- Sleep about an hour later (yay, get up at 9:30)
- Go to the gym (the one downtown, with the sauna), do the treadmill and bike to get back into the swing of things, then soak in the hot tub and sauna)
- Eat lunch with friends
- Prepare the last of the year's job applications and send them
- Get my boobies smushed (mammogramme, and yes, I still have the ^#*@& mastitis, so this should NOT be fun
- Do some last minute things in case friends come over for New Year's Eve. I have the ingredients for flaming cheese and vegetarian chili, I have crackers (party favours you pull open that make a firecracker sound and have prizes and party hats inside) to add some noise and fun, and the game Clue (Cluedo to the Brits out there), a very pleasant way to spend an evening in my book.
This has been a rather slow week in all respects, thankfully. I watched a Van Helsing double feature on Monday with a friend, and it had some very useful moves I could use in the game, not to mention Kate Beckinsale in a very tight corset and well, Hugh Jackman was no slouch either. I want his gadgets, though, especially the grappling hook gun/wench. I really like the spinning blade but only in terms of the game characters...I'd slice a finger off myself.
Last night I went to the library, read, knitted, did laundry, and watched 'NCIS', which is sort of 'JAG' meets 'CSI'. It was the helicopter parked in a crop circle that did it for me. I rather like the show, although it didn't grab me as much as some. I didn't so much as touch the computer, which is a little odd for me. But overall I had some 'chill out' time that was nice. I'm feeling a little fuzzy in my thinking, though, and it's hard to concentrate on anything very long. I wish I could figure out what the deal is, because I feel like I could be doing so much more if I could just get through some of this. I'm going to talk to a doctor on the 6th about the mood fluctuations, lack of concentration, and a friend really wants me to talk to him about my memory. It's not just a lack of memory--it's a standard joke of ours that I have the memory of a goldfish. It's that 1) it's gotten worse over the years and 2) I don't just not remember...I insert and conflate things together so I can't really trust anything I supposedly remember, but it seems quite real. Take the movie...I filled in something being shot from a blowgun in one scene even though it didn't show it. I could describe it in detail--a black spray that came out like a cone towards the face of a character...and that didn't exist. This despite paying what I thought was close attention and remembering what I thought was correctly. I am also really beginning to see a trend in terms of my mood and some of the stupid things I do...I'll get to a point where really ludicrous things make sense, or I'll buy something I can't afford because it seems to make absolute sense, then come crashing down and feel like an idiot and my self-esteem just crumbles once I realise I've done it again. I've been told I've had major depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, even borderline personality, and certainly therapy and drugs have helped somewhat, but I still don't think I have the whole picture yet. I'm really starting to wonder if it's a form of bipolar, and hopefully the doctor can verify...and treat it accordingly. A part of me tends to obsess on things, tends to collect 'issues', a part of me doesn't want to have one more label, one more hurdle, but another part of me just wants to know what is wrong so I can start again and go from there. Here's hoping I get some answers.
In the meantime, I hope to have a safe happy New Year's, and wish you the same. I'll try to blog again whilst I'm off, but just in case, here's to 2005!