How was your Valentine's Day?

Mine was okay. I even got a Valentine from one of the girls at work, a Harry Potter one. But you know what? It's really hard for me to even remember it's a special day. That's because I haven't celebrated it in 16 years, not being with anyone when it comes along.

I actually rather thought I had a chance this year, because I finally met someone with which I had a good bit of chemistry and who actually ignited my sex drive for the first time in years. But the cons outweighed the pros, and I had to let my head drive instead of my hormones this time. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy, but our issues are too similar and being together would only magnify them; there's a 15-year difference in our ages that would be an obstacle, too. Neither of us have time for any real relationship--it would have to have been a 'friends with benefits' sort of thing, and I have to admit, I want more that that. Plus, he smokes very occasionally--but that still counts, and as a rule smoking puts someone off my 'list', although I wouldn't say I wouldn't date someone trying to quit, at least. But really the issues and need for some good mental health care was the deal breaker. I still like talking to him, but it's like once I made up my mind, the door shut on the giddy way I felt when I was around him, just like that.

Funny, I lost my virginity on Valentine's, and I became engaged on Valentine's, too. (In retrospect, these were both terrible mistakes, but that had to do with my partner in those endeavours). So maybe Valentine's isn't all it's supposed to be. Maybe it's better to be alone than with the wrong person.

But I don't want to grow old waiting for the right one, either. Or at least some idea of 'right' that's so perfect it'll never be. Instead, I want to get to a point where I'm open to a relationship with someone who really cares about me, who loves me, who wants to be with me not because of some agenda, but because of love. I want someone I can be romantic with, someone I feel safe with, someone I love with all my heart. Surely there's got to be someone out there to fit the bill. I just have to find him or her.

Anyway, thanks for putting up with a little self-pity. I went home tonight after witnessing a couple of friends exchange gifts who really love one another, and I cried. I want that, too, but I'm not at a point where I know how to get it, although I do realise that I deserve better than I have had, and that's a start, I suppose. I have too much baggage from past relationships that I still need to work out, too. But I have hope, anyway, hope that I will be able to enjoy a relationship, and hope that I will find that special someone. And without hope, there's nothing but misery.

Happy Valentine's Day, and good night.

'Valentine's Day' by Linkin Park


Kind of fit my mood.

Bothered when you see a dog who spends all its time outside on a chain or in a pen?

Received this in my e-mail today:

We are striving to raise awareness for chained and penned dogs in a positive way...by delivering Valentines, a brochure and a treat coupon to dogs living outside all over the U.S. and into other countries where we have representation, such as Canada and Australia.

Send addresses for Chained or Penned Dogs. This is so CRUCIAL! Please, take the time to find out the address of that chained or penned dog near you, even though it takes a little time.

To make our goal, we need to mail at least 10,000 Valentines. Send address via mail, call 877.636.1408 to report addresses, e-mail them to info@dogsdeservebetter.org. or fill out the form, at http://www.dogsdeservebetter.com/Valentines2008.html (preferred). You remain anonymous!

PLEASE GO TO THIS LINK FOR MORE INFO
http://www.dogsdeservebetter.com/Valentines2008.html

Thanks & pass it on!