On the radio

Fort Minor's 'Where'd You Go?', one of the few rap songs I like.

Of course, on the radio, certain words are sanitised.

My dad wasn't around that much when I was a kid. In the early days, say the first six years of my life, he was in Southeast Asia during the Vietnam War. Once he came back there were temporary duty assignments, but even when he was home there wasn't much interaction between us. He'd come home, we'd eat dinner, then he'd go to his radio room and mess with his scopes or solder circuit boards. My mom's main hobby was ceramics. Mine was reading. We were three people supposedly a family living in the same house, but very much apart. Most attention I did get from my dad was negative attention, something I incited at times because I craved anything from him that would prove he cared one way or another for me. When I was in my 20s and living with my ex-husband and our bosom companion, it was the same thing--three people living separate lives, with me reading to escape my feelings about the situation.

Funny that all this came up, because I was so tired from various activities over the weekend and trying to get a friend to work that I totally forgot I had a therapy appointment today. I know they charge if you miss a session; I just hope they don't bill me the whole thing--it's like $150 a pop. But I'm glad I'm back in therapy. I have a lot of issues from my childhood and early adulthood to iron out. We're really looking at changing some of my coping mechanisms a little at a time. My assignment for this week was to take one of the things I wanted to have or have done by the time I died and visualising it manifesting in my life and then working out how to make it a reality. I know, it sounds like psychobabble, but I think there is something to it. I have a tendency to believe I don't deserve anything good, and I think the world that is reflected back to me agrees. By changing my ideas, I may be able to change my experiences.

Well, that's all for now. I got a little rest earlier but I want to get some more sleep. I have to work both jobs tomorrow and the next day, so I'll need it.