Listening to

'Everybody Hurts' by REM


Today I felt crappy. My blood sugar was 343 this morning, 210 this evening (although on the upside I not only remembered to test both times but took my Janumet for both doses, something I don't always remember to do). Normal is 60-120. I got a phone call this morning from Dr Nesbitt's office with the results of my bloodwork. My hA1C (which measures blood sugar over a three month period, was 8.3 (normal being less than 6.0)). In other words, my diabetes is out of control. Dr Nesbitt is putting me on an additional generic pill to help, and I take it in the morning, which will be much better in terms of me remembering to take it. In the afternoons I get caught up in things and barely remember to eat, much less test and take medicine. But Dr Nesbitt specifically mentioned this as an alternative to insulin, which I don't want to be on. Today I didn't have anything sugary except for some spreadable fruit on a peanut butter sandwich, but I haven't been really cutting out sweets and empty carbs lately. I need to do better, maybe have a couple pieces of chocolate at the game but not many, for example. I really need to take this seriously.

On a positive note, my cholesterol went down from 190 to 138. And I always have blood pressure on the low end of normal and a good resting heartbeat.

I also had therapy today, most of which dealt with my lack of self-esteem, my need to find reasons to like myself and come up with goals in my life (and put them into practice), and the bizarre life that was my marriage. I think it was really useful. This is the first social worker I've seen who was perceptive and listened to me without pushing a personal agenda. Of course, he's also the first male social worker I've seen, so maybe that's part of it.

I'm going to go onto bed, I think. I'll try to write someting more meaningful tomorrow, assuming I'm not tired after getting a crown put in at the dentist and working on truck night. Good night.

According to Wikipedia

the common cold usually lasts from 3-5 days.

I'm on day three, and the mucous is running high.

Not that I expect you really care about my mucous, but it is the most immediate thing going on in my life. It is not a dire colour at least, only plentiful. My only consolation is that the dratted virus is being flushed out in waves of glorious mucous.

My nose hates me, though, and my currently happily active immune system. I am going through tissues, napkins, toilet paper, and even paper towels at an alarming rate. And still it flows.

Through it all I soldiered through first one job and then the other, plus two hours of game notes. I am now very tired. And snotty.

Fortunately I get a bit of a rest tomorrow as I took off from the hosptial to go to a sleep doctor about getting new attachments for my CPAP machine so that I can go back to sleeping in bed, and hopefully won't be as tired as I've been during the day. They may be able to recalibrate it slightly there in the office, too, although if they think it needs to be, they'll probably send me through another sleep study. My appointment isn't until 11:30, so I get an extra hour or so to rest. Then it's off to the gas station (it's trunk night tomorrow). But I'm off from the station on Friday, although I'll be back at the hospital (celebrating jeans day, as it's the first Friday of a new month).

Oh, I hope I'm better by then. And I'm working 10 hours straight on Saturday. Definitely by then, I hope.

All right, enough of my complaining.

By the way, I actually have a copy of the book for which I wrote a chapter (okay, it's a short chapter, but it's still publishing). I received it today. I think I'll have to return it; I got a defective copy that came unglued after being opened five times. But it's still good to see my name in print, and the other entries sound interesting, too.

Okay, enough for tonight...I hope you liked Cookie Monster. I'm going to bed now. I leave you with something random--clouds and water from Koyaanisqatsi...



...and the pre-credit sequence from Powaqqatsi. If you've never seen the trilogy to which they belong, you should. They are essentially art films looking at the juxtaposition of elements. The first title means 'life out of balance', the second 'life in transformation' and the third (Naqoyqatsi)'life as war'. They are all Hopi terms. This scene shows gold miners in Brazil digging and bringing up dirt. It reminds me of an ant colony, yet it seems so fruitless.

I was at the doctor's for 2 1/2 hours today

but I was running behind by about 15 minutes, so we were both having issues. I spent the majority of it in one of the exam rooms on an uncomfortable chair; I really would have rather waited in the lobby. But Dr Nesbitt was apologetic, they were apparently having one of 'those days'. He's the only one in the practice and I like him too much (among other things, I like that he's Canadian--I don't know why) to really be annoyed. Anyway, I brought in my Excel chart of my blood sugar readings and he put me on Avandia in addition to the Glucophage (metformin) and Januvia. My evening readings are pretty good (tonight's was 127) but my morning ones are still high, although not as high as they were.

I had an appointment with my new therapist for the first time yesterday. I gave him the high (or low, depending on how you look at it) points of my life with my family, with my ex-husband and his partner, and life since that. It was a little overwhelming, although I asked if if I'd scared him and he said no. He said he thought it was very interesting and would continue to be so. I got the impression of an explorer coming upon a mountain to climb or a new continent. Somehow that should bother me, but it doesn't. I guess because I get to be a part of it. I see him again on Tuesday. This is the the fifth social worker I've tried, but the first man. He seems to have good professional boundaries and doesn't seem likely to jump to conclusions like the others. If it doesn't work out the practice also has a couple of psychologists, although they're harder to get in to see. I already have homework, to come up with a list (it doesn't have to be long) of coping mechanisms I'd like to work on and make more functional, like eating when stressed, or sleeping when stressed. I do both of those. I also forget anything unpleasant, hoard, and pick at myself. Sounds a little crazy, hmm?

Well, it's off to do laundry and notes. Cerys is lapping up the last of the remains of my fish, potatoes, and vegetables. Good night.