I should add

That just because I'm having suicidal thoughts doesn't mean that I think I'm in any danger of carrying them out. It's not the kind of ruminations that you get with standard depression. It has to do with my moods, which swing rapidly when I'm under stress. But even then, my mind talks me down. I tend to get these emotional storms that last about 20 minutes or so, and if I can ride them out, I'll be okay. If I felt I couldn't do that, then I'd check in somewhere in a heartbeat--especially now that I don't have to worry about who would take care of Cerys. But at this point I'd be running away from things and it would only make it worse. So I'll stick things out and hopefully they'll improve.