I am so tired

Of premenstrual syndrome, or in my case premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which is like PMS on steroids. It's been 40 years, after all. Surely my body couldn't have much left in terms of the baby-making factory. But here I am, at 52, still having horrible weeks and checking my calendar app WomanLog to see that I'm on day 26 and nothing seems to be stopping. I've had my periods pause for up to six months before coming raring back. You're not in menopause until the periods stop for 12 months straight; peri-menopause, the process of ceasing the cycle, can be unpredictable and a bumpy ride. And I'm sick of it all. Last period was fairly normal; the one before that I bled and bled like someone had stabbed me in an artery.

I remember being on the floor of our living room at age 13 in terrible pain, my legs up on the couch because my mom said that would help, and it did, although she never imparted the sage advice of a heating pad. That came from a gay friend who'd worked with lots of nurses. Every month, in and out, another reminder of womanhood, another battle for the emotions, another fourth of my monthly life given over to pain and blood, and of course in my case it was all for nought, as I was never pregnant (and never really wanted to be, mind you, except for about age 30-32, when my biological clock ticked and there was, fortunately, no man in my life at the time). So my periods have not been about the joy of life, but merely a personal nuisance at best and occasional torment. I don't have it worse than some; I've never had to have a hysterectomy or anything like that; the worst was having a D&C for fibroids and a biospy. But I'm definitely ready for menopause.