I wrote this twelve years ago, on this blog:

I am not: nearly as crazy as I sometimes let on.
I hurt: pretty much all the time, so I mostly ignore it.
I hate: that we're probably going to wind up in a war where the people who give the orders don't have to worry about dying.
I fear: falling back into my shadow life where I wasn't really living and wasn't really dying, either.
I hope: that someone very special to me can get his life back.
I crave: security.
I regret: not ever getting the chance to know my twin.
I cry: pretty much at anything romantic or poignant on TV.
I care: about lots of things--people I love, my animals, and world peace, to name a few.
I long: to be able to just study what I'd like, endow the arts, and make a difference in people's lives.
I feel alone: sometimes, but that's okay.
I listen: to anyone who needs me to.
I hide: in my house, on the computer, doing nothing in particular.
I drive: hardly ever, anymore.
I sing: when I am happy, when I am sad, and when I am walking, or when I'm in the car.
I dance: home alone where no one can see me. I bop to the oldies in public, but only because I forget myself.
I write: when inspiration strikes.
I breathe: regularly, as the alternative would be death. I deep breathe when I need to keep stress at bay.
I play: a little bit every day and twice on weekends.
I miss: school.
I search: for truth.
I learn: whenever possible.
I feel: alive for the first time in twenty years.
I know: that I have flaws because I am human, but I carry in my soul a spark of divinity that echoes and connects with all of Creation.
I dream: of owning a little bookstore/herb farm and writing bestselling mysteries and fantasies.
I wonder: how it would feel if the walls between each of us dropped and we could communicate only truth.
I want: to sleep until 10am every morning.
I worry: about things that don't really matter.
I have: hard-won insight.
I give: help when I am needed.

But you know,  I feel much the same about these,  even now. :)

Taking a break

From straightening up the living room.  I have been steadily working for about an hour or so (previous to that I was fixing my Internet connexion). There's so much to do,  but I'm organising as I go.  I consolidated my meds,  for example.  They are usually kept in one place,  but I changed that so that now my inbox for mail and my bill keeper/important documents box is within easy access.

I think I'll have a little non-sleeping quiet time and then work on a book review that's overdue on the computer. I have to admit,  though,  I have been crafting Excel formulae a good portion of the day,  so I am not too keen about sitting down in front of the screen and writing.  I am on my phone,  now,  you see. Oh, well.  I have to finish. I'll try to write here later,  too.

Let's see if I can embed this video from Facebook :)

Post by The Jerusalem Post | JPost.com.

Good to know they can still have fun even with all the pressures where they live. (And if course, it's 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight', not 'The Lion King Song', but I won't quibble.)

Out in the lobby at a friend's appointment

I'm grateful that it's late enough that I don't have to miss work. A had called to see if I could give him a ride home, but it would really have meant cutting it close on getting to the appointment. I called to tell him that but there was no answer, so I'm afraid he'll have to make it home on the bus.

I brought the laptop originally because I thought I'd work on the game notes, and then I remembered that I have a book review due tonight. I did bring the book with me, but I'd like to have it handy, and the lobby lights are too dim in my corner to really refer to it easily. If I move, I can't charge my phone, which only has about 13% charge. So there you go. Meanwhile, I left the earphones out in the car and I've already gone out and in once to get the phone charger, and I don't want to annoy them back in the office, as the door chimes each time you open it. There's no one here, but I don't really want to play the game over the speakers, either. In other words, I'm finding excuses to put off both of them and just play on the computer instead.

Last night I went to bed early but the last four hours of supposed sleep-time were interrupted by cramping and nausea, courtesy of my impending period. As a result, I was really slow-moving today. But I eventually got going and did quite a bit today. I was also trying to help a co-worker with some Excel formulae. I don't use Excel that much, so it's a bit of a challenge. I know it involves IF, OR, and COUNTIF statements, but I'm thinking I have too many parentheses. After working on one cell for about an hour, I gave up, my brain turned to mush, and I'm thinking I'll look at it tomorrow again with fresh eyes, and maybe consult my over-1000 paged Kindle book on the subject. :)

It's hard to believe that it's October already, and although it's 7:38 pm, it's almost dark out there. I had to initial and date quite a few sheets today, and it was really hard to write '10/1'.

Okay, I think I'm going to move some files for the game over to Dropbox and then sign off. I'm using my phone's mobile hotspot, and I have 3.0 GB of data I can use for that (and unlimited on the phone itself), but I don't want to rack it up too quickly. Good night.

It's very quiet in the house

Which I'm enjoying for the moment. The only sounds are occasional steps upstairs where my neighbour lives. I came home directly from work and laid down for awhile and recharged. Now I'm up and contemplating doing some work on the house. I also have a movie out from the library to watch, Oculus. But I have to admit, what I'd really like to do is some reading. I realised today that it's nearly October and I can't tell you a fiction book I've actually read completely this year. I simply never seem to have time to read anymore, which is very sad for a bibliophile and librarian. I will have to make time. When I was on the bus I read more, since I'd wait at the bus stops and then there's the bus itself. But now that I have a car, I'm running, running, running, without having that cushion of time. I have several books checked out, I just haven't really had a chance to get to them. So here's the plan: work on the house for awhile and then sit down and do some reading as a reward. Okay, off to start. :)

Too tired

I just got home a bit ago,  after midnight. I have a headache,  I am tired and achy,  my feet are swollen,  and I am going to take some ibuprofen,  put my feet up,  and go on to bed. I will blog properly tomorrow.  Good night.

A good day

spent watching 'Haven' (several episodes--I think we're at the last episode of season 3 next) and playing the game, which was fun because we started a new mission set in Montana that's threatening to send us to our doom in the Pliocene Era. :) We stopped playing at 8 and I got home around 9 pm. After Brenda went on home, YKWIA and I decided we were too tired to watch 'Witches of East End' tonight. And he just isn't enjoying the new Doctor on 'Doctor Who/, so I'll probably start recording those and watch them on my own. He doesn't care for him and has a hard time understanding him. Meanwhile, A got back from his convention. Somewhere with all I did today, I never got around to doing my laundry, so I left it over there and will do it tomorrow. I must admit, though, for now I'm pretty tired--it was a very full weekend. Even though it's not even 10 pm yet, I think it's time to go to bed. I'm going to try to get up around 6 am. So I'm going to sign off for now. Hope you had a nice weekend. Good night.

3 am

Still awake.  I have been downloading free applications from Amazon. Time to stop and set my clock(s) to wake up in five hours.  Ouch!

So it's nearly 2 am

I've been going strong since about 7 am, which means I'm going to keep this short. Today I kept a friend company whose husband is away from the house at a convention. All told I have:

1. Taken out the trash so far that I collected last night from the apartment.
2. Stopped by McDonald's for breakfast, bringing some to my friend as well.
3. Fed his dogs and cats and let the dogs out (twice).
4. Watched an episode of 'Fringe', two episodes of 'Warehouse 13', one of 'Haven', and two of 'The Awesomes'.
5. Rubbed my friend's feet and put him to bed for a couple of hours, since he hadn't had a full night of sleep.
6. Ate a sandwich, foraging there for food.
7. Finished the game notes while he was sleeping.
8. Brought in the dogs and watered everyone.
9. Gone to the store to get groceries for them (without my normal helper) and for me.
10. Fixed my friend dinner.
11. Filled up various containers with new sweetener, popcorn, and salt (obviously different containers).
12. Sent the dogs back out.
13. Brushed a dog.
14. Convinced another dog that the muzzle could be used if she failed to come in.
15. Played 'name that TV theme show from the 60s' and failed miserably.
16. Watched some YouTube videos.
17. Got caught up on the drama at the convention.
18. Visited with my friend.
19. Left the laptop there so I wouldn't have to lug it back tomorrow and packed up and came home.
20. Explained to my friend that turning the porch light off before I actually get in the car and drive away leaves me looking for the ignition key. He didn't realise the button fob on my car, while it does unlock the doors, does not turn the car on or anything. I explained a little better how it works.
21. Ate a bit of food.

And now I'm headed to bed. I have to be there by 9 am for the game preparations tomorrow. That's 7 hours away. Good night.

Okay

I worked very intensely for what, granted, was a short time, and got most of the trash and recyclables together, cleaned out the fridge, and that was enough for now. (I am ashamed to admit just how much stuff was built up. Let's just say it's a good thing that I have a small granny cart; the one from the fridge is very heavy, for example. My kitchen bags are pretty small, and I don't have them full to bursting, but I've got six of them in the kitchen full of trash and another four of recyclables. That's unusual--usually there's more of the latter. Some of that trash is packaging from the speaker, which is bulky, as well freezer and refrigerated containers, which can't be recycled at our centre (if they're coated for cold, basically)). I still have some mail to go through in the dining room and a little in the bedroom (mostly receipts from my pockets), but that is something for later when I work on those rooms. I have to be over at a friend's house at 8 or 8:30 in the morning to help him with something important, so I may turn in for now, take the trash and recyclables out at first light, and maybe work a bit more then. I got quite a bit finished in a short time, so if I really work for say, an hour, there may be some better progress in the morning. I'll try to get up at 5 am with the hope of getting up at 6. :) Ah, de-hoarding is a good thing. I'm usually pretty decent for awhile if I'm spending much time at home, but when I go for days on end coming home late, I tend to just throw stuff on the loveseat or dining room table, or wherever, in bags, etc.

And I need to get some stuff out of here, because I have a couple of boxes in the trunk of my car full of my friends' old audio tapes. We cleaned out their shed last weekend, and it's been cool enough here that I haven't really had to worry about them in the car, but it's warmer this weekend and I need the room for grocery shopping. Since the point of my having the tapes is to check them for damage and see if they play (I have a couple of boom boxes with tape players, and they don't).