I am so tired

Of premenstrual syndrome, or in my case premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which is like PMS on steroids. It's been 40 years, after all. Surely my body couldn't have much left in terms of the baby-making factory. But here I am, at 52, still having horrible weeks and checking my calendar app WomanLog to see that I'm on day 26 and nothing seems to be stopping. I've had my periods pause for up to six months before coming raring back. You're not in menopause until the periods stop for 12 months straight; peri-menopause, the process of ceasing the cycle, can be unpredictable and a bumpy ride. And I'm sick of it all. Last period was fairly normal; the one before that I bled and bled like someone had stabbed me in an artery.

I remember being on the floor of our living room at age 13 in terrible pain, my legs up on the couch because my mom said that would help, and it did, although she never imparted the sage advice of a heating pad. That came from a gay friend who'd worked with lots of nurses. Every month, in and out, another reminder of womanhood, another battle for the emotions, another fourth of my monthly life given over to pain and blood, and of course in my case it was all for nought, as I was never pregnant (and never really wanted to be, mind you, except for about age 30-32, when my biological clock ticked and there was, fortunately, no man in my life at the time). So my periods have not been about the joy of life, but merely a personal nuisance at best and occasional torment. I don't have it worse than some; I've never had to have a hysterectomy or anything like that; the worst was having a D&C for fibroids and a biospy. But I'm definitely ready for menopause.

Feeling better after a difficult day

I started my day oversleeping and with my morning blood sugar through the roof. All sorts of little things irritated me, from the drive in to work, to the inexplicable difficulty in peeling my hard-boiled egg for breakfast. Things got a little better as my day went, and I just decided I was having a Monday on a Wednesday. After work I took some medicine up to the vet for a friend and exchanged it for something else, and was visiting when I did something he hates (I was overly helpful), he barked at me about it, it hurt my feelings, and generally brought lots of emotions up, and when it all came down to it, and we talked, I realised I was being a little labile, probably because my cycle is about to start. So I went on home, ate something, listened to the radio, found the cards, and generally feel a little better. Tomorrow I am off from work. I think I need a break from everything. It's not that I have a particularly hard job. I love my co-workers and place of business. I enjoy what I do, and I'm good at it. But every now and then you have to get away from the normal schedule, and the last day off I had, on my birthday, was mostly spent getting the brakes worked on. So tomorrow, here's the plan:

1. Get my car registration renewed.
2. Straighten up the house.
3. Watch a movie, either at home or with my free movie tickets from work, depending on what's in the cinema.
4. Go eat at Newk's Eatery. I won a $10 gift card from them today from a contest at work to re-name the motion lab. (I was the runner-up, with the MAGIC (Motion and Gait in Children) Laboratory.)
5. Do some actual reading.
6. Stop by the library.
7. Work on a job application. Submitted!!!

So it's a mix of fun and important stuff to do. :) Okay, I think I'm going to sign off for now and go try to do something relaxing.