I'm not sure how I feel about this

The other day the employee health nurse sat down in my office and told me of another employee's success with Lap-Band (TM) Surgery, and how she thought I would be a good candidate for it.

I don't feel comfortable doing anything so drastic yet in my life. Bariatric surgery has a high death rate (1 in 100/200), although I'm not sure about the Lap-Band, as it's less invasive and seems to have lower side effects. But there are a lot of lifestyle adjustments to make in how you eat, not drinking carbonated beverages, etc. It seems to me that if you are willing to make those adjustments, then you'll lose weight anyway without the surgery--it's just that the surgery assures that you feel full. On the other hand, it's reversible (the band can be removed) and adjustable (through a stoma in your abdomen). It's certainly not as drastic as many other procedures I wouldn't consider at all.

I have to admit, for me losing weight and being a normal size is a sort of personal Holy Grail. I've spent my entire life believing I was fat (and for my adult life, I have been). I don't know what it's like to be normal. So much of my overeating has been emotional, and although I don't do that so much anymore, sometimes I slip. If I had the surgery and did that, I'd make myself very, very sick. A lot of my weight has been a sort of insulator socially so I didn't have to worry about dating or relationships, although as I come out of my shell I realise people flirt with me anyway, so it's not as much of a barrier as I always believed it to be. I do think it's a barrier to getting a decent job; fat acceptance is not where it needs to be in this country, although as we become supersized as a population, I think that will change.

I'd rather work on diet and exercise first before going with something so drastic. But I have to admit, I've mulled it over, and will continue to do so. Perhaps at some point I will pursue it as a last resort. I certainly would be heathier overall without the amount of weight I'm carrying. And I know that the nurse was trying to be helpful, but I'm a little offended that I can't be accepted for myself as I am, and that I might be expected to go to such lengths to change my body to meet some societal norm.

You know?