics; me, reading) and so after dinner, the one time we were together and interacting, we each retreated to our own parts of the house to pursue them. I never realised that was abnormal until I was an adult. Maybe it would have been different if I'd had a sibling, I don't know.

So I look at that child now, and how it all affected her, and I wish I could go back in time and tell her it will be okay, and that someday she'll feel better.

I got home around sunset

with a great big, lovely moon rising in the east. It never fails to absolutely impress me. So now I'm home, I'm caught up on the news, and I'm considering watching a movie (finally) that I've had out for awhile. :)

Today I got the results of the nerve biopsy I had done last month. It looks good, I've got the requisite number per millimetre, that sort of thing, although there's a little degradation that they're going to keep an eye on by checking once a year. I told the lady I talked to that the pain is responding to the medicine, and she said she'd pass that on to my doctor. I have another appointment later this month.

Not so great is that the computer system at the pharmacy I use may be incompatible with my flexible spending account card. We're still working on it. I'd like to be able to use them--they're a small, independent business and I know someone who works there. But I can't afford to put out the money each month for my medicines and then get reimbursed--that's the point of having the debit card loaded with my elected funds. Still, we'll see--maybe it will work out. They use other FSA cards with no trouble, so maybe it was a glitch.

I got several books catalogued. When I finish with that batch, there will be over 500 books in the system and one whole continuous shelving unit in. I also did some interlibrary loans.

I just spent a few minutes figuring out how to get music and other files onto a new gadget, with success. Yay! As a treat I think I'll play a game of Plants vs. Zombies.

Oh, and have you seen the Saturday Night Live skit for Downton Abbey? It's as if it were described for the (shall we say unsophisticated) viewers of Spike TV. Not sure I like it or not. And although I adore Maggie Smith, well, they describe her in an interesting yet unflattering manner, but I can't argue with it, at least when she's in a feathered hat. Check it out.

Interesting

The Upside of Dyslexia

Given that dyslexia is universally referred to as a “learning disability,” the latter experiment is especially remarkable: in some situations, it turns out, those with dyslexia are actually the superior learners.

On a more pleasant note, lets turn to the BBC for ancient katydids

Jurassic cricket's song recreated

Just like modern bush crickets - also known as katydids - the Jurassic insects produced music with their wings. A "plectrum" on one wing was dragged along a microscopic comb-like structure on the other.

This produces a continuous "chirp" as the male insects rub, or "stridulate" their wings in a scissor-like motion. Dr Zapata described this stridulation as similar to playing a tiny violin.

By looking at the wing structures, he explained, "I could estimate that the animal made pure, musical tones".

Such a single-note tone would have transmitted efficiently - a regular wave of sound penetrating a noisy environment cluttered with vegetation. This would have allowed a female cricket to detect a male's song from tens of metres away.

The most heartbreaking story I've heard in awhile

Police: Josh Powell donated boys' toys, other items before murdering them

Powell sent off goodbye emails, spread 10 gallons of gasoline

Husband of missing Utah mom spent some time planning fire that killed him, sons, police say


Words fail, that anyone would do this to their children. It's a strange story. A woman disappears. The father-in-law was making advances to her, recording adult and juvenile females, and was arrested on child porn and voyeurism charges. The father lost custody because he had the children in the house with his creepy father at the time of the man's arrest, and was trying to get back custody of the boys. The father was a person of interest in the disappearance of the mother, and there was an indication from the kids that when they went on a sub-freezing camping trip, mom was in the trunk of the car. A court-ordered supervised visit ended in disaster with him blowing himself and his young sons up in flames. It's just mind-numbing.

On the other hand, it's the week for news stories about sick and wrong people who kill children.

Alyssa Bustamante called killing 9-year-old 'enjoyable,' then went to church

"I just f------ killed someone. I strangled them and slit their throat and stabbed them now they're dead. I don't know how to feel atm. It was ahmazing. As soon as you get over the "ohmygawd I can't do this" feeling, it's pretty enjoyable. I'm kinda nervous and shaky though right now. Kay, I gotta go to church now...lol."

The person she killed was a nine-year-old girl. Bustamante was 15 at the time.

Update 2/7/12: The story of the Powells, which I didn't think could get worse, has taken a gruesome turn. An autoposy revealed hatchet wounds on the necks of the two boys, with a hatchet there with the bodies. So essentially their father pulled them into the gasoline-filled house, attacked them with a small axe, and then blew up the house. They all died ultimately of smoke inhalation, so they were wounded and dying. The house went up so quickly I can only hope that they died quickly, but how horrible to suffer like that.

Up a little early to do an errand before work

I'm kind of stiff today, probably due to that dog fight yesterday. I had to break them up with a lot of force, had to run around pretty quickly to make sure they didn't kill each other or hurt me, and I had an asthma attack afterwards. I sure wouldn't be up to dealing with kids on a daily basis, that's for sure. They're just as quick and occasionally about as vicious. [I'm kidding. Mostly. I've was bullied as a child--I know they can be pretty cruel).

Anyway, it just underscores that I'm out of shape and obese, although I lost about 8 pounds in a week and a half. I'll weigh again today to see if I gained it back or lost any more. I don't get too excited unless it's over 10 lbs, since my weight fluctuates within that range pretty easily.

Well, I guess I need to finish getting ready. Have a great start to your week.

For a fun start to the morning

Catch this clip of Jensen Ackles, who plays Dean Winchester on 'Supernatural', having fun with the song 'Eye of the Tiger' (I didn't embed it because I couldn't find a decent quality video that allowed it). YKWIA showed it to me yesterday and I laughed till I cried.

I am covered in mud from my pants to my shoes, and a little on my shirt

with a little blood mixed in there, too. I had to break up a dog fight today, when a smallish terrier decided to snap maniacally at a bigger dog that showed restraint and pinned her not one but three times without disemboweling her, even though she could have. Even when I broke it up with a large stock pot, the terrier tried to keep going. Remember the aliens from the movie of the same name, how they had that second jaw that came out? I swear she does that. The larger dog only had a couple of nicks near her face. The little one has a couple of cuts and then it looks like she's strained her whole lower body, especially one leg. So the plan is to keep an eye on her and if she's not walking better after tomorrow, she'll go to the vet. Nothing seems to be broken or anything, thankfully.

I did an abbreviated cleaning job on the house in preparation for the game, then helped with something and then we played for six to seven hours. I got home at 11 pm and am very tired. But I've already taken my Lantus, am about to take my other medication, and am listening to a little light music in preparation for bed. The game master called to see how I liked the game. It was particularly nice because we had a tiny, self-contained little adventure that nearly killed us, but had good tentacled monsters that were definitely Cthulhoid and we could safely swing a sword at.

The game master also shared this with me:


The one I saw over at his house was from a poster who truly does not get that this is an Onion News Network production and it is satire. They really think this is true. That is sad. But the satire is great. Actually, reading through the comments, a lot of people seem to think this. I agree that the vast amount of personal info people put on Facebook is amazing, but really? My favourite was the part with comments about foursquare. :) Anyway, enjoy.

I have an awful headache

That I blame on the gaggle of teens who were doing bad rap and clapping and just generally being boisterous to the point of annoyance to an older person (egad, that would be me) who has had a long day and just wants to go home.

I've been going strong since about 8 am. I went to Kroger with Brandon and his kids, each of taking one in those big car shaped carts. After we met up and checked out, a bagger stopped us. He'd bought a couple of those candy bottles with the sucker on top and powdered sugar inside. Apparently the four year old had tried to take them and dad had put them back, and the bagger thought he'd buy them each one. It was a nice gesture, but when the three year old discovered that he could get the top off and fling blue sugar powder all over himself and the van, it was not so good. The four year old was trying to get it off him, patting him down and brushing it off, but that didn't work so she out and out pounded on him, sending up clouds of blue powder much like Pigpen in the Peanuts comic strip. I was laughing, and so glad that I don't have kids. But I must admit, these are pretty decent ones. But I did make a note to self that the little one likes to fling things.

After Kroger, Brandon took me by McDonald's and then to my other friends' house, where I prepared and cooked a nice meal under supervision from about 12:30 pm till 6. Everything turned out wonderful. There was a salad with escarole, spinach, and fennel, with a balsamic vinaigrette, a soup with mushrooms, vegetables, and sour cream, vegetable fritters, and kugel. After everything was put away, I put some missing files on the computer and then caught the bus home (with previously mentioned teenagers on it). I walked home in the misty rain and everything had an ethereal quality to it outside.

I really want to just go to bed, but I still have game notes to do. My headache is subsiding now that I'm in a relatively quiet environment (if you don't count the fish tank). I need to take my medication though, as it's time and my feet are hurting some. I have reached that point in my life where my life revolves around when you take your meds. That's a little depressing. At least we're not up to it being all about bowel movements yet.

Okay, time to go do things, things, horrible things. Take care, and hope you're having a good weekend.

The goldfish seem to like that the aquarium

is running better. [This isn't a picture of my aquarium; these fish are bigger, but I've got both orange and particoloured, even an orange and black one, in the tank.] But someone suggested I break up the text with more pictures. Part of the reason I don't post many pictures is that I haven't had a camera worth spit. I hope that will change. But for now, this is just a public domain picture of the common goldfish. I've got six in a 29 gallon long tank (no stinking little bowl for them), so they're pretty happy most of the time. But the filter had a lot of mulm in it and it was clogged. I cleaned out the aquarium and now it's making the happy tinkling noise I'm used to. The fish were swimming madly about--I think they're happy.

Okay, it's definitely time to go back to bed. Good night.

Well, it was a little later than I meant

I fell asleep about 10:45 pm with some idea of getting up at midnight. Instead, it's about 2:30. My feet started to hurt a bit. I think I missed that last dose. But I've taken it now, along with the Lantus. And I've gone out and given my libation.

I feel really blessed of late. The lack of pain--that kept me in a good mood wherever I went this week. I was actually walking like a normal person rather than a little old lady. I mean, they still get tired, and I expect some pain this weekend as I'm on them--a lot--then, but nothing like it has been. I'm even going up and down stairs straight rather than sideways (I was always afraid I'd fall, and now my knees are doing better the normal way. I still take them a step at a time, mostly. So the knees still aren't great). But just walking normally is helping my knees and hips as far as their pain. And the medicine also works where the nerves are compressed in my neck. Best of all, it's a $10 co-pay, so even in lean months without flexible spending money, I should be able to swing it.

Then there was finally paying off my back taxes and actually getting a tax refund. I'm not flush in money, but I can pay off some debt and save up a bit, then start paying off my student loans when they enter repayment, which will be soon.

We're getting a raise at work, which is a bit bittersweet given the whole 'three-year plan' thing, but hey, I don't mind getting paid more, especially since there were times we didn't get one because of how bad the oeconomy got.

One of my friends who has had a particularly rough time of late (health issues that caused them to have financial stress) is finally getting a bit of relief starting this month. I've been very worried about him and his family (he has two small children and a wife) throughout the holidays and beyond, so I'm glad they're doing better.

So, I've got some blessings to thank Her for. And I do. She was celebrated by Hesiod for her dominion over wealth and prosperity. I know mine is always subject to change, and indeed I know it soon will, but for now, I feel blessed. Thank you, Hekate.