Enjoying a late day

I have a teleconference on medical/public library cooperation this afternoon that runs later than I usually work, so I don't have to go anywhere until noon. I left the house about 10:30, though, and I'm over here at the public library blogging. I do need to swing by work to get the directions though, seeing as I totally forgot to print them out yesterday.

I'm in a quandry. Here's a word problem them had you do in school: You have $238. Do you:

1. Pay off a bad cheque so that when you go to court it might be dismissed, but last time it didn't get dismissed, so you're about 50-50 on your chances, then pay it off within two paycheques?
   
2. Pay part of your rent so that when you pay the rest you can also pay the electric company, which won't give more than one extension, get your medicine, and have money for groceries?
   

I admit, I have trouble doing this, or I wouldn't be in this quandry in the first place. I can pay the cheque off by mid-April at the latest, so I fully intend to do so. But I also don't know what happens if you don't pay it off and it goes back to court. Do you just get a guilty plea and have to pay it along with fines by a certain date, usually about 3 months? Do they take you to jail? Does anyone know? I hate having it on my record, but I already have two others thanks to going crazy for awhile impairing my ability to balance/manage my chequebook plus being too poor to have any cushion when I do stupid stuff like that. It's embarrassing that I can do well with budgets at work (with the exception of one Harry Potter party during a breakdown where I had no help, no set budget, and a directive to 'do whatever is good for the kids'), but I have trouble doing it (and I know how to) with my home life. I think part of it is that I don't have to worry at work about not paying bills or not having enough--I've been blessed with a fairly decent budget. I can't say the same for my pay, so it's a struggle just to pay my rent and electric every month, get my meds, and still get some groceries, and then when I do make a mistake or have a moment of poor judgement, everything falls apart. I must admit also that I am a pathetic criminal, probably because I'm not trying to be one. Still, I've always paid the cheque at least by the main court date, and usually before the arraignment. (One got dismissed, one didn't...I guess it just matters what judge you draw, and you don't always get the same one for the second appearance.)

Sigh. See, there's a reason this place is called the Rabid Librarian's Ravings. I do have to admit that although I generally function well in society, I am, in the words of Matchbox Twenty, 'a little unwell', and it's a day-to-day struggle to deal with some of the issues from my mucked up brain chemistry. The good news is that I've been doing loads better since my medicine was changed. The bad news is it's a struggle just to get my medicine, especially the new one that's so expensive. There are just times I want to give up, but I refuse to do so.

In the meantime, I so need a third job, or one that pays enough that I don't have to work extra jobs. But I also realise that talking about stuff like this on this blog and that couple of cheques I already have on my record are probably not going to help me get one. I realise I'm not sounding all that competent at the moment, although I'm a good librarian, have a real talent for it, and I'm very dedicated to the needs of patrons. I also know sometimes that isn't enough, and circumstances are such that you can do all the right things and still have the carpet whisked out from under you and land on your butt--or, trip due to your own clumsiness. Either way, it's sometimes hard to get back up again, you know?