On the other hand, for those braver than I

Life is meant to be lived, of course, not hidden from or played safe.

Some food for thought

Thinking of a friend, A

when I heard this on the radio--

Five for Fighting's '100 Years'

Isn't it strange?

I spend a lot of my time trying to avoid being adult and responsible. Yet I carry deep-set feelings of responisbility for several things I experienced as a child, even though I was in no way to blame. Things like sexual abuse, never measuring up enough to be wanted, my parents' divorce, that kind of thing.

I'm learning to take responsibility for all the little and big things I should. But maybe I need to let go of the guilt and responsibility that I have left over from my childhood.

Maybe I try to avoid more responsibility because of the feelings I associate with it.

I know now that I was a bright, trusting, and lovable child that most people would have loved to have as their own. A lot of trust was broken, I felt terribly unlovable, and I took refuge in being bright but never really developed it as I should have. My emotional growth stopped when I was very young. My intellectual growth stopped as a teenager. I've come very far in getting them further down the pipeline. But I wonder if I hadn't had some of the experiences I had--if I'd been encouraged and nurtured, and most of all, not harmed, what kind of person I would be.

I don't know, maybe we grow and evolve more in the presence of adversity. But we also grow when nurtured. I can't ever get the nurturing I could have had, but I can nurture myself. So that's two ways to grow. So now it's time to plant some roots and flourish, don't you think?

Two more

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

(I thought the faces were fish at first...too late at night to be up.)

You Make a Good First Impression

You probably are making a much better impression than you realize. Social situations can be a bit awkward for you at times, and you tend to over think what you say and do. If you make a social faux pas, you remember it a lot longer than anyone else does. Just relax and do your best. There are little things you can do to improve your social image. Express more of an interest in the people around you, and be a good listener. The secret of fascinating people is that they find everyone else fascinating!

What Kind of First Impression Do You Make?

I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow

I'm up late working on a project, but it's definitely time to go to bed. Today has been a day of hard truths which will hopefully lead to some introspection. Someone told me today that I'm afraid of life--and that's true. But if you're afraid of it, you'll never live it, and when at any time something might befall us--well, you don't always get do-overs. Sometimes people waste their entire lives afraid of living. I don't want to be that kind of person. So I think it's time to look inside and see what I do want out of life, and try to learn that I do deserve to be happy, etc., rather than continuing to play the martyr and be self-defeating in my attitude.

But, for now, sleep.