Ah, the joys of duct tape...

When I was in the Society for Creative Anachronism many, many moons ago (strictly speaking, 1980-1991), duct tape was seen as more essential on trips than bread. These teens would agree--they wore excellently-crafted duct tape to their prom.

Today was incredibly stressful but really good in its on way. My friend Zabet, as a birthday gift to me, sat down and is helping me go over my finances and make some sense out of them. Oh, hell. She's actually taking the whole pile of this month's goodies and going through them to figure out what I can do to get back on track. I get incredible anxiety over bills and other 'necessary' kinds of things. I've spent years ducking responsibility and pretty much setting myself up for failure, and I can't continue doing this. I'm so far in the hole now, though, it's hard to dig back out.

So, the verdict? In maybe 2-3 months, I can take care of the most pressing issues, then start paying off .the long-term debt. We're going to try to keep from having to put me in bankruptcy. But, things are going to be tight. I called today to cancel my cable. We're going to pay just the taxes on my car (a whopping $8.99, which gives you an idea of its worth), and I won't drive it until I can afford to keep up my insurance, repairs, gas, etc. Actually, she's advising me to just junk it, and I tend to agree, but John, my mom and I have put so much into this car I don't want to get rid of it until I can talk to them--I promised to do so. She also wants me to use just my prepaid cell phone (which I did for a long time) and drop the phone line/computer connexion. I'm still hoping to keep those, I must admit--now that I won't be driving, it'll be more important to have those to keep contact with the outside world. But I might have to pay more in the long run if I cancel, since my DSL equipment came free with the connexion. Sigh. But on the other hand, I made this hell for myself, so I really can't complain, and I did ask for help, so I have to take it in however its given.

She put things in piles, came up with a timeframe, running through June, for me to make payments (and threatened me, rightfully so, if I were to make any 'unapproved' expenditures). If you think this is harsh, you haven't seen my fianances. They're pretty much in a shambles. It's amazing to me that I can do okay at work (although, to be honest, I have some checks and balances there, mainly a fiscal office) but I can't seem to do basic things like balance my cheque book or send off bills on time. So, she's acting as financial counselor/overseer for awhile. As much anxiety and shame I had considering I had to have someone (much younger, I might add) go through the mess, I feel a little more in control. I have a to do list of people to contact, but she took care of some things, and she was pretty gentle about it (a paraphrase: 'I know you've been poor for years, and you haven't had what you wanted, but I'm going to ask you to dig deep and find the aescetic, the zen part of you, and even though you're going to lose things for awhile, eventually you'll be able to have them again when you can afford them.) I was going over the next couple of years on paper later, and I could see having my debt (except for the student loans) paid off by 2005, with some savings beside. It's a start anyway. :|