Thursday, October 15, 2015
Feeling not quite real tonight
It's called depersonalisation, and it is something that you see in Bipolar II. I think I'm reacting to the stress of working three jobs at work, and also I realised that in addition to being off my ADD medicine for a few days while I found the prescription and the pharmacy ordered it, I also missed my Abilify, which is used to treat my bipolar disorder. Apparently when I filled my medicine reminder box last, I ran out of those, and forgot to replace them. I think I've missed 3-4 days. Not good. I still have had my other medicine, but still, the Abilify really helps keep me on an even keel, and I feel a bit depressed, and not quite with it. Moreover, I feel just disengaged from my surroundings, like I'm viewing myself from the outside. Inside I feel numb tonight. I went ahead and took my medicine a little while ago, and I'll be back on track tomorrow, so hopefully this feeling will go away. Tomorrow will be a busy day (catching up in the library, and I have several things to work on for the revenue cycle, plus taking a friend to the doctor and going to my own allergist across the street from one another in the late afternoon). But it shouldn't be as bad as the last three days have been in terms of patient volume, and I won't be in scheduling itself, although I have to followup on some scheduling issues. The last three days, when I've left work, my brain has felt nearly like mush, I've had headaches, and I just had so much trouble switching gears to my other tasks. That might be a lack of medicine, too, especially the Strattera, the ADD medication. But I think a lot of it is trying to figure out where I am and what I'm doing at any given moment: I have two desks, three long distance codes, three greetings for answering the phones, three bosses, etc., etc., and I do a pretty decent job of wearing all the hats and doing my job, but I'm feeling increasingly overwhelmed by it all, and I don't know how long this arrangement will be going on. Don't get me wrong--it's not terrible. The phones weren't even that busy today, given how busy we were in clinic, and most of my responsibility over there is rescheduling and scheduling appointments over the phone. But I can tell, after about a month, it's taking a toll. I'm terribly behind on my referrals and the library stuff this week. I don't feel like I'm keeping all the balls in the air as I juggle. Maybe I can catch up before the end of day Friday. But I feel a bit like a hamster in a wheel at the moment, and it's maybe more stress than I'm comfortable with. I'm not saying I can't handle it, I'm just not very comfortable with it.