Terri Schiavo Dies in Florida Hospice

Terri Schiavo Dies in Florida Hospice: 'Regardless of your perspective on end-of-life issues this is very sad moment and a very reflective moment for a lot of us,' said Senate President Tom Lee.

I agree. May she rest in peace, may her family (all of them, both biological and that of her husband) find a way past this difficult time, and may no one reading this ever go through the kind of half-existence/media circus that she did. I think those who used this case as a photo opportunity or to push forth an agenda should be ashamed of themselves. The truly sad thing is that her case could have been prevented; her condition was brought on by an electrolyte imbalance due to bulimia. Please, if you believe you (or someone you love) have an eating disorder, seek help before it is too late.

Feeling all the springy goodness

We've had beautiful weather the last couple of days, after a period of below-normal temperatures spring is finally here. I'm excited because it looks like this year I'll have a place to devote my gardening energies. I'm also happy because I got paid today and yesterday and had enough to pay my rent and get groceries and cell phone time (although, alas, not the great deal on Easter lillies from Kroger that were normally $16.95 and were on sale for $4). That, plus my new birthday brakes, have put me in a wonderful mood (although I was terribly grouchy last night because I'd missed my meds, having left them at home. Now they're ensconced in my medicine cabinet with a sticky note above that says 'have you taken your meds today?' so that I do so before I leave the house. I put them on the sticky note that has 'what if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?' printed on it, so I also start the day off with a laugh. That should help keep me from cussing out college kids who attempt to run me over as I walk into the grocery.) :)

Saturday is my birthday and I'm going to have the luxury of going to Joseph-Beth and use a gift certificate, much better than the fruitless browsing I usually get to do. There is nothing more frustrating for a book lover than to find the perfect book and not be able to afford it. :)

I'm thinking of taking tomorrow off from work; I haven't decided. But I have 15 days of vacation/60 days extended illness banked and I should probably use some of it. Monday I think the girls are going to celebrate my birthday with lunch at Oasis, a Mediterranean restaurant. I'm looking forward to it. All in all, this birthday, even if it is terribly close to the big 4-0 (it's my 38th), is working out pretty well, yay. There is a chance of snow flurries Saturday morning, but hopefully it'll warm up and be nice during the day.

Well, that's enough for now. Have a happy remainder of the week.

Creative juices flowing

Today, after having to go through a real person because I mucked up in my first use of the automated system, I submitted my first attempt at an Exquisite Corpse. It was all the more daunting because 1) I don't really think of myself as an artist, just artistic, and 2) I was assigned the first panel, which sets the tone for the other three. I'm interested in seeing how the finished panel turns out, and will of course link to it once it's finished.

PS Today is the thirteenth anniversary of my divorce. I think it's about time I dated again, don't you?

I'm a little concerned

Last night I was eating dinner with a friend and apparently missed 5 minutes of conversation...as in, no memory, pick up the record stylus, skip 5 minutes ahead, and put it back down. There was a different song playing in the background, I didn't respond to a question as I should have--I was answering one from a long time before in the conversation. I've defensively dissociated to some degree most of my life. That's why, for example, I don't have much memory of my childhood or my memories of things jumble. But this was much worse. The thing that disturbed me about this is that I have absolutely no memory, just missed time, and usually I'm aware of myself and may seem 'outside' my body or otherwise watching a scene or remember being there but not necessarily what was done or said, but not checked out entirely. I had absence seizures as a very small child, and I suppose it could be something like that, except for the length of time and the fact that I apparently kept time with the music and said, 'uh-huh' at appropriate times rather than spacing out completely. I've had really small times this has happened, once standing waiting for a light to change and missing the entire green light, once driving where I fortunately wasn't alone and someone dragged me back to consciousness as I was about to cross into another lane, but that's pretty much it. It's really rare, and the thing is, these things don't happen when I'm emotionally uncomfortable, like true dissociation, but rather without an apparent trigger, other than MAYBE something rhythmic (music, the wheels on the roadway, the lights). I'm definitely going to ask my psychiatrist what she thinks it is, though. Whereas usually I come back to myself with out a sense of suddeness, this was like *bam*, at first you don't realise anything's different, and then you realise your environment has changed completely. It's very disconcerting. Maybe it's something physical rather than psychological...I just don't know, and it really scared me.

March madness

For those outside the region, let me just explain that here in the Ohio River Valley basketball has about the same following that football (aka soccer, not the American or Australian versions) has in other areas of the world...the status of near religion. As proof I give you the following: in the NCAA men's tournament, our region had Kentucky, Louisville, Eastern Kentucky, Cincinnati, and West Virginia all in the running. Kentucky games consistently have some of the largest and loudest crowds, no matter how far away they're playing. I've known of one wedding which took place on a tournament day and people tackily snuck portable radios into the church. And finally, one friend carefully wiped the dust off of his television 'preparing for worship' and he didn't mean the fact it was Easter.

I'm not a sports fan per se. I watch figure skating and Premier league football when I can, but I don't follow them regularly...I just like the action, the movement, and in figure skating's case, the artistic expression. But if I am around a game of basketball, I tend to get drawn in, so I watched the thrilling Louisville-West Virginia game Saturday with my grandmother. I didn't watch the Kentucky-U. Michigan game, because we were playing our own game (Cthulhu) in the next room, but I heard the reaction to the three-pointer end-of-game million-and-one shot, the controversy over whether to allow it or treat it as a two-pointer (ending the game rather than going into overtime), and then the ensuing overtime play.

After all that, the loss was bitter for the fans, and I'm sure for the team, and I've never seen so many people dragging around like I've seen today. I suspect they'll be talking about the game for a long time, and what could have been. And of course, the fact that Louisville, with the former Kentucky coach in charge, did make the next phase of the tournament (the Final Four), made it only worse.

Still, there's always next year, right?

A milestone

Listening to: 'Everything' by Lifehouse

According to my Site Meter - Counter and Statistics Tracker, this site has passed 30,000 hits since its inception October 14, 2001. Thank you all so much for making me feel like my ravings are not really 'just' to the wind. :) I hope you like the content. As a result, I don't feel quite so alone in the world. (Okay, every now and then it's a little creepy that others are reading what is essentially my diary, but hey, it's kind of cool to put yourself out there without absolute and total censure. :) I enjoy getting a peek at others' personalities by reading blogs...maybe if more people read more points of view, we'd all come to understand each other a little more. Anyway, thanks, all of you. And thanks for not being cyberstalkers, too. :D

*Sheepish grin*

Here I blamed Blog This! when really, I accidentally posted to another blog that I have for writing. I've restored all to their proper place. Oops. Silly me.

That's for sure

Schiavo Case Highlights Poor Care for Dying in US

Thank the Gods for Hospice services.

Ah, great, just a mere four years into my retirement

US Social Security Fund Exhausted in 2041-Trustees

and that's assuming retirement at age 70, since they've raised the minimum age for full benefits. Moreover, Medicare's will be exhausted by 2020, when I'm a mere 53.

And they wonder why I never expected to reap the benefits of all those taxes I've paid in during my life.

Morning silliness

This morning I went to make toast in the cafeteria and got impatient and popped the lever up. PHWANG!!! went the toast up and over the counter and onto the floor behind it. The cashier and I laughed so hard, which was great considering I spent a long, dark night at home as the reimbursement cheque had not arrived, but Kentucky Utilities had indeed finally turned off my electricity. Since all I have to eat at home are some potatoes, I had a raw potato supplemented by Smarties candy about every two hours or so. I've discovered that a little bit of candy spaced out can actually keep my blood sugar going pretty well. Ah, the trevails of a poor librarian!

On a brighter note, I just applied for a part-time job at a local college library. It doesn't require an MLS, so it's pay probably sucks, but it's probably better than flipping burgers and it's a 4-8pm thing so it would work well with my present schedule, and I could even take a class at the same time.

Also, someone sent me this:

Apparently if you put in Logolepsy conflagration into Google, you get a googlewack, where two words produce one site, and it's this one. :) Thanks, Barry.

Oh, and just so you know, I tried posting serious things yesterday, one on the Schiavo case and one on the shootings in Minnesota, and apparently Blog This! sent them into some sort of aether never to return. Grrrr.... I don't know if it's worth it to try to 'recreate' those posts or not. Oh, and there was a third one, a library news related one...maybe I'll go seek that one out, anyway. Ta.

A library-related news story

ABC News: Librarian Sues Harvard Over 'Pretty' Bias

and another with additional details

I don't know...competition is so tough in my town I've never been able to even be interviewed at UK's library system, despite being a darn good librarian. But if that comment about her not getting ahead because she was seen as a 'pretty girl' is true, it was way out of line. Hmpf. What, you can't be competent and pretty?

Ironically, I saw Legally Blonde for the first time last night? Is Harvard really that drab???

Hmmm....I have PCOS, am overweight, and on metformin

Orlistat Is as Beneficial as Metformin in the Treatment of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome -- Jayagopal et al. 90 (2): 729 -- Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism

Note to self: ask the doctor about this, not only because of the weight loss ability but because I think I have an ovarian cyst and I've been having pain on that side every other month, mainly due to funky hormones. Hmmm...

This is so sad

Yahoo! News - Ten Dead in Minnesota School Shooting

The paper today said the boy, 15 by some accounts, 17 by others, had lost his father to suicide several years ago and his mother is in a nursing home after sustaining brain injuries in a car accident. He was apparently a loner who dressed in black and was mocked by his peers. Evidently he was in a great deal of pain and lashed out, killing a security officer and at least one teacher, his grandfather, his grandfather's girlfriend, several students, and finally himself.

I am not in any way condoning what he did, but he obviously needed a great amount of help, help that apparently was either not forthcoming or not enough. New details indicate he may have ascribed to neo-Nazi principles, surprising, I suppose for a member of an Indian nation. Neo-Nazism, unfortunately, attracts those who feel powerless and transforms them into haters. I can't imagine dealing with those sorts of tragedies in such a young life, or that kind of hatred. I do understand what it's like to be mocked, beaten up, and fear for your life in school. Bullying is a terrible thing and I think it's far more prevalent than most parents realise. I would hope things are getting better in school with these high-profile cases, but unfortunately there are always cracks to slip through, and this seems to be a tragic case of that. My thoughts are with the community, the families of the dead, and of the wounded, and of a teenager who in one moment threw his life away and forever changed the course of others' lives, too.

Let me just say for the record

Yahoo! News - U.S. Judge Refuses More Feeding in Schiavo Case

just in case no one believes my living will, that I would not want to be kept in a persistent vegetative state. (I can just imagine it...blog used in legal case). But even more so, I would not want to become a 'cause' in which various groups, the Congress, and even the President of the United States become embroiled in what is essentially a family conflict.

I understand that Terri Schiavo's parents and siblings may not agree with her husband. It is understandable that they would think he would rather let his wife die than be saddled with medical bills, unable to move on with his life, etc. There have been accusations that he's just after her insurance. I can see where all these issues should be considered.

But also to be considered is that court after court has sided with the husband in this case, that life support should be removed and that this hell should be ended. There are other people besides the husband who have asserted that she had voiced a desire not to be left in this condition.

It's a sad state when any of these situations come up. But the law is based on reason, not passion, and by appealing to the legal system there seems to be one answer coming up here. Maybe it's time that all these other parties butt out and let the family grieve for its loss. Instead, I suspect this may go all the way to the Supreme Court, which may or may not hear the case. I don't believe in legislating to get around any one case, such as what the Congress did. There are other Terri Schiavos out there, daughters, wives, husbands, sons trapped between life and death, and this sort of thing makes a mockery out of a terrible situation, with perhaps long-ranging consequences.

When I made my living will, after my grandfather was revived because his was not on file at that hospital, I specifically made someone other than a family member my primary medical surrogate, because I knew that this person could separate reason from emotion. My mother is the seconday one, however, and I have discussed all this with her, so hopefully I would avoid the Schiavo situation. I also included my wish to be an organ donor, and my wish to be cremated, because I wanted a record of those wishes. I carry this document with me in my purse, and copies are at my home and with both the primary and secondary medical surrogates. One thing I decided to include was that in the unlikely event I was pregnant, I did want to be supported long enough to allow the pregnancy to come to term. What I discovered in my research is that although this is what I would choose, I really didn't have any choice in the matter, because my state requires this. This bothers me, because I see this as a decision to be made by a person, the family, and the person's doctors--not the state. There are some situations, I am sure, where recovery might be possible but be impeded by pregnancy, for example. Perhaps there will be concerns over the health of a child whos mother has undergone trauma and vegetative existence. Perhaps a surviving spouse cannot handle the prospect of raising a child without the mother. Or perhaps the pregnancy is so early that the spouse did not know and is not prepared for watching a baby form for nine months inside what is essentially the lifelesss husk of the woman. It's a disturbing thought. I don't like having legal directives taking away the choice over what happens in my womb, even though in this case I would choose the same thing. But I recognise that others might choose differently, and they should have that choice.

Oh blessed wonderfulness...

Blogger is posting effortlessly again!

A fellow librarian posted this 'floater' to one of my lists

And since I'm 'hovering near forty' (I turn 38 (gulp!) in twelve days), I thought I'd post it here.

Many of us "Older Folks" (those over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40) might be a bit confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker

And last, but not least . . .
13. Thongs and Depends

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

Happy Happy Happy

Scents that make me sneeze
Playful friskiness
Rain to fuel the growth
Irises, roses, and every type of flower imaginable
Nature comes alive
Gardening is my passion
!
!
!

Ah, finally

Let's see if I can get this to post. I went from a quick edit of another post to 'create', and that seems to work okay.

So, it's Saturday. I have: eaten breakfast, baked English Toffee Fudge brownies for D's baby shower, watched a couple of things on TV, returned some items to the library. On the agenda: Visit with friends, go to said shower, and then Scrabble Club tonight.

I still have electricity, but the doom is upon me, so to speak. I couldn't pay by Thursday or get another extension. What would be really great is if it holds out till Tuesday, when I should be getting my Flexben (medical spending account reimbursement) cheque, which will cover it and give me about $10 for gas.

Gas is ridiculous at the moment ($2.19 here in Lexington--I'm sure its worse lots of other places), but I can't really complain, as I've always said we were a gas guzzling nation who needed to get over our love affair with cheap gas and get more fuel-efficient. Have I mentioned I hate SUVs? If I had the money, which I don't, I'd get a Toyota Prius or other hybrid. It sucks being poor sometimes when you are environmentally conscious. My car does alright for something with 217,000 miles on it, but with every penny counting $5 of gas every couple of days is the best I've been able to do. I've got a quarter of a tank right now; I hope it lasts until I get that cheque, because I have about 29 cents in my pocket, a few pennies in a bank at home, and that's it until then. Sigh.

I had an interview the other day for a part-time job with a mailing company working with high-speed printers doing layout, database work, and file conversion. It went pretty well. I was the first interviewee, so I don't know when they'll get back to me, but it's a night job and it sounded like my schedule would work well. I might even still be able to take a couple of classes with it, depending, because I could work as late as midnight. That would be job number three in my quest to stay solvent but it would put my total hours within the full-time range again. Yay. So, wish me luck on that and my other potential jobs.

Okay, now to see if this posts. I hope so. Have a great weekend. We're finally getting weather in the 60-degree range, and I'm so ready for spring, especially as it looks like I'll have a place to garden to my soul's delight. Yay. In the meantime, I'm enjoying the sheer amount of birdsong that's been coming from behind my apartment as the cardinals mate, the woodpeckers peck, and the migrating birds make their rounds. :)

Thanks to N

who graciously allowed me to check out some Ani DiFranco tunes to see whether I like her music. It's funny, Liz used to go on about Ani like she were Goddess on Earth, but I never actually got to listen to the music with her and get any idea of what it was really. I think she just assumed it was too hip for me (or whatever the term is these days). Back to the music, it's folk with attitude, so there's a good chance I will. So far, I rather do. I've found several that I really do love, and in many cases I can certainly relate to the lyrics. Case in point:

Listening to: 'Little Plastic Castle' by Ani DiFranco

they say goldfish have no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine
the little plastic castle
is a surprise every time
it's hard to say if they are happy
but they don't seem much to mind

It really strikes me as music from the heart rather than necessarily musically great. The frenetic and at times dissonant music mucks a bit with my emotions, but it affects them on a primal level, which is something I associate with good music. I like the jazzy, punkish style. Unlike similar 'political' artists (I'm thinking Tori Amos), it actually peps me up (which is good, since I've been down today) rather than making me a psycho man-hating bitch. It's empowering without bitchifying, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Oh, well. I think the only way to truly decide how I feel is to listen to more of it, don't you? :)

Starting out the day with a fun news story

Sex Doll Sparks Bomb Alert at Postoffice

It probably wasn't fun at the time, of course, but lesson learnt; always be sure to remove the batteries from your vibrating blow-up doll before shipping it back to the manufacturer. :)

Is anyone else having trouble with Blogger?

It seems when I go to blog the page never really loads...the only way I can really get things to work is to quick edit another entry then jump to 'create'. Sometimes it's having issues publishing a post, but it'll show up if I republish the index page. Weird.

Anyway, check out this nifty site: http://afe.easia.columbia.edu/ (Asia for Educators). It's very detailed, and I came across it during my attempts to come up with a nicely well-rounded humanities timeline.

Earlier today I felt a little depressed (okay, I listened to Ani DiFranco, which brought up some unpleasant feelings, then segued into Sarah McLachlan, which left me with a case of the blahs. I'm too sensitive moodwise to music, I think). But I feel better after a session with my psychiatrist and talking to my landlord, who will accept payment when I get paid on Thursday, thankfully, as the original pay-by time was 9am tomorrow. I'm still not sure about my electricity, but at least I'll have a place to live. :) It's a good thing next payday should start my raise. Ah, the Ides of March, you've got to love them.

I also took several library books back to the library, so I'm not at the max in terms of checkouts. Tonight, after doing some more timeline work, I'll try to read some of what I have left.

I have an interview on Thursday for a part-time database job. Wish me luck. In addition, I'm in the running for a web designer this fall at the campus newspaper, the Kentucky Kernel. Plus I have two more library positions to finish applications for me. Here's to someone (anyone?) hiring me. :)

Write to you later. 'Night.

UPDATE: Blogger is having issues that include major slowdowns when editing postings. This is discussed in its Known Issues page. (Yeah, in doubt, read the manual). As a result, it's been extremely difficult for me to post except by quick edit over the last few days. There have been times I've tried to blog, but it's been no use. It may especially be an issue from my main access point; here at the library it was slow but never actually timed out, whereas during the week I get a timeout error from the server. Anyway, sorry if I don't get a lot posted, but I will keep trying, and hopefully the folks at Blogger will get it fixed. Apparently another known issue is that they've turned off the counter for number of posts/words in the blog, which would explain why mine hasn't been going up. I've found I have more trouble on this blog (I have three, two tiny writing ones and this behemoth, which given that I've been doing this almost four years is pretty large and I think that's a factor in why I'm having so much trouble on this one.)

Interested in the other two? There's Amaren, a story I've been 'writing' in my head for twenty years and I'm finally typing out, and Ycleptic, Being So Named (that's what the word means), a collection of other random writings. I don't necessarily update them regularly, just when the writing bug happens. Let me know what you think of them. Thanks.

Thankfully

the judge, reviewing my past compliance, gave me until April 18th to pay off the cheque and come back. That means I can pay the 14th when I get paid, and sock any money before then into rent, electricity, medicines, etc. I went out of the court shaking I was so relieved. Two other women were appointed attorneys because they hadn't paid and had multiple cheques. Note: if they appoint you an attorney, you're facing jail time. I was afraid this might be the case, since this is the first time I'd gone into regular court without having paid what I needed first. Agh.

I did go ahead the other day and got both of my medicines, paying more for the paroxetine than usual because it was a partial prescription my family doctor called in since I wasn't going to see my psychiatrist until tomorrow and she had not called in anything even though I'd left her a couple of messages. Yeah, Dr N! Fortunately I have a flexible spending account so I can get the money back in a week or two.

We ended the game yesterday on a cliff-hanger, with a bunch of computer-controlled innocents with various instruments (unconventional weapons, plus a gun and a few conventional ones) coming at the three of us, three highly trained martial artists who have vows against killing innocents--one of whom if he does accidentally do so will be taken over as an Avatar of Nyarlothotep. (For those of you not familiar with Cthulhu Mythos, this is Very, Very, Very bad.) Plus, if any of us are killed, the power needed to complete a rise of Great Cthulhu (as in Armageddon Extraordinaire) will be taken. Oh, and we don't have access to the special abilities derived from our Elder Signs, since all of us have been put in the Dream Web during this adventure and made to have phobias against the Sign, a holy symbol upon our souls from which we derive most of our mystical abilities and which power our swords--the swords incidentally have also been stolen from us.

This, in gaming terms, is when the game master has you over the barrel and is quite gleeful. Here's to getting out of this scrape. We already almost lost one character to electrocution (thank goodness for CPR and mystical healing that isn't derived from the Elder Sign).

Well, I guess that's enough of an update. My head hurts terribly (sinuses, I think). I'm off today so since I got out of court earlier than I thought I'll try to enjoy it, but mostly I have to do some laundry and work on some job applications. There's a professional society of physicians here in town that need a full-time librarian. Since I'm emminentally qualified for it, wish me luck!!!

Hmmm

MRI Scans Could Have Antidepressant Effect -Study

It stands to reason that strong electromagnetic currents could have effects on the body. I turned bright red, for instance when I had mine and felt oddly clear mentally. This bears watching...of course it's an awfully expensive procedure, hardly something that would make for easy treatment protocols.

Hee hee

Cumisky.net: Geekism..the new fear John comments on a report that the Israeli military automatically gives low clearance to those who play Dungeons & Dragons. :) Because of course you'd never want to encourage soldiers to plan stealthy night time insertions into riddled passages to look for sensitive materials and perpetrators. Okay, even if in this case it's usually a bunch of he-men beating up monsters and grabbing treasure. I wonder what they'd say about Cthulhu?

Thought for the day:
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."--Albert Einstein

Un corazón, resuelto

En la memoria de las víctimas de los bombardeos del tren.

I'm sorry, my Spanish is rusty, but please know the sentiment is there, even if I made mistakes. To the people of Madrid, and to the victims and families affected by last year's bombings, my sincere best wishes and condolences. I see the Spanish Muslims have issued a fatwa against Osama bin Laden and his organisation. I'm glad to see that; hopefully people will understand that the Koran does not merely fail to support such horrendous killings of innocents, but it forbids it.

Blogging, the mainstream media, free speech, and legal issues

abound in this series of posts describing and rallying against the serving of a legal notice to an Indian journalist. A major news group in India demanded that Pradyuman Maheshwari remove 19 opinion pieces it considered defamatory or risk legal action. As opinion, more than likely the law is on the side of the blogger expressing his right to free speech (last I checked, they had that in India). However, most of us do not have the financial resources of a major media outlet in which to fight such legal action.

In my own experience (fortunately never this dire), I've been asked twice by two separate people to delete posts because they were not flattering (but true, albeit from my point of view). What I did do was go back, review the posts, kept the content, but made the person less identifiable. I chose to do so only because I felt that in itself was reasonable, yet it allowed me to still express myself. That's not really an option for a news-oriented blog, of course. Still, there's a limit to what I will do, however, and I suppose someone could sue me, and goodness knows I don't have money for a court battle (or for that matter, any real assets for them to 'win' by). I'd hate to think anyone would do that just to shut this or any other blog down, but that's life. On the other hand, I do try to avoid being put in that situation in the first place; this is a published media, after all, subject to copyright and also libel law. I think some bloggers forget that. I have had people specifically ask not to be named in my blog. I respect their privacy. That's one reason I've moved to using intials for most people I know. They know who they are, and if I go back and read it, I know, but you don't necessarily have to, I suppose.

I hope the situation with Mediaah! works out. For what it's worth, I signed the petition asking the media group not to sue. But the whole situation is such that if I were teaching an Internet or blogging class, I'd bring it up as an example of murky Internet legal issues.

Enjoying a late day

I have a teleconference on medical/public library cooperation this afternoon that runs later than I usually work, so I don't have to go anywhere until noon. I left the house about 10:30, though, and I'm over here at the public library blogging. I do need to swing by work to get the directions though, seeing as I totally forgot to print them out yesterday.

I'm in a quandry. Here's a word problem them had you do in school: You have $238. Do you:

1. Pay off a bad cheque so that when you go to court it might be dismissed, but last time it didn't get dismissed, so you're about 50-50 on your chances, then pay it off within two paycheques?
   
2. Pay part of your rent so that when you pay the rest you can also pay the electric company, which won't give more than one extension, get your medicine, and have money for groceries?
   

I admit, I have trouble doing this, or I wouldn't be in this quandry in the first place. I can pay the cheque off by mid-April at the latest, so I fully intend to do so. But I also don't know what happens if you don't pay it off and it goes back to court. Do you just get a guilty plea and have to pay it along with fines by a certain date, usually about 3 months? Do they take you to jail? Does anyone know? I hate having it on my record, but I already have two others thanks to going crazy for awhile impairing my ability to balance/manage my chequebook plus being too poor to have any cushion when I do stupid stuff like that. It's embarrassing that I can do well with budgets at work (with the exception of one Harry Potter party during a breakdown where I had no help, no set budget, and a directive to 'do whatever is good for the kids'), but I have trouble doing it (and I know how to) with my home life. I think part of it is that I don't have to worry at work about not paying bills or not having enough--I've been blessed with a fairly decent budget. I can't say the same for my pay, so it's a struggle just to pay my rent and electric every month, get my meds, and still get some groceries, and then when I do make a mistake or have a moment of poor judgement, everything falls apart. I must admit also that I am a pathetic criminal, probably because I'm not trying to be one. Still, I've always paid the cheque at least by the main court date, and usually before the arraignment. (One got dismissed, one didn't...I guess it just matters what judge you draw, and you don't always get the same one for the second appearance.)

Sigh. See, there's a reason this place is called the Rabid Librarian's Ravings. I do have to admit that although I generally function well in society, I am, in the words of Matchbox Twenty, 'a little unwell', and it's a day-to-day struggle to deal with some of the issues from my mucked up brain chemistry. The good news is that I've been doing loads better since my medicine was changed. The bad news is it's a struggle just to get my medicine, especially the new one that's so expensive. There are just times I want to give up, but I refuse to do so.

In the meantime, I so need a third job, or one that pays enough that I don't have to work extra jobs. But I also realise that talking about stuff like this on this blog and that couple of cheques I already have on my record are probably not going to help me get one. I realise I'm not sounding all that competent at the moment, although I'm a good librarian, have a real talent for it, and I'm very dedicated to the needs of patrons. I also know sometimes that isn't enough, and circumstances are such that you can do all the right things and still have the carpet whisked out from under you and land on your butt--or, trip due to your own clumsiness. Either way, it's sometimes hard to get back up again, you know?

Listening to

some lovely Celtic music, including one of my favourite's, Kilkelly.

Which reminds me--at some point a little while back, I contacted a local pipe and drum group about bagpipe lessons. Yeah, I know, but you learn on a chanter which really doesn't make the noise. They're between classes right now but among other things, I hope it gets me connected with other people descended from the Scots, Irish, and other Celtic peoples. I love the music; I love the culture, but I haven't found any actual organisations in town. If you know of any, drop me a line. I probably need to patronise the Irish stores and bars more, too. ;)

I forgot to mention this tidbit

Listening to: "There's Nobody Home" by Pink Floyd

Someone took the stones from my altar the other day--essentially took the altar in its entirety. Not moved. Took. They are nowhere to be found. Theoretically it could have happened anytime in the last month, but I think it must have been a few days ago, because my large planter is also gone from the front, and I noticed it a day or two before I went out for the libation. This sucks, because it was my backup if there was a problem with the altar, to bring it inside with dirt and the stones. Now I have neither. This is the equivalent to finding someone has burnt down your church while you weren't looking; I was a little shocked and I didn't notice until I went to give the monthly offering (I pour a libation of burgundy and honey out upon the altar during my menstrual period).

At this point I don't know if it was somehow an honest mistake (they didn't know what the stones were, the pot was empty, and so might have seemed abandoned) or if someone saw me go out one night, knew I was up to something pagan, and acted out of malice. In my experience the malicious vandalise rather than take the whole thing, so I'm not quite up to praying for retribution. But it was disappointing, and I'm not sure what I'll do. That night I poured it out on the ground where the stones had been. If I build another altar, it'll probably be down by the creek away from prying eyes, so long as I can keep a small area clear for that purpose and not walk in poison ivy. Sigh...the challenges of being a pagan in an apartment building. At least the ancient Roman tenement dwellers had plenty of places to worship. I wish we had full-blown temples. If I had the money I would build one, just so pagans here would have a place to worship properly. Of course, for my purposes, given my Patroness, I'd really love to have a bit of land with a cave and spring on it, which is quite possible here in karst topography land...it's riddled with caves. But until then, I'll have to make do.

Plugging along

Listening to: "Dear Green Place" by Battlefield Band

It was a clear mornin' down near Bann
Where it meets and runs with the River Clyde,
And they tell the tale of the holy one
Who was fishing down by the riverside.

A holy man from Fife he came,
His name, they say, was Kentigern,
And by the spot where the fish was caught
The Dear Green Place was born.

Though the salmon run through the river stream,
And they salted them by the Banks of Clyde,
And the faces glow'd as the silver flow'd,
And the place arose by the riverside.

There was cloth to dye and horse to buy,
The traders came from all around
And they raised a glass to the Dear Green Place,
The place that was a town.

Chorus: There is a town that once was green,
And the river flowed to the sea.
The river flows forever on,
But the Dear Green Place is gone.

When the furnaces came to fire the iron,
And the folk were thrown from far off land,
Then the Irish man, and the Highland man,
And the hungry man came with willin' hands.

They wanted work, a place to live,
Their empty bellies wanted filled,
And the farmyard was another world
From the dirty, overcrowded mill.

Now, you may have heard of the foreign trade,
And fortunes made by tobacco lords,
But the working man slaved his life away
And a narrie grave was his sole reward.

A dreary room, a corwded slum,
Disease and hunger everywhere,
And the price to pay was another day
And fight the anger and despair.

Chorus

A thousand years have been here and gone
Since Kentigern saw the Banks of Clyde.
And how many dreams? and how many tears?
In a thousand years of a city's life.

A city hard, a city proud,
And no mean city it has been.
Perhaps tomorrow it yet may be
The Dear Green Place again.

Feeling: A little overwhelmed, just holding my head above the water

Things to do this week:

1. Library teleconference from MLA: "Partnering for Public Health: Information, Librarians, and the Public Health Workforce"
   
2. Pay off a cheque that didn't go through
   
3. Go to court over said cheque
   
4. Make an appointment with my doctor, since I missed my last one
   
5. Have her call in refills on my meds and get them
   
6. Get an extension on my electric bill
   
7. Apply for a part-time library job in Jessamine County
   
8. Go house shopping with a member of my family
   
9. Finish up the ancient/tribal section of a unified humanities timeline
   
10. Take some books back to the library...I'm at the max allowed
    
11. Pick up some music CDs I have on hold at the library once they become available
    
12. Knit a little
    
13. Continue to be careful with my brakes, which are working on the front but leaking on the back, so I'm limiting my rush hour driving when possible. I hope I can get them fixed soon!
    

Listening to: "I am the Common Man" by Battlefield Band

(Words Joe Corrie; music Alan Reid)

I am the Common Man
I am the brute and the slave
I am the fool, the despised
From the cradle to the grave

I am the hewer of coal
I am the tiller of soil
I am serf of the seas
Born to bear and to toil

I am the builder of halls
I am the dweller of slums
I am the filfth and the scourge
When winter's depression comes

I am the fighter of wars
I am the killer of men
Not for a day or an age
But again and again and again

I am the Common Man
But Masters of mine take heed
For you have put into my head
Oh! many a wicked deed

Note to self

Do not have a moment of idiocy and decide to put the earrings you first had your ears pierced with back in. I hadn't worn earrings in awhile and thought, being thicker, they'd help keep the piercings open. Hah! Instead, one became LOCKED onto my ear. The other came off with some difficulty, but this stubborn one only succumbed once I got a pair of pliers and a multi-tool with needlenose pliers, grabbed each side of the earring by one of the tools, and pulled with all my might, causing a bit of pain and a bit of blood but altogether better than when I was trying to get it off with my fingers.

Another use for a multi-tool; maybe it's just my post-surgery weakness, but I could not open the cat litter no matter how much I tried to unscrew the cap this morning. So, I used the pocket knife part of the tool to 'break in' to the plastic jug. I refuse to be thwarted by cat litter.

So how's your day? Mine is sunny, spring-like, and besides a touch of heartburn I'm feeling pretty well. I went and re-did a Rabid Librarian image (see above right). It's a little different, but my other one was hosed along with my old hard drive. I had to be creative since I don't have any webspace at the moment that can be linked to. Fortunately, there's Flickr. I've also posted some pictures and installed a little display badge to randomly pick from them over on the left sidebar. Enjoy. Well, have a great weekend. I'm going to go take a nap and then watch 'Avatar: the Last Air Bender', which is an excellent series on Nickelodean.

One Book, One Lexington

Our local library has launched a special programme to celebrate National Library Week, with discussions on local author Silas House's first book, Clay's Quilt. I happen to have a copy checked out from our workplace's lending library (the public TV station, not the hospital), so I think I'll participate. Nifty.

Two gems from D

First:

Top 10 Dog peeves about humans

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!

2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me checks stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throws. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo -- what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello?? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

Then:

Go Git Yo Momma...

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number ! and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his Son, "Boy, go git yo Momma.... "

Want your posts sent out into deep space?

Astronotes: reports that the Internet community Craigslist plans to do just that. Okay, it's a little geeky and a little crazy, but hey, at least they can say they're the first to offer want ads to the extraterrestial community, right?

In space, "no one can hear you scream", but they may read about the latest music gigs in San Francisco. :)

On the internet and the hunt for a serial killer

Yahoo! News - Amateur Cybersleuths Flocking to BTK Case

"This place is cursed", to quote the guy in The Mummy Returns

Yahoo! News - City Hit by Ancient Curse, Residents Say. Surpisingly, this gem comes from Carlisle, England. Ah, the perils of including curse texts on a piece of artwork.

The thing is, I don't know whether to play "spot the looney" (as in the councilor who wants the piece of art removed or destroyed) or suggest they find a good priest or witch to deal with the curse. I do believe it's possible. There's just too much out there we can't really explain. But this sounds a little far-fetched, and it sounds like the stone is taking the fall for a bad run of luck.