Tomorrow, next week, next year

Having nearly caught up on many other things (like the end-of-the-year-work-purge-and-store, to be continued for the beginning-of-the-year-purge-and-store), here is what I plan to do with my day off tomorrow:

1. Sleep about an hour later (yay, get up at 9:30)
   
2. Go to the gym (the one downtown, with the sauna), do the treadmill and bike to get back into the swing of things, then soak in the hot tub and sauna)
   
3. Eat lunch with friends
   
4. Prepare the last of the year's job applications and send them
   
5. Get my boobies smushed (mammogramme, and yes, I still have the ^#*@& mastitis, so this should NOT be fun
   
6. Do some last minute things in case friends come over for New Year's Eve. I have the ingredients for flaming cheese and vegetarian chili, I have crackers (party favours you pull open that make a firecracker sound and have prizes and party hats inside) to add some noise and fun, and the game Clue (Cluedo to the Brits out there), a very pleasant way to spend an evening in my book.
   

This has been a rather slow week in all respects, thankfully. I watched a Van Helsing double feature on Monday with a friend, and it had some very useful moves I could use in the game, not to mention Kate Beckinsale in a very tight corset and well, Hugh Jackman was no slouch either. I want his gadgets, though, especially the grappling hook gun/wench. I really like the spinning blade but only in terms of the game characters...I'd slice a finger off myself.

Last night I went to the library, read, knitted, did laundry, and watched 'NCIS', which is sort of 'JAG' meets 'CSI'. It was the helicopter parked in a crop circle that did it for me. I rather like the show, although it didn't grab me as much as some. I didn't so much as touch the computer, which is a little odd for me. But overall I had some 'chill out' time that was nice. I'm feeling a little fuzzy in my thinking, though, and it's hard to concentrate on anything very long. I wish I could figure out what the deal is, because I feel like I could be doing so much more if I could just get through some of this. I'm going to talk to a doctor on the 6th about the mood fluctuations, lack of concentration, and a friend really wants me to talk to him about my memory. It's not just a lack of memory--it's a standard joke of ours that I have the memory of a goldfish. It's that 1) it's gotten worse over the years and 2) I don't just not remember...I insert and conflate things together so I can't really trust anything I supposedly remember, but it seems quite real. Take the movie...I filled in something being shot from a blowgun in one scene even though it didn't show it. I could describe it in detail--a black spray that came out like a cone towards the face of a character...and that didn't exist. This despite paying what I thought was close attention and remembering what I thought was correctly. I am also really beginning to see a trend in terms of my mood and some of the stupid things I do...I'll get to a point where really ludicrous things make sense, or I'll buy something I can't afford because it seems to make absolute sense, then come crashing down and feel like an idiot and my self-esteem just crumbles once I realise I've done it again. I've been told I've had major depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, even borderline personality, and certainly therapy and drugs have helped somewhat, but I still don't think I have the whole picture yet. I'm really starting to wonder if it's a form of bipolar, and hopefully the doctor can verify...and treat it accordingly. A part of me tends to obsess on things, tends to collect 'issues', a part of me doesn't want to have one more label, one more hurdle, but another part of me just wants to know what is wrong so I can start again and go from there. Here's hoping I get some answers.

In the meantime, I hope to have a safe happy New Year's, and wish you the same. I'll try to blog again whilst I'm off, but just in case, here's to 2005!