An oddly nice day

Feeling: Expectant
Listening to: 'She' by Live; 'The Trip to Sligo' by The Chieftains; 'Subdivisions' by Rush; 'I Feel Love' by Depeche Mode;

I started out my day with a positive experience. I went out back with Cerys and discovered a large (as in, probably male, four foot) blue heron standing in the woods. It blended in well, of course, but it happened to be in a small clearing with a bit of snow behind it, and its elliptical body suspended on nearly invisible legs caught my eye. I got the little mini-binoculars I'd found for just such an occasion and spent a few minutes bird watching.

When I went to leave for work, I discovered that my tyre was nearly flat. Now, I have one that pretty much waxes and wanes with the external air pressure; I'm used to that. This, however, is one of the front ones. I stopped to get some air but it didn't seem to be filling, so I took a chance and drove the short bit to work because, of course, I absolutely cannot be late for work. I was actually a bit early, but figured I might have to change the tyre (somewhat hard to do with one hand, but if it had come to that, I'm sure some of the maintenance guys would have helped, although I still owe them brownies for the last time....) Turns out, it did finally blow back up using my portable pump this afternoon, yay.

At lunch I went from having just a peanut butter sandwich to some free leftovers from the environmental services dinner, including some deviled eggs and some absolutely wonderful sweet potato casserole. Nummy.

I got my picture back from the company party, where we'd hidden my arm behind a wicker chair. It is one of the best ones I've ever taken...apparently being drugged up the day after surgery is good for relaxing portraits. I'll post it when I can...I don't have any webspace to host pictures right now and I've never gotten the whole Hello/Blogbot thing to work for me.

But best of all...absolutely just the best...D came in from her appointment. Not only did all the blood tests come back fine for baby, we now know it's a boy...with fairly big feet, so a potential basketball player like his dad. I'm sure E is thrilled. I still think she may have a girl in the future, though...enough of us seem to see her with a girl at some point. In the meantime, it's wonderful news. She went ahead and let me put a photocopy of the ultrasound on our baby bulletin board that I have in the library.

Yesterday I decided to brave the holiday decorating in the library, since I'd strung lights around the apartment already. I did need some help getting the tree out of the box, and I think I got the mylar strips I use for a tree skirt all over the place and occasionally bit of them that piggy-backed on me to other parts of the hospital.

Last night I dreamt that I was at the Unitarian-Universalist Church with my grandmother and VS from work (who knows why, except that we were talking about churches yesterday at lunch and that's the last one I attended) and my cast was miraculously off and the incision went up my arm a bit in this sort of meander. I suppose that was a bit of anxiety because...

Tomorrow I'm off from the day job because I get the cast off and the stitches out and I have some errands to do because it's payday at KET. Then, tomorrow is our last night at the phone bank. And then I'm going to make spanikopita and baklava for Thursday night's holiday get together with the girls from work.

Tonight is the second night of 'Legend of Earthsea' on Sci-fi. It's based off of a favourite set of books from my childhood. It has the guy who played Bobby/Iceman in X-Men as Ged, and the the girl who plays Lana on Smallville as Tenar. It's well done although they've mucked with the story a bit. Like letting girls study to be wizards. Okay, that's a big one. But I'm enjoying it, and it just makes me want to re-read the books (or in the case of Tehanu, the fourth-book, read it).

Well, I suppose that's all for now. It was a little wordy but I haven't been able to update much lately--when I have wanted to blog, Blogger has been tempermental. So there you have it, all at once. Take care.

Good grief

Saw this on a Google ad and thought, gee do folks really buy these pieces of paper? Then clicked (yeah, I know) and saw that the degree mill is indignant about a spam attack which has maligned its reputation. Please!

Via John

What you wish the computer would tell you every time you hit a 'file not found' error.

Well, it sort of figures

I found a series that truly matches my brand of sick and twisted humour--and on the last week of play for now. :) A friend introduced me to 'Venture Bros.', a cartoon by the creator of "The Tick" that's been running on Cartoon Network's AdultSwim (I'm also a fan of some of the other AS shows, like 'The Oblongs', 'Witch Hunter Robin', 'FullMetal Alchemist', 'Futurama', and 'The Family Guy'.) Not bad for someone without cable. :)

Here's one review that gives you a sense of the show at Retarded Jimmy's. There's also this at About.com, although I hesitate to send you there because of the &%%&@*&! popups and evil frames. And there's this Tick fansite's take on the show.

It helps to be a late Baby Boomer or a Gen Xer (I'm the latter) who grew up on things like Jonny Quest and all those genius-boy science/spy adventure books, TV, and movies of the 50s, 60s, and 70s. And Hank's costume as pure Freddy from Scooby Doo doesn't hurt, either. I'm still waiting to find out that Dr Venture and The Monarch are actually twins (who know, it may be, I've only seen one out of the thirteen episodes). It's a great parody of not only those adventure stories, but life, too. None of the characters are 'real', and you tend to probably care about the villains more than the 'heroes' as people--Dr Venture's rather despicable, the boys are morons, and the bodyguard is a psychopath version of Race Bannon...actually, H.E.L.P.eR the robot is probably the most endearing. But the silliness has a bite that totally...and I can't believe I'm about to say this, given my anathama for postmodernism in school, deconstructs those beloved icons of our childhood, turns them on their heads, spin them until they're ready to puke, and puts them into their proper perspective all at once. Here's hoping there will be a second season. Or that I'll at least be able to see the other twelve. (I saw Dia de los Dangerous!, by the way).

I've had incredibly vivid dreams of late

with exquisite detail, entertaining plotting, good characterisation, and a sense of solidity and depth that seems almost more real than real life, yet with surreal elements like flying fish or head-eating monsters. They're not nightmares, but rather adventures, whether trying to bring spontenaity into a world of conformity or fighting against Cthulhoid mobsters. I wish I could just record them as they play, because I can never quite capture them as clearly again. It's more entertaining than TV or movies, and even a bit more than reading. It's fully interactive. I love them. I just wish I could market them somehow, because let me tell you, they'd sell.

A close call with quite a bit uncertainty

I can't believe I forgot to mention this before, although I guess I was doing the wait-and-see how things pan out, but on the same day of my surgery (last Thursday) my stepbrother, Robert, was in a car wreck. I'm not sure of the cause; he was on his way home and collided with a truck, and black ice may have been involved. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and went through the windshield. He could feel his feet but couldn't stand and got cut up on his face, may have dislocated a shoulder, has a compression fracture in his neck, and his spinal cord is swollen, so it's been a really scary time for him and for my stepfather and mom. He's been over at UK. I checked with my mom and she wrote today that Robert is going to Cardinal Hill today. He says he can feel his feet and it feels like they have thick pads on the bottom of them. He can't stand unassisted or walk yet. He can raise his left arm from the elbow up but has to wear a sling on it when he's up in a chair. His fingers on that hand areabout halfway curved toward the palm. He moves them some but doesn't have the finer movements yet. He is left-handed. He can not move his right arm but just an inch or so off the bed. It sounds like he came very close to being quadroplegic. Cardinal Hill is a rehab hospital here in Lexington. I really hope this improves, although it might be a long haul. It's really scary how things can change is a moment. Robert is about to turn 21 (I think, or it may be he is 21 and about to be 22). I don't know him that well but he's rather likeable; on the one hand he's the one of John's children I know because he lived with John and my mom during high school, but on the other hand we don't see each other that often and I think he's kind of shy. But he's a good kid, although somewhat plagued by youth. Having been an only girl, I just don't get typical teenage guys that well. Another of my mother's stepsons from a former marriage is paralysed and in a wheelchair. Timmy had a car accident when he was 18. He was always the kind of kid who was into bikes and hunting and that sort of thing, so we mainly bonded with video games. He must be about 32 now, because he was 5 years younger. Strange that both should be in wrecks with such scary consequences. Gods, I wish we could just issue do-overs for all the scrapes kids get into, you know?

I have a drug problem

No, it's not what you're thinking. Apparently Lortab (hydrocodone) causes me to itch from head to toe (even the tips of my fingers, not to mention some more delicate areas) and puts me into an ultra-manic state where my thoughts jumble and crash against one another, I actually consider running around outside naked, and just generally bounce off the walls like a ping pong ball. So, the pharmacist suggested I try Benadryl. Knowing that most antihistamines knock me on my ass, I picked up some children's liquid and took the kid's dose. This meant I finally collapsed in a still frenetic stupour and awoke with what I can only surmise was equivalent to a hangover and was so sluggish and unable to put words together or drive, so I missed work. I finally found a happy medium by taking one-half a Lortab and one sip (not one teaspoon, one sip) of Benadryl. Even this gave me push of speech and a little too bouncy to be around. Today I checked with the doctor's office and we're settling on nice, normal ibuprofen.

I have to admit, though, I'm not surprised. My mom had the same reaction (minus the itching) to codeine in some cough syrup years ago. And the Lortab never made me sleepy. Still, it's a little scary, because 1) I could see where that could be an easily addictive feeling, when you seem to have the world in your hands, and 2) I've had a few episodes like this (usually related to medication), but many others where I could be considered hypomanic just on my own. That, along with my tendency for depression could mean that some of the emotional instability I've had in the past could actually be a form of bipolar disorder, rather than 'merely' BPD. I'm planning on getting back into therapy in the next month or two (after the surgeries), and so I can check then about that possibility. For the most part it's treated similarly although it might mean having a mood stabiliser such as lithium as well. We'll see. Usually at the best, I'd say it's not such a problem that I can't overcome it using skills, etc., although overall I could see how it's really mucked with my life. But sometimes...well, let's just say, I could use some help, and it would be nice to be more certain of the root cause. I still very much feel like I'm fine-tuning my life and health. In the meantime, I found a nifty spreadsheet that lets you chart ups/downs/anxiety vs. medicine, sleep, menstruation, etc. That will help next time I speak to someone.

Miss Me?

Feeling: Sleepy

Yep, I'm alive and well, although my cast keeps hitting some bizarre combination of keys that turns on Microsoft Narrator, meaning that the computer starts talking to me. I guess it's decided that a bum hand=bad eyes. Since I've been doing searches on bowel continence in spina bifida, it's been a little weird, but on the other hand it's easier to spell with some audio feedback.

The surgery itself, if one can say this, was actually a good experience. I've never really been taken care of by a group of people determined to ensure my good health. D and I had to go very early (6 am!) because I had to be the first case with the latex allergy. Everything went really smoothly. All the people I encountered were very nice and professional, whether the information greeter, office staff, nurses, or doctors. I really have to say, St. Joseph East is definitely my choice for anything like this in the future.

After completing the paperwork they took me back and I changed into a gown, cap, and little booties. Then I got up on a stretcher where they put warm blankets over me--I felt positively pampered. I had to have two IVs. One attempt did 'blow' and I've got a lovely bruise on my left hand as a result, for which the lady apologised immediately, but they numbed me before putting any in, so it didn't hurt. They gave me meds to keep down nausea, which also helped with my jittery empty stomach. The IV included Keflex to keep down the possibility of infection. Then they got another site ready for a local pain block. They took my vitals and checked my blood sugar. I got to talk to the surgeon and the anaesthesiologist. Then it was time to take me back. I remember looking at the giant eyeballs of operating room lights above me, and they put an oxygen line on me and then the anaesthesiologist said he was going to give me something to relax me, and the next thing I know, I'm in bed with a cast and they're checking my blood sugar again. I was awake, just apparently euphoric and giggly, thanks to versed and a little extra phenergan and benadryl in the mix. Apparently I made a happy drunk. D says she and her husband were there for about 20 minutes before I really came to and I was laughing. Apparently I was going on about the Christmas party and how I hoped I was this happy then, and well, a little bit about my concern for using the bathroom left-handed. (Dr O'Neill was sure I'd work that out on my own). Once I could get up, D took me home and tucked me into bed.

I did go to the Christmas party, and enjoyed it, but most of the time from Thursday morning through Saturday was spent sleeping, eating, taking meds, repeat. I got a lot of rest, got to do a lot of experimenting (taking a shower with a bag over my hand, the same bag D had saved from where they'd put my clothes during surgery), putting contacts in one-handed, driving, etc. I also did a little reading. Yesterday I was able to go to a friend's, play in the game, pick up my dog, and watch TNT's 'The Librarian' which was hokey but fun. (My favourite exchange, at least paraphrased:

Noah Wyle (the over-educated son with no direction in life): These books speak to me.
Olympia Dukakis (the mother): They speak to you? What do the say? Do they tell you to do things? Do they tell you to start fires? You shouldn't listen to what they tell you, especially if they have you do bad things or hurt animals.

Have I mentioned that it also had Bob Newhart and Jane Curtin? Hilarious, although someone really ought to encase the Ark of the Covenant behind glass...they probably lose more janitors that way....

So today I'm back at both jobs and doing pretty well (except for the mistyping) but I'm a little tired, which I suppose makes sense. I get the cast off December 15th. Then at some point in the future we do this all over again. Yay. But I will say, even with stitches and occasionally gesticulating unwisely and causing some pain, my hand hurt worse before the operation than it has since (and the lortab is doing wonderfully with what pain there is).

Hope life is treating you okay. 'Bye for now.

A special bonus post

I'm over at Eagle Creek library at a rather blurry Gateway computer. I met with the professor today who is the director of graduate studies in the department I'm considering joining as a doctoral student. The bad news is that they no longer offer medical sociology as a concentration because the former professor who specialised in this field, Dr Gallagher has retired and they have not yet replaced him.

For those unfamiliar with it, medical sociology is the study of how people are impacted by health conditions, healthcare organisations, healthcare policies. Unlike general sociology, which is primarily academic in focus, medical sociology tends to be more practical, with medical sociologists conducting research, teaching, but also working within healthcare systems and helping to change policies or advocate for patients. That means that it has a much wider employment outlook, especially as healthcare concerns grow.

Now the thing is, UK is in a position where there is a Behavioural Science in Medicine programme, and there is within the sociology a lot that can be used to get to an 'unofficial' specialisation in health-related topics: there is an entire rural sociology programme in the Agriculture college, for example, that deals with rural health, plus there are gerontology courses and a look at ageing in society...family, ageing, and health is still a viable concentration for the doctorate. So I might still be able to do research and find positions in my area of interests. (One thing that I'm interested in, coming from my medical librarian experience, is how the Internet changes health care provided to patients and the patient-provider relationships, as well as how it affects the course of disease as a support vehicle).

So the question is, do I pursue it, and keep to my goal, or hang back and rethink this? I may check with the rural sociology expert first and just do a little more research. I wouldn't be applying until January (for the fall), so I have some time. I'll post more as I figure it out, and in the meantime, I still have some short-term goals to work on. :)

A post before surgery

Feeling: Trepidatious

Well, it's almost here. Tonight I'm finishing up some preparations, sending my dog off to a bit of a sleepover, washing dishes, making sure I get in one last bath and get into some comfy clothes that I can then just go over in to the hospital tomorrow at the ungodly time of 6:15. I know it's rather minor surgery, but it's my hand, and it's my first time to have anything worse than a bad scrape or maybe a broken tailbone...the first real wound, I suppose, much less the first surgery, so I'm nervous. But D will be there (and mayber her husband, E, too). I'm sure everything will be fine. I'll be a lefty for awhile. But it should really help with the pain and problems that have been building over the last 20 years. So wish me luck and cross your fingers for me (since I won't be able to). :) I'll hopefully be able to post by Monday or so. Take care.