: 'Nothing Else Matters' by Carol Tatum (yes, it's the Metallica song set to harp); I heard it last night on Echoes and really loved it; I love the song itself, but I am particularly fond of harp/folk/mediaeval style music, and this rendition mixes all of the above. [Although be sure not to let it loop...it will depress you terribly, just as with the original if you do that].
: A mix of gloomy and optimistic. The first from the weather (grey and icky) the second is because I really believe in making an effort to dispel the former.
Yesterday I was off from the hospital and returning a favour of getting up at an ungodly hour to help out a friend. I did work at the phone bank, and did respectably. Fortunately the rest of the time I was able to catch up on some sleep.
It's been a surprisingly busy day at work today, given that it's the day before Thanksgiving and most people seem to be gone. I'm going to have to work a little harder to make sure I keep straight to my schedule; I've had a warning on tardiness and they're going to start counting as absences. I had been doing much better for awhile, but I've been running a few minutes late more and more often--it's crept up on me. This time of the year, with the light waning, is always a little harder for me. But I can't argue that it's an issue. My job used to be more flexible--what mattered is that I worked the necessary number of hours and adjusted to working a little later if needed. Actually, one of the hardest things about the job these days is getting away on time, since I often have patron needs crop up at the end of shift. It used to be I could 'average' that out by coming in a little later or leaving earlier. But, that flexibility's gone, and I need to face it. Since I eat and work with some people who have more flexibility, I'm going to start timing myself at lunch with the PDA and make sure I leave right on time, even if I need to start the process of leaving a little early to be back there in time to clock out. I'm also going to have to remember to take my break. But getting here will be the hardest...I've set my clocks ahead, etc. I think it's psychological. I've always tended to run behind, but I actually do better at jobs where I'm not governed by the timeclock. I think I start to stress about being late because of some 'magic number' and it seems like, no matter how early I start out for something, there will be traffic jams, or something will come up to put a snag in things. I used to have the same difficulty in classes where the teacher was absolutely adamant that we be there on time. Otherwise, I was usually early or just on schedule. Maybe it's an anxiety thing, maybe it's some residual passive-agressiveness; I don't know. But I'm obviously going to have to work on it to keep my job, since eight occurrences pretty much leads to termination and technically anything after 10:07 is an occurrence. Sigh.
I'm not ready for Thanksgiving, really, and I'm positively growly at the idea of Christmas decorations and music playing. I think part of it is that money's tight and I can't really enjoy getting things for people, although I might be able to come up with some nice but cheap or even made gifts. I didn't even do anything special for D's birthday, although at some point I'd like to take her out to eat using my 2-for-1 card I got from KET for my phone work. I'm going home tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to seeing my family. I'm hoping to get some things finished up before my surgery which is (gulp!) next week. I'm only planning to be off a couple of days but I was gratified to realise that I have 21 days of personal leave and over 70 days of sick leave accrued, so I really should be spending some of it and not feeling guilty about it, and I'll have it should I need it.
This morning I had a special treat of seeing two wild duck pairs paddling up the creek behind my apartment. It took me awhile to find the females with their dull brown plumage against the thicket, although the drakes' bright marking attracted the eye easily. It put me in a good mood this morning, and that has mostly continued, despite the counseling about the tardies. I've just felt a little...not down, not depressed, just slightly deflated and tired. I blame the weather, because the sun is starting to come out right now and I'm already feeling better. How on earth did our ancestors make it in caves?
I don't work the phone bank tonight, so theoretically the weekend has begun. I think I'm going to celebrate by getting out and doing stuff rather than fretting about the usual money issues or end-of-the-year anxieties and just, well, enjoy a few days for a change.
If it's a holiday where you are, have a safe and loving one. And if not, hope you're doing well anyway.
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