This was a difficult read for me, because it brought up a lot of my own experiences

If you have any desire to understand what it is like living as a gay person who has been told all their lives that they are one thing, and denying their real nature, I'd seriously recommend reading the linked story. It's told from the Mormon perspective, but it could be many cultures or religions, really, and it discusses the harm of the negative view of homosexuality on real people's identity and mental health, whether outright 'you're going to hell' to 'love the sinner, hate the sin'.

When I was 18, very young and naïve, I met my future husband, whom I subsequently learned was gay. We eventually became a sort of 'triunity' by adding a third partner in our relationship, a man with whom is still together. But it did irreparable damage to me, and to them. The relationship wasn't good for any of us, because it was based on a lie, as he was still trying to build a home as a bisexual, when he was, in my opinion, quite gay and hiding behind my skirts, so to speak. He was, at one point, very Christian, although eventually, I think he rejected most of it. I realised for my own good I had to get out of the relationship, for some of the reasons the wife mentions, but also because of double standards and other issues that were secondary to the actual sexual orientation issues. I was 24 when I left. I had been the one who had pushed for the marriage because some part of me thought that would somehow legitimize what I'd been going through all this time. I was wrong. My leaving, divorcing was best for all of us. It was painful. I've never really dated anyone seriously since, and that was 26 years ago. I hope he finally came to grips with himself, that he and his partner (I don't know if they ever married) have a better relationship with my absence. My experiences are different than this couple's. Thankfully, I didn't have children to worry about. But these sorts of relationships are, I suspect, fairly common, where the pressures of society bring people together young and naive, who don't have a chance to really explore their own identity first. I wish this couple well. I certainly identify with the wife. But read it, it's very well thought-out, well-written, and even references a modern retelling of the Ugly Duckling story to help people understand. Like Stellaluna, you can't be a bird when you're a bat. And you can't be a bat when you're a unicorn. Be yourself, no matter what people say, because trying to conform to everyone else's opinion is maddening and sucks at your soul. And like I said, it's not a bashing of Christianity. When we were together a friend of the partner, an Indian graduate student who was being harassed by a local conversion therapy ministry group in the 80s, who were showing up at work and whom he desperately did not want contacting his devout Hindu family, committed suicide in response. These are lives and deaths we're talking about. If you can't be supportive, don't, at least, contribute to the problem, particularly in the name of religion or God.

TURNING A UNICORN INTO A BAT: THE POST IN WHICH WE ANNOUNCE THE END OF OUR MARRIAGE

Was watching a video of a baby seeing through glasses for the first time

He fights them when they go to put the glasses on, then his eyes light up and he smiles when he sees his parents clearly for the first time.

I remember discovering that trees were different shades of green when I saw leaves clearly for the first time. I was eight. My parents were reluctant to get me glasses because they had some weird notion that I wanted them just to have them. The school system finally convinced them my sight was 20/200 and I couldn't read the chalk board at all. That began a 42-year love-hate relationship with eyeglasses. I am so glad I have lenses that show me the world (and enable me to read and drive)!

So tired tonight

I could barely make it home, was in bed shortly after the dogs came back in around 7:30. Just got up and got some cereal and let them out and in, and I'm going back to bed. I feel better, though, not so exhausted.

Sometimes I feel like I live with a daemonic cat

This is one of those times.

So the cat is bad about acting out.   This morning he hacked up his food (he eats a special non-grain, a non-chicken formula that keeps the hack up from happening daily, but it still happens about weekly), so I'm sure he was hungrier than normal.  But...

1. He was howling and howling, which can be annoying.
2. He started clawing the mattress that YKWIA was sleeping upon, and that garnered a 'Bad cat!' from both myself and YKWIA, who woke up briefly.
3. He clawed the dog, who yipped, as she has never learned to not get in the cat's face when he's testy. Or ever.

I went out and swatted him lightly and told him 'Bad cat!'  Then I did the unthinkable. I fed the dogs, but not him.  One dog ate, the other didn't. (She has days she doesn't, then eats at the next feeding.) I kept the cat away from her food.  I let them out.  I put the one dog's bowl up.  And then I went to the bathroom.

Now, I was going to feed him right after that.  In fact, I was opening the door to do so, and he ran under my feet, tripped me, and I wound up treading hard upon him (but he appears to be alright).  This threw me against the wall, hand-first.  My wrist, hand, shoulder, back, neck, and hips are now really hurting.  I went ahead and fed him.  He ate all his food.  He is quiet.  But I am not happy.

Granted, I love him.  But still. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

UPDATE: Okay, I think we've made up.  But it was touch and go for awhile on both our parts.

Today's tasks

• Take YKWIA shirt shopping.
• Pay a bill.
• Take out the trash from all the receptacles throughout the house (that's five).
• Take out the recyclables.
• Do the cat litter.
• Clean the bathroom.
• Clean out the car.
• Collect bottle caps from various jugs and bottles for a co-worker who collects them for her kids' school.
• Do laundry.
• Load and run the dishwasher.
• Water the plants.
• Sew a button back onto one of my shirts.  It came off at work one day, one from my belly (it was loose, the shirt's actually too big now), and the only thing that saved me was the safety pin I was wearing on my hooded sweatshirt that day (rather than wearing my jacket), the pin that was there because I'm a bleeding-heart liberal who wanted to send the message that I don't mind who you are or where you're from, you have worth as a person and shouldn't be demonised by racist twats.  On the other hand, it also meant I had a safety pin handy for button-popping incidents, and since I didn't have my sewing kit handy (I am going to move it to my backpack for future incidents), it was a good back up.
• Take some materials back to the library.

Now I'm pretty tired.  I still need to go out to the library, as one of the books is one from YKWIA which hid in his backpack and is overdue, but I want to wait until the laundry is finished in the washer as it sometimes overloads during the spin cycle.  I've put the things to go back to the library in a plastic Kroger bag that has some air in it to cushion it; one is a CD and I don't want the case to break.  I tried to return it the other day and realised that the CD itself was at home in my player, and I'm glad I looked.  The other book I have out is an heirloom gardening book whose spine has broken and the pages, as I turned them, began to come apart.  So I put them all in a bag together with a note about the gardening book needing repair.

It's almost time to feed the animals, too.  The cat is acting out, trying to claw things and harassing the dog.  YKWIA is sacked out (I think our foray out tired him; he doesn't care for shopping, and we went to both Meijer and Target).  Also, I was really frustrated earlier with the trash, as one of the bins is broken and you can't get the liner of the can out, you have to pull everything out by hand (it's mostly paper, but still, it's frustrating), and the bathroom trash bin is intact, but the handle always gets in the way when I empty it despite my best attempts, and the stuff goes everywhere.)  Anyway, my frustration levels were up and I was growling, practically, and he may have decided to get away and have some quiet time for a while.

So now I'm online and trying to chill a little, let all the tension drain away.  I think I'll listen to some music.  That'll help.  Then I'll feed the animals, deal with the laundry, water the plants (some of which are in his room, and it's dark, so I'll wait till he's awake again), sew on the button, and take the stuff to the library and put it in the book drop.  We found the book just as the library closed, but if I can get it in before tomorrow morning when they open, that's one less day of fines.

Speaking of libraries, there is a job opening I'm considering applying for.  It's at the university, is technically a technician job, so I don't know if they'd consider me, as I am over-qualified, but it pays more than I'm currently making and more than I can in the public library field in the surrounding area, as a full librarian.  It can't hurt to apply, anyway, right?

Okay, must go deal with laundry--both of the buzzers have gone off.  I'll write later, hopefully.

It's kind of wrong

When the Saturday Night Live skits, which traditionally make fun of various aspects of the Presidents' lives, even exaggerating such things as Ford's tripping or Bush's lack of elocution, are instead reduced to commentary on how bizarre, ridiculous, and scary this Presidency is and how nothing matters in terms of crossing lines and having any real import, in terms of public opinion, or in terms of legal or diplomatic consequences. And in the end, it seems this Presidency is such a joke (although a truly cruel one) that even SNL has issues with making it all funny. Basically, in this skit, the President's base and Fox News will continue to put some sort of spin on things and look away, and the ones who are appalled with it are left to drink and curl up into a little ball.

I hope that the fatalism does not mean that change is unattainable. I hope people vote this year and make a difference in the legislative branch, at least. We'll see.

It is a great little film

I cry at this point every time...

Bronwen Lewis

I first heard her while looking for the version of 'Bread and Roses' from the movie Pride. I love her voice, I love the Welsh lyrics. I need to see if I can find her album. She is very talented.

Portugal. The Man.

Every time 'Feel it Still' comes onto the car radio, I turn it way up. I love the beat. I love the music. And I love that it's a guy singing with a really amazing voice. So I've been listening to their album that it's from on Amazon Music. These are the ones I like the most.

So I'm home with just the dogs and cat tonight

as YKWIA is watching Crimson Peak with a friend over at the friend's house. I've seen the movie (with him) and enjoyed it. I've been playing music without headphones.  (We do not have similar tastes in music, although there is some overlap.  Mine is a bit too modern for him).  I also ate something.  It's been a busy day.   I have:

• Called Brenda to see whether we're playing.  She is doing better but still coughing, so the game master ruled it best to get some rest.  There is the potential that when we resume, every character Brenda has could pop like soap bubbles, so he'd like her at her best.
• Take YKWIA to an appointment.
• Gone to the credit union.
• Taken YKWIA to a pet store for a special cat food.
• Taken him to the vet for special condroitin chewies for the older dog.
• Stopped by the Rusty Scabbard, a local gaming store.
• Done a Kroger run at two Krogers (Tates Creek is consistently out of Land O'Lakes half-and-half, a staple in our household).
• Gone to the library and gave him some instruction in filing via the Dewey Decimal System, the use of cutter numbers, and orienting him to how the library sections off its various genres.
• Come home and while I didn't take a nap, I laid down for a little bit to recover.

So now I'm thinking of doing some reading. I got some gardening books at the library the other day.  I also need to water the plants at the latest by tomorrow.  Tomorrow I also plan to do laundry, clean the catbox, screw the toilet seat more securely, take out the trash, and take YKWIA to Meijer for some nice shirts that he needs, as everything he has are t-shirts.

Okay, I think I'll go now and listen to some more music or read.  Hope you're having a good weekend.  We're enjoying much warmer temperatures, and I'm loving it.  It won't last, though.