This is such a powerful song, full of raw emotion and pain

Written and recorded shortly before a near-fatal overdose, written at rock bottom, a cry for help, and showing how complicated those feelings can be, when nothing takes away the pain. Demi Lovato has been publically candid with her history of depression, bipolar disorder, bulimia, and chemical dependence/addiction. The Grammy's were her first performance publically since that time. It is so good to see her back. I know there are many people, myself included, this song will call to.

Demi Lovato Makes a Powerful Confession at the Grammys: The pop star’s first new song since a near-fatal overdose offers no comfort other than the mere fact of its existence.

At the Grammy's...so much emotion. I don't watch these sorts of shows, but I heard about this on the radio, and had to watch this clip, and I was blown away.



The lyric video...

I guess my new year's resolution is helping

I've already posted a number of posts, and not just stupid ones, in January equal to a third of what I did entirely last year. Go me! Another new year's resolution was to post three Facebook posts for every sad or negative one I do (I admit it, I'm drawn to the sad and macabre, and I tend to share that with others, who just find it horrifying). I'm doing well there, too. :)

I've learned this as I've gotten older

Why Procrastination Is about Emotions, not Time

I used to be horrible at procrastination, and I still struggle with it, but a lot of times it's about changing your mood rather than 'just managing your time better'.

No one knows how they taste yet

Baking Cookies in Space Takes Surprisingly Long Time: First space food baked from raw ingredients took 2 hours

This is good

Truckers fighting human trafficking are trained to be alert to late-night knocks

Because traffickers often exploit the transportation system to move their victims, truckers are at an advantage to spot signs and make reports.

Other truck drivers sometimes call him an everyday hero, in part because he drives a Kenworth rig known as the “Everyday Heroes” T680, but also because of his involvement with Truckers Against Trafficking (TAT).

The Colorado-based nonprofit trains truck drivers and various other members of the transportation industry to recognize human trafficking and alert authorities to potential victims. Since its creation in 2009, TAT says they have trained about 845,000 people in the transportation industry, over 700,000 of whom are truck drivers. That’s out of the total 3.5 million truck drivers who are employed in the U.S., according to the American Trucking Association.

Even Ed Sheeran has his crunchy granola moments

I love this song for that.  We can change the world, together.

Interesting article

What do Chinese opera masks and spiders have in common? A lot, as it turns out.

They are heroes twice over, and my condolences to their families

Three Americans killed in Australian plane crash identified – and all are U.S. military veterans

We must never forget...

'Never again': Anti-Semitism surges as memories of Holocaust fade: “Young people are the ones that have to carry the memory of our loved ones forever,” said Auschwitz survivor Sonia Klein, 94.

Happy Year of the Rat!!!

Chinese New Year 2020 animal: what the year of the rat symbolises, and the full list of zodiac animals and meanings

RIP

Terry Jones, Monty Python founder and Life of Brian director, dies aged 77

This is adorable...

Up

I won't say early, because compared to the weekdays I've actually slept in, getting up right at 9 am. But in the 30 minutes that I've been up, I've started a load of laundry, started a loaf of bread making in the bread machine, gone out to the car to get some Diet Sunkist from my car, nicely chilled, and am now caffeinating. It's why I drink the stuff--I don't care for colas that much, preferring fruit flavour, but it's the only orange soda I've found with caffeine. That said, I know soda, in general, is not so good for me, particularly with artificial sweeteners (Diet Sunkist uses aspartame). So I have been exploring other options. I don't care for coffee or black tea. I've tried Mio Energy and Crystal Light Energy but they are artificially sweetened as well. So I'm still looking. And yes, I like water, but I need a little caffeine to get through the day or I'm like a zombie.

Also since getting up, I've also taken my insulin and Byetta (but not the oral meds yet--I'm at the end of my pill container and need to fill it up. I need caffeine before I do that, or I tend to put them in the wrong slot or even drop them, which is not good when you have cats, particularly a kitten, who is fascinated by all sorts of things dropping to the floor.

I did splurge just a bit yesterday, buying a Kindle book of a regular book that I have out from the library. It is called Orchid Modern: Living & Designing with the World's Most Elegant Houseplants By Marc Hachadourian, the curator of the Orchid Collection at the New York Botanical Garden. It's a lovely book, dealing with the history of orchid collecting, the different species, plant care, creating decorative projects like terrariums, creating a good environment for the orchids, etc., all in one substantial book and generously and beautifully illustrated. I really liked looking through it, but when it came to reading--and he has a good writing style--I found I was impeded by the relatively small typescript, no doubt small to leave room for the lovely pictures of orchids. So I got the Kindle book because while on my e-reader it would have been wasted, I normally read my books on my tablet now (which is not a Fire, but I use the Kindle application on an Android tablet. I say splurge because it was $10.99 and I don't have much money, and I am trying to get tyres soon. But it is such a lovely book. What can I say, orchids have a long history of causing mania, why should books about them be any different? Anyway, this way I can increase the text size to see what I'm reading. My glasses do correct to 20/20 both in general and with the bifocal, but the small print is still harder to focus upon. This, I think, is the most useful quality of e-books, that they can be manipulated in terms of settings so that anyone can read them who would normally have issues due to age or disability, and most books, particularly non-fiction ones, are not given Large Print editions. Also, you can blow-up images when needed on the tablet, something that the Kindle e-reader does not do hardly at all. Incidentally, I used to keep my Chrome settings at 95% and I knocked up the text and the rest up to a little above 100%. It helps immensely. No sense in getting eyestrain. I think the presbyopia is part of my hiatus from enjoying reading, so anything I can do to read more books is worth it. And I can also read on my laptop, which is a low-end 2-in-1 that folds back to be a very large tablet-like screen when you change to tablet mode and I have the Kindle application on it, as well.

Alright, I'm going to go get some breakfast. I'll probably write some more before I start my Sunday chores proper (although laundry is something I do on Sunday, that's for me, not the household, generally).

What do you cook with?

Hmm...that's a bit concerning. More research is needed, it's only in male mice and doesn't isolate the compounds in soybean oil that are causing these changes. The only time I use it is if I happen to eat fast food, which is pretty rare. We use primarily olive oil and sesame oil at home, except for Chanukah latkes, which probably have soybean oil in it due to the generic vegetable oil label. But that's once a year. But if you eat a lot of fast food, you may want to cut back on the fried foods.

America's most widely consumed oil causes genetic changes in the brain: Soybean oil linked to metabolic and neurological changes in mice

I like tiny houses, but you can go too far

Nevermind the fact that Thomas Edison's inventions were not always his own

This is funny!

Very sleepy

But I'm waiting for the candles to burn down safely from Sabbath dinner...

I'm excited...

I do love Latin, but this is funny...

Although keep in mind it's Eddie Izzard and so be prepared for some vulgarity (and not of the Vulgar Latin variety). :)s

Tonight

I kept my friend company and helped out with onion chopping as he made the tomato sauce for tomorrow's lasagna and some apples and cabbage.  He wasn't feeling well and was in some pain, so he forgot to order the challah from the bakery, so I went to Kroger and found some brioche loaves that will work.  I also finally got around to getting various toiletries I needed, such as shampoo, toothpaste, and razors.

We talked about 'The Vicar of Dibley', along with ancient Carthage as a Phoenician colony, Latin, Hebrew, etc.  In other words, it was a fairly normal night.

I started out my day getting up early to go get gas, as the light was on, and it was payday. I'm still going to be behind on a couple of bills, but unfortunately, the next paycheque is probably going to go to car tyres.  The flat the other day is no doubt foreshadowing the doom that will happen if I don't. I'm very lucky the tyre went flat while sitting in a parking lot and not while I was driving.  I have to weigh being fiscally responsible and living to become more fiscally responsible another day.  I'm probably going to go to the same place I got the last ones six years ago as they offer a free alignment and I need that too, along with a cheaper synthetic oil change than Valvoline.  I'm hoping I can find a good deal on everything, but I'm figuring it to be about $600.  I'm just hoping the doughnut tyre and the others last till I can do it.  The doughnut is original to the car, which is 19 years old.  Granted, the car still only has 83,700 miles on it.  My grandmother and then mother didn't drive it much.  Six years ago when I bought it there were only 34,000 miles on it. :)  I'd like to keep it in good working order, as several people depend on it.

I'm finally becoming a bit sleepy.  I've been a bit tired (it was a very productive day at work) but I hadn't really been sleepy.  I took the trash to the kerb and did the litter boxes earlier, but YKWIA had already gone to bed when  I treated the animals to their nightly fare, cleaned up the dishes and counters, packed things for tomorrow's lunch and caffeine, straightened up a bit and played with the kitten till he sleepily went in to be with YKWIA.

Speaking of the kitten, the only succulents left in the house are the big aloe and a bit of red velvet Echevarria that is struggling to come back out after he gnawed on it.  But at least he's been leaving the orchids alone.

Okay, time for bed. It's after midnight, and I get up about 6:30 am.  Hope you have a good day tomorrow.

One of those Facebook fun fact posts

FINALLY an adult version. Here are 21 questions for Grown-Ups.

1. What bill do you hate the most? Student loans

2. When was the last time you had a romantic dinner? Never

3. What did you really want to be when you grew up? An optometrist. Yes, really.

4. How many colleges did you attend? One, with two, almost three degrees.

5. Why did you choose the shirt you wore today? It is comfortable and full of stars.

6. What do you drive? 2001 Ford Taurus SES

7. First thought when the alarm goes off? My alarm has a 'simple math' feature where I have to figure out whether to multiply or add the first thing in the morning. Fortunately, it's multiple choice and I usually just wing it.

8. Last thought you have before you go to bed? Did I set my alarm?

9. Do you miss being a child? Generally. Adulting is hard.

10. What errand/chore do you despise the most? Dusting.

11. Up early or sleep in? Sleep in.

12. Found love yet? No. Unless you mean platonically.

13. Favourite lunch meat? Tofu or seitan.

14. What do you get every time you go to Walmart? Nothing, I don't shop for myself at Walmart, just for a friend with cancer, and I'm not going to count that. It's the Evil Empire, although frankly, I recognise that Amazon is not much better.

15. Lake or ocean? Ocean.

16. Ever crash a vehicle? No.

17. Name a foreign place you’ve never been but want to. Great Britain.

18. Do you have a go-to person? Not really.

19. Growing up what were your favourite cartoons? Scooby-Doo.

20. What do you think has changed about you since you have become an adult? Wisdom.

21. Someone whom you think will complete this? Wanda.

These dystopian short films are really, really spectacular

And there are others to explore.

In library news

A library found it was missing $8 million of its rarest items. Nearly three years later, a man on the inside admitted to selling the items to a local bookstore

So I had a flat tyre tonight

It took me 2 and 3/4 hours to get home. So I'm too tired to write tonight, really. Perhaps I'll have better luck tomorrow. 

:)

He's got a point.

More on Neil Peart

What has been seen cannot be unseen

Linus as Geddy Lee!

So sorry to hear of Neil Peart's passing

He was a wonderful drummer and lyricist.



Neil Peart, Rush Drummer Who Set a New Standard for Rock Virtuosity, Dead at 67: Hall of Fame drummer and lyricist succumbs to brain cancer

Tomorrow

at work they're having resident interviews for the coming year, and so our clinic has only a few patients and there are no surgeries. I found that out in a memo a few months ago and put it on my December calendar page so I'd remember to ask off for the day. I'll miss a building-wide potluck, but that's fine. It's nice to be on the mend (I'm still a little snotty and coughing, and wheezing in the mornings, anyway, but I feel much better. So tomorrow I need to clean and reorganise my room--do things like put the laundry away, make the bed, clean up some soil that's on the floor from when the kitten stole one of the succulents out of its pot--things I wasn't able to do while sick. I also need to wash some linens and see how much other laundry is in the house.

It's been a little quiet at work this week, and I've gotten caught up on everything except I do have to notify some families of upcoming imaging appointments, but by the time I finished today I had it so most were a little way out, so I can call on Monday. I set the autoresponse for e-mail and an alternative greeting for voicemail, and then I high-tailed it out of there about a half an hour early, as I'd worked a little over this week and didn't want to go into overtime. So...here I am, it's nearly 2 am. I've been spending time with my roommate, who has my crud, and making sure he's taken care of and that the animals have their treat. Earlier I checked on a friend (by phone) who is battling cancer and is now back home after being in the hospital/rehabilitation centre for a while. I think I can go do errands for him if needed this weekend--it'll be almost two weeks since I got sick--I just don't want to spread anything to him.

I took the following pictures today of the orchids in my bedroom; I think they're doing well. Both are 'bargain' orchids that had been marked down that just kept putting out more buds after the initial blooms fell off. The spikes on the other three are developing nicely. I don't remember what the colours will be, so it'll be a surprise.





Okay, I really should go to bed now. Have a great evening and a better tomorrow!

I made an actual resolution

For every negative thing I share on Facebook I will share three positive stories. That way I won't get bogged down in the sad or horrible things on my newsfeed. As YKWIA told me the other day, people with anxiety issues tend to look for things that increase their anxiety and obsess on negative stories. I should do that here as well. :) 

I went back to work today

And while I'm pretty tired, it went okay. I made it through a mountain of paperwork I was behind on. After I got home, my roommate sent me to Gumbo Ya Ya for dinner as he wasn't up to cooking - I'm afraid he has the crud now. We watched two episodes of The Dragon Prince, which I really like, and then we checked and there's only one more left. I hope they make another season. There is some question due to accusations against the showrunner of misogyny in terms of his treatment of his female employees. So we'll see. Not that I support misogyny, but the series is so well done and it's through the efforts of all the people in the studio, male and female. I'd hate to see it go unfinished. I haven't heard much since that made the news in November.

Now I'm at least temporarily in bed relaxing and getting warm. I am very tired. I do need to get to and do the dishes in a little while. But for now I think I'll just rest. 

I feel better

So I'm planning to go back to work tomorrow. It's after 1 am though, so I guess I'd better go on to bed. I'm still coughing occasionally, have a headache still, and I tire really easily, but otherwise I'm doing okay. 

I feel awful

This is not how I wanted to ring in the new year--not at all. My chest cold has moved into my head, which is a little odd, as it usually goes the other way. I got up and took my medicine after a bad night of being up and down, so I'll probably just head back to bed after I drink something. On top of everything else, I was in bed last night when the kitten, who usually goes for succulents, decided to nibble on my bamboo. So he got summarily removed from the room and the door is closed right now. He loves the succulents, the juicy, thicker, probably sweeter leaves. He pulled a Hawthornia up like a bonbon out of its little pot, and I found it yesterday by accident and put it back down in the soil to see if it will root again, even though it's been a little nibbled on the outer leaves. I don't hold much hope for it, but still. The only plant in the house that is questionable as far as being toxic to cats is his favourite, the aloe, which doesn't appear to hurt him but can cause mild vomiting in cats. All the others are safe, and the toxic plants went to our pharmacy. He's denuded most of my red velvet Echevarria. I'm hoping it comes back. But it is frustrating. He was no doubt weaned a little early because he's a very orally fixated cat, and he loves to put fingers and just about everything else in his mouth. But for the most part, fortunately, he's leaving other plants alone, including the orchids. I have two of those blooming right now and then three others have put up flower spikes, so soon I'll have almost half (I have twelve, between what was at work and what was at home), one Oncidium and eleven Phalaenopsis species. The Hawthornia plants are each in two tiny pots in the same pot with a Phalaenopsis, and I'd been having trouble watering it in a corner, so I moved it out and that's when the kitten pounced upon. But he didn't hurt the orchid.

Here's what's blooming at the moment:



By the way, here are some links you might find interesting related to this post. The first is an article on types of orchids used as houseplants:

20 Types of Orchids to Use as Houseplants

The others I keep as a bookmark on my Chrome browser (both on the computer and the phone, in case I'm plant shopping and need to know if a plant is safe. It is the ASPCA's guide to Toxic and Non-Toxic Plants List -- Cats. There is another one for Toxic and Non-Toxic Plants List -- Dogs I also have. But they also have one for horses. It's very good, explaining the effect of each and including those that are good and bad for pets. For example, I loved my shamrocks, which are not true shamrocks and are actually Oxalis, and I had them in the library for years, and then at home at the apartment. But they can cause kidney damage in cats. So they can't be here, as there are two cats, an older one that doesn't really bother plants and the kitten, who is about 9 months old and is into everything. So off to the pharmacy they went. They're looking a little sad there, but they've had a good run. I need to tell them the window's too bright for them.

Alright, I'm going back to bed for a while. Here's hoping that medicine kicks in.

Well I did miss

Writing yesterday, so I've already missed one day, but in my defence, I felt awful. I'll try to keep blogging regularly. 

Tired of being sick

Tonight is dragging by so slowly. Can't sleep due to the coughing and sore throat. First I'm too cold then I'm throwing the covers off. I know it's just a bad cold but still... I'm thinking of just getting up but the CPAP actually helps with the congestion. And I'm foggy... I can't even read properly. But I don't think it's the flu because it came on so gradually - I've always had the flu hit me like a ton of bricks. This started slowly and built up, and I'd hoped it was sinus drainage from the weather change. But it's not a sinus infection that I could take antibiotics for, it's a virus and I'm definitely contagious, as I have brought plague into the house. My roommate, who is planning on joining a chorus in a couple of weeks, is not happy with me, and neither of us can be with another friend who is in a facility battling advanced cancer right now. I'm pretty sure that we're were going to be calling off the weekly Call of Cthulhu game, too. But for now the clock is ticking along slowly. It has taken me something like 25 minutes to write this, as I've had to go back on my phone a lot. I'm just tired in general and tired of this crud. :(

Happy New Year

I'd like to say that I have been enjoying a strange midweek day off, but actually, I've been in bed most of the day with a cold and have only come out to forage for food, get some more water, and go to the bathroom. I do have Stahist and Mucinex, so it's a little better than it could be, but I still feel miserable. But at least I can be miserable at home; I started feeling bad on Monday and then on Tuesday my symptoms were getting worse, but the other person I work with was off and I couldn't very well call in as I was needing to do her job and mine, and while we're back up for each other, no one else knows how to do it and we're currently between managers. So...I'm glad I went, as there was a surgery added on that at first didn't require authorization and then the post-op code did, and I'm not sure anyone else would have been able to know how to do the post-op codes and follow up, and the insurance will not allow you to put it in after the date of service. So all was good.

Still, I don't know about tomorrow. If I feel decent, I'll go. If not, I'll not...I don't want to spread germs any more than I have and it's just gotten so I'm more punky than I was. In any case, I have a rheumatology appointment tomorrow so it was going to be a short day.

I did venture out at one point and discovered we were low on bread. The Sabbath challah, which is two loaves, usually lasts a week, but money and food have been somewhat scarce this week and we've eaten more bread and peanut butter. So I thought I'd make some bread, but I didn't pull the recipe out and I was making it from memory with probably a low-grade fever. So I put too much sugar in it (just 1/4 a teaspoon, though) and what I thought was too much (1 teaspoon) of yeast, but everything seems to have come out all right. Then I remembered you add a teaspoon of yeast for the rapid-bake cycle, so the bread might be slightly sweeter, but otherwise should taste fine.

I got up for some water and to feed the animals and my roommate was sleeping as well. I took a shower after speaking to him briefly (the animals make a racket, of course, when you feed them, and that woke him up. I feel slightly better and that way I can probably skip one in the morning as it's late enough to work out as far as being clean. But I'd been sweaty and I hate the way I smell when I've taken Mucinex (guaifenesin). It has a distinct smell that affects all the mucous membranes and I've never liked it. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive to it, but there you are.

I have been up long enough to get the bread out of the machine to cool, feed the animals, get some water, eat a mandarin orange, and take the shower. I'm actually starting to feel hungry; I wasn't so much earlier at all. I have had one banana, a baked potato, an apple, and the mandarin orange today, nothing else. Maybe I'm starting to feel better if my appetite is returning. But for now, I think I may crawl back into bed--I'm still very tired. By the way, I'm not coming up with any real resolutions this year, but I am going to try to write more. We'll see if that works.